36

36..yea..36..lol seriously i hate running abt bukit timah..firz of all..i hate it when i'm surrounded by ppl from nj and hc..feel so inferior..like surrounded by smart ppl..tho i'm not stupid..haha..but the uniform truly matters..haha..mebbe nxt time i go down bukit timah area i shld wear muh nj uniform..haha.. k la..i was happy k?haha..ty ty ty..haha..=D.. zzz..tired la..firz day at sch as j2 alr so borin..trained arnd 30-40 minutes to get to toa payoh then took bus for like 20 minutes?whole journey from home to school took abt 1hr plus..imagine this..u leave home at 5.50 where the sky was still very dark and the play ground looked eerie..then u reach ur sch at 7.00 plus where the sky is bright and u can hear the birds chirping happily..wtf..POTONG PASIR LEH..uncle..or aunty..who the f suggested moving back to sa as a family..zzzzzzz..so far away..haiz..seriously needta get myself an mp3 player to kill time on the mrt liaoz..hiakX.. nj outing was rather fun today..all the ppl..so long nv c le still so chatty..then saw this bunch of rv ppl come sit inside mac at the kap..zzz..wah seh..got this guy with gold hair..wtf..chee bong..rv de leh..hols still go dye hair..it's like..wtf..throw face arh..kpkb..the bunch of rv ppl were sitting like wad freakin thing la..the way they sit is like ah beng ah lian liddat..then the gals still can put one feet on the sofa or wadeva u call it la..cushioned chair??haha..then like some san1 lun2 che1 fu1 liddat..so lian..(not tokking abt u la..the ones sitting at 2nd floor..didn't even c u til i went down..zzz..)aniwaes..i'm surprised only one og turned up at kap today..haha..boring..perhaps firz day la..not as a class yet..so mebbe only some super enthu og wld turn up at kap to have dinner..LOL


more hours ahead..zzz..haha..but i'm enjoying it..lol..my j2 life..2006..LOL

haha

YAY..hee..happy happy happy new yr to myself..good start..lol


9 hrs from this blog post..thanx for the great timing..ez to remember..haha..lol


tsk tsk..


haha..see alot of ppl write new yr resolutions..so i shall write too..haha..a belated one tho..lol


1st wish: pass muh a lvls


2nd wish: happy family


3rd wish: eh..hee..tsk tsk..=P


4th wish: continue on muh comic collection


5th wish: get my ps3..hopefully it doesn't come too late to become muh 2007 new yr resolution


k..i'm a man with simple wishes..not too many..haha..hopefully all can be fullfilled..hee..

happy happy me

happy man now..and u're a sad gal now..haha..


but ur sad life ain't gonna bother my happy life animore..cuz i've juz decided to get over this and carry on my life..cuz u're juz so so so not worth muh love..and time..and effort..true that u've once broken muh heart..but i'm not gonna let it be hurt by u again..juz treat it as i've spent my time on u to learn a lesson..look thru someone thoroughly b4 deciding to do so much for someone..but i'll nvr regret noeing u..u mite not be a perfect partner..but u can be a fren..juz want u to take care of ur life..manage it properly..cuz it's getting bloody messy..truly messy..haha..can't think of an adjective for messy..k..plain messy..LOL..wadeva..live ur life this way if u want it to end up sad..


perhaps..i shldn't trust their words too much..but can i trust urs..afterall we've only known each other for one month..if wad they said is the true u..then i shldn't trust u animore..but if i believe wad i c for myself..then i shld trust u..but this will juz lead me into a loss in direction..dunno who to believe..so i told myself not to care..so i dunnit to be in such a demise..but can i realli not care?mebbe i shld juz observe the situation a little while more..u're not the only tree in this forest..i mite not be stuck to u 4eva..mebbe when i c the nxt tree..i'll move towards it..

new year coming up

new year is coming in abt 2 and a half hours..say 2 hours when i actualli finish this post i guess..tho it wld be a short one as compared to my previous 1000 plus words post..haha..and ya..this time i'm not gonna write this post like the previous 2..ending each para with the same sentence.some things i've alr thot thru them..and now i am a happy man..at least the sadness has kinda faded away..


