Something I realized recently. I've changed, alot. Since what happened on cny eve. No longer do I long to be in a relationship. I'm actually feeling happy with what I have now. Freedom, not having to talk to other girls while feeling being controlled. At least I'm not my room-mate who's controlled by his gf. Every move, every action, every word that comes out of my mouth belongs to me, and no one else. And I'm happy with that. I'm actually happy being single. Not once in the past 23 years did I ever think I would be happy being single. O well, probably didn't have this problem when I was still in primary school, but can't be bothered with remembering since when did I actually feel that I needed someone to be there for me. All this while, my parents were there, my family was there, my friends were there, I failed to see. When all I needed was someone to talk to, when all that I needed was right infront of me, I chose to push them away, looking for that one person, when there were so many people out there who are important to me. So to all the friends I've pushed aside for the past 23 years, I'm sorry. I will treasure everyone in my life from now on. No longer is the one important. Even if I do not find the one, at least the one person that will feel happy from living a life like that would be me. At least, now I can still enjoy talking to people I love talking to. Treasure Friends. Treasure your family.
p.s, hmmm, i shld write something like this on a postcard to send to myself and to remind me of the last 5 words in that paragraph.
Friday, February 17, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
first post in a long while
It seems so long from the last time I talked to her. Perhaps I've gotten over it already, or perhaps I've simply just buried the feelings away? Not seeing her at all does help in a way, but somehow, its just the feeling that deep down there, there's still something for her.
Anyway, alot of shit-stirring going on in Finland, especially during the Sweden trip. Not like I'm bothered by it, just joining in the fun, even if i'm one of the party that's kenna stirred. Doesn't really matter to me, since I've already thought of how I don't wanna get into a relationship anymore. Not even try, so yeah, I really don't care what people say, or how people feel. Stir whatever you want, it doesn't really matter, cuz the things that really matter have long gone.
Been trying to keep a positive attitude ever since that day. Telling myself to be awesome everyday, to not be tied down by things. But it kinda broke tonight. Not because of the planning of the UK trip, its really easy, even though the bookings are tough, but I still feel alright with it. What really bothered me was when I was trying to plan for the Liverpool part of the trip. For the years from sec 4 up till the my 1st year in NUS, the only person I wanted to go to Anfield with was this girl. Not that the girl matters to me anymore, I've already gotten over her. What really bothered me was of going Anfield alone. How ironic when the club badge reads "You'll Never Walk Alone", and I'm facing the prospect of going Anfield alone. Well, at the very least I'm going to a place which I've longed to go since secondary school days. I just hope that the places I want to go in the future, won't end up with me having to visit the places by myself again. =/
And that's probably the reason why I don't feel like going Paris. Cuz it was a place I wanted to go with her, or at least, go for her. =/
For the first time in almost 3 weeks, tears are welling up in my eyes. How long can this self-denial of being happy last? I wonder.
Anyway, alot of shit-stirring going on in Finland, especially during the Sweden trip. Not like I'm bothered by it, just joining in the fun, even if i'm one of the party that's kenna stirred. Doesn't really matter to me, since I've already thought of how I don't wanna get into a relationship anymore. Not even try, so yeah, I really don't care what people say, or how people feel. Stir whatever you want, it doesn't really matter, cuz the things that really matter have long gone.
Been trying to keep a positive attitude ever since that day. Telling myself to be awesome everyday, to not be tied down by things. But it kinda broke tonight. Not because of the planning of the UK trip, its really easy, even though the bookings are tough, but I still feel alright with it. What really bothered me was when I was trying to plan for the Liverpool part of the trip. For the years from sec 4 up till the my 1st year in NUS, the only person I wanted to go to Anfield with was this girl. Not that the girl matters to me anymore, I've already gotten over her. What really bothered me was of going Anfield alone. How ironic when the club badge reads "You'll Never Walk Alone", and I'm facing the prospect of going Anfield alone. Well, at the very least I'm going to a place which I've longed to go since secondary school days. I just hope that the places I want to go in the future, won't end up with me having to visit the places by myself again. =/
And that's probably the reason why I don't feel like going Paris. Cuz it was a place I wanted to go with her, or at least, go for her. =/
For the first time in almost 3 weeks, tears are welling up in my eyes. How long can this self-denial of being happy last? I wonder.
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