OVER

yea!

OVER LE!!!

so many things to do..in the firz place, muz change this blogskin..haha..

then play ff12..dota..bball..cycle..blahblahblah

so many things in just 25 days..haiz..

life is about countdowns

BOO

boo!i'm feeling damn good

haha..A for maths C..alot of ppl also feel the same ba..but mine is confirm..keke

hope physics oso ez..evrything ez=triple A..tho hard oso triple A la..keke

too ez

izit too ez?maths p1..let's hope p2 will be same standard..firz time i felt so confident..tho i spent 2 hrs..which was over my expectation of 1.5hrs..but nvm..at least got check..i guess will get A..

12 more days..and i alr think i can get thru it..seems too ez..

37 days to tekong..looking forward to it..muz run abit b4 that..haha

20 days

20..20 days to the end!!!woohoo~i'm glad?i guess so..couple of strange dreams..

tt day i dreamt i was flash..quite lame..juz running abt..i guess it muz have been me not seeing him quite often on justice league..but i saw him today..

and the other day..when it was 50 days to tekong..i dreamt abt s.h.e..then selina was having this handphone..then got this ringtone..she kept letting ppl hear..and it was..wu2 shi2..quite lame..but fun tho..like seeing ur idols personally in the dream..haha

swt dreams?yea..got one more..6thMarch..

i guess all these dreams are juz ridiculous..but it's normally the ridiculous things that can make u happy..but u always noe they're not for real

life is a complex number..the real part is the things u truly experience..the imaginary part, it's ur dreams..so the argument is?tangent inverse of dreams over experience..

i'm getting lame..sign of stress..ha

random

juz getting this thots off my mind..sorta unloading..lotsa phrases

it'll be over, but it'll begin

to me u're evrybody

be somebody, join NAVY (?)

25 days to the end, 50 days to the beginning

the last name

u stole my heart

return it

broken pieces

1024

fuck.

new song

special way to fill in lyrics..cuz i can't think of it at one go..gonna be a 12 part series..with diff title to each part..song called no name..

#1: left
look to your left, the place where you left me

and long time no blog..but i got nothing to say..

she may be the one

while bathing this afternoon..suddenly..i wanted to write a new song..lol..title is : she may be the one

lol..some slight glimpse of the lyrics:

she may be the one
but who's that girl
she may be the one
but what's her name

lol..juz some random thoughts..not as if i realli saw a girl i like or wad..haha..can be those kinda songs u sing when u c someone u like..something like love at firz sight..hahahax

right or wrong

philosophical question : what is right and what is wrong?

it just dawned on me suddenly. there's no certain definition for right or wrong. it all depends on other people's perspective. it's wrong when u say others' actions are wrong, cuz u dun live a life like theirs, so u nvr noe what circumstances made them do such a thing. to u it's wrong, to them it's not.

so i'm not going to live a life my parents set for me. i shall live it like my own. walking my own way, do the things that i think is right.

i'm dead

(-_-)

guess i'm dead..tml fmaths p1..might get owned..cuz i saw the difference between a lvls and prelims..a lvls damn ez..prelims damn tricky..get the point?OWNED

so now i'm looking at ff7ac clips..lol..looking at omnislash..so nice..ok..it might not be omni slash..forgot wad it was called le..but feels like omnislash to me la..haha..cloud rox..juz dun like the movie in english..mebbe one day i'll take out the dvd and watch in jap again..

2 more days arh..2 more days of exams..4 more days till the end..hiakx..y i feel the pressure till the very last point..mebbe cuz physics was manageable while maths p1 was killer..so kinda slack earlier on..now fm..mebbe it's the further that makes it look hard..later end up damn ezy..*prays hard*(buddhist way)..

k..i shall tok abt the vk dream when i come back from prelims..LOL..cuz it's damn farni..mind u..nothing abt relationships involved in that part of the dream..so dun xiang3 wai1 wai1..LOL

ha ha

ok..wtf..dreams again..it's u again..alrite..fine!!!


but this time round got cameo appearance..by van kang..LOL..but that part was crap..cuz..LOL..ok..that was the funny part..


the happy part..was of cuz..for no particular reason..u juz came up..hid behind me, telling me dun let them find u..haiz..impossible la..that muz be a dream..tho if it's real, i wld realli be freakin happy..ok..


i guess i muz stop dreaming..but the prob is how..one thing i found on the internet is to let urself think abt nothing when u slp..BUT HOW LA..how can think abt nothing onex..haiz..so i guess the dreams will carry on..till i can forget abt u..


and something..the song i've always been searching on the internet.."do you want to" by franz ferdinand..oso the song sang by paul twohill last week..i actually have the cd..wtf..and i nvr knew..hahaha..nice song la..cuz it's the sony's walkman advertisement that song..hahahaha

ok..wadeva

haiz..is this some trick or wad..y muz all these come at a time..


yest nite..i dreamt abt 6thMarch..happy eh?i was in the dream n i actualli hoped it was real..well, ever since june this yr, i've been able to differentiate between drms..i mean, i noe it when i'm dreaming..ok..mebbe i always knew..but this time round, haiz..dunno y..it felt real..and i wanted it to be real..i mean..haiz..nvm..


then this mornin was reading the papers..abt ppl able to retrieve data from computer and handphones despite the info being deleted..nothing better to do, i went online..found a website that taught me howta retrieve deleted data from handphones..and guess wad..i revived those deleted msges in my old 8250..which was saved onto my com..hai..then i started reading..and wtf..when i read till the part when 6thMarch started msging me on 8thFeb, my stupid winamp shuffled to hui2 dao4 guo4 qu4..and y the fuck did it do that?i do not noe..cuz it always happens..whenever i'm reading things from the past the song will juz come..or mebbe it's juz a coincidence since i always listen to jay songs..but nvm..the main point is..i realli wanna go back..


i noe i can't though..hai..evrything seems to go wrong..

good

k..here comes the annual tingy..haha..finally finished looking thru the lyrics of jay's new songs..


overall view..hmm..ROX MANZ!!!all 10 songs..all so nice..which songs i like most???ALL LA!!!i juz wanna sing all o' them manz..cuz all lyrics so nice..meaningful, esp those written by jay..better than those he has written b4..


k..now..song by song..all in han yu pin yin..cuz too lazy to type in chinese..


firz song, ye4 de4 di4 qi1 zhang1..NICE!!!completely nice!!!the rap, the rythm, the feeling, the mv..all so nice..the lyrics juz rhyme too well..the music rox..the backgrnd music..the part where u constantly here the piano..omigod..nice..tt's the thing abt jay's songs..too good to be good..the backgrnd music is always nice..and of cuz..his rap and singing oso gd la..


second song, ting1 ma1 ma1 de4 hua4..nice lyrics..very carefree tune..tells us to be good to our mom lo..haha..so xiao4 shun4 siah..the lyrics farni and touching..nice siah..hmmm..got wai po, got ye ye, got ba wo hui lai le..now finally got mom..hahaha..but shld haf a nice song abt papa la..haha..make it seems like papa not nice liddat


3rd song, qian1 li3 zhi1 wai4..nice mixture..the lyrics, touching..the mv, nice..the song, rox..zhong1 guo2 feng1..hard to sing tho..cuz can't help to imitate fei yu qing!!!hahaha..tho farni but nice la..their voice like so clear in the song..jay altho got abit like..erm..dunno howta say..aiya..juz nice la..hahahaa


4th song, ben2 cao3 gang1 mu4..abt medicine and hua4 tuo2..nice..the tune..haha..very stylish..the mv oso very nice..ya..mv not in dvd, but saw it on a variety show, where jay intro the song..haha..very cool wor this song..


