time to wake up

what a nice anime, code geass. it's the best anime i've ever watched. the ending was very sad, yet beautiful at the same time. it's like, u saw it coming, u knew he was going to sacrifice himself, but u jus can't help crying. it was really really sad. it's even sadder than when Zack died in ff7 CC. Zack's death was sad cuz of the attachment to the char thru the gameplay. but lelouch's death was a complete different thing. it's a sadness that i can't really describe. well, i guess u wun understand what i'm saying unless u really go and watch it. it's really a very nice anime worth your time watching, worth the 50 episodes from R1 to R2, worth the 3 days of non-stop watching. code geass roX!!!

but seriously, if u wanna really understand this superb storyline, this anime of the yr, u muz look beyond all the stuff about C.C. yes, she's cute and all, but the whole thing is about Lelouch, and what he did for the world. it's jus something great that he has done, sacrificing himself for the world. seriously, all hail Lelouch! *dunnit Geass to do that. hai, if only they understood him in the firz place.

and this anime is so good that it made me wanna look at the world in another way, beyond the hatred, towards the future.

thanks alot!

happy

i am currently in my happiest mood of the year. guess it's all because of the ORD and stuff going on in life lately. finally outta the 2 years which didn't really impact my life much. as much as i would like to say it's 2 yrs wasted, it's also 2 years of friends made. that's the only thing i took from these 2 years, friends. experiences in life, not alot i would say. grenade throwing, shooting at non-moving targets, all these, boring i would say. even those stuff that i did in unit. quite boring oso ba.

well, and guess wad, liverpool jus won. had to wait till the last 20 mins or so for the game to liven up with a wonderfully placed goal by alonso. benayoun had his superb goal. hmm, when blackburn made it 2-1 kinda worried, but somehow knew a goal from liverpool wld be coming. and what a way to round it off with a GERRARD goal in the 94th min, last second goal. it felt like a GERRARD penalty. so cool, so calm, so steady and all so accurate. he had no problems putting it into the net.

haha, happy that i'm supporting this club which is on top of the BPL table. thx to her who made me realise what a great club this is. thx to liverpool winning that i noe would make her so happy, and thus making me happy as well.

i jus wanna say, love is something i seeked, but at the same time, i'm starting to hate this increasingly polluted world. polluted minds. stupid people, stupid stuff. so CAN U PLEASE STAND ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE ESCALATOR IF U'RE NOT IN A FUCKIN HURRY TO GET ON TO THAT FUCKIN TRAIN!!!! thank you.

damn it, how i wish i had the geass. blah, geass feels like deathnote, both are powerful in their own ways i guess. haha, anime is slowly creepin into my life again, now that i have all the time in the world to do so.

tiring

all these stuff lately is starting to tire me out. random acts of ppl, seem to have negative effects on me nowadays. random stuff that didn't seem to be a prob, jus affected my badly. mentally and physically. some things, i can tolerate, some, i just can't. i'm tired. tired of all these.

if i'm dreaming, wake me up. if this is reality, i wld rather dream. i'm jus tired. mebbe i'll get back the energy again. mebbe.

ORD seems near, but it doesn't mean anything. jus one thing off my shoulder. there's too many things to worry in life, and it's not up to me to decide how things will go for me. i just hope things will turn out good.

u're tiring me out. u're making me sick. u're making me bored. u're making me feel so fuck-up. u're making me use the f words.

all these 'u' are almost all the ppl in this world. and i hate 'u'.

i'm back, i hate the world.

