Stop thinking

Wells, 2 papers down, 3 more to go. Can't say i'm satisfied with my results, but what can I do? Why get bothered by something that has already happened? Just learn from the mistake, and move on.

Liverpool, something that has kept me going whenever I felt down. I would rather lose, knowing that i've tried, than to lose because I didn't try. And so i tried, I did my best to get good scores for tests, so what if I don't get the results, at least i've tried hard. Learn from your mistakes, move on, tomorrow will be a better day. When you're feeling down, just know that, you're not the only one that's feeling down, that you will never walk alone.

I'm bored, so i write. I'm bored, so I draw. Just ways for me to make myself relaxed.

Amazing how things in life can make you learn so much more about life. From manga, to books, to music, to a football club. Things that you love (to do) can always make you learn.

#12 The One

________________________________________
#12 The One

Watching you from a corner,
Looking at your smiles and laughter.
Hearing your heart and soul,
singing life's highs and lows.

To be there for you,
when you're feeling alone.
To be there for you,
when you needed someone.

I'll be there for you,
To be your sacrifice.
I promise you I'll be there, that

*chorus:
--------------------------------------

I'll be the one,
The one that cares for you.
I'll be the one,
The one that makes you smile

I'll be the one,
I'll be your love,
The one that keeps you really warm.

I'll be the one,
The one that warms your heart,
I'll be the one,
The one that holds you up.

When you are down,
Then i'll be there,
For this I promise you,
I'll be the one.

--------------------------------------

Life is bound to have its ups and downs,
But I will be right there by your side.
For you are the only one I truly care,
And I will promise you, that

*repeat chorus
_________________________________
Notes: ok, so i'm halfway thru The One manga. Haha, and i thought, woah, not a bad story! And feeling bored, I came up with these lyrics, random things that appeared in my mind in 30 minutes, HAHA. I'm trying to depict whatever that's happening in the manga and all with these lyrics. HAHA. Think i failed at it though. =X , nonetheless, its still a good manga!

bored bored bored! ok, mocha effect going off. HAHA, shall go to slp in 10 mins! woots!

hmmm

Sometimes, mangas really make you ponder about your life. I do not believe in "what ifs", they do not happen in life, its all in the mind, what if this, what if that. I've been thru that stage of "what ifs" in my life, and I know that no matter what I do will never make the "what ifs" true. For example, "what if we were still together?" Obviously, that is something that will never happen even if I wanted to, so I dun really think about it anymore.

Life isn't perfect, its not a manga. Yes, its a story, but the happy endings don't come easily.

yes, this kinda sweet stuff is fun to read and all. But, its just not the same as things that happen in life. No matter how good I was, no matter how caring I was, it just never mattered to her in the first place. O wells, shall not be tied down by the past anymore. hahaha.

just a random comment, lols. I can't seem to concentrate on maths, yet. Shall chiong during the 4 hour break. =D

Wanna slp, but i drank mocha at 9pm. -_-

productive day

I would consider today to be the most productive day of all of the recess week days! haha.

Did maths papers all over again! think the practice should be enough, hopefully. =D

Then studied some physics too!

At night, usual stuff, but this time there was F1, watching it just reminds me of the days in 39SCE, when everything got so hectic once it was close to events like f1, IISS, NDP. All the sweeps and stuff we did, the monster huntings in camp, waking up at like 2am to move off for NDP sweep! haha, all these stuff, really great memories.

So I was about to switch off from studies to watch F1, then geraldine asked me about EG stuff. haha. Honestly, only read thru txt book and notes for EG, didn't really do the exercises and stuff. But wells, while helping her to solve the problems, got my interests for challenges back on, so went on to solve some of the other questions as well! hahaha. And she asked me to read this fan fic, which was quite interesting. Kaiba and Anzu! haha. The rain and silence were both described in a very artistic way. Not bad, just that the image of kaiba and anzu kept appearing in my head. -_-. Kaiba, can't imagine. HaHA. ok la, but nice story. haha

Ok, shall end off my day with some GEM stuff before i go to bed. haha. Good luck for term tests to all~ =D

Media Biasness

Something pissed me real off this morning, and it has got to do with straits times.