5th song, tui4 hou4..kk..this song..like feng1 liddat..cuz the lyrics like can go into being a sequel of the 2 mvs liddat..touching song..sounds sad too..juz like feng..or izzit cuz it somehow describes my feelings that's y liddat..hmmm..hai..nice la..hahaha


6th song, hong2 muo2 fang3..this song, juz one word to describe..diao3..mind u..it's diao3, not diao2..haha..this song he describe like he dun care abt wad others say abt him..as long as he's himself..the song front part still got say wad he like china style, from niang zi to shuang jie gun..from dong feng po to fa ru xue..the the back part..the aiyo aiyo part..haha..that part got a story one..abt him and show luo..today the yv2 le4 bai3 fen1 bai3 got say..cuz he went onto the show..then they were tokking abt who started the aiyo thing..and it was actualli show..but jay forgot and thot it was himself..then he realised..but he say is he fa1 yang2 guang1 da4 one..haha..


7th song, xing1 yv3..one of those love songs again..slow paced..nice..rox..one of those songs u wld wanna sing at home lo..like in the bathroom..hahaha


8th song, bai2 se4 feng1 che1..this song..haha..the title i see at firz i tot wld be like hei1 se4 mao2 yi1 and ended up..ya..it's still a love song..nice tune..i like..rox!


9th song, mi2 dian3 xiang1..kinda farni the tune..but real creative of jay to write this kinda song..overall, nice..and his singing gdddd lo..


10th song, ju2 hua1 tai2..i'm amazed he ended with a slow paced song..like the album, fantasy liddat..haha..or perhaps cuz it's still fantasy..that's y..hahaha..previous albums like all the last songs quite fast one..this tune nice, so i like oso!!!hahaha..


k la..all like i say i like i like..lol..jay rox la!

rapping spree

ok..after listening to twilight's chapter seven for like a million times..k la..mebbe a trillion..lol..juz kiddin..i started looking at the lyrics..and wtf..YUANING IS ON A RAPPING SPREE!!!


cuz it's damn hard..so i juz kept repeating..and i've postponed my revision..like wtf..


haven got the cd alr liddat..wad will happen once i get the cd..and realise evry single song is nice..cuz it's jay..haiz..DIE!!!


and ya..inspired by twilight's chapter seven to write a new song..but shall postpone it..cuz i realised rap damn hard to write..after prelims ba..haha..gogogo


but i shall continue rapping now..f it la..y jay make nice songs for ppl to listen and wanna sing it..hahahaha..and the cds always come out when it's near major exams..luckily this time only prelims..if my a's was last yr..i wld be dead..cuz november's chopin came out around that time..hahaha..so shld i be glad it ain't a's?hahaha


OYEA~jay rox!


and guess wad..i tot i wld haf the courage to ask..and when she said yeaa?wad i asked was..you watch finish blah blah blah blah le?like wtf..where's my courage..perhaps it's not time..or shld i wait till 6thMarch2007..which wld be like 3 yrs gone..the longer the time goes, the harder wld it be for her to believe that my feelings are still true towards her..only i wld noe..haiz..

cool song

this is a very cool song with a very very cool mv..haha..i like!!!lol


夜的第七章 (if u can't view chinese words, it's called ye4 de4 di4 qi1 zhang1 aka twilight's chapter seven..and apparently, i can't find the right encoding to view these words..so..hahaha)



hmmm..from wad i understand myself about the mv..appears that the guy who died, dan tou, he was the witness of the crime scene la..then apparently, the guy, yu hao, him wanted to frame him..so he burned away the photos and put the mask on the dead guy's face la..cuz when he committed the crime, he was wearing the mask la..hahaha..*note: yu hao and dan tou are from nan quan mama..if u didn't noe..


and this song sounds juz like the one he wrote for tao jing ying..called liang ge ren de ji mo..and it's the same song as the rumoured new song hu die ji..kk..


ok..if u wanna watch the mv..sorry it's not here..haha..so go buy the CD LAHHH!!!lol..support original!!!

ok fine

ok fine..i admit it..so wad..i can't deny the fact that my heart still lies there..u noe..when u still miss someone..the kinda feeling..u can nver get rid of it..but 2 yrs..my feelings have not changed..but i guess ppl do change..we might not be the 2 that were in love back then animore..


did i not persevere..yes i did..i held on to it..but repeated "no"s juz demoralized me..


unable to express my feelings again..nvm..dunnit ppl to understand..afterall, the one who i wish would understand me most failed to do so..


but aniwaes..prelims coming up..no stress?bad sign..but it's still a's that matter..yes..i want ocs but i guess..even without it..it'll juz be something that i'll haf to face in life..losses..


jay album coming out..ya..another distraction..and to think "hu die ji" is a demo..juz comes to say how gd jay is..when a demo can sound better than the real song..


k..if u realised..there's no "lol" in this post..there u go..but that does not mean i'm happy..


i laugh to hide..to hide..is to laugh


my life, my song, my story..


if u realised..all my songs..are not happy..

hhahaha

k..this is my 192th post..moving into 200..LOL..but kinda slowing down on blogging..feelin sick..cuz i realised all sad things..almost all ba..outta 192, i think got 100 posts on sad things?ha..wadeva..well, u're right, this is gonna be a sad post too.


sometimes when i try to sleep, i'll think..when i watch tv i'll oso think..end up, i think too much..


was watching xi guan da shao final episode..hmmm..happy ending eh?but somehow, felt sad within..y?cuz i realised it's but a story..it's not real life..things as such, they dun realli happen in real life. and i realised it's not gonna happen to me la..no matter how much i hope i wish, she wun come back to me..not like shuang xi go back to tian ci liddat..no..cuz that's but a story..


quote from the show " i wish i might, i wish i may"


juz thot it's kinda meaningful..if u get it..


and a quote from myself


life is like a story, it has it's happiness and sadness, just that u have to omit the happy endings


ok..getting emotional..but i shall not tok old stories again..i guess, i juz have to live on..cuz it's not PokIng animore..6thMarch

not mugging?

dunno..seems like i'm not mugging yet..somehow..i noe prelims coming by those calender dates..28th Sept GP..but GP nothing much to study..wad's nxt sub?i oso dunno..no time table..so i dunno where to start..perhaps physics?but i wanna wait for the whole syllabus to finish off b4 i start on anithing..so now, i'm stuck with maths c..f maths, if i'm not wrong..it's after hols..and syllabus still going on..with matrices owning me up-side down..linear spaces..wtf..k..so i'm moving on slowly with maths c topics..not doing any tys yet..cuz muz noe the whole thing b4 can start ma..and guess wad..instead of looking thru muh notes, i'm watching sg idol..and doing some gp aq..argh..I HATE GP..gimme a break..no la..actualli gp is fun..juz that it can get boring when u dun like the topic..


and i'm beginning to miss sec sch life..of all 4 years, i wld say i like sec4 most..and ya..alot happened in that year..happy things, sad things..but i wld say overall it was fun..hanging out at places like "heaven" playing nice games with nice frens..well, perhaps i was juz too busy with things going on in jc..like appealing here and there..so in the end, such frenships kinda died down..only left with occasional dota games at home..haizz..


it's not urself who makes u lose your frenz..it's wadeva that is happening around you..


one thing i noe tho..i dun like being in sa..yes, it's fun when u have frenz with u..but he prob is..u are juz a minority of the school..2 xtremes..super mug or super slack..me, being in the middle, belong no where..i juz wanna mug and slack at my own pace..play as much as i study..


kk..playing..ps2 games seems to be dying down..with my ffx characters all with max stats..like wtf..ff12..after a's then buy..dynasty warriors 5..all characters with lvl4 weapons and shu and wu with full stats for all warriors..so sian le..world cup oso over..play winning eleven oso not that exciting le..haiz..


I WANT MORE GAMES!!!


i swear i'll get all those ff games after a levels..but dunno if can finish playing by ns..hahaha..


i guess i'm gonna love ns..


right now, i'll love to play and study only..anithing more than that?sorry..no more..i realli can't let myself get too committed yea..after a's..i promise..if there still exists this bond..i'll be there..always..;)

4th song

4 songs now..this is the 4th..


