It seems like yesterday that he just signed for us, with Benitez putting their hands on the This Is Anfield board.

It seems like yesterday that we were just bouncing off happily to the Torres Bounce at the Singapore National Stadium.

It seems like yesterday that Torres was holding on the world cup with a Liverpool scarf around his neck.

I can't believe this. Do people really change that fast? Or is it my own naivety to believe in whatever people say? He said he loved the club. He said he wouldn't join any other EPL club. So what's this? A betrayal of trust? I thought he was one of us. Maybe I was wrong. Torres always had a special place in our hearts, but it might never be the same again. If he left for another league, he would always remain as a legend in our heart. But no, chelsea? You serious? What's this, I can't even believe what I'm reading. It felt like the whole Gerrard saga all over again, when we were upset over Chelsea's offer, but then, I had faith in Gerrard. I just don't understand why Torres can't seem to command the same faith in me. The fact that he has written in a transfer request? Probably so. Some people, you always think they would remain special in your heart no matter what they do, where they go and where they end up. Dalglish, Gerrard, Carragher, Dudek, Rafa, Hyppia, Luis Garcia, Hamann, they still have a special place in my heart, for they were at a time in their career, what it means to be a Liverpool player. I had thought Torres and Owen would forever remain special. When Owen signed for Real Madrid, I already felt betrayed, serves him right for us winning the Champions League after he left. Now Torres? Maybe its a curse, we need a player we love to leave before we can actually win something.

Hai, so deeply affected by it now. Can't sleep despite how tired I am.

Mega Face Palm

In da FACE! seriously, can't believe i've left all the tutorials and lectures undone for the weekend. Never even bothered to touch anything at all, except for reading up on SS project. Seriously, at this rate, my life will go a fking downhill slide once again. Not running, not doing work. An unfit mind, an unfit body, an unfit soul.

Grow fat and die.

Thinking back on what I should have done, what I could have done, what I shouldn't have done. All the what-ifs, all the freaking regrets. Its something that we've always asked each other no? If only back then, we chose to sit down and talk instead of walking away at the first sign of anger. What would be of us now?

But, whatever, it doesn't matter now. Nothing matters.

22 liao, and growing old

Yeah, as the title suggest, going to be 23 come this year's 7th October. Can't really believe what I've been through this past 22 years, really, everything seemed to happen in a flash. Everything shaping what I am today. Come this May 2, I would have finished my 2nd year of Uni life and looking forward to the second half which is gonna be hell of a hectic lifestyle. Luckily, there's an SEP break in between, hopefully can go out there and enjoy myself before coming back to end it with a bang, ala FYP.

This sem, can't seem to really enjoy what I love doing. Couldn't find time for my runs, at all. Maybe I'm just giving myself excuses not to work out, plus there's no motivation to run this year since I have not signed up any as of now. In 2 months there's gonna be a 10km, but seems like I'm gonna miss the early bird. Missing early birds are just excuses for me to not start training. Haha. Can't believe how much of a slacker I have become ever since stand chart ended. So much for wanting to stay fit. O well, I guess the last motivation I ever needed was the bloody ICT IPPT. Have to pass it this time round so that I wouldn't have to worry about RT again like I did this year. Really, not going to RT, and not having to bother about it will save up lotsa time and energy.

Well, there are other things I would have loved to do this sem, but nothing's going my way. How I wanted things to be. No, I've almost given up on doing anything for her. I just don't think its worth my time? Everything points to a one-sided relationship. What was I even thinking in the first place. She has broken my heart once before, what actually made me think she wouldn't do it again. How can I trust your words anymore? I really don't know. That's why, I told myself, yeah, fuck it, if you really need me to be there for you, you'll come look for me. It shouldn't be me constantly looking out for you and seeing whether you need me, at all.

