This heart of mine

You have no idea what I'm going through. I feel like my heart is being pulled apart. Its bringing me everywhere except for a place for it to settle down.

Trapped in the past, the present and the future. Have I really moved on? Or am I just looking for an excuse in you? I admit, there was a time when you really made me feel like giving my all, made me feel that you're the best in the world, like you're the only one that really matters, like you're the only one i want to protect in this whole world. But no, you drifted away. Perhaps it was my fault? cuz I never tried talking to you about how much you meant to me? Or perhaps you were just pushing me away? That, I guess, I'll never know.

Then, there was someone else, I thought I had already forgotten about all those feelings in the past. But no, those feelings, they're flowing back.

All these are leaving my heart in an ever confused state. Trapped in such confusion that I have no idea what to do now. Who do I tell all these to? I can't find anyone. But what the heck, I don't need anyone to tell me what to do. Advice, I do not need.

Then again, how I felt when I thought I lost the elmo dangling on my bag, and how relieved and happy I was when I found it lying around at home. I mean, it made me realise how much it really meant to me. Perhaps, I got attacked at this emotional low state that I felt so affected that made me think maybe I still have feelings for the one who gave it to me. You were once so important. Keyword: Once. No more. Its the past, I love the memories you left me. I love everything that you gave me. I loved you. But it doesn't matter to us now, for we don't even talk to each other like friends anymore. We have both changed, doesn't matter what those 2 years together meant to us individually. We thought we were meant to be, you thought you would marry me. But fate brought us here, you with another guy, me? My heart is trapped.

So tell me, what should I do? What?

All I need is a confirmation. Something to make me confirm my feelings. Or perhaps, I shouldn't think about all these at all. 既来之则安之, I guess the best move is to take it one step at a time. Perhaps, I should follow my heart. Like what tessa said, maybe, perhaps, I'm just forcing myself to like this girl when the feelings are already not there. My heart, where will u bring me?