Well, woke up at 9 but went back to slp at 10..haha. then woke up at 12.30 again. Yest night watched this movie on channel 5 until 4am. HAHA. It's called "Rock Star". Really nice movie, its about the rise to fame of the lead singer of Steel Dragon. The songs they used in the movie were real nice too, like "We all die young", "Blood Pollution" & "Livin' On A Prayer". We all die young sounds nice, the way he managed to hit the high notes when he was at the audition to be lead singer was simply amazing. Livin' On a Prayer, well, do i need to say anything? IT'S BON JOVI~ and blood pollution, the song he sang for his debut concert for steel dragon. Ultimate. The opening was very nice, then he walked down the stairs, but tripped and fell like, one storey? haha. But he still carried on singing, so i thought "blood pollution" was a nice song. =D.

Ok, next, the thing that pissed me off. MEDIA BIASNESS. what's with straits times? The sports section cannot accomodate more soccer news meh? They only report on Chelsea and Man Utd match. Chelsea i can understand, cech red carded, first loss of the season. Man Utd? ok, giggs coming on as a sub to get 2 assists. Wth. So where's my torres!? Hat trick not enough to warrant a place in the sports section at least? This is getting on my nerves. Then it showed again when i was reading at the small section where they showed the teams drawn for carling cup q. final. Wad the.. Man Utd got drawn against barnsley!!! BIG DEAL! wth, they only mentioned that!? I mean, the biggest match for carling q. finals is arsenal vs liverpool leh.

Show some respect, show some fairness in the way you report stuff, Straits Times. Is this how you treat the readers, media biasness, no fairness in the way you report news. I don't see why I should continue reading this piece of crap anymore. Seems like it has slowly turned into the asia version of the S*n, pure crap, piece of rag. I still remember the biasness shown in the articles reported by the S*n on the hillsborough incident. Even though I read it like a few years after the incident, the media biasness was obvious. Taking everything, without thinking whether its wrong or right, and just report. Putting the poor liverpool fans in a bad light. This people lost their family! And all the S*n could report was fans peeing on the dead, stepping over the dead, pickpocketting the dead. Blaming the liverpool fans for whatever that had happened.

Nvm, enough of that, back to study!!! haha, tml got gem test. -_-, but i'm studying maths. =P

The day the reason slacked whole day

The Day The Reason Stood Still (ie, Slacked whole day)

So basically, I slacked the whole day away. Thought I would do something today, but o wells. HAHAHA

So in the morning, woke up at 7 to go play soccer. Soccer, was fun? I dunno, I didn't score, wasn't too happy with the chances i've spurned. Sorry guys for not scoring when chances came my way and I just didn't took them. Haiz. After that went home lo, went to cut hair!!! hahaha. Cuz its getting hotter.

Reached home, dunno what to do. On laptop, download few songs. Off laptop, play ps3. On laptop, getting ready to watch soccer. LOL. Alot of funny stuff happened while watching Liverpool match though. Geraldine was commenting on fb that soccer fans were all commenting about soccer on fb. haha. Then i went to comment. Then Jansen also went to comment. haha. SO, after that, I REALISED! JANSEN'S A LIVERPOOL FAN TOO!!! YNWA. haha, another liverpool bro. Then i was joking with Geraldine on msn that the one i like is actually jansen. totally -_-. LOL. Then she had to match-make me with jansen. hahaha. But still, the love for liverpool brings people together. And in the end i went to match-make geraldine with yin from the one. HAHAHA. but that's a long long story. oops, ya, i read shoujo. SO!?

AND HERE COMES THE BEST PART! LIVERPOOL VS HULL!!! full-time 6-1.

was happy with the result, but not too really happy with the streams i was watching thru. kept breaking down everytime torres scored. And i totally missed the last 3 goals. zzz. But torres' 3 goals were super nice. =D Gerrard's goal was nice too.!!! G&T, born for greatness. I just love G&T!!!=D

ok la. dunno wad time the effects of the mocha will last until..hai..shall continue doing nothing. and hopefully tml can study some stuff.

Beunas Noches, chica de los seunos, te amo. Go figure.

For granted?

What did you take me for? Something to fall back on? I'm not a cushion, I have my own things to worry about. You took me for granted, when we were together. I shouldn't even have cared after all the stuff that had happened in the past. Why, why do I even care?

This is not the first time, but I hope it'll be the last. I just dun wanna care anymore. If this is how you look at our friendship, then so be it. But i'm not a cushion. I'm not your safety bit. You will walk your own path. I will walk my own path. Even if we do cross each other's path, I will not care anymore. You have lost your place in my heart. You do not deserve anything from me and I do not need anything from you.

Ok, i'm still pissed, but on a side note, had a great time at pizza hut today. woosh!