I really dunno man. Any plans of anything happening during v-day? Nah. Gonna add one more year to that count of number of years spent alone for v-day. And ya, its fucking 21 despite having had relationships. Fuck me, the first one that I thought I would spend, she had a freaking project to do. The year after, became "friends" one week before that. The next year, freaking broke up with me on v-day thru email. Well, after that, just kept quarreling whenever it was near v-day so end up, I've been spending this stupid day at home for the past 21 years, so its not like another year will make a difference yeah? Maybe staying single is not that bad after all?

I do not need this

I've always thought that if you know someone well enough to conclude that he/she won't turn up for something, there is no need to ask. Guess I was wrong? Well, I did ask in the end, at least I bothered to, but I guess I didn't need the reaction. Compounded my misery for the week.

Everything was going really well today, slept the whole afternoon away, went out for dinner with family, and well, managed to put some bad stuff aside for the moment while I was out with my family. The bad stuff, I've really just decided not to do anything about it as of now, really want to see what's really happening before I do anything. Don't want to spoil anything at the moment. Though I don't see anything coming out of it, but o well, some things just need to be resolved.

Seriously, people change, and there's not a thing you can do about it. Life, sucks.

Alright, maybe i'm not being friendly enough by thinking that you won't go. But isn't it a bit harsh to say I never bothered to ask you? I did ask in the end, didn't I? And well, never mind, Shall not add on to my misery anymore. Not worth it.

For now, I shall enjoy this luck as long as it lasts. I just love it, when my gambling abilities peak whenever I'm not having any luck when it comes to love. Being a little sarcastic here, but what's wrong with enjoying your winnings when its really the only thing that can make me happy now, with the one I really care for not giving a damn about me at all. Doesn't help at all, you know? You made me fall in love with you, you made me want to care about you, but you pushed me away once I showed you how much I'm willing to care for you. What is this? Tell me. What's your problem? Or is it my problem? My fault for loving you? Why? I would rather lose this 1.5k I earned tonight than lose you, seriously. How much you mean to me, is more than that 1.5k. To me, you're priceless. You're above everything else on this earth. How much I wish to treasure the time we spend together, but only to realize that we're not spending as much time together as I would have liked to. It seems just a few weeks ago that you told me how you want to study together and stuff (which is really, just a few weeks ago). Only for you to disappear from my life completely. What's wrong? What's wrong with us?

Maybe I should just leave this quietly. Really, the pain has numbed me so much that I don't really feel it anymore. Just taking it as it comes. They don't come in waves, they never settle down. I've already been overwhelmed, so much so that, it does not hurt anymore.

if anyone

If anyone really cared, they would have bothered asking after reading this. But the only conclusion i can get it, no one cares. Being a man, its all about laughing it off when you feel like crying. Let's see how long I can keep laughing and smiling.

我是不是该安静的走开

Just feel that this song suits my mood so well. Argh, sucks when emo songs suit my mood, can only mean one thing, ie, slpless night again? I really feel like sleeping. Need to study tml, must go sch print tutorial and notes. Still needta compile the core mods notes. Feeling like a mugger so much this sem, no life, at all. In a way, it keeps thoughts away from me when I'm working, cuz there's basically too much stuff to handle. But when I really want to sit down and relax, the thoughts just keep flowing in.

Every single line of the lyrics just reflect my feelings so well. I really have no idea what I can do for you now. I don't even know what's happening. This sudden breakdown of communication. What's wrong with us? I really didn't know that this kind of situation will happen between us. No clue in this freaking world. I had no clue, at all.

So much so, that I feel like just shouting out to the world how much I love you, even if it means having my life taken away, I just want you to know. But, how can I, when you're not even listening. ):

Man, I needta sleep, I needta study, to forget the pain. Why?

