Feels good to be singing YNWA again, brings away all the pain that I had in mind, just focused on one thing, my love for Liverpool. (:
Really damn high when they started singing the pre-match chants. "hillsborough song", "steven Gerrard song", "carragher song". All these songs, just brings the mood to another level. Never mind that we drew a game we could have won, the crowd, the atmosphere just made the result easier to handle than doing it alone at home. Really really enjoyed myself. Loved the game, loved the players, loved the crowd.
And thanks to the team for turning up! Sect Comm: Yong Cong, Pioneer 1: Kenneth & Pioneer 2: Ah bang. Team YONG CONG FTW MAN! hahaha.
Other than that, today was a relatively good day for me? Becuz of everything that was going on, be it thru phone or whatever that I did today, everything felt good, everything felt happy. Even though only 8 ppl turned up for the oweek lunch, but still, it was enjoyable, i guess. Hopefully, next time we'll see more ppl turning up for all these.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Sunday, August 15, 2010
up and down
when emotions go up and down like a roller coaster ride.
Its not the first time already, in a way, i've gotten used to how my emotions take over me at the least appropriate time. I find myself retreating into a corner, saying "nvm" and "forget it". This world, and its useless promises.
What attributes to the sadness? I seriously have no idea. Perhaps the difference between reality and dreams? How the occasional sweet dream makes you want to escape from reality into that dream world, waking up but wanting to fall aslp so that you can see that ending of the dream. Only to realise, that the ending is in stark contrast to the reality you're living in.
Stark, a word i seldom use.
The many words popping up in my head, the many words that i normally put into the songs i write. Your name, hidden in memory. Working on a new song, called 我爱噢噢. Perhaps a bit inspired by wu yue tian's wang ci. Cuz he went 我噢噢噢, then i thought of maybe putting 我爱噢噢 would be a nice name for a song. Dunno how it will turn out though.
Maybe I should start writing more songs in english, afterall this sem i'm gonna take eg1413. But, I know how badly my english songs have turned out. Lyrics that fail to rhyme, tunes that fail to register themselves in my mind.
I feel a need to tell you, how I feel, what I really want. Yet, I'm holding myself back, in a way, I dun wanna lose this frenship that's slowly building itself up. On the other hand, I'm afraid if this friendship continues to build up, it might come to the point that I would be too afraid to tell you how I feel. This kind of feeling, this kind of love, this kind of liking someone. Sometimes, its the best part of falling in love, but when reality strikes, we're normally left with nothing. Lets just hope that you and I, would be different.
我爱噢噢.
Its not the first time already, in a way, i've gotten used to how my emotions take over me at the least appropriate time. I find myself retreating into a corner, saying "nvm" and "forget it". This world, and its useless promises.
What attributes to the sadness? I seriously have no idea. Perhaps the difference between reality and dreams? How the occasional sweet dream makes you want to escape from reality into that dream world, waking up but wanting to fall aslp so that you can see that ending of the dream. Only to realise, that the ending is in stark contrast to the reality you're living in.
Stark, a word i seldom use.
The many words popping up in my head, the many words that i normally put into the songs i write. Your name, hidden in memory. Working on a new song, called 我爱噢噢. Perhaps a bit inspired by wu yue tian's wang ci. Cuz he went 我噢噢噢, then i thought of maybe putting 我爱噢噢 would be a nice name for a song. Dunno how it will turn out though.
Maybe I should start writing more songs in english, afterall this sem i'm gonna take eg1413. But, I know how badly my english songs have turned out. Lyrics that fail to rhyme, tunes that fail to register themselves in my mind.
I feel a need to tell you, how I feel, what I really want. Yet, I'm holding myself back, in a way, I dun wanna lose this frenship that's slowly building itself up. On the other hand, I'm afraid if this friendship continues to build up, it might come to the point that I would be too afraid to tell you how I feel. This kind of feeling, this kind of love, this kind of liking someone. Sometimes, its the best part of falling in love, but when reality strikes, we're normally left with nothing. Lets just hope that you and I, would be different.
我爱噢噢.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
ah
ah, it was friday the 13th. No wonder...
but seriously, i dun believe in all these shit.
YNWA on sun, that's the only thing i'm looking forward to now.
but seriously, i dun believe in all these shit.
YNWA on sun, that's the only thing i'm looking forward to now.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
450
450th blog post, not counting those on my private one.
I'm feeling damn sian today. Partially due to my own incompetence. Haven't done anything productive after reaching home. Salt was ok, typical assassin story, would probably be good if it was made into a game? But, hai. Why am I feeling like this? Got this sense that things will turn bad from now on?
Its just the feeling that somehow, somewhat, argh, i dun even know how to begin to describe this feeling.
I just wanna slp and wake up to see that everything is actually ok, but no matter how optimistic i force myself to be, i know, its probably not gonna be alright. Every thing i observe, everything i see with my own eyes, everything i'm feeling from you, just points to the fact that its probably not going to go the way I want it?
The first step was probably wrong already, I tried too hard.
