Haven't cried for like, hmmm. 2 weeks?
But this time, the tears fell for a different reason. Not because someone made me sad, but what I felt from watching a show.
Glee.
How it happened, i didn't really know. Just felt touched when the deaf ppl started singing. Felt glad, that i still have my hearing, joyful for all that i have. Thankful for lotsa things, parents, friends, and the things I have in life. Whatever comes in life, be it good or bad, i'll just take it. But with the constant reminder in mind, to never ever take things for granted.
I think, perhaps, love comes when you least expect it.
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Resist
Life's like a story. Life's like a game.
You have to resist when temptations come.
Be it wanting to fall in love, be it wanting to let the whole world know what's making you so happy, be it wanting to know everything about everyone.
Observation max. Seems that i'm able to see alot of things going on behind the scenes, alot of hidden meanings, alot of hidden feelings.
Yeah, I'm tempted.
Can't find anyone to send me mayday and jay songs, so ended up downloading them all over again. No, i'm lazy to take them out to rip and i dun wanna spoil the cds.
Saw FFX international lying down there staring at me in the face, telling me to play it all over again. That explains my change in the blog title. How tidus said "This is my story"
Tempted.
But there's only 1 week left b4 the busy stuff kick in. So there's only one word in reply.
Resist.
You have to resist when temptations come.
Be it wanting to fall in love, be it wanting to let the whole world know what's making you so happy, be it wanting to know everything about everyone.
Observation max. Seems that i'm able to see alot of things going on behind the scenes, alot of hidden meanings, alot of hidden feelings.
Yeah, I'm tempted.
Can't find anyone to send me mayday and jay songs, so ended up downloading them all over again. No, i'm lazy to take them out to rip and i dun wanna spoil the cds.
Saw FFX international lying down there staring at me in the face, telling me to play it all over again. That explains my change in the blog title. How tidus said "This is my story"
Tempted.
But there's only 1 week left b4 the busy stuff kick in. So there's only one word in reply.
Resist.
Friday, July 23, 2010
More decisions
Time to make more decisions.
The fact that after oweek ends, i'll find myself with more free time, and probably less ppl to socialise with. Perhaps its time to find myself a club activity?
Maybe, like CO? Maybe, like guitar?
CO, can't say that after 6 years of being in co, i dun love it, but that 6 years also got me quite bored of it. But after 3 years of not touching drums, do i still have what it takes? I kinda do miss it still, but that's all. Plus, I'm quite worried about going in without knowing anyone in there.
Guitar, picking up where I left off? From where i stopped learning. Maybe, just maybe.
Or perhaps i should just concentrate all my time on studies and forget about doing all these stuff.
The fact that after oweek ends, i'll find myself with more free time, and probably less ppl to socialise with. Perhaps its time to find myself a club activity?
Maybe, like CO? Maybe, like guitar?
CO, can't say that after 6 years of being in co, i dun love it, but that 6 years also got me quite bored of it. But after 3 years of not touching drums, do i still have what it takes? I kinda do miss it still, but that's all. Plus, I'm quite worried about going in without knowing anyone in there.
Guitar, picking up where I left off? From where i stopped learning. Maybe, just maybe.
Or perhaps i should just concentrate all my time on studies and forget about doing all these stuff.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Decisions
Decided on alot of stuff over the past few days of oweek dry run.
All those nights of not sleeping, all those mornings of waking up and feeling sore, I just want to put all of them behind. This morning, after waking up to the coldness in t-lab, couldn't fall asleep anymore, and plunged myself into deep thought.
Decided to forgive, something I've done so many times in the past. Forgiving people for forgetting promises. Forgiving people for making use of me, it might not be on purpose after all. Forgiving all those people that hurt me before, perhaps they never meant it.
Decided to forget, forget all those broken promises. Forgetting that I was ever in love with certain people. Forgetting the promises I made to certain people, cuz it no longer matters to certain people anymore. Forgetting all the hurt, forgetting all the pain.