The lyrics of the song:

我不知道为甚麽这样
爱情不是我想像
就是找不到往你的方向
更别说怎麽遗忘
站在雨里泪水在眼底
不知道该往那里去
心中千万遍不停呼唤你
不停疯狂找寻你
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该勇敢留下来
我也不知道那麽多无奈
可不可以都重来
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该在这里等待
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开
站在雨里泪水在眼底
不知道该往那里去
心中千万遍不停呼唤你
不停疯狂找寻你
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该勇敢留下来
我也不知道那麽多无奈
可不可以都重来
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该在这里等待
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该勇敢留下来
我也不知道那麽多无奈
可不可以都重来
我是不是该安静的走开
还是该在这里等待
等你明白我给你的爱
永远都不能走开

Hmmm

I can't really say what my feelings are as of now. Its weird, just weird. After 2 days of playing games to try to drown my emotions, I found myself emotion-less once more. Though nothing went according to plan, like wanting to study over the weekend, I'm still quite satisfied with what I have done over the weekend, that is to set my emotions right. Sucks to do this, but I needed to, if I want to concentrate on my studies for this sem, I had to kill those emotions, some way or another. Burying it like I've always loved to. People might think I'm running away from my problems, so be it, at least I won't be bothered about it at the moment.

Well, if only I wasn't that sure about my feelings, it wouldn't have been so painful. But the more I tried to assure myself, the more I realise how these feelings have become stronger over the past few months. Weird as it is, the pain I'm feeling only makes me even more sure that my feelings are true for you.

O well, kinda set my priorities again this sem, so yeah, studies first.

Drinks and Emos

Took out the wine in the fridge, started drinking, from the bottle. While drinking, went youtube, started listening to all those emo songs that I can relate to so well now. 我们怎么了by S.H.E is so related to what I'm going through now. Having no idea what's going on, trying to believe that everything will be fine. I don't even know what's going on in my mind. I tried talking to people, and their answer for me was the same as the initial answer I had in my mind, that I was just thinking too much. And I tried convincing myself its nothing, its normal for you to do these kind of things. But, its really kinda getting on my nerves? It feels as though, I'm just being made use by you. I'm only your friend when I'm of use to you, other times, I'm just a nobody, someone's who's not even worth your time talking to, or simply showing some courtesy by replying? No. I somehow managed to convince myself that its alright, nothing's really wrong, I just needta carry on believing. Yeah? But my dear sixth sense just keeps on reminding me about how accurate I always am when it comes to such stuff. That i'm always able to grasp the situation correctly, especially when things are going downhill.

I don't know, I wanted to ask you what's going on. But, somehow, i'm afraid to even start asking. Why am I being afraid to love?

played

It feels as if i'm being played around by you. The more heart I put into it, the further you seem to drift away from me. What's wrong? You were the one who started getting closer to me. I opened my heart to you, and you're pushing me away now? So tell me, what's wrong? Am I just your plaything? Am I just someone who you can order around easily? What am I to you?

You're making my heart go up and down at so fast a rate, that I don't even think I can take it anymore. Confrontation is needed, and soon it must be. I'll let this end soon, be it a new beginning or a crushing end to whatever that's not to be. You're just making me tired. You're making me run in circles, doing things for you, and at the end of the day, you tell me you don't need it anymore? What are you? Who are you? I don't think I even know you anymore.

My heart aches, for you made me believe, but you pushed me down when I thought I've reached the heavens. Back to this hell, that I do not need. The easiest way out is of cause not to give a damn at all, and say I don't care about you. But you and I both know this well, if I say I don't give a damn, I would be lying to you. And this vicious cycle will just carry on, one where when I distant myself from you, you try to get close, and when I get close, you distant yourself from me. Tell me, what is this? Is this what you want?

perhaps

All I needed was time for myself, and not to spend a whole night thinking about her. I want to do the things I want for myself. Yes, i'm willing to do anything for her, but at the end of the day, I guess, I need to leave some time for myself.

So, yeah, I guess that's that. I don't want to spend time anymore thinking about why you're not doing this or that for me. That's not important. What's important is, when you needed me, I was there, and when you need me, I'll be there. The rest, is just not important. My resolve is such that, till someone who loves me more than I love her come along, (if ever there was someone like this), I would let this heart of mine to stay in this place, giving you my all. I'll be there when you want me, I'll leave when you don't want to see me, I just need you to know, that all I'm doing, is only because I want to give you my all. You won't lose a thing if you do not reciprocate to my feelings, it doesn't matter. Cause, as long as you're happy, I would be.

