hmmm

hai, bad day though it started out good.

firz thing in the mornin, wake up, still very happy cuz of a very very sweet drm. dreamt of me and her(1) being a married couple. then as i started thinking abt the drm, i started to get troubled by it. why is it her(1) and not her(2)? as if my problems with her(2) was not enuff, her(1) has to pop up in my drms. yea, i completely dun wanna haf anything to do with her(1) le, but can't help feeling troubled by the dream. wad's it meant to be? the more i think the more i feel troubled.

later into the night, i started wandering abt alot of stuff too. mebbe it's becuz of wad my mom said, that reminded me abt wad i promised myself in the past. i told myself to make my mom happy, and had been doing that since a long time ago, although sometimes i make her angry. then i also remembered i told myself i wanna make her(2) happy oso. and i wanted to see her(1) happy. the heavy responsibility of making ppl happy suddenly seemed even more heavier than ever. so heavy, that i started thinking, wtf, y do i wanna make so many ppl happy when ppl can't even gimme the happiness i want. so i decided, i jus wanna make my mom & dad happy, to be responsible for their happiness, and only to wish that her(2) and her (1) can both be happy. the responsibility of trying to make ppl happy is jus too much for me to handle, when i dun truly understand it as well, i guess jus makin my mom & dad happy is enuff. wad can a man who dun really noe wad happiness is give to a woman he likes. i think it's jus too heavy a responsibility for me.

so i wish her(2) and her(1) can be happy, though i hope i can be together with her(2) again, but like wad i said in the last post, it's really too far away. we've drifted apart in the past 4 yrs, i dunno whether we can get back again. whether it's even possible.

and the dream, i'll jus treat it as a sweet drm, and a really sweet one. but it's all a dream.

life is a nightmare, but i hope it's not the same for my parents. i just want them to be happy, and i'll make it happen. pls be happy.