ok fine

ok fine..i admit it..so wad..i can't deny the fact that my heart still lies there..u noe..when u still miss someone..the kinda feeling..u can nver get rid of it..but 2 yrs..my feelings have not changed..but i guess ppl do change..we might not be the 2 that were in love back then animore..


did i not persevere..yes i did..i held on to it..but repeated "no"s juz demoralized me..


unable to express my feelings again..nvm..dunnit ppl to understand..afterall, the one who i wish would understand me most failed to do so..


but aniwaes..prelims coming up..no stress?bad sign..but it's still a's that matter..yes..i want ocs but i guess..even without it..it'll juz be something that i'll haf to face in life..losses..


jay album coming out..ya..another distraction..and to think "hu die ji" is a demo..juz comes to say how gd jay is..when a demo can sound better than the real song..


k..if u realised..there's no "lol" in this post..there u go..but that does not mean i'm happy..


i laugh to hide..to hide..is to laugh


my life, my song, my story..


if u realised..all my songs..are not happy..

hhahaha

k..this is my 192th post..moving into 200..LOL..but kinda slowing down on blogging..feelin sick..cuz i realised all sad things..almost all ba..outta 192, i think got 100 posts on sad things?ha..wadeva..well, u're right, this is gonna be a sad post too.


sometimes when i try to sleep, i'll think..when i watch tv i'll oso think..end up, i think too much..


was watching xi guan da shao final episode..hmmm..happy ending eh?but somehow, felt sad within..y?cuz i realised it's but a story..it's not real life..things as such, they dun realli happen in real life. and i realised it's not gonna happen to me la..no matter how much i hope i wish, she wun come back to me..not like shuang xi go back to tian ci liddat..no..cuz that's but a story..


quote from the show " i wish i might, i wish i may"


juz thot it's kinda meaningful..if u get it..


and a quote from myself


life is like a story, it has it's happiness and sadness, just that u have to omit the happy endings


ok..getting emotional..but i shall not tok old stories again..i guess, i juz have to live on..cuz it's not PokIng animore..6thMarch

not mugging?

dunno..seems like i'm not mugging yet..somehow..i noe prelims coming by those calender dates..28th Sept GP..but GP nothing much to study..wad's nxt sub?i oso dunno..no time table..so i dunno where to start..perhaps physics?but i wanna wait for the whole syllabus to finish off b4 i start on anithing..so now, i'm stuck with maths c..f maths, if i'm not wrong..it's after hols..and syllabus still going on..with matrices owning me up-side down..linear spaces..wtf..k..so i'm moving on slowly with maths c topics..not doing any tys yet..cuz muz noe the whole thing b4 can start ma..and guess wad..instead of looking thru muh notes, i'm watching sg idol..and doing some gp aq..argh..I HATE GP..gimme a break..no la..actualli gp is fun..juz that it can get boring when u dun like the topic..


and i'm beginning to miss sec sch life..of all 4 years, i wld say i like sec4 most..and ya..alot happened in that year..happy things, sad things..but i wld say overall it was fun..hanging out at places like "heaven" playing nice games with nice frens..well, perhaps i was juz too busy with things going on in jc..like appealing here and there..so in the end, such frenships kinda died down..only left with occasional dota games at home..haizz..


it's not urself who makes u lose your frenz..it's wadeva that is happening around you..


one thing i noe tho..i dun like being in sa..yes, it's fun when u have frenz with u..but he prob is..u are juz a minority of the school..2 xtremes..super mug or super slack..me, being in the middle, belong no where..i juz wanna mug and slack at my own pace..play as much as i study..


kk..playing..ps2 games seems to be dying down..with my ffx characters all with max stats..like wtf..ff12..after a's then buy..dynasty warriors 5..all characters with lvl4 weapons and shu and wu with full stats for all warriors..so sian le..world cup oso over..play winning eleven oso not that exciting le..haiz..