I do not want to emo over your stuff anymore, it just feels stupid all of a sudden. I would rather spend time on other things. After all, I just feel that if I truly love you for who you are, I shouldn't be sad in the process of loving you, at all. I'll just, be happy, with the memories you leave me, and any future memories we'll create together. I really do.

Why do u assume?

Staying up means i'm playing games?

Do I play games for the sake of playing?

Or is it simply because I'm having some problems sleeping, that's why I was so bored that I needed to do something?

Do you not think that I wished there were stuff to do?

Do you not think that I wished I could get myself drowned in school work?

Did you think that I do not prefer to thrive in stress rather than in games?

Do you really think I enjoy the stuff I do?

Why do u assume so much?

Do not assume. I say again, do not assume. Do not assume whatever you think to be true of what a person is.

If it was anyone else, I would probably have resorted to vulgarities or something even more.

So let me answer your assumptions one by one.

Most of the time, when I'm staying up, I'm not playing games whatsoever. Sitting infront of my laptop, staring at forums, death wished, blogging. Do you even care? Do you even understand? 22 years and counting. Have you ever asked, "hey, what's wrong?" No. For so long, I've pretended. Pretended to be happy, pretended to be satisfied. They say, be satisfied with what you have, and you will be happy. I once had so much, so much, that I feel that now I've lost a lot. Things that I do not even know why I'm losing. Even as I'm speaking now, I just feel the one thing so dear to me slipping away. I don't even know what happened, just a sudden bout of loneliness that she is letting me feel. Its as if she doesn't care, its as if I was the only one that cared. I guess its true, maybe she really just cares about herself? I don't even know which one is the real you anymore. The one that I enjoy talking so much with? Or the one who has seemed to disappear from my life again? I thought you wouldn't let me feel like this anymore, I thought so much, to the extent that I thought, "hey, don't think so much k? Everything will be fine." As much I as I try to convince myself that everything will be fine, there is just this "me" down there telling me what my sixth sense feels. And its usually accurate.

So well yeah, for 22 years, I've chose to keep to myself, not even once telling you 2 how I felt, not even once telling the other 2 how I felt. So, is it me that do not like to talk, or is it the 4 of you who are not willing to listen? What I've wanted my whole life, I've always fought for them myself. Even if I do ask it from you all, its because I really have no choice but to do so. I've followed the path that you all have plotted out for me. It was never "my" life, it was always what you all wanted me to be. Am I fulfilling my dreams? Or am I fulfilling yours? Maybe going into university, and getting a degree, is good for my future and stuff. But what is it that I really want? I stopped asking myself all these. Its as if my wants are not important anymore, I can't even feel for myself anymore. Its as if you all are placing your unfulfilled dreams on me, hoping that I can help you complete them? To get first class, to be my own boss, to get one freaking big house? Its what you all want. What I want, is just for myself to be happy, for the people I love to be happy. I really love you all, really. But all these pressure on me is making me crack. The weight of your dreams that has been put on me for 22 years. Its really painful, you know?

That no one cares, only makes it worse.

For 22 years, I've always chose to shake it off after a night's sleep. But now, I'm just finding it hard to sleep everyday. And did you ever ask "why?" You just assumed that all I wanted to stay up for was to play games. You just assumed everything to be what you think it is. Have you ever wondered why I would want to stay up to watch Liverpool's matches? You blindly assumed that I just want to keep up to times, keep up to people around me, and my crazy support for a team I like. Did you ever wonder why I started loving Liverpool? All these, because if it weren't for Liverpool, I would have been dead by now, mentally, if not physically. They taught me never to give up no matter what circumstances. They taught me to fight for the things I love, that no matter what, don't give up, and believe that it will come, whatever that you're wishing for.

