o, tell me why

this is seriously another one of those nights i sit by the com, havin nothing to do and browsing thru tons of blog posts..

coming to conclusions, and alot of them..y isn't it me?it cld haf been me..i did my best, to stay, to make her stay..but the worst has happened..i tried my best..i did try to hold on, but it felt kinda slippery, and i was juz tired..too tired to hang on to that 0.001% chance of her coming back..now, i believe, this 0.001% has somehow dropped to 0.000000001% or even less..cuz i noe, there is someone better out there that she so wants to be with..and i wish her best, at the expense of my heart..somehow, my heart is still with her..but she has forgotten where she put it, and she refuses to return it to me..ridiculous, even after 3 yrs..i still can't find a right place for my heart..finding so many girls, trying to noe more ppl..and eventually, wad i get is void, plain emptiness..failure, sadness, grief..all filling me at once, overwhelming me..fallen, driven to the extent of giving up on evrything..this pain, no one can cure, no one can sense, no one can feel the same..this loneliness..loneliness of an 18 yr old, trying so hard to find a true love, yet he can't..

this is but a story, a sad one, one which i hoped the main character isn't me, but it happened to be dearest me..

i wish, to stay, to learn, to experience, to care, to share, to cry, to laugh, to love..

it was taken away, and not being given back..i am emo now, and i do not intend to return to my usual self, until the day breaks..i'll juz sit infront of this com, looking back at all those memories that left me alone..hui2 dao4 guo4 qu4, to the time where i dared to tell u i love u..

booking in, for more pushups..i hope it wun hit 1000..although this wk it's i myself who did 200+ more on fri to make it 1000..but i guess it's gonna be good for my body..and this 3 days i hope i haf fully rested, physically, but not mentally..but i'm prepared to accept the challenges ahead in my life, not in my past, but the present and the future..

i'll try my best to stop looking into the past and look forward..i promise myself..

hmm

愛上一個人的7個預兆　　
1.當你正在忙時,卻把手機開著,等著她/他的短信..你已經愛上她/他了
2.如果你喜歡和她/他兩個人單獨漫步..你已經愛上她/他了
3.當你和她/他在一起時,你會假裝不注意她/他,但是當她/他離開你的視線時,你會急著尋找她/他..你已經愛上她/他了
4.當她/他受傷或生病時,你會很關心她/他,替她/他著急..你已經愛上她/他了
5.當她/他和別人要好時,你會感到吃不知其味..你已經愛上她/他了
6.當你看到她/他那甜美的笑時,你的嘴角會揚起一絲得意的笑..你已經愛上她/他了
7.當你看到這篇文章時,心裏想到某個人,你已經愛上她/他了......
saw this somewhere on some china website..

somehow, all i can think abt is her, o wtf..cblj, i thot i wldn't think abt her le, but somehow, memories juz came pouring in..but i noe it, i juz can't forget..ok, it's juz memories, it's not the present..haiz..if this applies to me and her 3 yrs ago, we wld certainly fit in to al these 7 signs..but not now..i bet it applies to her and someone else right now..so wadeva

booking in tonite, ok..cheer up dudex..ur guys, the buddies u're gonna live with for the nxt 1yr6mths are in there..haha..do my best, get the badge, forget abt her and find a new her..stay happy, my fren..

perhaps, this is true love, cuz wad i want for her now is for her to be happy, hoping that she wld end up with the person she reali likes, and it's not me..

a lonely night

i've nvr felt so alone b4..or mebbe i did, but somehow, the loneliness juz feels me tonite..i juz dun feel like slping at all..mebbe things didn't happened the way i wanted it to be, but i noe it's too late, yet i juz can't help but feel lonely..

am i that helpless?when it comes to love, i juz get easily shot down, falling non-stop..somehow i was on the cliff again..dropping, dropping, falling and falling..picked up again, i thot so, but somehow the rope was cut, and i continue to fall..

alrite, enuff of the emo..

life in 39SCE is so far so good..bravo coy, the more shiong coy in 39SCE as compared to alpha coy, according to our oc..alrite la, i dun mind..the commanders are so far nice to us..or mebbe cuz it's the firz wk?i wonder wad'll happen when we book in tml..things will change, and we shall plunge into hell, or mebbe not?who noes, but we'll c..the chin-up regime is definitely more shiong than that in mohawk..my senior still told me the training not as tough as that in mohawk, but i guess mohawk wasn't shiong enuff..haha..nvm..ippt silver in 9 more wks..can i make it?who noes, but i will try my best in order to put on the badge..elite of the engineers..lol..