PENANG

woots, haven been blogging since i came back from penang, so shall briefly recap on wad happened in penang.

basically, it's jus shop, eat, slp!!!LOLS

well, firz day reach there, go hotel, say check in in afternoon, blah blah blah. so end up go pranglin walk around and caught MAX payne for 9 ringitt, a total rip-off by us i wld say. and b4 that, we went to arcade. one token, 50 ringitt. daytona only needs one TOKEN!!! WTF!!! so cheap, omg, it's like 20cents in SGD la. we oso played the bball machine, hmmm, scores not very good, mebbe it's the ball, or mebbe i too long nvr play le. XP. MAX payne was seriously worth the 9 ringitt, cuz it 's not a really good show. =P. seriously, it's those kinda shows that have great trailers but turns out to be a total disaster. other than mila kunis, the show was kinda not up to my expectations. all those angels in the trailer, zz, turned out to be illusions. the whole build up to lupino, how strong he is, blah blah blah, ended with one shot by a stupid BB *a stupid name btw*. wth, some guy so strong, get killed by one shot by a guy who can't seem to shoot down max payne using a sub machine gun but managed to kill lupino in one shot with a pistol. BAH! realistic but not consistent thruout the movie. max is too strong. and that stupid accent when the dunno who calls max. sounded like MARX payne. WTF!!! damn funny.

well, chck back in at hotel, got our rooms, went for dinner. bought some alcohol and headed back to hotel to catch soccer matches. liverpool VS wigan. AND WAD A SUPERB COMEBACK!!! not forgetting the char kway teow we had while watching. when we were 2-0 down, the carlsberg i was drinking tasted damn bitter. the moment reira equalised, OMG!!! it became as sweet as, erm, sugar cane? hahas. we were shouting like siao in the room!!!

the nxt day, we somehow came up with a new lingo with char kway teow. from the crab meat, to kway teow, to prawn, to hum, to tao gei. LOLS!!!really farni. so end up we started observing char kway teows, if u dun get wad i mean, feel free to ask me on msn. XP. basically the whole day was eat shop again.

final day, oso eat shop at queensbay, penang's vivo, really nice place. and at night when we went back to hotel, about to leave, we saw pierre png, qi yu wu and apple hong at the HOTEL LOBBY!!! oMG! well, we alr saw qi yu wu, bai wei xiu and apple the previous night, but this time we managed to take photos with them. actually only the guys, cuz the stupid manager aunty say apple nvr put make-up so cannot take. -_-. we were like wtf. but the way apple was giggling, omg, real cute. hahas, i became a fan of hers on the spot manz. bai wei xiu was not there, dunno y. so end up taking photos with the guys lo.

well, that's all for penang trip.zz

and i did this barclay epl survey, which qualifies me for a chance to go to my fav team's home ground to watch live epl match, plus free air tickets and hotel and money to spend!!!wtf! if i can win it wld be real good!!! got 2 tics, so hopefully can ask her to go. afterall, the reason why i wanted to go anfield so much was becuz of her. and i can't think about anyone else i can go with. hahas, say so much for wad, later end up nvr win. XP. BUT I WANNA WIN!!! *prays hard*

as much as i think there's no chance of us getting back together, and as much as i think that i wun be in a relationship for a long time to go cuz of how tired i am, i guess i still love her. that's why i wanna ask her to go with me. i dun c it as a chance of us getting back together, but i c it as fulfilling a wish i had in mind, a birthday gift that i had always wanted to give to her, other than the 5566 concert ticket 4 yrs ago which i ended tearing it up. i really jus want to make her happy. afterall, the reason i supported liverpool was partly becuz of her supporting liverpool. when liverpool wins, she'll be happy, and that makes me happy too. i can't give her anything, but i jus wanna let her noe that i love her.

but when will i have the courage to tell?