So do you even give a damn now? I'm not asking for anything. After all, for 22 years, I have not asked for anything pertaining to showing more concern or whatsoever. It doesn't matter now, really, it does not. I only wish, that this control that you think you still hold over me could be lifted. I'm 22, almost 23, I know what I'm doing, you really don't need to tell me what I'm doing. Just let me be "myself", please? Its a sincere plead, one that comes from my heart. But well, you all have never listened for 22 years, so I'm not really thinking that you all would suddenly open up your heart and ears to my heart and mouth. Listen, not hear.

Every night, I'm just wishing that tonight will be the last night my tears fall.

its in

What's in? My emotions.

They're kinda taking over me now. Having realised so many things that I've missed out on, things that I've not done for her.

Looking back, I realised, all these started way before last May. It was during mid April I think, that such feelings came in. I didn't want to confirm them yet, cuz I thought it would be best to stay as good friends, cuz I really enjoyed the friendship. Then I wanted more, I wanted to be more than that. All these feelings felt natural, as long as I was with her. Doing these and that together, I thought to myself, "This is it, I won't back away from you anymore, I just want to hold you tight."

Then came hols, I thought, oh yeah, finally can spend more time with you? But that was not to be. Perhaps, I dragged too long, perhaps u think my heart is not with you. You kinda disappeared from my life, and so, i buried those feelings. For 6 months, I chose to stay away from you, I was scared the feelings will come come back. SO after 6 months, I thought maybe, I've finally forgotten about you, that when I open the lid and get close to you again, those feelings won't come flooding back again. I was wrong, absolutely wrong, the moment I let you into my life again, the moment I decided to open up to you again, all those came flooding back. My feelings for you. Things that matter so much to me. You, that mattered to much to me. Not that I regret it, I don't regret letting these feelings come back to me at all. I just hope you just don't disappear from my life again like you did back then. This time, I won't hesitate, I really want you here, to be with me everyday.

No more why's and why-not's, its just what I feel for you. I won't walk away again, no matter what. So please, just listen to what I have to say.

2nd day

2nd day of sch and i'm already thinking of which lectures to webcast.

Travelled from arts to science this afternoon to get from ssa lecture to st lecture. BAH! and i walked!! wthhhh. the stupid bus driver say those standing behind the yellow line get off the bus. SHIT! i'm standing ON IT!! zzzzzzzzzz. So i walked all the way from central lib bus stop to sci lt34. ): worth it? kinda, cuz i still got to the lt in time for the first slide. But seriously, its looking too easy a mod for me, st, i mean. So yeah, hopefully this mod will turn out well for me, probably gonna go for all the st lectures, still can understand what he saying.

As for SS, there's nothing to keep me going for the lectures. Firstly, arts, so hard to get there! Secondly, after 3 sems of not seeing her anywhere in school, AT ALL, i saw her standing outside my lt just before the lecture started. I was thinking, if she's taking the same mod, then bye bye, i'm gonna drop it. But apparently she isn't, but that is yet to be confirmed. But still, seeing her, it kinda, howta say, disgusts me? After what she has done to me, I don't see a need for me to respect her, at all. Thirdly, is of cuz the 15 mins for me to travel from arts to science, with bus, its still manageable, but walking is strictly no. SO i might not go for ss lects anymore.

And i've sure got lots to complain about my core mods. 2 mods, 2007 and 2011. 2007: its on ivle, but all the lecture notes, tutorials and stuffs are all locked. WTH!? i only hope it'll have webcast lectures. 2011: only the mod description is there yet, no postings by any lecturers or staff. What's worse? The lecturer for the lecture has not been confirmed yet. So wth? WTH!?

and...i'm really more than confirmed, so please, let it be you.

Not like me

Its not like me to blog in the afternoon, since normally all the creative juices and emotions come at night. But well, its kinda getting boring, since there's no one to talk to and I don't really feel like going out to get myself a pair of new shoes and sandals. The holes in my sandals and shoes are really kinda making me gao wei, especially that day when I was out with rachel and the rain water just seeped into my shoes from the hole. =/ Wet socks=sucky day.