Decided to remember, remember all the happy moments. Remembering people that brought me joy. Remembering moments that made me happy. Remembering people who have made a difference in my life. Remember.
Decided to cry less, not tears of joy, but the tears of sorrow. Not plunging myself into emo-ness, not plunging myself into sorrow. Looking forward, staying optimistic. I will not cry anymore.
也 许你一直都在，也许你已不再，即使如此，我还依然等待。等待着这 一直躲避着我的幸福。
想念如果會有聲音, 不願那是悲傷的哭泣, 事到如今 終於讓自己屬於我自己, 只剩眼淚 還騙不過自己。
我不想再哭了。
All those nights of not sleeping, all those mornings of waking up and feeling sore, I just want to put all of them behind. This morning, after waking up to the coldness in t-lab, couldn't fall asleep anymore, and plunged myself into deep thought.
Decided to forgive, something I've done so many times in the past. Forgiving people for forgetting promises. Forgiving people for making use of me, it might not be on purpose after all. Forgiving all those people that hurt me before, perhaps they never meant it.
Decided to forget, forget all those broken promises. Forgetting that I was ever in love with certain people. Forgetting the promises I made to certain people, cuz it no longer matters to certain people anymore. Forgetting all the hurt, forgetting all the pain.
Decided to remember, remember all the happy moments. Remembering people that brought me joy. Remembering moments that made me happy. Remembering people who have made a difference in my life. Remember.
Decided to cry less, not tears of joy, but the tears of sorrow. Not plunging myself into emo-ness, not plunging myself into sorrow. Looking forward, staying optimistic. I will not cry anymore.
也 许你一直都在，也许你已不再，即使如此，我还依然等待。等待着这 一直躲避着我的幸福。
想念如果會有聲音, 不願那是悲傷的哭泣, 事到如今 終於讓自己屬於我自己, 只剩眼淚 還騙不過自己。
我不想再哭了。
Monday, July 19, 2010
eh?
no, i can't slp. BAH. seriously, super messed up body clock right now. Thought waking up early this morning would at least make myself super tired by the time night comes, but i was wrong. arghhhhhhhhh.
hmm, super lots going thru my mind now. Thought i wouldn't be bothered by anything, but yeah, some words, some stuff, some feelings, i still ended up thinking and venturing into the unknown. The feeling of not wanting to venture into that region, yet thinking of how it would be with someone that's similar to that of my type. -shrugs-
Still, I don't feel like opening my heart, for fear of something bad happening, but the smile, the feeling you get, the experience might just be worth it, and who knows, perhaps God might shine over me this time round. Though, I'm not exactly that optimistic. To me, it has just hurt too much for me to think about all these. But, this is part of moving on, to forgive, forget, and to look forward to the future.
Perhaps, the future lies in her hands. Perhaps, the future was there in the past, something that I never took hold of.
But still, my priorities now are straight, its still on studies, get that straight, b4 i think about anything else.
Let's not shit in my own backyard first eh?
sharks, i might just die of exhaustion tml.
hmm, super lots going thru my mind now. Thought i wouldn't be bothered by anything, but yeah, some words, some stuff, some feelings, i still ended up thinking and venturing into the unknown. The feeling of not wanting to venture into that region, yet thinking of how it would be with someone that's similar to that of my type. -shrugs-
Still, I don't feel like opening my heart, for fear of something bad happening, but the smile, the feeling you get, the experience might just be worth it, and who knows, perhaps God might shine over me this time round. Though, I'm not exactly that optimistic. To me, it has just hurt too much for me to think about all these. But, this is part of moving on, to forgive, forget, and to look forward to the future.
Perhaps, the future lies in her hands. Perhaps, the future was there in the past, something that I never took hold of.
But still, my priorities now are straight, its still on studies, get that straight, b4 i think about anything else.
Let's not shit in my own backyard first eh?
sharks, i might just die of exhaustion tml.