#4 : living on, moving on, without you


But


#Chorus:


I'm living on
and moving on
and doing this
all without you


life goes on now
like a river
like an ocean
never ending


I'm living on
and moving on
and doing this
all without you


and life goes on
i'm all alone


here i am
all alone out there
there you are
breaking my broken heart


looking back
at all the things i've done for you
and all of these
are just my love for you


it's raining
but not out there
it's raining
right here in my heart


it's breaking
not that glass over there
it's breaking
right here it's my heart


#Chorus


Written by fallen reason ©2006. fallen reason is a registered trademark in the name of Chow Yuan Ing. Protected by copyright laws.


alrite..this shld be final..lest i add in a rap or a verse 2..this song kinda special..cuz start with chorus..the chorus ends at the "and life goes on i'm all alone"..

missi

missing u alr..haiz


siannn..i very tired now..but i still wanna play play play..this wk most prob gonna be muh last wk playing le..then after that return to like b4 bt2..piah studies..this time needta piah 2 times more cuz it's prelims..summore got new topics..then still got lessons..PIAH

stuck

"if only"..that's my fave phrase..


i noe i can't turn back time..i noe i shld move on..but i can't..


i'm stuck in the past..seeing the past, feeling the past..yet..i noe it's all gone and i'm living in the present..


my naiveness?mebbe..or perhaps i'm juz unable to accept the fact tat u left..if i can..i wldn't cry..i'm juz feeling weak..


perhaps i've done something wrong..by letting go by someone who loved me..i always thot it's always better to let someone love me more than i love her..afterall, i've been thru so many times that i loved her more than she loved me..so y did i give up?perhaps, i'm juz better when i love someone more than she loves me..i juz can't accept the fact that i can't give her wad she gave me..so i gave up..


when i started writing the song, "living on, moving on, without you"..i was able to write it out..as in..ideas come to my mind..cuz at that time, i realli wanted to move on without L..but then came erhemx..i was too happy to actualli write that song..so i stopped writing..cuz ideas didn't come..it's a sad song eh?then it became a roller coaster ride..tears were shed..by her..and after a while, when evrything seemed juz fine..somehow that stupid chat log appeared..and i read it..fark it..so i gave up..and decided to live in the past..and of cuz, how can i be able to write that song animore..so haiz..dammit..too bad..


i..argh..i dunno..

if i can..

i juz can't put the past behind me, that's y i have to let go of the present..i noe it's wrong to kip on staying in the past..trying to relive my dreams..but i'm sure that's happier than now..that's y..i did something..perhaps i'll regret for the rest of my life..but i juz dun wanna prolong any pain for now..so sorry..


but all these happened cuz becuz i was reading this chat log..and i realised..i can't put it behind..trying to stay together when i can't forget the past is simply not gonna work out..k..here's juz a small abstract from the chat log..


=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
when i did not c u 4 a day,do i feel strange..
=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
do i feel lyk seein u immediately..
=[my mind is full of one person]= says:
when i feel down,r u e firz person i wanna share my gan3 shou4 izit u..


her ans was yes..she was asked this by my gd fren..the u in the chat is me..haha..so that's like wad happened 2 years back..


it might feel nothing to aniwan else reading this..but it means all to me..in the past..and even till now..it still means alot..it is one of the few happiness i had so far..this chat..


i'm sure it's not juz me missing the past..it's more than that..i realli wanna be with her..even if these 2 years has changed her, i noe that my love has nver changed..i'm juz asking her for her understanding for wadeva happened 2 years ago..


to the other one : sorry, i didn't want this..but it's inevitable..i juz can't bring myself to be with someone when i noe there's someone out that that i love even more..and i'll only wanna love her..

when u're alone

wad happens when these 2 situations happen :


Situation 1 : when u realise that the one and only girl u love and like so much will not be the one you will spend the rest of ur life with.


Situation 2 : when u're left with nothing but ur body, mind and soul.


Answer? this is wad i realised


Situation 1 : well, u can only cry and live on..cuz all u can do is to live on, move on, without her.


Situation 2 : you're all alone..in this fuck-up world.


san1 yue4 liu4 ri4, a day i'll always remember..


L is for love..but we're not born juz to love.

life plays tricks

life plays it's tricks on ppl..and it juz seem to always do it on me..


seems like in the past..when i wanted it so much..it never came..but when it did came..i didn't want it that much animore..but i have no choice but to accept the fact..in order, not to make myself happy, but not to make others sad..get wad i mean?coz y?coz i can't stop thinking abt certain ppl/person..i c them..i start thinking..wad if(s)..yea..and then i stop thinking..cuz i noe these kinda thots wld juz make some1 cry..


so wad is happiness..i have no more definitions for it..can't even seem to find it in my dictionary..perhaps i shld type that in the wikipedia and check it out..LOL..mebbe it's juz me making her happy..but somehow..it feels empty..

pissed

pissed off..by wad?my randomness~~argh

stepdown

hmm..today co stepdown..dunno leh..c ppl so sad i oso feel a little bit sad..but the tears wun fall..i noe it..lately..tears juz dun fall anymore..guess i'm used to it..well..nvm..guess it's realli like wad they say..there's a diff between comm and member..the way u feel for co is definitely different..if i was still a member..who noes..mebbe i wldn't even have attended co today..


to love is to perservere..to love is to c the truth..to love is to feel for you..to love is to...wadeva..i'm tired..lemme rest..

hmmm

realisation comes with dreams dashed..i dashed her dreams..realising my folly..realising my love..realising the sadness..


6/3/2004..gone..missing..i'm once again..down here..reminiscing wad is gone..hmmm..i hope that's how u spell that..but wadeva..missing the good old days..understanding..hey~that's love, but it's gone...


i can't move on..cuz i do not understand..after all these 2 years..i still haven figured out wad realli happened..that's y i'm stuck back 2 years..u made me happy, u made me sad..u gave me love..u took it away..i dun understand..i can nvr understand if u dun gimme a good explaination..


ya..i dashed someone's dreams..i know i shldn't have..when i can't put down something back there..i shldn't have done that..doing things i shldn't have done..how stupid i am..she says she understands..that's y she broke last time..and she'll not hold on..but she'll wait..i'm surprised by her..i'm realli..i realli hope i can get over with the past..but rite now i juz can't..i dun wish to hurt anyone..but including myself as well..i..i..juz dunno wad's going thru my mind now..such confusing thots..


when i'm enjoying it..the fact that she can make me happy..i noe i can't do the same..cuz i still have 6/3/04 right there in my heart..


WTF IS THIS!?!?!?!?

am i satisfied?

am i satisfied?with this results..i dun think so..the papers were mostly ez..i guess..27 marks from my goal..juz 27 more marks for physics i cld haf done it and achieved my goals..but nvm..still have prelims..get an aab then and peak during a's...get a triple A..still got gp..hiakX..hopefully get quite good..hahaha.

?

we are but humans..there are bound to be emotional changes..


dun say u love me, u dun even noe me..LOL..M2M..haha


but..realli..even if u noe me real well, wld that be love..or izzit better to stay as it is..juz 2 good frenz..hmmm..dunno la..i juz wanna concentrate now..realli..i need time alone..that's y i say it's bez to be single..mebbe nxt yr u'll noe le..cuz u wld face the same stress too..things can wait..and needta go ns..ARGH!!!

o fuck

fuck it..wadeva..brasil's outta world cup..argentina's outta world cup..dammit..wth is this..south american clubs outta the tournament..match-fixing by fifa?possible..only european teams remain..wadeva..stupid..world cup is becoming boring..i guess it's down to germany and portugal in the finals..ha ha..


hope portugal will win..they're the only team out of the 4 in semi-finals that haven't won the cup so far..go portugal

wad is this

hmmm..izzit becuz i'm runnin out of ideas or wad?the song juz stopped there..didn't go on..


or izzit becuz i'm too tired from all those tests that i can't be bothered with the song..


or izzit becuz i'm currently in a wrong mood that is so different from that song..hmmm..


u were my super woman..how abt now?haha

hahaha

well..breaking is obviously different from having a break..and i'm having a break now..tho it might be breaking somewhere..lol


tml bra vs ghana lo..bra will win de la..if ghana wins..half of worldcup is gone..haha..cuz i juz wanna watch arg and bra matches..i mean..i wanna watch these matches but dun mind watching others oso..but aniwaes..i seriously hope bra will face arg in finals..hehehe..


gp was like..wtf..dunno wad to say..lousy exam conditions..the fans right in front of me..but they're above me..can't even get a breeze..dammit..