Perhaps its those talk cock sessions at night with jon and zongda that make me feel bored in the afternoon, cuz there's no one to talk cock with. LOL. But seriously, mcq? lol. looking at those options i give them, 5 out of 6 were simply unthinkable or never crossed my mind as someone I would want to be with. So that leaves only her, and right now, really, only one that matters is her.

And its really funny, when someone matters that much to you, everything she does or does not do for you seem so significant. Perhaps its cuz u're thinking about her more. Perhaps because every move she makes can make you cringe, or make you smile with happiness. I really don't know how to describe this feeling, but it feels great to have someone to care about.

And I really can't wait for the sem to start, and like always, to put what is wrong right, and to let what is right become even better. New year, new resolutions, new hopes, new me.

sometimes

Sometimes, you just stay awake at night, unable to fall asleep, asking yourself, is it worth it, to do this or that for someone/something. So I looked at myself, why am I wide awake, in an army tee with army shorts, staring at the tv screen showing the score 2-0, where my Liverpool is trailing behind to a team we would have no problem beating 2 seasons ago, blackburn. What has befallen us? Is it because I'm not wearing a Liverpool jersey? Is it because I did not sing YNWA before the match started? I asked myself all these questions, but i know deep inside, it has nothing to do with me. And all the fault lies in one person, a bloke, called roy hodgson.

You want our support? Let me tell you this, every man in Liverpool, every player that has ever played, every manager that has ever managed, they earn our respect through their behaviour, and whether they follow the Liverpool way. You? you want it? Try getting it after you get sacked. I can't even see Liverpool having a future under him. I hope I don't see him around by feb. We need the king back, we do not need a clown.

Needing something new, need an injection of life. Needing you, just the way you are, nothing more, nothing less. Just you.

Worried

Every night, I seem to be able to find a reason for myself to not fall asleep. Yesterday, it was because I wanted to finish watching gundam 00. Tomorrow, I foresee myself staying up for the Liverpool match, though the last time I stayed up, the results weren't that good. But its always good to have something to look forward to.

So what's troubling me tonight? Well, for the past few nights, it wasn't really anything emotionally troubling for me, but just my own persistence to not go to sleep to do things I enjoy before the sem break ends. So what's going on tonight? First of all, I wanted to watch the magic show which I missed during the 8pm timeslot. Then, after that, there was bai fen bai. But seriously, I know all these are not the real reasons for myself staying up. Yes, I'm worried about you. Very much. Get some sleep, don't fall sick.

I shall not say that much anymore. Tonight, i'm just worried. So, tell me, why do you mean so much to me?

I still remember your first profile pic, I still remember your first display pic, I still remember the first time we clicked on that "video chat" button, I still remember all the firsts. Do you remember?

EH!?

That was exactly what I shouted out in my heart after watching Gundam 00 movie. Seriously!!! The anime was great and all, but they had to add this shit to pull down the whole series? Instead of giving the fans a much needed fanfare, with amazing gundams and stuff, they came up with a lousy plot, bad gundam designs, and as usual for gundam movies, the inevitable destruction of the gundams at the end of the movie, kinda brought me back to the wingz days where i saw my beloved angel gundam crashing and burning to nothingness.

EH!?

okay, but seriously, i'm not here to talk about gundams. And not about reflections too, as I've had done plenty of that in my previous 2 posts. So what am I here to talk about? I seriously have no idea. What follows might be gibberish, but it is all down to the fact that I can't fall asleep now. And I wonder why. =/

Needing an injection of life again. Yes, certain stuffs have given me hope, but I found myself slacking at home for the past few days, and right now, I just can't wait for school to reopen. So many things to do, so many things to pick up from where I've left them, so many people I want to spend time with, so many modules to take, so many tutorials to do. You might think I'm crazy looking forward to school reopening, but well, if it does not begin, then when will it end? The next 3-4 months will be hectic, but all I wish is to find time to do what I want, to spend time with the person I want to spend time with so much.

