I always do. To go somewhere, quiet, just me alone, and maybe, with you (though that's probably not gonna happen ever). I just wanna shout to the world, hear the echoes, and realise how lonely I am in this world. Or rather, ay, nvm.
Maybe its the tiredness getting to me, or the fact that the weekend ended once again with me practically doing nothing. Drinking after engin camp, basically burnt my sat away cuz of a bad headache after that. I needed that anyway, to drink and feel happy, even if its just me being high becuz of the alcohol, but whatever, at least I felt open when I was drinking. No locks, no whatsoever.
I tried opening up, you know. I talked to you, you don't even bother. Stop giving me lame excuses, you do know how lame you sound when you come up with these. I really dun want to give a shit about you anymore. Its not the first time already, and you probably know it. Why can't we just be honest to each other. What you want, what I want. We should settle it once and for all, get it over and done with. Just tell me how much you hate me while I'll tell you how much I actually loved you but would be willing to let go if you would just say no. Its gotten to the point that I'm tired of all these. Its not me not trying, its you not willing to accept. You've probably been making use of me all these time, telling me stuff when you really needed it, and that i'm probably the only nice and dumb guy in the world to say yes to your requests. You only talk to me when you need me, but when I needed someone to talk to, you'll never be there, ever.
Strangely though, all these kinda seem to be a cycle. A cycle of me being taken advantage of by people and once I'm useless to them, they just kick me aside. Nah, you don't need to say anything, I understand. What I mean to you, probably is just a useless existence. There is no use for me anymore, cuz I don't live in the East, cuz I don't have time to do stuff with you, cuz I'm just not the kind to show my feelings so easily. I don't know anymore, I just know that I'm tired.
But I still love the way you smile. ):
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Thursday, June 02, 2011
我不配
I did a lot, I tried...a lot. So much so that, I've come to realise, what I've been doing, and no matter what I can do, it'll never be enough for you. Simply put, its becuz of what you see up there as the title. 我不配.
Or rather, the both of us 不配? There's always that something missing when I tried to click. We seem to be only able to talk when you're in a good mood? Only when you want to talk, that you will really talk to me?
Other than that, whenever I needed someone to talk to, I tot, hey, maybe I could talk to you since you had talked to me about your problems before. But no, you were just, another person on my msn contact list that wouldn't bother to listen to me when I talk to you. You're either busy watching your dramas/blog hopping, that you can't even bother to take a little bit of your time out to listen to what I've got to say.
And to think that back then, when you had problems, when you needed my help, I would just take my time out to help you, even when it was the exam period and I really should have been studying. But yeah, I guess that's just me. It didn't need to be you, if it was anyone else, I would have probably did the same if whatever it is is within my powers. And I guess that's why I failed to make you feel that you're a special someone to me since I treat everyone the same, and in particular, I treat a certain friend better than I do to you. But am I really to blame, when its you who made me feel that you didn't really need me, you had plenty of choices, I'm just another one who was willing to listen.
Then comes the age-old saying of mine, "stop being a nice guy". If anyone has bothered to read my posts consistently, they would realise that this is something I always say.
Am I not nice enough to you? Perhaps you never felt the way I felt. Or that you simply never tried to understand who I was, and to you, I was just someone who would be there if you needed me, but someone whom you'll never come to rescue when I fall into this bottomless pit called, "in love with you".
Or rather, the both of us 不配? There's always that something missing when I tried to click. We seem to be only able to talk when you're in a good mood? Only when you want to talk, that you will really talk to me?
Other than that, whenever I needed someone to talk to, I tot, hey, maybe I could talk to you since you had talked to me about your problems before. But no, you were just, another person on my msn contact list that wouldn't bother to listen to me when I talk to you. You're either busy watching your dramas/blog hopping, that you can't even bother to take a little bit of your time out to listen to what I've got to say.
And to think that back then, when you had problems, when you needed my help, I would just take my time out to help you, even when it was the exam period and I really should have been studying. But yeah, I guess that's just me. It didn't need to be you, if it was anyone else, I would have probably did the same if whatever it is is within my powers. And I guess that's why I failed to make you feel that you're a special someone to me since I treat everyone the same, and in particular, I treat a certain friend better than I do to you. But am I really to blame, when its you who made me feel that you didn't really need me, you had plenty of choices, I'm just another one who was willing to listen.
Then comes the age-old saying of mine, "stop being a nice guy". If anyone has bothered to read my posts consistently, they would realise that this is something I always say.
Am I not nice enough to you? Perhaps you never felt the way I felt. Or that you simply never tried to understand who I was, and to you, I was just someone who would be there if you needed me, but someone whom you'll never come to rescue when I fall into this bottomless pit called, "in love with you".
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