2nd time

this is the 2nd time i actually felt sad becuz of a manga. both which i did not expect to make me sad from the start. firz was ichigo 100%, which didn't look very appealing at the start but in the end still drawn me in to read it till the end, and somehow made me sad while reading. now it's kurohime, which i jus read cuz i had nothing to do. jus a simple or rather stupid story, but it actually evolved into something that touched my heart. stupid me.

i guess it's jus the fact that the guy in kurohime cld do something so big as to sacrifice himself for love that touched me. to die for love, that is something i can nvr do. not that i'm scared of dying, not that i dun wanna love, but there are jus too many things that wld be left undone, too many ppl that wld not be happy, if i jus die for one person. well, not really that many ppl, perhaps jus my parents. i once tot of doing all i cld for someone i love, but i guess for the me now, i can nvr do it. perhaps my love for her has weakened, but i guess it's jus that i love my parents more now. i dun feel sry for her, and i dun think there's a need to cuz i guess she doesn't really care about my love. but, seriously, there's still a part in me that wishes to love her with all i've got, except for dying for her, which is totally ridiculous. i'm not really sad now, jus some realisations. phew, that was a load off my heart, things that i wnted to say. but who's listening? ha, who cares, no one even tags.

last but not least, to end it off, jay has jus gotten a new song that really describes my feelings. and it's now playing on my blog. it's called, 说好的幸福呢. o, btw i haven gotten the album cuz i forgot to bring the pre-order ticket, so i guess i'll do it tml morning.

说好的幸福呢
词 方文山
曲 jay
编曲 micheal lin

你的绘画凌乱着
在这个时刻
我想起喷泉旁的白鸽
甜蜜散落了

情绪莫名的拉扯
我还爱你呢
而你断断续续唱着歌
假装没事了

时间过了走了爱情面临选择
你冷了倦了我哭了
离开时的不快乐
你用卡片手写着
有些爱只给到这真的痛了

怎么了你累了说好的幸福呢
我懂了不说了爱淡了梦远了
开心与不开心一一细数着你在不舍
那些爱过的感觉都太深刻我都还记得

你不等了说好的幸福呢
我错了泪干了放手了后悔了
只是回忆的音乐盒还旋转着
要怎么停呢

hmmm

hai, bad day though it started out good.

firz thing in the mornin, wake up, still very happy cuz of a very very sweet drm. dreamt of me and her(1) being a married couple. then as i started thinking abt the drm, i started to get troubled by it. why is it her(1) and not her(2)? as if my problems with her(2) was not enuff, her(1) has to pop up in my drms. yea, i completely dun wanna haf anything to do with her(1) le, but can't help feeling troubled by the dream. wad's it meant to be? the more i think the more i feel troubled.

later into the night, i started wandering abt alot of stuff too. mebbe it's becuz of wad my mom said, that reminded me abt wad i promised myself in the past. i told myself to make my mom happy, and had been doing that since a long time ago, although sometimes i make her angry. then i also remembered i told myself i wanna make her(2) happy oso. and i wanted to see her(1) happy. the heavy responsibility of making ppl happy suddenly seemed even more heavier than ever. so heavy, that i started thinking, wtf, y do i wanna make so many ppl happy when ppl can't even gimme the happiness i want. so i decided, i jus wanna make my mom & dad happy, to be responsible for their happiness, and only to wish that her(2) and her (1) can both be happy. the responsibility of trying to make ppl happy is jus too much for me to handle, when i dun truly understand it as well, i guess jus makin my mom & dad happy is enuff. wad can a man who dun really noe wad happiness is give to a woman he likes. i think it's jus too heavy a responsibility for me.

so i wish her(2) and her(1) can be happy, though i hope i can be together with her(2) again, but like wad i said in the last post, it's really too far away. we've drifted apart in the past 4 yrs, i dunno whether we can get back again. whether it's even possible.

and the dream, i'll jus treat it as a sweet drm, and a really sweet one. but it's all a dream.

life is a nightmare, but i hope it's not the same for my parents. i just want them to be happy, and i'll make it happen. pls be happy.

far

so far away,
to the extent that i can't find a way,
out of this life that i face everyday,
having to stand alone without you everyday.

years gone by,
and i ask myself why,
that i let you go 2 years back,
without a chance of getting you back.

i feel like giving up,
cause i know there's no chance
of you cheering me up,
ever again in this life of mine.

you, are just too far away, really, really far away.