BIG NEWS!!!

BIG NEWS!!!


i've found a maple sword..


*pengX* -_-'''


hahaha..lamoe..

hey hey

hey hey..i'm trying to balance out mugging and facing emotional problems at the same time..so f off farkers..wad's the prob man..i come up here online not to listen to sch work and some ppl juz like to bother me with it..yes i shld do something..i noe i shld do something..but hey..i'm juz not in the mood k?i juz wanna play after all that studying and flipping thru of those physics notes..


and i didn't go down to play bball juz to get a small kid in my grp who noes nothing abt bball..it's like..wtf..u want the ball from me..and u hide behind the little gal rite infront of u..asking me to pass the freakin ball to u?u think u can get it?can't u like attempt to outrun the gal?no u can't..damn u..f it..y am i blaming it on a small kid..


f it..wadeva..


study?dunno..wadeva..i dun care..now..play time..after 11pm..that is..argh..

hehe

FINALLY~


things are clear..my mind is clear..free body..free soul..free mind


mind soul body..all clear..i can concentrate on studies le..hahaha


and farni thing is..this is like i think the third time i thank someone for rejecting me..wtf~haha..but realli..muz thank her ba..thanx for clarify..if u're reading this..thank you again..hahaha


i'm not siao or wad..i'm more clear than i was ever b4..ever ever b4..clear of my goals..clear of wad i wanna do..wad i want for myself..


i juz wanna study now..ooyea~


i'm not a mugger..it's man's nature to study..=b

juz like i mentioned in my tag..she will not be my gf..


i was juz dreaming..like a fool..dreaming that it's still possible..but i noe it'll nvr be..i mean..how to?2 mths of dao..i wun be surprised if it carried on till the third month..


ya..i was feeling better from the dao-ness le..i mean..i wasn't bothered by it le..but th eprob is..she's ONLINE..like wth..then i say hi..she dun even reply..wad's this freaking attitude..u totally disappoint me..no words said..dun even clarify things with me..wadeva..freak!


right now..i juz wanna get things clear..live on..without her..it wld be okay when things are clear..not like now..i dun even noe wad she's thinking la..kb..izzit so hard?to make things clear..i'm not asking u to like me k?i'm juz wanting u to make things clear..at least gimme the signal : "hey, i dun like u..sorry"..something liddat wld be juz fine..i dun mind..i reali dun mind..juz lemme gif up..f it..


i can say i'm in a very bad mood for now..but hopefully it wun affect my studies..cuz i realli wanna do well in bt2..so i guess i'll leave all these til after bt2..hopefully by then, i wld confront her..and ask her wad's the problem with her..or perhaps, wad's the problem with me..


living on, moving on, without you


hmmm..that's a nice phrase..lol..perhaps i can use it in muh nxt song..

hmmm

well, whoever that is..i dunno..cld it be her?hmmm..i juz said it's good to be single..didn't say it wld be bad being in a relationship..single is good..being with her wld be better..i've tot it thru..left with 2 choices..be with her or be single..not muh ex, but her..L is for love..lol


studying!oyea~so fun..when u're doing fmb..but nothing left to do..hmmph..still got physics and fma part..ARGH

SINGLE

now i realise. how great it is to be single.


nah, i didn't suffer any blow or wad. and i'm not having fever right now k?


juz after some thinking, actualli not thinking at all la. it juz came to me. this idea, that single is great. why? imagine the freedom. i c my frenz, with gf. like wtf. no money le stil hafta buy gift for gf. k la. mebbe the gf good lo, but with their current financial status, alr very hard to satisfy their own needs le still must pay for gf's stuff. no sour grapes here ya.


now, study, watch soccer if i can. hang out with frenz. stay single till after ns. afterall i still needta save up for ps3 and a hdtv!hahaha

wadeva this is..

i realli duno wad to do..guess wad..this phrase keeped ringing in my head today..be it in co or outside co..dun like means dun like..k..are u trying to hint me?whoever's up there..dun like means dun like..k lo..u want me to give up la..perhaps i shld rite?to go for my studies..go all the way for it..i realli dunno..dun like means dun like..haiz..true but sad..haiz..


can i cry?no..i told myself..y cry for her..but..argh..i wldn't cry for her..i wld cry for myself for putting in so much effort on her yet getting nothing in return..i can't blame her for that..cuz dun like means dun like..and i oso didn't expect any return..as in..in such cases, there sure are rejections..juz how u face it..


BUT!


i haven even told her a single thing la..hiakX

wadeva this is..

i realli duno wad to do..guess wad..this phrase keeped ringing in my head today..be it in co or outside co..dun like means dun like..k..are u trying to hint me?whoever's up there..dun like means dun like..k lo..u want me to give up la..perhaps i shld rite?to go for my studies..go all the way for it..i realli dunno..dun like means dun like..haiz..true but sad..haiz..


can i cry?no..i told myself..y cry for her..but..argh..i wldn't cry for her..i wld cry for myself for putting in so much effort on her yet getting nothing in return..i can't blame her for that..cuz dun like means dun like..and i oso didn't expect any return..as in..in such cases, there sure are rejections..juz how u face it..


BUT!


i haven even told her a single thing la..hiakX

tsk

well..no wonder i saw nothing..cuz i posted this on co blog..but nvm..the today here refers to 05/06 la..06/06/06 nuthing much happened tho it's 666..LOL


wadeva this is..it seems strange..this post blog site..haha..so wierd..no title to enter..can't change font..only a place for me to type..but nvm..i shall continue typing.. somethings are juz so strange in the world..some gals they dun even give a damn to u..they dunnit u..at all..yet some gals..a moment u dun tok to them..they start sending u msges..send till u sian dun feel like replying and they say u dao..nvm..the latter's getting less now..so nvm..but the firz case..argh..when will this carry on meh..i can't take it animore sometimes, when u think tml is the final day..cuz it's 666, u wld think..awww..if tml is going to end juz like this..i mite as well tell the one i love that i love her..but wld she get to noe it by the end of today?cuz it's not as if i'm gonna call her u noe..so it's either msg or email..either way..she's not gonna reply..so if we all realli die tml..she'll nvr noe my feelings for her.. but that is if tml's realli the last day..but it wldn't be de la..hahaha haiz..but seriously..i dun wanna live life like this..seeing her..yet i can't do a single thing..mebbe she alr noes..but i nvr tell yet.haiz..i dunno wad she thinking oso..she realli put studies in firz place ma..mebbe ba..haiz..i oso put studies in firz place..but if she wants, i can always put her equally impt with my stuides..haiz..but that'll nvr happen i guess.. till today..then i noe how much i knew abt her..i can tok so much abt her without me noticing it till i realise it a little bit later..do i realli noe her that well?haiz..

co camp

co camp was successful..as a whole..i guess..


gossiping at nite and in the morning..lol..didn't noe i can do that so well..lol..i guess emily was right..guys do gossip..and can do that much much better than girls..but thru this gossiping..gotta noe more things..abt wad the j1s think abt co..things i nvr knew..well..ya..


i didn't do wad i wanted to do..no chance..and i dunno if i can do it..i dun even noe wad i'm doing..wadeva..