somethings i'm glad to noe..abt wad mw told me..hopefully it's realli wad she thinks.afterall. if she realli follows her heart it wld be a better choice..at least i noe it wldn't be me..haha..but i guess if u can be together with someone u like..it's always betta than being with someone that likes u but u dun like him/her that much..no matter wad..juz follow ur heart..and i wld be happy this way..


i still haven gone back to get the tings..not taht i dun want it to end.juz that i'm too tired today..thong at sav..LOL..so tired..sav was scary..very..especially at nite..so little lights switched on then the staff room very eerie..got green lights one..then haven put on curtains so can look thru the windows to inside..then it's like those kinda ghost movie..any time wil have some thing pop out onex..haha..but it was fun..eating supper out with 2 other frenz..so fun..and the food tasted nice too..


then we did some fortune telling with the cards..haha..asked stupid qsns..and some serious ones too..but this kinda thing oso can't trust too much..how wld it be possible that she liked me b4..impossible lo..haha..


2006 coming soon..seriously hope that it wld be a happy year..putting the past down behind..or shld i say attempting to do so..i hope that evryone wld have a happy year..especially u..since the gal i care most abt now is still u..even if i told myself not to..i'm still caring abt u..pls..make a rite choice for urself..and stop going arnd misleading other guys..u're not only hurting them but hurting urself too..

over soon

it's gonna be over soon..and i noe it..not only this year but the bad memories i had this year..this year was a bad year..dun feel like tokking abt it..juz that i noe it and i noe it's gonna happen in juz abt 5 hrs time..nuthing special or any miracle is gonna happen i guess..not as if she's gonna tell me that she likes me..haha..not expecting anithing..so i'm not exactly disappointed..the whole thing is gonna be over soon..but..it's not the end..but a beginning..


u told me u realli have not changed..k..i tryta believe u..but from the way u avoided me..i juz can't help to think that u've changed..from telling me evrything..treating me as a soulmate(from wad i tot we were)..till now taht u've started to avoid me..3 wks..izzit all it takes to be from frenz to juz ppl who noes each other's names?..and something i've realised..we nvr took any fotos together at the chalet..mebbe it's kinda good..at least i wun be left with any memories abt u..nuthing for me to look at to remind me abt u..perhaps that small note u passed me will remind me abt u..haha..i have to thank you for exchanging sim card with me the other day..cuz by doing so..all the msges i have saved in muh phone were deleted..and it's all msges sent by u..for that i'm happy..it juz signifies taht this is over already..but..it's not the end..but a beginning..


from when i was 13..i started putting evrything i have into liking a gal..and it applies to u too..but it nvr seems to get thru to u..nvm..seriously..i told u i nvr expected anithing from u..and i meant it..realli..it's juz up to u whether u wanna trust me or not..all i wished for was ur happiness..guess wad..stupid me was playing with poker fortune telling last nite..and when i asked whether u've liked me b4..it actualli said 76-100% true..manz..guess muh fortune telling skills suck..but it actualli told be not to give up on u..and when i asked if i will be happy if i dun give up..it said no..so wad am i to do?i juz can't be there to wish for ur happiness my whole life..i myself need to find my own happiness too..so perhaps..after today..i'll realli gif up..i'm tired of u giving me false hopes already..realli tired..i'm glad that it's gonna be over soon..but sad that we cldn't be like wad we used to be again..to be frenz..but rmm wad i told u b4..zuo4 bu4 liao3 qing2 ren2 zuo4 peng2 you3 ye3 bu2 cuo4..and i mean it..i realli mean it..can we be like b4?to be frenz taht can tok to each other abt almost evrything?even if it is over..i hope we can still be frenz..if it is truely over..so be it..but it's not the end..but a beginning..


mark my words..i realli hope that we can still be frenz..aniwaes..stay happy and hope that u can patch up with ur mom soon..smile always..