Sunday, July 18, 2010
Good to be alive
Surprisingly, my recovery is super duper fast this time round. I'm not slpless cuz i'm emo or what. Yes, I do feel sad, but I've learnt to put it behind me. The tighter I try to hold on to this needless thing, the more it wants to get out from my grip. So I've just decided to let it go, and let nature take its course.
This recovery might be due to talking to 2 ppl about it? Althought not everything, but still managed to let it out a bit. Thanks team yong cong.
And yeah, life is still long, why bother about whatever that's happened or is happening in this short period of your life. 1 year out of the probable 50 years i'm gonna live, hmmm, not really that much eh? Time to look on the bright side of life, afterall, being alive is the brightest side of life.
And NO~ @kenneth & yong cong, there is absolutely nothing, so stop the teasing man. Argh, can't take it. Accidentally said stuff without thinking can be so misleading at times. But ay, I'm not in a situation to fall in love anytime soon, nor to like anyone. So yeah, no, i don't like her!
This recovery might be due to talking to 2 ppl about it? Althought not everything, but still managed to let it out a bit. Thanks team yong cong.
And yeah, life is still long, why bother about whatever that's happened or is happening in this short period of your life. 1 year out of the probable 50 years i'm gonna live, hmmm, not really that much eh? Time to look on the bright side of life, afterall, being alive is the brightest side of life.
And NO~ @kenneth & yong cong, there is absolutely nothing, so stop the teasing man. Argh, can't take it. Accidentally said stuff without thinking can be so misleading at times. But ay, I'm not in a situation to fall in love anytime soon, nor to like anyone. So yeah, no, i don't like her!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Restart
Pressing that restart button on my life, i chose this path.
Have been thinking about alot of stuff lately, but when everything seems so clear, it doesn't matter wad i do anymore.
After almost half a year of hiatus from the public blog, decided to do it all over again. Not for the fact that I want people to read, just that, it provides people who want to know with a better understanding of what exactly i'm going through.
These were just some of my thoughts last night, or rather this morning.
Dear Lord, 3 times are just a bit too much, ain't it? Perhaps I should have known, perhaps You have already shown it to me, all the hings and all the clues, all that You've been telling me not to venture into. But what is this? After all these, You just leave me talking to myself, my blog, my handphone, my lucky pikacu, and You. So what exactly is it that You want from me? My simple wish for someone to just hear me out, is it that hard for my wish to be granted? Everytime i find myself with someone to talk to, You have to take that person away from me in the most cruel of methods. Making me rely and trust so much, and sometimes, even to the extent of falling in love, only to tell me in the end that You have other plans for her already and the man is not me. So what am I to learn from all these? Never to fall in love? Indeed, I'm already too tired from all these that I find it hard to fall in love again. Like I've told my friend, it is just simply too complicated for me to like someone ever again, let alone to fall in love with anyone. Its just too painful. 3 heartbreaks in 1 year in bizarrely similar fashions. So what do You expect from someone whose heart You have decided to break into so many million little pieces? Am I supposed to continue with these heartbreaking moments or perhaps its better for me to channel such feelings to other placew shwere my heart will find a place of peace, a place to heal. I'm just, too tired to move on anymore. All I ever asked was for something to heal my heart, a heart that has been in pain since 14th Feb 2004.
Still amazed by hwo things can change over one single year. After one year in school and exposing myself to more people, be it from in school or outside of school, I find myself back at where I've started off, or probably even worse. Yes, a bit more friends and that's all for the positive side. Emotionally, I find myself less stable than I used to be, breaking down whenever no one's looking. All these, prbably due to my decision to open my heart to people, thinking that perhaps mature people would be less prone to hurting people (which was obviously wrong). This is why I hardly get myself involved in htht anymore. Its just too painful to dig out stuff from my heart myself, or by others. That's why I find it hard myself to even say anything when it comes to having htht. Yes, I still come up with the truth, but it just takes that little more time and effort, and courage to bring out whatever that is. "I like this girl, that girl" but what heppens when that someone who really matters is someone who you can't say infront of people there, for fear of this and that, for the fact that you know its no longer possible. Its a matter of what you think is important. Right now, the only thing I can think about is protecting myself. From things that might hurt me. Myself, its more important than thinking about others. If you ask me for a mistake I think I've committed in the past one year, it was probably placing others before myself on too many occasions. So many that I feel sick thinking about it, so many that I go "Why did I do all these in the first place?" Perhaps, if i put you as less of a priority I could have had so much more time to myself, so much less hurt. So tell me why? Why have I done so many things for you? And why, have you not noticed that all these were for but 2 simple spanish words, te quiero.