slpt very very long..i guess i was realli slpy..2 days without slp..lol..and guess wad..i actualli fell aslp during interview..bad of me rite?haha..but i actualli fell aslp in such a hot LT!?!?wadeva..haha


mugging..hmmm..light mugging for now..intensive from wk3 onwards..GOGOGO!!!haha..

dammit

dammit..wad the hell is this....u wanna go where go aniwhere u want..i dun gif a fark..but dun do this kinda thing..dammit..i juz feel like scolding fark..o..i scolded it above..


i dun realli gif a damn alr..it's me to scold vulgarities..juz me to do these kinda of things..so fark it..i'm realli farked off by u for now..dammit


no matter wad i do..i guess it doesn't realli make any diff now..so y do i gif a fark..no i dun gif a fark..I SHALL NOT GIF A FARK..


i dun c wad i can do..only gif up..that's the only way i can find light..cuz i noe there's someone at the other end waiting..and i shldn't let her down..


this is wad happens when u noe u've got something to fall back on..u can think of giving up very easily..but wtf..will i realli do it?that's another qsn..


at least try b4 giving up..that's wad i told myself..but things are contradicting..sometimes i wld juz think of giving up..but i wld think of wad if i regret in future..but wld i?wadeva..


and i dun wanna go back to last time yet..not yet..in case u think i'm treating u as a substitute..whihc i dun want to..

u juz dun wanna tok to me eh?wadeva..i'm kinda used to it alr..somehow..i knew this wld happen..that u wld choose not to reply me..but wad's this hole in my heart..this emptiness..this feeling of wanting to cry out loud..shout ur name..argh..wad's this..keep on drinking water..trying to fill up this hole..but it's still empty..wad's wrong with u..wad's wrong with me?


time to gif up?


yes..shld be ba..no hopes at all..i realli can't stand it animore..6wks le la..who can stand it i ask u..well..perhaps others can stand it..but for me..i realli can't..6wks is realli too overboard le..i oso dunno wad i've done to make u do this to me..i nvr understand y gals do certain things..and i'm not bothered to find out..it's beyond my comprehension..thinking abt it will juz waste my time..when i can actualli spend my time on studies..i realli wanna study..so..


gif up ba..NO?


argh..wad's wrong..y can't i gif up..argh..dammit..f u yuan ing

o..wad!?

hmmmz..wad's wrong manz..how come i decided to alight at nj..i oso dunno..juz go c how things are going on ba..


3 more days..will i tell her?haiz..

wtF!!!

KAOZ!!!some ppl only noe howta cry..am i being too harsh or wad huh?argh..i kenna dao for one month plus u oso din c me cry..i only tok to u less u cry..kaoz..wad u thinking la..i care 4 u..but not like b4..we are not like b4 animore..mebbe we can be like b4..but now..sorry..no..perhaps if we can return to the past, u wun be that sad..i guess u have regretted doing wad u've done.but this is all part and parcel in our life..we live to regret..but that's where we learn..hmmmz..i can tell that to others but not myself..


but aniwaes..if u think u wun regret holding on to me..then so be it..i hope i can gif u the happiness u want..but who wld gimme the happiness i need..mebbe if i gif u the happiness u want..then i wld be happy oso..but..i noe it wld be happier if i can get the love of a gal i truly like..i juz treat u as a sister..not someone i like..thanx for all u've done for me in the past..but ppl needta grow up..stop crying..be strong..i'm ur kor..not ur dear..


argh..wadeva..dunno wad i'm doing..liking someone so much to an extent that i dun care abt others le..haiz..i guess i'm too harsh to her ya..haiz..arghh..wad to do?can there be 2 me(s)?lol..then i can gif her the happiness she wants and find my own happiness as well..i noe..we were happy b4..but u think we wld be as happy as b4 if we get back together?it wld take a long time to get back to where we were..so i dun wanna try..given the fact that u can actualli break anitime again..so sorry..but u're juz making me more confused now..let this matter cool down firz pls?we shld tok things out in a peaceful manner..dun always call and start crying..


hmmm..today..aiya..dunno la..i wldn't say it's a good day..dunno y..juz dun feel happy..but not sad at all!lol..wad is this..confusion..haiz..pika pika???LOL

i juz can't stand things liddat

argh..one thing i can't stand abt u is that u do things differently from wad u say..u were the one that said, "perhaps i shld tok to u less now, so that my feelings for u wld fade away." but guess wad..once again..u didn't do wad u say..i tot u realli wanna tok to me less le..so today didn't receive any msg from u i oso dun feel wierd..even if u didn't say that, i wldn't feel wierd tho..but u juz called again and told me sorry that u didn't tok to me the whole day cuz u didn't bring ur phone!?argh..kaoz la..pls..if u realli wanna let the feelings fade away..do so..dun ill-treat urself..i noe it's hard..but it's right for u to do so..if u realli wanna wait for me..it wld be a long wait..and i dun want u to do so..and i'm going into ns nxt yr le la..with ur over-dependent character, u think u can survive 2 yrs without me?i suppose it wun last..if u realli wanna wait for me..by then, u muz show me ur determination..i mite hurt u u noe..and i dun wanna do that..dun u think we juz remain as bro-sis frenship better than becoming a couple?i oso dun want to lose this frenship..so y not let it stay as frenz..good for u..good for me..wld u rather lose a fren+relationship or juz lose a relationship..the choice is urs..juz let go pls..if ur heart realli hurts..juz choose to let go..dun become like me..cuz i can't let go..that's y i became so pessimistic abt life..i dun want u to lead a sad life like me..i want u to be happy..


but i noe u still wun read this..i guess i have to tell u personally..and u wld most prob cry again..but..argh..y waste ur tears on me..am i realli that worthy of ur love?


and i dun get a shit of wad's exactly happening now..this dao-ing continues..i realli can't stand it..one side..one gal is dao-ing me like hell..the other side..another gal is tokking to me so much..argh..WAD THE SHIT IS THIS!?


argh..bt2 coming..set high goals for myself..but are they achievable?that depends on how much hard work i put in..hope i wun end up sitting in front of the com and playing games..tsk

y?

i asked her..y are u treating me so good?


she replied..cuz i like doing that..


wad's going thru her mind manz..i realli dun understand gals..


the better she treat me..the more guilt i feel..she's not expecting anithing..she's juz plainly treating me good..am i actualli letting her down?she's not smiling..i guess she's sad..well who wldn't be..if it was me..i wld be sad too..


if..argh..nvm

seriously

stop it pls..the more u care for me..the more i feel sorry..seems like true love to me..even tho it's one-sided..izzit that if i'm happy u wld be happy?dilema..


one side, a girl i like dao me..the other side..a gal i liked b4 still likes me..haiz..


wad is this..her sorrows i noe..i understand..cuz i'm oso feeling the same way..liking a person who does not like her..but her perseverance..i dun get it..if u were the one who wanted to break..y didn't u give it a clean break..or did u do it juz becuz u dun want me to love the wrong person..i realli dun understand..


but aniwaes..she's realli still not replying my email..i oso dunno wad to do..sms dao..email oso dao..nuthing to say liaoz..

eh?

it took me all the courage to click on that send button to sent that email..and i guess..it took u nothing to delete it eh?or perhaps u juz saw but decided not to reply..either way..i'm realli lost now..not knowing wad to do..if u can serve frenster..i dun c y u can't check email..so i guess, realli..u've decided not to do anithing abt it at all..


tell me wad to do..i realli dunno..i realli dunno wad else i can say..juz confess?wadeva..wad if u do the same thing again..and dun reply at all..


seriously..i didn't noe wad to do..i was afraid to c ur reply..yet..my com..it's stupid prob.since afternoon i juz can't switch it on..then now finally can on it..yet..no reply..mebbe that's good.no news means good news?nah..that's not the case this time..even as i said that..u juz decided not to reply..wadeva..wad more can i say..disappointed..can i scold the f word?but dun want la..i can't even bring my heart to scold u..i juz can't..i juz can't blame u..or hate u..cuz u're not a fault..or even if u're at fault..i wldn't think u're..y?i oso dunno..