All of a sudden, I just wanna go out with you everyday like we did the other day. To me, it seemed the most fun and fulfilling day of the whole december break. So many outings that I had went out for, so many gatherings, yet, one single trip with you felt so much better. At least I didn't feel left out, at least I felt needed, at least I didn't feel a need to contain myself, at least I had all to talk about, at least I had all to listen to, at least...I had you.

Suddenly felt like singing zhi shao hai you ni. hmmmm, maybe all I need is a k session soon. But then again, school is reopening, and I doubt I would be able to squeeze in any time this school term for fun stuffs as such. With the 6 mods, with the RT sessions, everything points to a packed sem 4, but hopefully, you will be there, and hopefully, my life would be so much better with you around me.

至少还有你

Sometimes I ask myself this alot, what would life be like if I've never met you. Perhaps I wouldn't have gone through so much only to realise that I still like you alot? Perhaps I wouldn't have know how it feels like, to have someone there already, yet I didn't notice? Perhaps I wouldn't have known what it means to lose someone only to realise how important she is to me. I wouldn't have been me. We wouldn't have been us. You, will still be you, always smiling to me, always.

Always, it is a strong word. How I've been hurt by this word so much before, but now, I only want to say it to you. I'll "always" be there, so that whenever you get hurt or felt lonely, you can say to me, "At least I still have you."

You're the only one that made me really think that it doesn't matter whether you're there for me, I just want to be here for you. Its not about how much I'm going to get from you, its always, about how much I'm willing to give to you. And i'll give you my all, for you're the only one that needs to know what's going through my mind, I only want you to know. I only want to tell you those 3 words that mean so much to me. If only I could hear those 3 words from you too.

Bah, its getting late, and for all I know, you're probably not gonna read this anyway.

I've said this before, like was it 7 months ago? The key is with you, you already have it in your hands, and its up to you whether you want to open it. I'll be right here waiting for you.

2011

Its finally here, the year that i look so much forward to, partly due to the fact that 2010 wasn't exactly a good year for me, with plenty of downs rather than ups, but i'm kinda glad it ended on a high, for me.

Spent the last few moments of 2010 at rachel's place, with great food and games. Managed to help rachel win some money so that I wouldn't feel that bad for winning money from her all the time. haha. The mee siam was great, and so was the dessert, her mom's cooking is simply magnificent. hahaha. Then we spent the remaining time after mahjong to watch tv and stuff. Can't believe we actually sat in front of a tv to "admire" the fireworks. hahaha. Then as everyone went to sleep, andrew and I decided to play dota, partly becuz rachel said she wanted to see us play, or maybe just her ploy to get us to do something else so that she can go and sleep. hahaha. But well, yeah, spent the first few hours of the new year playing dota. =.= hahaha, but was fun trying out new heroes. And after counting the number of matches played on new year's day, we actually played 6 rounds with our pheonix-tuskarr combi. kinda lame, but fun nevertheless. hahaha

Well, as usual, I shall leave some time to set new year resolutions for a year that I look forward to, in every ways possible. Academically, health, love, life, everything.

1) Draw that fallen angel image that I had in mind for the past couple of months.

2) Seriously pick up a guitar and LEARN.

3) Get my spanish better.

4) Try to hit 30km non-stop by Sundown marathon.

5) Fall in love.

6) Make her happy.

7) Pull up my cap.

8) Spend more time with the people I love (i.e family and you)

9) To attend all lectures.

10) To complete all tutorials and assignments.

11) To be less angsty.

12) To treat everyone with respect.

13) To love myself more than anything else except for her.

14) To set my mind on what I want and never look back.

Well, that seems like alot, and I personally feel that number 9 and 10 are the hardest. hahahaha. Well, as for number 5, I've already told myself, this time I would have to act fast, I won't let the chance slip by me again. I've already missed the chance one, I will not let you go, ever again. You are everything to me now.