I WANT MORE GAMES!!!


i swear i'll get all those ff games after a levels..but dunno if can finish playing by ns..hahaha..


i guess i'm gonna love ns..


right now, i'll love to play and study only..anithing more than that?sorry..no more..i realli can't let myself get too committed yea..after a's..i promise..if there still exists this bond..i'll be there..always..;)

4th song

4 songs now..this is the 4th..


#4 : living on, moving on, without you


But


#Chorus:


I'm living on
and moving on
and doing this
all without you


life goes on now
like a river
like an ocean
never ending


I'm living on
and moving on
and doing this
all without you


and life goes on
i'm all alone


here i am
all alone out there
there you are
breaking my broken heart


looking back
at all the things i've done for you
and all of these
are just my love for you


it's raining
but not out there
it's raining
right here in my heart


it's breaking
not that glass over there
it's breaking
right here it's my heart


#Chorus


Written by fallen reason ©2006. fallen reason is a registered trademark in the name of Chow Yuan Ing. Protected by copyright laws.


alrite..this shld be final..lest i add in a rap or a verse 2..this song kinda special..cuz start with chorus..the chorus ends at the "and life goes on i'm all alone"..

missi

missing u alr..haiz


siannn..i very tired now..but i still wanna play play play..this wk most prob gonna be muh last wk playing le..then after that return to like b4 bt2..piah studies..this time needta piah 2 times more cuz it's prelims..summore got new topics..then still got lessons..PIAH

stuck

"if only"..that's my fave phrase..


i noe i can't turn back time..i noe i shld move on..but i can't..


i'm stuck in the past..seeing the past, feeling the past..yet..i noe it's all gone and i'm living in the present..


my naiveness?mebbe..or perhaps i'm juz unable to accept the fact tat u left..if i can..i wldn't cry..i'm juz feeling weak..


perhaps i've done something wrong..by letting go by someone who loved me..i always thot it's always better to let someone love me more than i love her..afterall, i've been thru so many times that i loved her more than she loved me..so y did i give up?perhaps, i'm juz better when i love someone more than she loves me..i juz can't accept the fact that i can't give her wad she gave me..so i gave up..


when i started writing the song, "living on, moving on, without you"..i was able to write it out..as in..ideas come to my mind..cuz at that time, i realli wanted to move on without L..but then came erhemx..i was too happy to actualli write that song..so i stopped writing..cuz ideas didn't come..it's a sad song eh?then it became a roller coaster ride..tears were shed..by her..and after a while, when evrything seemed juz fine..somehow that stupid chat log appeared..and i read it..fark it..so i gave up..and decided to live in the past..and of cuz, how can i be able to write that song animore..so haiz..dammit..too bad..


i..argh..i dunno..

if i can..

i juz can't put the past behind me, that's y i have to let go of the present..i noe it's wrong to kip on staying in the past..trying to relive my dreams..but i'm sure that's happier than now..that's y..i did something..perhaps i'll regret for the rest of my life..but i juz dun wanna prolong any pain for now..so sorry..


but all these happened cuz becuz i was reading this chat log..and i realised..i can't put it behind..trying to stay together when i can't forget the past is simply not gonna work out..k..here's juz a small abstract from the chat log..


=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
when i did not c u 4 a day,do i feel strange..
=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
do i feel lyk seein u immediately..
=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
when i feel down,r u e firz person i wanna share my gan3 shou4 izit u..


her ans was yes..she was asked this by my gd fren..the u in the chat is me..haha..so that's like wad happened 2 years back..


it might feel nothing to aniwan else reading this..but it means all to me..in the past..and even till now..it still means alot..it is one of the few happiness i had so far..this chat..


i'm sure it's not juz me missing the past..it's more than that..i realli wanna be with her..even if these 2 years has changed her, i noe that my love has nver changed..i'm juz asking her for her understanding for wadeva happened 2 years ago..


to the other one : sorry, i didn't want this..but it's inevitable..i juz can't bring myself to be with someone when i noe there's someone out that that i love even more..and i'll only wanna love her..