Damn full now. 4 slices of pizza - 2 slices of hawaiin stuffed crust and 2 slices of trio cheese stuffed crust. Though the service kinda pissed us off. We waited for like half an hour for the pizza. Eugene had already finished his pasta. So luke called the manager, and complained. HAHAHA. Then guess what, 6 time winglets came, for 8 ppl. -_-. Nvm, dun wanna eat winglets so didn't take. hahaha. Then came the pizza, a whooping 2 time regular stuffed crust pizza for me, yunxiao and luke to share. We only ordered one hawaiin stuffed crust and one trio cheese thin crust. But they gave 2 stuffed crust. They noe they gave the wrong stuff so they charged the trio cheese at the price of thin crust only. HAHA. But the trio cheese was like super cheesy? trio cheese plus stuffed crust. hahaha. so now super full. Wanted to play lan, but like a bit late, so just bye bye, whole lot go home.

Give me 10 good reasons why i shouldn't be pissed, then i would probably forgive you. The question to your answer, is still a NO. A BIG FAT N aND A BIG FAT O! N. O. NO! got it? Those tears, save it for yourself, i'll not sympathise with you, anymore. You've lost your place.

One Winged Angel by The Black Mages

My favourite youtube vid, currently. hahahas. One winged angel by The Black Mages. NOBUO UEMATSU! and seph appears at 1:03!!!

Didn't really wanna post this since i'm afraid of misunderstandings. but o wells, just thought these lyrics were nice. Wanted to make an english version or chinese version out of it though. haha. I probably expect some chinese or english guy/girl to come out and change the lyrics and make a hit out of it.

Now, i'm more than sure, that you are the only one that I want.

ok, so today studied a bit here and there, haha. Finished maths and gem le. 3 more mods to study for. And also, played pes2010 demo on ps3. FUN! so realistic! i like the tatics slider too. Makes gameplay different. Different teams now actually can have a different dimension to their play. OK! I should stop distracting myself with games and mangas. ooo..GT prologue looks fun. ZZZ. hahaha. enough of games ba. Tml night still needta go out, so hopefully can spend some time in the afternoon to study. Shall sleep earlier tonight, hopefully can wake up early enuff to go for a run, too long since i've last went for a run. hopefully can do a 5km. =D

No one Else by Yuna Ito

When you touch me, I feel lonely
その優しさに...戸惑ってるの
When you hold me, I’m the only one
信じていいの？ We love each other
永遠を

For me, love is like light and shade
光と影に揺れている
To be in my heart night and day, I know
夜宙の月が満ち欠けるように

No one else can take your place
あなたしか知らない
私になれる場所へ
Only I can be the one for you
No one else
誰にも代われない
たったひとり、になることで
輝けるから

For love, don’t be afraid, say you’re mine
振り向いて立ち止まらずに
Believe and love me, one more time, I know
この瞬間を逃さないように

No one else can take your plac
eあなたしか見えない
この想いはゆずれない
Only I can be the one for you
No one else
魅かれあう強さが
自分自身を越えた時
生まれ変われる

Day by day, one by one
いとしさのカケラを守り続けたら
恋は、愛に変わる

No one else can take your place
愛は、命になり
永遠という名の時を繋いでゆく
No one else
目に見えない絆がある、と
信じあえることで
強くなるから

Taking it away from you

O mans, and so i got myself into some distractions again. So, my love for Seph nvr faded even after so many months since killing him at the life stream in ff7. hahaha. Went to look up on all the quotes that he has said before in the movie & the games. His quotes really do show his arrogance as a man with such incredible powers. Such sinister words, yet when they come out of him, it just shows his innocence. His inevitable path to evilness, he was born to do it.

O wells, so i was thinking, maybe string up all his quotes to make a new song. hahaha.

And i was thinking, my song #11 Special, hmmm. probably need some tweaks in the lyrics, or maybe i jus needta write a new song. I dunno why, but it seems to me that the words i say, the way i behave makes ppl think that i'm still in love with someone from my past. Yes, I do care, but that's all to it. Just showing concern, not love.

All those stuff i've said, the 2 songs i've written, #9 & #11 were meant to be written to a special someone. A certain person, that means alot to me right now. But, somehow, just somehow, she made an impression in my otherwise boring life. I hope i'll not be too late when the time comes for me to be ready to tell her how much she means to me.

For now, i'm just satisfied at the rate of progress of our frenship.