over

it's over..i can sense it..evrything is gonna be over when evrything is returned to me..avoiding me and stuff..mebbe she realli meant it..that i'm not gonna remember her when my birthday comes..mebbe..or mebbe it's the other way round..that she's not gonna remember me when my birthday comes..cuz i'll nvr forget a person who breaks muh heart..but wld u ever care?


k..u're not dao-ing me..u're avoiding me..and i can c..i'm not blind..dun tell me u're not cuz it's juz so obvious that u're dao-ing me..but wld u ever care?


i cried at the chalet..stupid me..i was hiding under the blanket and u thot i was slping..haha..wtf..luckily i was hiding under the blanket..and she still came and ask..and i think she tot i was in a bad mood cuz of the beer..but it was becuz i was crying..i told someone to diam..but i dunno who it was..and i did something that i wld never haf done to her in the past..for the firz time i actualli ignored her..didn't feel good abt it..but..i guess she didn't care abt it aniwaes..since wad she hoped for was to keep a distance from me..still remember her asking me.."feeling better le ma?after the slp.."and ya..that "slp" was the part i was crying..so i've decided not to reply her..and juz went back into the chalet..but heckx..wld she even cry..the whole chalet experience sucked..cuz i wasn't happy..the only ever happy part was the part where we went to the beach..at least we talked a little when we were there..juz a little can make me happy..wtf..am i that ezily satisfied but at the same time..ezily disappointed as well?haha..stupid me..but wld u ever care?


and in the morning..i went back to the same self again..the period during sec4 to j1..controlling muh tears..crying without tears..or mebbe there was a little bit of tears here and there..but overall..i tot i controlled rather well..mebbe she was juz sitting in front of me..that's y i controlled it..but i guess aniwan wld oso have sensed taht i wasn't happy..seriously not happy..especially when i left the chalet..after we dropped off the key..they were gathering there for dunno wad stupid reason..and when mong suggested going off..i juz walked off without saying bye to her and the rest..haha..i was juz emotional at that time so i went off..mebbe i did the rite thing..i didn't feel sorry abt not saying bye to her..cuz i know she wun feel bad abt it either..the only thing i felt bad abt was not saying bye to boss..who told me so many things last nite..abt wad i've done wrong..abt me saying to be frenz but doing things that were showing that wad i wanted was not only to be normal frenz..mebbe muh actions were wrong..but my thots were not..thruout the whole process all i wanted was to be a fren..nothing much..but wld u ever care?


i told u b4 that u've changed..and u said no..yes..u have not changed..u're juz as frenly as always..but taht's to others..however ur attitude towards me have turned a 180 degrees round..u do not share anithing with me animore..if u do remember, during the firz few days after we knew each other..u cld still share things with me..asking me wad to do..this and that..at that time u still wld ask me for help..but now..ur attitude towards me have changed..totally..perhaps i was too direct..but i juz wanted to be frenz..mebbe a little more than frenz..but nvr to the extent of bgr..never..but..wld u ever care?


wad boss told me..was that she felt insecure whenever i was arnd her..well..i'm not surprised by wad boss told me..cuz she alr told me b4 that she felt uncomfortable whenever i helped her..whenever i was around her..u all tell me this..but haven u all noticed that the degree of sadness and disappointment i get from u all telling me this is much more higher than the degree of insecurity and uncomfort she gets when i'm arnd her..u try doing that to someone..helping someone do this and that..do alot of things..and after so many that u've done for this someone..this someone juz comes and tell u that he/she feels uncomfortable..that he/she feels insecure..and this someone finds alot of reasons and ways to avoid u when he/she sees u..who's hurt?who's disappointed?this heart breaking disappointment has already surpassed ur insecurity..but wld u ever care?


i realli dun wanna care abt her animore..mebbe i shld juz do wad fran told me to..to be like marv..to not care abt her..why break muh heart becuz of someone that does not even care abt me..i'm juz naive..that's all..but wld u ever care?