Only to realise in the end that, yes, i've fallen into a shithole i dug for myself once again.
I should get myself out of this asap, before I fall anymore further.
Hai, once again i'm back to where I was.
I'm feeling damn sian today. Partially due to my own incompetence. Haven't done anything productive after reaching home. Salt was ok, typical assassin story, would probably be good if it was made into a game? But, hai. Why am I feeling like this? Got this sense that things will turn bad from now on?
Its just the feeling that somehow, somewhat, argh, i dun even know how to begin to describe this feeling.
I just wanna slp and wake up to see that everything is actually ok, but no matter how optimistic i force myself to be, i know, its probably not gonna be alright. Every thing i observe, everything i see with my own eyes, everything i'm feeling from you, just points to the fact that its probably not going to go the way I want it?
The first step was probably wrong already, I tried too hard.
Only to realise in the end that, yes, i've fallen into a shithole i dug for myself once again.
I should get myself out of this asap, before I fall anymore further.
Hai, once again i'm back to where I was.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
same spider
saw the same spider crawling pass the same position infront of me in a minute. =.= reminded me of the cat that walked pass twice in the matrix. o.O scary~ haha. nah, back to topic.
Somehow, those late night walks by myself are killing my soul and my heart. Not becuz I don't like to walk, but its becuz of the lack of company on these late nights when I just feel like going out to see stars. Used to have, used to be, they're no longer what I have in my hands. Always reminded of the first time we went star gazing, how it used to remind us of the fireworks we saw together, that first... hai. Ok, why am I emo-ing now! Sucks to the max. If only stars have the same effect as they used to have on me. They used to brighten up my days, but now, they're just painful reminders of my past.
Was talking to huiru b4 i went to see stars last night. That one sentence i used to say alot, just came out again. That sentence i always used to cheer someone up. In a way, i've forgotten how to cheer ppl up, cuz most of the time, i found myself in need of it. But somehow, last night, this sentence came at the right time for me, just when I was about to go into the eternal state of emoism for the rest of the sem. "Stars are like true friends, even if there are times when you don't see them, you know they're always there." This one sentence, it used to mean alot. Not that it doesn't mean anything now, but the significance is not the same as b4.
Of cuz, the other version of that means nothing now at all. "Stars are like my true feelings for you, even if there are times when you cannot see what I am doing for you, you know my feelings will always be there for you." If only I could say it to someone now, if only.
All the "if-only"s. How long more am I going to use these 2 words before it finally becomes yes it is.
School started, new beginning. A different group of friends for lecture, will be spending the rest of the year with them. Need to treasure friendship. A need for an oweek comm outing, before everyone forgets about everyone else.
Needs someone to see stars with me. :(
Somehow, those late night walks by myself are killing my soul and my heart. Not becuz I don't like to walk, but its becuz of the lack of company on these late nights when I just feel like going out to see stars. Used to have, used to be, they're no longer what I have in my hands. Always reminded of the first time we went star gazing, how it used to remind us of the fireworks we saw together, that first... hai. Ok, why am I emo-ing now! Sucks to the max. If only stars have the same effect as they used to have on me. They used to brighten up my days, but now, they're just painful reminders of my past.
Was talking to huiru b4 i went to see stars last night. That one sentence i used to say alot, just came out again. That sentence i always used to cheer someone up. In a way, i've forgotten how to cheer ppl up, cuz most of the time, i found myself in need of it. But somehow, last night, this sentence came at the right time for me, just when I was about to go into the eternal state of emoism for the rest of the sem. "Stars are like true friends, even if there are times when you don't see them, you know they're always there." This one sentence, it used to mean alot. Not that it doesn't mean anything now, but the significance is not the same as b4.
Of cuz, the other version of that means nothing now at all. "Stars are like my true feelings for you, even if there are times when you cannot see what I am doing for you, you know my feelings will always be there for you." If only I could say it to someone now, if only.
All the "if-only"s. How long more am I going to use these 2 words before it finally becomes yes it is.
School started, new beginning. A different group of friends for lecture, will be spending the rest of the year with them. Need to treasure friendship. A need for an oweek comm outing, before everyone forgets about everyone else.
Needs someone to see stars with me. :(
Monday, August 09, 2010
down
been feeling kinda down lately. After all the oweek stuff have subsided, been talking to a few ppl about how it would be like in a few months, and most of us agreed that it wouldn't be the same. And it would take more than just a few outings to keep everyone together. The down is probably due to my favourite site not showing me what i want to see. Deviantart.com!!! After drawing miria, i've been on a kind of artist block. I couldn't think of anything to draw. I wanted to draw clare but i couldn't come up with an image of how exactly to draw her. Too lazy to flip through the countless pages of claymore just to find a picture of her. I also had a sudden urge to draw Galatea and Teresa, but those 2, I couldn't find good pictures of too.