BAH~ back to studying!!! Seph and SS, stop coming to haunt me. hahaha.

woots

Hahas. At least there is some progress in my work? I dunno leh. zzz. I'm done with my GEM. The past year mid-term tests all seem pretty easy. Heavily tested on the reasoning chapter, which is one of my stronger chapter in GEM. *since i'm the reason. ;)* Afterall, GEM is only testing on tuts 1-3, which seem ok to me. =D. OPEN BOOK ROCKS!

but everything seems to slow down too fast. Distractions from far too many places. First of all, woke up to see that DMC new chapters have been released, spent about 1 hour reading up the 8 chapters worth of DMC. Cheered me up abit, its always funny to see negishi regretting over his actions as krauser. Krauser's really funny when he tries to do good stuff. hahas.

After that did gem revision lo. since it was the first test.

Last night alr saw the PES2010 demo on PC alr. dl-ed this morning, just installed. Ready to play. There's still batman demo on my ps3. zzz. I really dun wanna play leh. argh.

Then the more i listen to satsugai and grotesque, I keep thinking that wow, the riff is amazingly compact, the guitar solos are amazingly good. So I went to look at drum tabs and guitar tabs on satsugai. Oh my, the drum tabs. -_-. VERY HARD!!! But i took out my drum sticks and started playing. hahaha. Imagine if i really get my hands on a guitar hero/rock band set. I would be really distracted ba. Luckily i'm turned off by the guitar tabs, and glad that I do not know how to play guitar. Else, it'll just be another distraction. Though i would love to learn to play the guitar. hahaha.

Then I saw the flame of recca lying somewhere around my bedroom, picked it up. The last book. ARGH~ and so begins my next distraction, reading Flame of Recca from the last book till the first book. zzz. I should kick my habit of reading mangas again and again.

Somemore, last night while waiting for liverpool match to start, I thought of some lyrics to write for this song i wanna write. The title is "Tears of the Devil". Well, maybe of my emo-ness last night, that's y the tears. As for the devil, probably because of listening to dmc's songs. hahaha.

These many distractions and its alr wednesday. At least i'm done studying for one module. hahahas.

@Geraldine: hahas. wad's ur blog siah?

Some of the quotes that i've found interesting:
1)In the end, its not the years in your life that counts, its the life in your years.
2)Do not let what you cannot control trouble you.
3)*old one but still works* Always look on the bright side of life. =D

sadness reigns

I dunno why, the more i look at the situation right now, everything's just not going to turn out as i wanted it to be. I guess, I really got the wrong timing. Do I regret anything, wells, I was once a man of many regrets. But not anymore, I told myself, whatever I do, not to regret anymore. Just a sense of emptiness, a feeling of what could have been. You know, the kind of feeling where everything wells up, the tears dun come out from your eyes, rather, the feelings from the heart just wells up and accumulates at your throat, makes you wanna shout out real loud.

I had many ways to let out my feelings in the past, not anymore. No more going to beaches shouting out loud, as loud as I want when I feel sad. No more beating drums with all my heart, trying to let my feelings be drowned by those drum beats. Somehow, I am not the same guy as I used to be. In a way, i've changed, for better of for worse, I do not know.

I really wanna go to the beach to shout out, how much I really wanted to be with her, but really, does it matter? I'm guessing if she has to choose, she would choose the other guy. Afterall, they're closer to each other. All I can do is to feel glad that she is happy with someone, but sad by the fact that i'm not the special someone for my special someone.

I do not want to indulge myself in false hopes, hoping that somehow, she has a liking for me. Cuz I know that's not the case. At least, I do not think that is the case. What's the chance of that happening? Not even 1% according to my calculations. Well, I think striking toto has a higher chance of me being together with her?

Yes, I've not told her anything, but if my feelings doesn't mean anything to her, it never will. I'm not being pessimistic or what. I'm just letting my brain tell me the right path to go. A path that will not lead me to being even more sad. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. I guess, this really is the reason why my feelings for you can increase at such an exponential rate.

Ppl might say its bullshit, that my feelings for you are just crap, that I made it all up. But I do not think so. I've lived long enough to know whether my feelings are true. What do I like about you? Perhaps the common interests? Perhaps the fact that some things start to feel tastier than it was in my life. Perhaps because of the fact that you made me see things in a different light? Perhaps because of the fact that I feel that I can open up to you? I do not know. But, does it really matter to you?

I hate myself for being such a person, a person that lets logic take over when it comes to this kind of thing. Nvr allowing my heart to take full control. Doing things to the bare minimum, showing my feelings to the bare minimum. But, does it really matter to you?

I think, I really need someone to talk to, not just this blog. But i can't think of anyone else.