somehow, i guess the one she's tokking in her blog is him, the one who balls so well..a gd fren of mine, whom i didn't see for many yrs to go..distance has drawn us apart, somehow i juz dunno howta kip my frens close to me..lack of social skills?perhaps..or mebbe i'm juz too lazy to go out and hang out with my frens..am i?ok, i guess i am..but tt's juz me, anti-social me..tt's the real me, nt the one that's tokking crap all day..when i'm alone, it's me..when i'm talking crap, it's not..i'm juz a lone ranger..and tt's the way i like it to be..i noe it's not gd for me, yet i'm comfortable with it..in my own world, as myself..ok, fine..i seriously hope he wun let her down, cuz it seems that, she dunno whether she shld tell him or not..mebbe i can encourage her a bit..who noes..

the difference

been looking at alot of other ppl's blogs lately, and somehow, u can see when the person who is blogging is happy. it's shown in the blog, the way he/she types, the way he/she looks at life. shld i be glad, or shld i not. glad that she has found the way she wanted to live, or not glad that i can't even be part of her life. i'm not sad, juz not happy.

give up, i've done that. but i'm still trying hard to forget, and i guess that's the hardest part of this. put an end to this 3 yr loneliness, at least, forget about her, forget that u even once loved her, which i personally think i still do. u noe it when it's still there. ppl might tell u no it's not, but u're not me, so u wun noe how true i think this is.

dun like a sad song, cuz u noe u're happy when u're listening to it. ridiculous, how can u be happy when u listen to a song that's supposed to be sad. u're juz plainly insulting the song. like it, becuz it brings about a same sense of unhappiness, a sense of loss in u, when u hear the song. do not insult a sad song. coral sea is a sad song, if u think it's a happy song, u can jolly well go touch up on ur own feelings, cuz it's a little bit messed up.

random thoughts?nah, juz some things that i've thot about for a very very long time. and if she's realli together with him, i only got one song for them, wang2 ba1 dan4..to think that i tot u were a good fren and told u all abt me and my feelings for her. i feel cheated for 3 yrs, even if it didn't started 3 yrs ago.

say, i can't accept it, wadeva, so wad..i'm a sore loser, mebbe?but i'm getting over it, and seriously, i hope this is the last time i blog abt her le..

going to change blogskin, get out of this angel look, cuz wad i want is a devil. angel wings, nah, i look forward to devil wings.

POP

Pass out from bmt le, and many ppl are going in now. good luck to them. nothing much to talk about pop..the happiness of pop has somehow died down, cuz this block leave is somehow filled with boredom..

somethings are better left unknown. and i finally know why. i shldn't even have bothered to go look at her blog, to find things that i dun wanna see and know. some things are gone, but the pain lingers. it's too late to turn back and i noe it myself, 3 yrs, too much have happened..she's no longer the same person, but i'm still here. time to move on..i muz learn and indeed, it'll be hard, but i have to perservere, even without her.

and i've also ran out of ideas for songs, somehow..for dunno how many months, i've not written any songs..mebbe this block leave i'll come up with a few more..and i've never really started on the rap i wanted to write..songs, i'll make it my life.

oo

finally can blog le..am i happy now?no

seriously..wad can i be happy about..my abb?below my expectations..seriously..haiz..

but haiz..the main pt is still 6thMarch..coming soon..again..the third yr without her..shld i make a move..or shld i juz gif up this yr again..i realli dunno..yes, i love her..but i'm juz scared of her not tokking to me animore..

I'm a mohawk warrior

long time nvr post..muz haf been wondering y i haf not been blogging?lol..if u're updated..i've enlisted

ns life is bz..yet fun..new frens, new life, new perspectives..

having done with the brainy side of my life..now it's the physical side..

almost completed bmt le..passed live range..field camp..all tt's left is sit test, ippt, soc..

life is fun..in mohawk..sergeants are nice..the sirs are nice..the sergeant major is nice..the oc if farni..wad more can i ask for..best welfare is good training..lol

i'm proud to be a mohawk warrior=D