Recent stuff has led me into thinking that perhaps, sometimes, its better to just let nature take its course. I do not believe that there is no solution to any single problem in this world, its just whether we are willing to put our efforts into trying to solve the problem. Sometimes, there's no point in saying this and that but end up not having done anything to resolve the issues that have been bugging us all the time. Sometimes, its better to say it out to the person who needs to know, wants to know, have to know.
Isn't it better, to hear a "no" than regretting your whole life that you've never told the single sentence you wanted to let someone hear the most. "I love you, grandma" -I couldn't say that, and she's gone- All these regrets, no matter how long you live with it, there still comes a day when you must decide to let it all go. Regrets pins you down to the day the regret set in, it leaves you on the spot, refusal to get out of that mindset, makes you stop growing in character.
In a way, I've learnt to live without regrets, but at the same time, I realised, sometimes, I don't learn from my mistakes at all.
Losing friends, is there any way that I can prevent that from happening? The only way I thought of making myself feel better is to make new friends, and tell myself that instead of trying to get back all those friends that i've lost along the way, isn't it easier to just bring these new friends closer to myself and make sure that I don't make the same mistake of distancing myself from them. But then again, it is human to err. If I do not make any mistakes, then I am not human, but something of superior intelligence. We are humans, we make mistakes, we try to learn from them, but we cannot make sure that we do not commit them again.
How big is my fear of getting into a relationship? It might be creeping back onto me again. The fear of the constant quarrels that might come along with the happy smiles of a girl you like. I'm beginning to think that perhaps, I'm better off single. Perhaps, its just not time yet. Perhaps, instead of maturing, i've become more and more immature compared to whom I was. Perhaps, I'm just thinking too much. When the time comes, we will know, won't we?
I can be sure of who I like, who I want to give my 110%. But when the decision does not lie in my hands, there's just nothing I could do, but to wait, and hope that you see my heart is there for you, that i'll be watching over you.
Recent stuff has led me into thinking that perhaps, sometimes, its better to just let nature take its course. I do not believe that there is no solution to any single problem in this world, its just whether we are willing to put our efforts into trying to solve the problem. Sometimes, there's no point in saying this and that but end up not having done anything to resolve the issues that have been bugging us all the time. Sometimes, its better to say it out to the person who needs to know, wants to know, have to know.
Isn't it better, to hear a "no" than regretting your whole life that you've never told the single sentence you wanted to let someone hear the most. "I love you, grandma" -I couldn't say that, and she's gone- All these regrets, no matter how long you live with it, there still comes a day when you must decide to let it all go. Regrets pins you down to the day the regret set in, it leaves you on the spot, refusal to get out of that mindset, makes you stop growing in character.
In a way, I've learnt to live without regrets, but at the same time, I realised, sometimes, I don't learn from my mistakes at all.
Losing friends, is there any way that I can prevent that from happening? The only way I thought of making myself feel better is to make new friends, and tell myself that instead of trying to get back all those friends that i've lost along the way, isn't it easier to just bring these new friends closer to myself and make sure that I don't make the same mistake of distancing myself from them. But then again, it is human to err. If I do not make any mistakes, then I am not human, but something of superior intelligence. We are humans, we make mistakes, we try to learn from them, but we cannot make sure that we do not commit them again.
How big is my fear of getting into a relationship? It might be creeping back onto me again. The fear of the constant quarrels that might come along with the happy smiles of a girl you like. I'm beginning to think that perhaps, I'm better off single. Perhaps, its just not time yet. Perhaps, instead of maturing, i've become more and more immature compared to whom I was. Perhaps, I'm just thinking too much. When the time comes, we will know, won't we?
I can be sure of who I like, who I want to give my 110%. But when the decision does not lie in my hands, there's just nothing I could do, but to wait, and hope that you see my heart is there for you, that i'll be watching over you.
Saturday, August 07, 2010
friends
Thanks to tessa braces goh, i was reminded of the question that i always reminded myself about. Who are the real friends in our lives?
So, tell me, who are my real friends? Those who you keep talking to? Or those you find comfortable to talk to. People come and go, so in the end, what is left? nothing?
You get into trouble, and those who are there to help you are your true friends.
Then I would have to say, most of the troubles i encountered, i managed to pull thru them myself. This sucks pretty much.
Sucks to be me.
Hai, so many stuff to do b4 sch starts. Needta prep for all those lecture/tutorial/lab sessions. Pack my bag, buy stationary. Go west coast walk walk to prep myself mentally.
Hai, why are the holidays so short?
Beginning to regret whatever that i've set myself off to do at the start of the hols.
So, tell me, who are my real friends? Those who you keep talking to? Or those you find comfortable to talk to. People come and go, so in the end, what is left? nothing?
You get into trouble, and those who are there to help you are your true friends.
Then I would have to say, most of the troubles i encountered, i managed to pull thru them myself. This sucks pretty much.
Sucks to be me.
Hai, so many stuff to do b4 sch starts. Needta prep for all those lecture/tutorial/lab sessions. Pack my bag, buy stationary. Go west coast walk walk to prep myself mentally.
Hai, why are the holidays so short?
Beginning to regret whatever that i've set myself off to do at the start of the hols.
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