Nobuo Uematsu

Nobuo Uematsu, he's just such a great composer. All his music, he's not just a game music composer, he's a great musician. He's what I've been trying so hard to do with my lyrics, to make songs that have stories to tell. All his music, have their own story to tell the audience. Just some simple examples. All these, if you're interested can be looked up on youtube, personal recommendation are those by Tour de Japon and Black Mages.

1)One-winged Angel
My personal favourite, cuz of the character the music is trying to portray. The music itself just, i dunno howta say it. I mean, you listen to it, you can feel how strong the music is trying to depict Sephiroth as. Strong, arrogant, untouchable.

*The rest are not in order of merit.
2)Aerith's Theme
Its just a sad song on the whole, like telling a story of how our dear Aerith died from my dear Sephy. lols. i mean, the whole song from the start, it was like it was telling us that aerith will die, but there's still hope, there's still love, there's still friendship in the world.

3)FF7 AC theme (a.k.a cloud's smile)
Another music that evokes the emotion in ppl, sad, and like all of nobuo's music, there's a story to tell, u just have to watch the movie to understand it.

4)J-E-N-O-V-A
ok, this music basically just gives u the impression that jenova is really a bad-ass alien. haha.

5)Opening, Bombing Mission
Classic song, basically i like those nobuo's songs that gives u the impression that some epic battle is coming up. And this opening is really the best song to start the ff7 game. Gives you the feeling that you're gonna play something epic. =)

6)To Zanarkand
The tune is just emo, emo and emo. All about the love between tidus and yuna. Their dreams, tidus' dream, yuna's dream. It tells a story, just like waht tidus said at the start of the game, "This is my story"

ok, stop here. Just listen to the whole Tour de Japon ff series ba, really very nice. XD

when

When:

You needed to do something to let ur feelings out.
You needed to talk to someone about how you feel.
You needed to love.
You needed a life.
You needed a breather.
You needed to study.
You needed to sleep.

But:
There wasn't anything you can think of.
She wasn't there.
There was no one to love.
She wasn't there.
There was nothing to do.
No mood to study.
You just drank some mocha.

Hai, i forsee another slpless night. And so I found myself right here, blogging about things that i really wanted to tell ppl, or at least someone. I'm just feeling wierd, not knowing what exactly to do. All those follow your heart stuff that I hear about, wells, if I really did follow my heart, I would probably be in jail by now, or even hung. When I chose to follow my heart, everything just goes wrong. Past experiences have told me that countless times. The logical side of me always tells me, there's no chance, not at all. Its not as if I did not perservere or held on to my beliefs in the past. I did, but ppl just couldn't see how much I really care. Did I fall in love with the wrong girl again? I do not know. It's not as if it was love at first sight or what, cuz I didn't really care when I first saw her. Only when I started talking, then did I realise what an interesting girl she is. Never did I see a girl, whose tastes are rather similar to mine. Things I never thought a girl would like. Never had I seen a girl, so strong, a will to be independent on herself.

I have already forgotten, that last bit of happiness that I ever had. But I dun really care, as i've said many times before, I don't really care about the past anymore. But when the future looks bleak, it makes you wonder, are you really in the right direction? Are you working towards your goals? Am I doing what I really like to do?

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm really kinda tired. Is there anything I can do to be happy? For once? If i stop using my smiles and laughter to hide my true sadness, i'll probably be sulking all day. Would you be the one? Or would you be another one of those that just passed by me in life.

Ok, there's something else i wanted to talk about, but not now. shall leave it to another day.

=(

My right shin is kinda swelling. Hopefully will be back to normal tml after applying ointment.

Haha, this morning slept at 3 and woke up at 8. Lols. Went to play soccer. Maybe because had a good night so didn't feel that tired after only 5 hours of slp. Probably because Fernando Torres scored 2 goals!!!hahaha. He first goal was so nice! And I was right about insua, he sure is some special boy in the making to become the most atking LB in epl.

Ok, so went to play soccer. Had fun kicking balls again, scored some nice goals too. =D. hahaha. Think my dribbling kinda improved? Just that take too long to decide whether to shoot or not. haha. Overall had some great games. But before the games even started, when was kicking around, got kicked by yichao in the shin, then got one ball he zham hit my shin too. -_-. Tot it was nothing so just played on.

Then reached home at 2 plus, slept all the way until dinner cuz the tiredness set it. haha. Then woke up feeling the soreness in my legs. -_-. Then also realised my shin is swelling. *sobs*. But I still wanna play soccer. haha.