i can't bring myself to tell her(another her) to forget abt me..i realli can't believe..someone like her can be so devoted to someone like me..she was the one who wanted to break up..she was the one who said i still love 6thMarch..yet..she still loves me..i juz can't bear to break her heart..she's a sweet gal..too good for me..i'm unworthy..cuz back then..i noe my love for her wasn't real..yet i tried to carry on..mebbe it's good that we didn't last..but bad for her..cuz she loves a guy who doesn't love her..somehow..i share the same sentiments with her..i noe wad's she's going thru..even when u noe that the person u like or love wun love u back or like u back..u still choose to love or like her..even when it's one-sided..


i apologise to her..the one heart that i've broken..i'll nvr forget that i've broken ur heart..but till now..and only till now..can i realli regard u as my ex..third ex..cuz we were realli once happy..we both knew it was real..juz that i didn't love u enuff..thanx for loving me so much..but sorry..dun hold on to me pls..i realli dun wanna break ur heart..i can't bring myself to tell u this in person..i noe u mite read this..i guess it wld be better if u read it from here rather than me telling u personally..


i thank you..for being there for me..even when i do not love u..thankx for being there when i'm feeling down..tokking to me..encouraging me to go for the gal i like..it muz have been painful for u..to ask someone u love to go for another gal..i'm realli very sorry but thankful to u at the same time..


perhaps..if the gal i like now can end this crazy dao-ness she's doing to me..and that i can forget abt her..and stop liking and loving her..and that u're still so deeply in love with me..i'll try my best to make myself be in love with u..so that i wun break ur heart..cuz i noe the pain of a broken heart..sorry

why

why am i looking okay when i'm not.


why am i laughing and joking when i juz feel like breaking down right in front of her and cry my heart out.


why wldn't u understand, how much and how deep i've fallen in love with you.


the reason is to love.


i juz want you to be happy, and perhaps make myself happy at the same time.


but doesn't seem to be the case.


perhaps, giving up is the only way out.


or perhaps, i shld juz tell u.


afterall, there's nothing for me to lose.


there was nothing at the beginning.


so even if you reject, i'll not lose anithing.


or perhaps, it's becuz my heart's alr with you, so i have actualli lost something, without noeing it.


is this love wrong?


like how i tot it wld be back then.


shld i have fallen for you.


and push myself deep down there.


fallen reason.


the reason is in love with L.


get it?


sometimes i juz feel like shouting it out.


HEY! I LOVE YOU, __________


but i juz can't seem to be able to shout out that name.


cuz i'm afraid, if i realli said that, i wld lose even a frenship.


but now.


that u're dao-ing me.


do i even have a frenship to lose?


1 mth le.


u've said nothing to me.


and it was all me doing the tokking.


with u not replying.


i'm broken.


i'm fallen.


it's cracked.


my heart.

wadeva and ever

wadeva it is..i dun care..


live my life my way..live till the end comes


is the end coming?6thJune2006..triple 6..once a millenium..lol..better do things that i wanted to do but nver done yet by then..otherwise..wad if i nvr have a chance to do it..


i'll tell u i love u..juz a matter of time..i dun care wad happens after that..u can continue to dao me..i oso dun care..as long as i've said it out..and u've heard it..it's juz ur decision to accept or to reject..and i'll juz gladly accept the consequences..since the start..i shld have known it..taht i wld have to face rejection..as in there's a possibility of that..b4 i'm prepared for anithing..i'll juz wait..till then..take care and study hard for ur bt2 ya..once again..i'll give u all my luck like wad i did during bt1..u need it more than i do..cuz my results dun matter to me..no matter how good i get..i wun be happy..so mite as well let u have it..i'll spend all of my wishes for u..if there's realli something called a wish..yea..there are wishes..the question is..will they be fulfilled?

wtf

tsk..wad is fun..bball..it's okay..

nuthing is fun..mugging?okay la..dun c the use of mugging..u mugging..end up u overload ur brain capacity and u'll juz forget evrything..

status currently : okay

juz that..i still dun understand..some things juz hafta be clarified..but dunno if i wait till hols..whether it'll be too late..haiz..

anyways..rugby won..soccer lost..and our holiday?most prob gone..

hmmmz

wad to say..no effort put in so the marks i got was rather ok ba..kinda expected..tsk..


well..set a number of things that i muz finish up my today..but can't seem to finish up that physics tutorial..tsk..but nvm..tml go sch then do..not in a hurry aniwaes..since the tcher go thru so slow..can take my own sweet time to do..well..that's for the tutorial tcher..as for the lecturer..mr roland lee..i muz say he's real good at teaching manz..he tries to explain evry concept..till the point that we can truly understand it..and he does it efficiently..not like some other tchers..tsk tsk..


bad of me to say these kinda things..but it's true ya..can ask alot of ppl..not evryone wld like a tcher's teaching style ya..tsk tsk..


shld i write a song?nahh..haha..if i write a song now..most prob gonna be abt my sad life again..tsk tsk..that happy song i wanted to write abt her..can't seem to write it..the tune is happy..but if i realli go write the lyrics in my current state now..it'll juz turn out to be a sad song with happy tune..lol..or a happy song with a sad lyrics..lol..


couple of nice songs i've heard lately..one is bu4 de2 bu4 ai4..another one is superwoman..superwoman is realli very nice..listen to tat..omigod..so high..lol..tsk tsk..ppl who can sing very very high notes are good singers i wld say..at least his vocal range is quite wide..lol..like jay chou, show luo and liu geng hong..nice singers..yea..haha..but jay still is the best..coz his combi with fang wen shan is undefeatable..altho jay only got 2 nominations this yr for the award..think is taiwan de ba..but nvm..we all noe he's still the bez..lan2 se4 feng1 bao4 got in for music..while fa ru xue got in for lyrics..lan2 se4 feng1 bao4 the song act quite nice after u've listened to it alot of times..but i still think the best in this album was feng..tsk tsk..and bez music for jay's songs..hmmmz..strange one..but it's huo yuan jia..u go listen to the background music..it's real nice..the front part got drums..and almost thruout the whole song u can hear the dizi..plus the opera singing..tsk tsk..realli creative..lol

wadeva

wadeva..nothing is meaningful in life..when u realise..u have no where to go..not wanting to stay outside..not wanting to go home..no where to go..wad's wrong..meaningless..


carry on with this?i dunno..i dun gif a farking damn to my life animore..let it fail on..since it was made to fail..i dun c successes in my life..dun gif me the farking crap and say..hey..u have good grades ma..one thing that i was nvr happy in my life was my grades..this society..where grades juz matter so much to evryone..especially ur parents..and wad are my grades like..like shit i wld say..so wad if i'm a ten-pointer..and sounding better..a 6-pointer..but so?to me it's still shit..i dun like it..is this wad i get when i do my best?or perhaps i didn't do my best?but who cares..no one cares whether u've done ur best or wad..wad matters most is ur grades..as long as u have good farking grades..u can get wadeva u want..u can play no matter how long u wanna play..no one cares..so long as u have good grades..u can get any stupid farking job and no one cares whether u're good or evil by nature..so long as u have good cert..but wtf..like i gif a damn..


i'm juz a farking stoopid boy..who's pessimistic abt the future..esp my future..a life where there's no hope..hopeless..one day evryone will juz realise how i feel..or perhaps..not evryone..those that are lucky wun feel it..this is wad u get..when u from hopeful..drop to disappointment..dropped to hopeless..that is..in chinese han yu pin yin..xi1 wang4 dao4 shi1 wang4 dao4 jue2 wang4..


when u've lost something that u deemed impt in ur life..even if it's not realli that impt in ur life..u'll nvr noe whether it is..cuz u've alr lost it..and u have nothing to judge it's importance..wad if it's the most impt thing in ur life..yet..it's gone..no one noes..so mite as well think pessimistic..be sad..so that u wun be disappointed..no hopes..no disappointment..