Looking at congren and jiaming slping this morning, all I could think of was how people can sleep so soundly, as if there are no worries. Perhaps, I just occupy myself with too much worries that I've alr lost the ability to slp peacefully. Perhaps, perhaps.
Have been thinking about alot of stuff lately, but when everything seems so clear, it doesn't matter wad i do anymore.
After almost half a year of hiatus from the public blog, decided to do it all over again. Not for the fact that I want people to read, just that, it provides people who want to know with a better understanding of what exactly i'm going through.
These were just some of my thoughts last night, or rather this morning.
Dear Lord, 3 times are just a bit too much, ain't it? Perhaps I should have known, perhaps You have already shown it to me, all the hings and all the clues, all that You've been telling me not to venture into. But what is this? After all these, You just leave me talking to myself, my blog, my handphone, my lucky pikacu, and You. So what exactly is it that You want from me? My simple wish for someone to just hear me out, is it that hard for my wish to be granted? Everytime i find myself with someone to talk to, You have to take that person away from me in the most cruel of methods. Making me rely and trust so much, and sometimes, even to the extent of falling in love, only to tell me in the end that You have other plans for her already and the man is not me. So what am I to learn from all these? Never to fall in love? Indeed, I'm already too tired from all these that I find it hard to fall in love again. Like I've told my friend, it is just simply too complicated for me to like someone ever again, let alone to fall in love with anyone. Its just too painful. 3 heartbreaks in 1 year in bizarrely similar fashions. So what do You expect from someone whose heart You have decided to break into so many million little pieces? Am I supposed to continue with these heartbreaking moments or perhaps its better for me to channel such feelings to other placew shwere my heart will find a place of peace, a place to heal. I'm just, too tired to move on anymore. All I ever asked was for something to heal my heart, a heart that has been in pain since 14th Feb 2004.
Still amazed by hwo things can change over one single year. After one year in school and exposing myself to more people, be it from in school or outside of school, I find myself back at where I've started off, or probably even worse. Yes, a bit more friends and that's all for the positive side. Emotionally, I find myself less stable than I used to be, breaking down whenever no one's looking. All these, prbably due to my decision to open my heart to people, thinking that perhaps mature people would be less prone to hurting people (which was obviously wrong). This is why I hardly get myself involved in htht anymore. Its just too painful to dig out stuff from my heart myself, or by others. That's why I find it hard myself to even say anything when it comes to having htht. Yes, I still come up with the truth, but it just takes that little more time and effort, and courage to bring out whatever that is. "I like this girl, that girl" but what heppens when that someone who really matters is someone who you can't say infront of people there, for fear of this and that, for the fact that you know its no longer possible. Its a matter of what you think is important. Right now, the only thing I can think about is protecting myself. From things that might hurt me. Myself, its more important than thinking about others. If you ask me for a mistake I think I've committed in the past one year, it was probably placing others before myself on too many occasions. So many that I feel sick thinking about it, so many that I go "Why did I do all these in the first place?" Perhaps, if i put you as less of a priority I could have had so much more time to myself, so much less hurt. So tell me why? Why have I done so many things for you? And why, have you not noticed that all these were for but 2 simple spanish words, te quiero.
Looking at congren and jiaming slping this morning, all I could think of was how people can sleep so soundly, as if there are no worries. Perhaps, I just occupy myself with too much worries that I've alr lost the ability to slp peacefully. Perhaps, perhaps.
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