Wednesday, December 26, 2012
then i realised
I never held on to that one person that really mattered to me 8 years ago. And that's probably why nothing worked out after that. At the end of the day, she still means a lot to me. The fact that I can't let go, is probably why I was never able to say "I love you" to anyone else after that, even "3" who meant a lot to me too. Perhaps, that is why, I don't see myself being together with anyone else anymore. I just didn't let go. =/
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Over
Well, I previously mentioned how the sem was over and stuff, but it didn't really feel that it was over until the exams were done and dusted.As for the other thing that mattered, well, I guess I just didn't bother to go for the proper closure I wanted for it. On one hand, I didn't feel the need to, I just thought that it won't matter to her anyways, and I shldn't bother that much. On the other hand, its just about what I want in my life.
For the past 4 months, I somehow lost focus of what I wanted. It wasn't that someone, it wasn't her. I shld have just been satisfied with a friendship if I didn't lose focus. Somehow, not getting my desired FYP had something to do with that. I just wasn't able to put my focus on the one thing that I wanted to do before the year end, and that is to develop a working android app. For a moment, I got lost, lost in what I had in store for my future. Then I turned to the thing called "love", which was really, really, never ever there in the first place.
But now, its different, with FYP back on track, and I'm well on my way to finish developing my first android app. So here we are, back to square 1, back to the me that was happy with the way life was. Back to the me, who just wants to depend on myself for my own happiness. Also, with the razer competition coming in as well, everything looks so well all of a sudden. That US internship looks that much closer than I thought it would be.
and for once, I'm able to face my feelings truthfully, and I asked myself how I felt towards her. The answer was simple, she's special, I liked her, but when it all comes down to being together with her, I just don't see anything working out in the first place. I would say, I enjoyed her company as a friend, and that was all.
Truth be told, I never really let go of that other one in the first place, I just merely buried her away cuz I thought it wasn't possible. Even now, I still dun think its any possible with all these stuff going on. But my point is, love is just not a priority right now.
Getting those competitions done, winning them, is my priority now. And using them as a platform to go for that US internship, and probably come back to work for razer(?). Followed by setting up an app development company. Well, I don't see how love fits in there right now. If there really comes a chance to love, I would take it, but I won't pursue for something that's not there.
So yeah, everything for the past 4 months, is well, over. Perhaps I shld do a proper closure for it, but well well, we'll see how it goes.
For the past 4 months, I somehow lost focus of what I wanted. It wasn't that someone, it wasn't her. I shld have just been satisfied with a friendship if I didn't lose focus. Somehow, not getting my desired FYP had something to do with that. I just wasn't able to put my focus on the one thing that I wanted to do before the year end, and that is to develop a working android app. For a moment, I got lost, lost in what I had in store for my future. Then I turned to the thing called "love", which was really, really, never ever there in the first place.
But now, its different, with FYP back on track, and I'm well on my way to finish developing my first android app. So here we are, back to square 1, back to the me that was happy with the way life was. Back to the me, who just wants to depend on myself for my own happiness. Also, with the razer competition coming in as well, everything looks so well all of a sudden. That US internship looks that much closer than I thought it would be.
and for once, I'm able to face my feelings truthfully, and I asked myself how I felt towards her. The answer was simple, she's special, I liked her, but when it all comes down to being together with her, I just don't see anything working out in the first place. I would say, I enjoyed her company as a friend, and that was all.
Truth be told, I never really let go of that other one in the first place, I just merely buried her away cuz I thought it wasn't possible. Even now, I still dun think its any possible with all these stuff going on. But my point is, love is just not a priority right now.
Getting those competitions done, winning them, is my priority now. And using them as a platform to go for that US internship, and probably come back to work for razer(?). Followed by setting up an app development company. Well, I don't see how love fits in there right now. If there really comes a chance to love, I would take it, but I won't pursue for something that's not there.
So yeah, everything for the past 4 months, is well, over. Perhaps I shld do a proper closure for it, but well well, we'll see how it goes.
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