Just can't shift gear into study mode, dunno y. LOL. think by tml should feel the pressure alr ba. HOPEFULLY. Rights, shall go watch manchester derby. Haha.

Arigatou

Ok, so was feeling quite bad over certain stuff but now feel better le..haha. arigatou.

Another thing i feeling bad about is i left zhiwei to go and buy a present on his own. But wanted to eat dinner with my parents, so sorry lo. Haha.

GACKT==GENESIS!!! haha. Redemption is so nice

why did you

Woots! seems that 8 hours of slp did perfectly fine to make me wake up in a good state. And i finished composing a song, or rather, just its lyrics. haha. So liverpool won 1-0. Didn't watch it until the end, cuz couldn't find a stream. A win is a win, I don't care what the press says. Utd winning 1-0 in dying mins = character, Liverpool winning with a goal scored at 45 mins = unconvincing win? woah, great media biasness shown by the british press eh?

Nvm, here's the song I wrote in less than 30 mins. haha. It was easy this time wrong cuz the chorus tune has been stuck in my head for quite some time, so just needed to fill in the chorus lyrics and think of things to fill in for the verses before. I must say, this song is heavily inspired by ayaka's why. hahaha. That explains the title. And its only the ninth song that was completed. haha. Most of the time, the tunes and lyrics just come and go ba. hahaha

#9: Why Did You

Now everything seems perfectly fine,
but I didn't know what to say.
Stuck at absolute square one,
thinking of what I should have done.

Thrown my pride away,
thrown my selfishness away.
I did this all for you.

Close my eyes,
and pray for your heart.
That you will understand,
my love for you.

So why did you cry?
Why did you smile?
Why did you make those frowns between your eyes?

Why did I love?
Why didn't I know?
Why did I seem to love you too much?

So why did I care?
You asked me why.
Cuz you're the only one to make me smile.

Why did you love?
Why did you know?
That my love will,
Never end.

Written by fallen reason ©2007. fallen reason is a registered trademark in the name of Chow Yuan Ing. Protected by copyright laws.

kewl

ok, so today was an okok day. very very tired since reaching sch in the morning. the mocha that i drank at 6plus am before leaving home only lasted till around 730. Ok, so I was on my dad's car, usual routine on wednesday, letting my dad drop me off at imm then i take 188 cheaper. Hahaha. Maybe its just a coincidence, but my mp3 managed to catch my mood in the morning, and it started playing the songs that really depict my feelings. From 開不了口 to 小丑魚, plus some of my personal jay favourites. Surprisingly, those songs that remind me of the past didn't pop out like it usually does on a wednesday morning.

well, then, reached sch at 7am. BAH! The mocha's effect was still rather strong at the time. Eyes wide open and all. So, decided to do some programming while listening to ayaka's "why" and yuna ito's "trust you". Dunno why, when it comes to times when i'm reminded of ff7, be it cloud/sephiroth, at the end of the day, the image of zack dying just comes up and then "why" comes to mind. As for "trust you", its cuz yest went to buy her cd. Ok, so basically, i was looping these 2 songs while checking the loops in my programme. Then the mocha effect start to wear off lo. hahaha. Then when I was almost going to fall aslp, then saw geraldine. It seems that engin students tend to have lack of slp, or perhaps its just all uni students have the same prob. Then she asked me about the extra ex2 thingy so i showed her my algorithm lo. Haha, but then i realised something, seems that algorithm this kinda thing, when you show other ppl, its very hard for them to understand. Somehow. But at the same time, I also found out another way to do the ex2, using switch. haha. But, that's another story.

Then came zhiwei, then dunno why suddenly talk about what we were doing b4 sch started. Kinda miss those days, waking up at what, 12pm for lunch, read manga, watch anime, write songs, draw stuff, play game, go to slp again. But looking back at those times, just realised how much i've wasted my 6months after ORD. Could have put it to much better use. Ok, those anime watching led to some proficiency in listening to jap, but other than that what did I really learn?

And i also started to think, did I miss out on the chance to know more ppl by choosing not to go for o week? My answer is still the same, its a definite 'No'. To me, its simple, a few good frens are better than alot of 'hi-bye' frens. And a fren who can do heart-to-heart talk with me, is better than a few good frens. Honestly speaking, I have no heart-to-heart talk frens, frens that truly understand my feelings, frens who truly care. Its just like what i've said in the previous post, and I do not really want to repeat.