weichang and kah hui and liang mong keep on saying taht evrything wld be over when the chalet is over..evrything that has happened at taka..yea..true..evrything wld be over if u have no regrets or if u have never ever put ur heart into this taka..for me..it'll not be over that soon..at least till she returns me evrything that she owes me..it'll not be over that soon..but i noe she's trying to put an end to it..when she told me she hopes taht i wld be there today..yea..today..30th dec to get my things back from her..she's putting an end to it..i noe it..after i got back all the things from her..that wld be the end..and yea..it's only the end of this chapter..but the beginning of another..another sad chapter of my sad story..this is my story..my life..my beginning..my end..i'll not ezily forget abt her..i'll still care for her..but from a distance..so that at the least she wldn't feel insecure..i've done so much..but wld u ever care?


i'm hurting myself evrytime i fall in love with someone..and the reason is i put in all i have..my whole heart into it..that's y evrytime when it's over..muh heart juz breaks..gets crushed..and become more pieces..mebbe it's juz me to put in a hundred percent..seems that it never works when i put in a hundred percent..but i dun wanna stop doing this..wad if one day..the gal i meet is the gal for my lifetime..and i happen not to put in a hundred percent..i mite juz miss it..but..wld u ever care?


one last thing..seriously..i like u..yes..i've tot of wanting to be ur bf..but i noe i can nvr be in that position..u're my type..but i'm not ur type..thankew for telling me that i'll nvr noe whether u're gonna accept me..but from wad happened yest and ur response towards me..i noe that it's all over..that u're nvr gonna accept me..nvr evr..the chance of it happening is at most 1%..mebbe u wld gimme a higher chance of it happening..or mebbe u wld juz tell me it's zero%..i've done alot for u..and i guess that's enuff..evrything i've done..wad u've said..i juz noe that u're not appreciating it..i dun sense ur appreciation..evrytime i tell u that..u'll juz say.."no la..dun think too much la.." or "u're juz too sensitive"..but nvr a time wld u say thankew..yes..u've said thankew for other things..but for me caring abt u..u nvr said thankew..all i wanted was a thankew from u..at least it wld stop muh tears..at least it can bring some teeny weeny bit of happiness into this sad chapter..and mebbe it can bring a rather peaceful ending to this sad chapter..i said i nvr expected any return from u for wad i've done..and u shld noe..i've never asked u for anithing..but this time..juz this one last time..pls at least lemme noe that u're appreciative of wad i've done for u..at least a thankew..to cure me of muh sadness..yes..u can dun do it..i wun mind..a sad ending to a sad chapter..that wldn't be strange..but a twist wld be..but twist seldom happens in my sad story..so nvm..afterall..wld u ever care?


one last thing..and realli..this is the last..be happy..i noe u will..and i seriously hope that u will not be heartbroken over a guy again..like i've told u last time..if u choose that one..i'm fine with it..i'll be happy for u and him..but if u choose the other one..like wad i've told u..i juz dun think it's the right choice..but wadever i say..it's still up to u to make ur own decision..but hopefully u wld choose a path that wld make u happy..at least..dun be like me..to choose paths that have made me sad..but..after all this i've said..wld u ever care?


thankew..for at least adding a tiny weeny bit of happiness into this taka experience..realli thank you..leaf..


*clinkZ*

haiz

i seriously is falling into this shitty hole..f me dammit..i noe it mite be a scam..a con..or wadeva it is..but i'll still falling into this hole..even noeing that it wld hurt me..i'm still walking into it..


i'm being too protective..i noe..defensive..ppl say bad things abt this hole..i'll try my bez to tok back..even if wad i said has no logic in it..i'll still tok back..mebbe i shld juz start climbing out of this hole..and go look for a tree to climb or something..haiz..but can i juz leave the hole dere alone..when wad i wanna c is for the hole to find someone that wld actualli fit into it..someone that wld make this hole satisfied..someone that will fill it up..mebbe it's me..but mebbe it's not..but i juz wanna c someone make this hole satisfied..at least when this hole is satisfied..i mite be happy too and feeling hurt at the same time..haiz..dunno la..