over

it's over..i can sense it..evrything is gonna be over when evrything is returned to me..avoiding me and stuff..mebbe she realli meant it..that i'm not gonna remember her when my birthday comes..mebbe..or mebbe it's the other way round..that she's not gonna remember me when my birthday comes..cuz i'll nvr forget a person who breaks muh heart..but wld u ever care?


k..u're not dao-ing me..u're avoiding me..and i can c..i'm not blind..dun tell me u're not cuz it's juz so obvious that u're dao-ing me..but wld u ever care?


i cried at the chalet..stupid me..i was hiding under the blanket and u thot i was slping..haha..wtf..luckily i was hiding under the blanket..and she still came and ask..and i think she tot i was in a bad mood cuz of the beer..but it was becuz i was crying..i told someone to diam..but i dunno who it was..and i did something that i wld never haf done to her in the past..for the firz time i actualli ignored her..didn't feel good abt it..but..i guess she didn't care abt it aniwaes..since wad she hoped for was to keep a distance from me..still remember her asking me.."feeling better le ma?after the slp.."and ya..that "slp" was the part i was crying..so i've decided not to reply her..and juz went back into the chalet..but heckx..wld she even cry..the whole chalet experience sucked..cuz i wasn't happy..the only ever happy part was the part where we went to the beach..at least we talked a little when we were there..juz a little can make me happy..wtf..am i that ezily satisfied but at the same time..ezily disappointed as well?haha..stupid me..but wld u ever care?


and in the morning..i went back to the same self again..the period during sec4 to j1..controlling muh tears..crying without tears..or mebbe there was a little bit of tears here and there..but overall..i tot i controlled rather well..mebbe she was juz sitting in front of me..that's y i controlled it..but i guess aniwan wld oso have sensed taht i wasn't happy..seriously not happy..especially when i left the chalet..after we dropped off the key..they were gathering there for dunno wad stupid reason..and when mong suggested going off..i juz walked off without saying bye to her and the rest..haha..i was juz emotional at that time so i went off..mebbe i did the rite thing..i didn't feel sorry abt not saying bye to her..cuz i know she wun feel bad abt it either..the only thing i felt bad abt was not saying bye to boss..who told me so many things last nite..abt wad i've done wrong..abt me saying to be frenz but doing things that were showing that wad i wanted was not only to be normal frenz..mebbe muh actions were wrong..but my thots were not..thruout the whole process all i wanted was to be a fren..nothing much..but wld u ever care?


i told u b4 that u've changed..and u said no..yes..u have not changed..u're juz as frenly as always..but taht's to others..however ur attitude towards me have turned a 180 degrees round..u do not share anithing with me animore..if u do remember, during the firz few days after we knew each other..u cld still share things with me..asking me wad to do..this and that..at that time u still wld ask me for help..but now..ur attitude towards me have changed..totally..perhaps i was too direct..but i juz wanted to be frenz..mebbe a little more than frenz..but nvr to the extent of bgr..never..but..wld u ever care?


wad boss told me..was that she felt insecure whenever i was arnd her..well..i'm not surprised by wad boss told me..cuz she alr told me b4 that she felt uncomfortable whenever i helped her..whenever i was around her..u all tell me this..but haven u all noticed that the degree of sadness and disappointment i get from u all telling me this is much more higher than the degree of insecurity and uncomfort she gets when i'm arnd her..u try doing that to someone..helping someone do this and that..do alot of things..and after so many that u've done for this someone..this someone juz comes and tell u that he/she feels uncomfortable..that he/she feels insecure..and this someone finds alot of reasons and ways to avoid u when he/she sees u..who's hurt?who's disappointed?this heart breaking disappointment has already surpassed ur insecurity..but wld u ever care?


i realli dun wanna care abt her animore..mebbe i shld juz do wad fran told me to..to be like marv..to not care abt her..why break muh heart becuz of someone that does not even care abt me..i'm juz naive..that's all..but wld u ever care?


weichang and kah hui and liang mong keep on saying taht evrything wld be over when the chalet is over..evrything that has happened at taka..yea..true..evrything wld be over if u have no regrets or if u have never ever put ur heart into this taka..for me..it'll not be over that soon..at least till she returns me evrything that she owes me..it'll not be over that soon..but i noe she's trying to put an end to it..when she told me she hopes taht i wld be there today..yea..today..30th dec to get my things back from her..she's putting an end to it..i noe it..after i got back all the things from her..that wld be the end..and yea..it's only the end of this chapter..but the beginning of another..another sad chapter of my sad story..this is my story..my life..my beginning..my end..i'll not ezily forget abt her..i'll still care for her..but from a distance..so that at the least she wldn't feel insecure..i've done so much..but wld u ever care?


i'm hurting myself evrytime i fall in love with someone..and the reason is i put in all i have..my whole heart into it..that's y evrytime when it's over..muh heart juz breaks..gets crushed..and become more pieces..mebbe it's juz me to put in a hundred percent..seems that it never works when i put in a hundred percent..but i dun wanna stop doing this..wad if one day..the gal i meet is the gal for my lifetime..and i happen not to put in a hundred percent..i mite juz miss it..but..wld u ever care?


one last thing..seriously..i like u..yes..i've tot of wanting to be ur bf..but i noe i can nvr be in that position..u're my type..but i'm not ur type..thankew for telling me that i'll nvr noe whether u're gonna accept me..but from wad happened yest and ur response towards me..i noe that it's all over..that u're nvr gonna accept me..nvr evr..the chance of it happening is at most 1%..mebbe u wld gimme a higher chance of it happening..or mebbe u wld juz tell me it's zero%..i've done alot for u..and i guess that's enuff..evrything i've done..wad u've said..i juz noe that u're not appreciating it..i dun sense ur appreciation..evrytime i tell u that..u'll juz say.."no la..dun think too much la.." or "u're juz too sensitive"..but nvr a time wld u say thankew..yes..u've said thankew for other things..but for me caring abt u..u nvr said thankew..all i wanted was a thankew from u..at least it wld stop muh tears..at least it can bring some teeny weeny bit of happiness into this sad chapter..and mebbe it can bring a rather peaceful ending to this sad chapter..i said i nvr expected any return from u for wad i've done..and u shld noe..i've never asked u for anithing..but this time..juz this one last time..pls at least lemme noe that u're appreciative of wad i've done for u..at least a thankew..to cure me of muh sadness..yes..u can dun do it..i wun mind..a sad ending to a sad chapter..that wldn't be strange..but a twist wld be..but twist seldom happens in my sad story..so nvm..afterall..wld u ever care?


one last thing..and realli..this is the last..be happy..i noe u will..and i seriously hope that u will not be heartbroken over a guy again..like i've told u last time..if u choose that one..i'm fine with it..i'll be happy for u and him..but if u choose the other one..like wad i've told u..i juz dun think it's the right choice..but wadever i say..it's still up to u to make ur own decision..but hopefully u wld choose a path that wld make u happy..at least..dun be like me..to choose paths that have made me sad..but..after all this i've said..wld u ever care?


thankew..for at least adding a tiny weeny bit of happiness into this taka experience..realli thank you..leaf..


*clinkZ*