Nvm, that was kind of a small side-track, now back to the description of events that made up the day. AND, if you're wondering why I am so free as to blog on stuff like these, when no one really reads and tags, well, i'm just bored cuz i'm waiting for champs league to start. I might be waiting for something else, but that something else doesn't really bother me right now, i guess, okay, i hope.

So, went to math lecture, 2 words came up to my mind like what they have done so many times in physics and maths lectures, "F maths". Seriously, its just like repeating what I've learnt before, plus the fact that I've kinda read thru the notes, I guess i just need to revise myself instead of going to lectures?

Then went the e2 cafe to have lunch b4 physics lecture. Supposed to mug, but just dunno why, can't seem to find the mood to. Just didn't want to do anything. Even when zhiwei asked me about fourier, also dun feel like thinking. Physics lecture, was ok, i guess.

Then immediately followed by gem tutorial. ok la, not too bad, at least understand more stuff when i go to the tutorial. Talking cock with yong cong on the bus to Science kinda made me relaxed a bit more.

after gem, went back to eng for math tutorial. As usual, the TA did his usual "Actually, this tutorial is pretty easy. Quite boring if you ask me. But anyways, i'll still explain this question." So bored me out a bit, again. Was kinda anxious about computing lab, so started msging ppl who i think have completed the lab, and only 2 ppl appeared on my send list. Kenneth and Geraldine. Kenneth said "chui". Then he also said something about calculator but kinda confused me with something that went along the line "muz scan for 4 characters". Then ask him where he is so that i can find him to ask, but he got tutorial. So bo bian, had to mafan Geraldine. haha, so ended up at central lib, asking her what the question was like. I already expected something like calculator after monday's tutorial already, so didn't come as a surprise. Just that the unary and binary part I was kinda scared of it. But turned out to be ok in the end during the lab. Hope Geraldine's one is ok too ba. Must really thank her for explaining to me the qsn, if not i'll just go in to the lab like a clueless sheep, not knowing what to do. hahaha

Then before entering oso discussed abit with david la, so had a pretty good idea of what to do alr.

Then dinner, then go home lo. On the way, talked to yichao about monster hunter. hahaha. Reminds me of those days where paul, ken, guanhan, aeden, yong cong, garry, just gathering together to hunt.

Ok, before signing off, G&T rocks! hope the 2 of them can win the premier league & champions league for liverpool.

YNWA.

Why should I care?

So, why should I care? I don't know. Seems that the past me was an easier person to be, less expectations, less tiring. The hate the world attitude, it was just so easy. Not needing to care about what others think, not thinking about anything else except for yourself. That period of time when I had that attitude was kinda the best situation I ever had in my whole life. Just me, myself, and the world for me to run in. So carefree. I can go for a run, without thinking about anything else, not thinking about what others think. I can take my time, do everything by my own pace.

Being helpful just made me more tired. Yes, helping others, seeing ppl showing their appreciation, kinda soothes the heart. But at the end of the day, if I just didn't care, nothing would happen at all, my overall mood will not be very much affected. Being kind does not necessary pay.

The point is, not caring is much better for a person like me. I don't think I'm the kind to care. Prove me wrong, maybe I look like the kind who would care for others. I just do not know what's right or wrong anymore.

I'm just tired of being nice and all. I just wanna do the things I like with ppl that i like. With friends that can truly understand. But no one really cares. Every single human being is the same, living in their own world, taking in whatever benefits, and rejecting whatever harms. My difference, i give benefits, and take in whatever that harms. Hurting myself over and over again. I do expect returns, but i'm fine without it. I'm used to giving without return. Sounds like self-sacrifice, whatever.

Maybe i'm just tired from school work. Maybe I need a deserved break.

I still dunno wad's that lump on my neck. Hopefully like the polyclinic doc, its just a abnormal growth that's not life-threatening. But who knows if it's not a cancer tumour or something. Well, I guess i'll find out on 22ndSept when i go to NUH for checkup. I do not hate life, so i'm hoping that it's nothing. But, just a random question. If I die, would anyone care? (feel free to answer this qsn in my tagbox)

my answer is, the world will still move on, with or without me. You might care for a moment, but give it a good 1 to 2 years or so, only my family will remember me. That is what life is about, just a cycle of birth, ageing, death.

All these negative stuff piling up, nothing really happy happening in my life. EXCEPT, for one thing.

i've completed extra exercise. eh? nah, i'm just a mugger, and that's not something to be happy about.

make haste

Yes, you're special to me, that's all you need to know. But as long as i'm not special to you, what i think about you doesn't really matter. I don't know. I'm lost, again.