well..not that i dun wanna be hopeful..ppl told be to look at the bright side..hey..is there a torch light or something?there is no "bright" side on this path that i'm taking..this path of darkness..perhaps there's light somewhere?juz that it's far away..but heckx..who wants to think abt the future..future will nvr come if u die now..so wad's the future..it's nothing..


life is but a spiral of events


a man's lifetime is 50 years. looking past it, everything is just but a dream. -Nobunaga Oda-


well..dunno whether that's realli wad he meant in english..but i juz directly translated it to english..lol..


life is a dream..but dreams are not real..so life is not real?


tell me..wad to do..i keep on drming abt u..when wld it stop..this is more than a stupid crush or infactuation le..it's more than like..closer to love than to like..but it's juz a one-sided love..to a point of no return..once i say it out..i guess we can't even be frenz..given the situation in which we are in now..all thanks to u..dao-ing me for 4 wks (till monday..if u still dao me..)..for no particular reason..i dunno y..but u juz decided to not tok to me?well..at least..u said a yep..but wad was that man?3 wks didn't tok and on msn u juz gave me a yep..k fine..if u're realli that bz..juz say so..i juz dun understand..y i am so devoted to a thing that i dun c any hope in..i noe my efforts wldn't pay off..but i'm still doing alot of things for u..behind u..caring for u without u noticing..u'll nvr noe..u'll nvr understand..


happiness is but a contrast of sadness..yet..when evrything feels sad..there is no happiness..-fallen reason-

my story

tsk..looking back on my life..realised it's a failure..


from the start till now..i still think i've done nothing wrong to make my life go this way..it didn't fail becuz of wad i did..it failed becuz of wad others did to it..


p4..tot i cld be a prefect..thanks to the form tcher who promised to make me..that was the firz time my trust got betrayed..i didn't become one..promises broken..and i began to hate sch..even tchers can lie to students eh?sickening..


nvm..i got on with it..and went to rv..evrything went on well in sec1..havin fun with frens..juz that havin prob coping with studies..cuz new topics ma..sec2..where it all began..the pain..who would have guessed..i was juz liking someone..it's normal of a human to think that way..well..was lucky..got together..for like 9 months..evrything went on smoothly..till 3 days b4 vday in sec3..she said she want to be frens only..needing more time to study..needing more time for her leadership position..she feels stressed..so i said ok..and she said..we can still be together after we're done with studying..k..i believed..and we even promised each other we'll get to hc together..and so..we continued..even as frens only..but the treatment i gave to her..was still more than frenz..and she was fine with it..so it carried on..till sec4 vday..she told me she dun like the way things are..and actualli told me she didn't say anithing abt being together with me animore..wad can i say..heartbroken..yea..broken..the 3 yrs..all broken..broken promises..broken heart..wadeva..f off..i told the world..f off world..


of cuz..it didn't realli appear on my face..my sadness..acted as if i was fine..when the pain is still there..then came the light in my darkness..her smile..she always looked happy..and nvr once seemed sad to me..yea..u're rite..it's 6thMarch..she brightened up my day on cultural nite day2..she was so happy that nite..i oso dunno y..hyper gal..and i became enthu as well..laughing and tokking..as we took the bus back to sch..still remembered eugene sitting nxt to me..while she was on the opposite side..as in..u noe..eugene sitting inside..me outside..then to the left of me..it's her..with her cello..then eugene and i sang boyfriend..lol..so farni..but to think that she said it was nice..yea..was happy abt it la..then exchanged phone numbers on the bus oso..then went back to sch..while putting back the instru..she was waiting for another fren..then she kept on saying bye to me..haha..so fun..and i bye-ed back..and there we go..evrytime i pass by co room.she wld be standing there still waiting..then keep on bye-ing..cute yea..realli brightened up my nite..then realli bye le..but stil msged her while going home..realli..the way she tok..realli..will make me happy..and so..we became pa and nv-er lo..and so..evrytime after co..wld play bball together..of cuz got others la..fun..happy..and so..after one month..6thMarch..i told her..and yea..she accepted..that was the happiest day i wld say..of my life..cuz the way she accepted..so sweet..lol..i wun say it her..keep swt things to myself..=b..


evrything went on well..till one day..she asked me the same qsn the previous one asked me as well..that she wanted to concentrate on her studies firz..so mebbe juz be more than frens firz..after that..still can be together..and i thot..mebbe she wun be like last one..so i said ok..at least..she still behaved like more than frenz for a week or 2..but on 12thApril..she asked this qsn to me.."can we juz be frens"..wad can i say..can i say no?i realli dunno wad to say..so i said yes..but y..she didn't give a good explaination tho..till now..i still dun understand y..and so..i still think i've done nothing wrong..


and so..i heckx le..carried on with studies..with ppl i liked in between..but still..studies firz..and now..wad is this..even b4 i've told her..i alr sad le..if those b4 told me that it wasn't love..then i suppose love shld be selfish instead of being wei3 da4..this time round..i dun think i can tell her that i wldn't mind her being with others..as long as she's happy..no i can't..yea..if she's happy..i wld be happy for her..yet sad for myself..but i juz dunno wad to do..shld love be selfish?i juz dun wanna feel sad animore..that's y i keep procrastinating..not wanting to tell her..finding excuses for myself not to tell her..cuz i dun wanna be sad..i noe..it's 50:50..means there's an equal chance of being happy or sad..if it's happy..i wldn't mind..but i seriously dunno wad i wld do..if it's sad again..wad wld i do?mebbe i'll mug till i become siao4..and get some freaking great results for a's yet being sad of my life..


broken promises can make a life fail..

amazing race

grrr..amazing race..still thinking hard..lol


hiakX..lonely as it may seems..but that's wad happiness is abt..at least to me..for now..loneliness is equated to happiness..perhaps..if given a chance to free me from this loneliness..i wld be alot happier..but..will she be the one to free me from this..i dunno


explain to me..y?am i feeling liddat..neutral..neither happy nor sad..not happy cuz i have nuthing..not sad cuz i have lost nothing..wad is this..


will i be happy?


perhaps ps3 will make me happy..but it's still a long way..6 months..nov..that's in us tho..dunno abt singapore..hopefully around there ba..later go ns le..buy le oso no use..but hopefully b4 ns ba..then during ns..buy a hdtv..lol..then enjoy ff13..lol..will they lemme enjoy ff7 on ps3?not the ps1 ver la..but hopefully a remake..but from the statistics so far..seems that there wun be a remake..our dear maker of ff7 seems to have other plans..but..hopefully related to ff7 la..perhaps make an ff7 ac sequel?altho dc is a sequel to ff7 events and discloses many unknown secrets..but hey..we want more story and more of cloud and yea..sephiroth..tsk..


will that happen?lol


will u be with me?i doubt so..if u're not dao-ing me then wad are u doing..

dreams are not over yet

dunno y..but the dreams are not over yet..i of cuz dun want them to be over yet..it makes my slp worth it..tsk..but..if my dreams juz carry on liddat..it juz means that i shldn't give up yet..which i dun intend to..till i tell her ba..but the prob is howta tell when she dao..argh..dunno..


somehow my dreams are linking up to real life..things that happen in my life seem to remind me of dreams i had b4..of cuz not those abt her..but abt other things..juz dunno y..the linkage..omigod..hah

tsk

lol..got myself a pair of wristbands..brasil colours..cool..yellow and green..nice~


tsk..dunno leh..wad's happening..wad am i waiting for..y i kip on looking at my hp when i noe..there wld not be any reply ba..haiz..altho i didn't bother to msg her..no reply..msg for wad..perhaps..i shld do more than juz a simple msg ba..dunno..not now yet..still have a long way..at least wait till i wun c her that often animore ba..then perhaps wun be that paiseh..haiz..