Put a smile on my face,
thousand miles to lonely days.
Not worth a thought,
lost in nights that are hot.

Try to make me smile, you know you can't.

Thevenin and Norton, Fourier and Taylor.
As Euler appears in every other module except for computing.

mr nice guy?

some things really soften ppl's hearts. back to being nice again. hopefully my being helpful again will make my life better. Past experiences tell me that i'm probably being too nice. BAH~ dun care.

Wish upon a star, for one that will heal your scars.
No one knows for sure, whether it will hear.

She probably made me realise what it is to like someone all over again, but she might just be another one that makes me realise how painful it is to love. I've put down my past, I'm looking to the future. My only wish, is for you to be the one, and I will do my best for that to happen.

Hmm, so where do I start?

Ok, so went to peninsula plaza, saw this red predator boots. OMG, so nice! its like the one i have now, which is a white one with black adidas stripes. But this red boots, its in a class of its own! bright red, with a tinge of orange and black stripes! Pure class. But, it doesn't have the indoor soccer boots edition yet. Hiaks! I want! hahaha. And saw some nice liverpool t-shirts too. woohoo!

Should I hold a bday party?hmmm

i seem to write crap when i'm drunk.

But, you're just a bother to me, can't u just live your own LIFE! stop bothering me. you're not worth forgiving.

Reason's theory of conservation of love & hatred

Ok, and so i was walking home today, dunno y, suddenly started thinking about those stuff again. Thought i've already put it behind me, but sometimes it jus has to surface, sometimes.

Ok, and so, this theory came up to me. And, i call it the reason's theory of conservation of love and hatred. LOL. Maybe because physics now teaching conservation of energy. Wells, basically its about the same. A person's feelings towards another person is a constant that consists of love and hatred. When there is more love, there is less hatred, ie, you like the person, but there are some things that u still dun like about that person. Same applies the other way. And when there's absolutely no hatred for that person whatsoever, that is love. But when you lose this love at too fast a rate, for example, a sudden break up without any hatred towards the other party, the only possible way of losing love in such a short amount of time is to quickly change all this love to hatred. This is due to the fact that the love-hatred relationship has to obey the reason's theory of conservation of love and hatred.

Every right to hate, you apologised too late.
All the pain i loathe, you do not deserve my love.
Rot together with earth, and witness hatred's birth.
For you will hear bells, that lead your soul to hell.

Awaken to your destiny, for you will realise you're so lucky.
Born to hate, loved too late, promises ate, i'm not your lovely date.
Awaken to your destiny, get down on your kness.
Pray for forgiveness, for giving me loneliness.

Never changed, I am still the man I did not want to be.
Words so strange, I did not understand my destiny.
If my destiny was to hate, then did I love too late?
If I was to love, then would you be the one I chose?

No, the answer is no!
I will never love, one that showed me how to break promises!
I will never hate, one that showed me how to love!
For the only one I will ever choose, this song is for you.
I once loved you, but now I hate you!
This is my love, and I'm throwing it away now!
Down the drain! Down the sewers! Down the sea!
Into a fish's mouth! Turns to Shit!

For you, did not deserve my love!
I loved you so hard, you never replied!
You broke so many things!
Your promises, my heart, our love, our future!
You, don't deserve my LOVE!!!

This, is the song of hatred!
A song of how much I hate the one that I once loved so much!
Your name is to be forgotten!
I told myself to move on! But I'll do that while hating!
Hating the one that I loved so much, I do not love you anymore!

I don't really call this a song, more of a rap. I dun really hate anymore, but this is what i wrote a long time ago. Every writing deserves a chance to be read, so might as well post it here. Erm. Dunno what to do nowadays. Tutorials at this rate should be able to complete by monday, needta read up on some engin stuff and physics stuff though. Still got one 00 gundam to be completed, which i set the deadline as my bday. LOL! hmmm. tomorrow busy day, soccer, then come home, mebbe go out again, then come home do tutorials. LOL. then sunday go play bball! very long nvr play le..hahaha

Never changed, i'm still the guy i did not want to be.

What was I hoping for, all these false hopes, leading to nothing but disappointment and void.

Love, ya right, empty promises.

It doesn't matter, not anymore, i can't care, i don't care, i don't give a damn.

So be it.

Scared of it. All it brought to me was pain, who's gonna make sure that no pain's gonna come again. No one. So might as well just don't go for anything. No matter how cute i think she is, she's just another possible source of hurt, pain, hatred.