wad's wrong boy..bball..seems so nice..it's a very tempting thing..hear the ball..pick up my t-shirt..CHIONG arh..tsk..not that exaggerating ba..but realli..it's like coke..the more u drink..the more u like it..the more u play..the more i like it..the more i c her smile..the more i like her smile..


but that's not the reason y i like her..like needs no reason..i can like her smile..but i mite not necessary like her..so there's certainly more to it..and i noe..i dun like her juz becuz i like her smile..her smile mite be a subset of the reasons..but there's certainly more to it..


tsk

noe my limits

noe my limits..wad are they..limits is nothing in my life..i have no limits..i tell myself..


but..somehow..u noe..there are limits in ur life..far or near..but there's always a limit break ya..ff7..lol..


wad are my limits..hmmmz..so far..i think there are no limits for me yet..i'm still not flying high enuff ba..that's y i can't c my limits..juz chiong man..one day..when i c my limits..i wld haf known that i have done my best..


limits..there are..juz that i can't c them yet..means i have the potential..can u c ur limits?haha

haiz

hmmm..another post with the title haiz..haha


eh..dunno leh..dunno if i'm happy or wad..juz making assumptions here and there..if i'm correct then i wld be happy ba..if i'm wrong..then too bad lor..


some things..i've seen thru them..shall put them behind..and move on..no means no..it's not gonna affect how i progress in life..somemore now..the answer is still indefinte yet..cuz i haven ask..it can be a yes or a no..50:50 i wld say..yes/no ma..assuming that it's an unbiased thing..but sure..there is biasness in it..but assumptions shld set in as i do not noe abt the biasness..lol


too much probability kills..


one thing i'm sad tho..get full marks le wad u want..i tried my best and i did it..yet..no praise no wadeva..they nvr seem enuff to my family..full marks le..still want more?but that's the most i can give..i did my best le..and i shall continue to do so..chiong arhhhhhhhhhhhh...bt2..i wanna own it..haha..and nxt wk fma test..hopefully can win zhiwei..not striving to win tzeleong..impossible ba..fmb mebbe ba..cuz i did it twice le..but nvr in bt1..haha..he's immortal!!!


aiya..heckx..for now i shall play..june got 3 wks to study..but physics test on mon..haiz..hmmmz..wad if it's a holiday?tsk tsk..*prays hard*..lol

wad am i thinking

wad am i thinking..wad am i doing..i realli dunno..send her a msg juz to push myself further down..cuz i noe there wldn't be any reply..wad can i do..


bu4 xiang3 zuo4 bu3 tong1 peng2 you3..realli..


haiz..wad is this..dilema..i dunno wad to do..wad to say..how to say..how to start with all the dao-ing and stuff..


her smile keeps me going..but how long can it last..somemore the smile is not at me..it's for evryone to c..i juz happened to catch it that's all..my sorrow..my sadness..my pain..ur smile

...

arggggghhhh..wadeva..


i realli dunno


was she diao-ing me with that look..dao look


wad's with those eyes..


i was stunned..


saddened..


disappointed..


and once again..no reply..realli..she's now sending me to hell..slowly..a reply wld definitely send me back to heaven..or perhaps it'll kick me straight down to hell's lvl18..or perhaps beyond lvl18..open up new lvls juz to accomodate me..lvl100..lol

disappointed

wad can i say..disappointed?i realli have nothing to say..dunno..


confusion..i dun even noe wad's happening..dao arh..haiz..dunno..

how can i say i dun care

how can i say i do not care..


how can i say i've given up..when i still care..wtf am i thinking..wtf am i doing..wtf is she thinking and why tf is she dao-ing me..i realli dunno..i ask her le..she oso dun say..argh..wtf is going on


and ya..ppl telling me mebbe is network prob..no way manz..network prob between me and her only?impossible!!!hiakX..i realli dunno wad's going on..i'm confused..i'm tired..


pls la..how do i even try when i'm not given a chance..argh..

wadeva

i realli dun feel like giving a damn..dao me all u want..yea kip doing it..liddat i'll be better off..wun think too much..wun do anithing..let the pain occur slowly..rather than having a sudden blow


izzit the curse of the L?love curse..cursed me..all the L(s)..i gave up b4 i did anithing..


live on..be myself..


gimme a pen..i'll mug my whole life


gimme a bball..i'll play bball my whole life


gimme a computer..i'll play dota and maple all my life


gimme a heartbreak..i'll live the life of a loner


perhaps?


gimme a galfren..i'll make her happy the rest of her life..


eh..if i like her..that's the case..


gimme a break..eh..ya..break lo..rest..


gimme a chocolate..i'll throw it right back into ur face..


the only day i'll ever like chocolate again is when i found the one..but will i ever like chocolate again?

i can't stand it

can't stand it..my life..5 main things in life..revolving arnd them..eat slp mug gym sing..argh..that are the main things la..didn't include shit or wadeva la..not as impt..these 5 things are juz wad i enjoy doing..at least i find satisfaction..bball?no longer..dunno y..lost the motivation..to play bball..the liking for bball..not as strong..perhaps it's becuz of 6thMarch that made me like bball more..but now..haiz..mugging is evrything..i'm a mugger trying to slack..


and ya..one thing i think i can almost be sure le..she's dao-ing me..no reply wadsoeva..dunno..dun care..dun even noe wad i can do..wad i can say to her..wad to say..no topic..not that i dun wanna noe more abt her..juz that no chance..shutting me off..


one day..i'll juz press the restart button..restart my life..start afresh..or perhaps reformat..forget the past..live the present..y no future?cuz there ain't a future in my life..


dreams are not realistic..goals are meant to be achieved..u are..but my dream gal..that is becoming my goal..haiz..y can't u juz stay as my dream gal..y did i wanna make u into someone i want to live the rest of my life with..perhaps..if u stayed as a dream gal in my life..i wld nvr have felt so hurt..it's hurting..hurting than ever b4..


can u hear it?it's broken..

bt2

bt2 seems near..2mths..but 2mths will be over in the blink of an eye..cut down on games..increase tutorial time..less blogging..ya..shld be can de..


zzzzzzz...


hmmmz..dunno la..wad i thinking..wad she thinking..i juz dunno..is she realli dao-ing me?i dunno..mebbe i shld try saying hi to her in sch..then c how..hmmmz..i shall do that..confidence..build UPPPPP..argh..


my heart aching..izzit a coincidence or wad..so many 6thMarch things..last time say le..that time 6thMarch the prawn mee shop closed..then the er4 shi2 er4 that song oso got 6thMarch..arghhh..heckx..L is for love..tsk tsk..

co concert over

ya..co concert over le..how to say leh..happy or sad i oso dunno..happy that it was a success..sad that i didn't do anithing abt it..i'm juz scared that wad shiyan said mite realli be true..that today was the bez chance..juz that i didn't go for it..but given her dao-ness i realli dunno whether i shld do it..gals are good at this eh?making guys back out..dunnit to directly reject..juz dao..haha..aiya..but mebbe if i was more enthu when she came to tok to me..things mite have been better ba..i've let chances go..wasted..regrets..no use..


write letter long long oso no use..didn't even have the courage to pass to her..even when shiyan said he can help me slot it into the bag..i oso dunno if i shld..juz tot..it wasn't rite if i slot it into her bag liddat..no sincerity..then if i pass to her personally then it mite be paiseh..wad if she juz like reject in my face..like say: "no use de..i wun accept u de..sorry"..pessimistic views..i'm born liddat..sorry..i was confident b4..but ever since the dao-ing began from monday..i realli gave up..


aiya..but thanx to huang yu and bernice la..say i singing not bad..haha..but i think my singing realli sux..sux big time..haha..but at least got compliment ba..hee..tsk tsk..


mebbe i shldn't be tied down by her..


and realised alot of guai guai ppl tagging at my blog..esp the exams and u siao..dun even noe who they are..want tag juz put ur name..-_-

sadness

haiz..juz browsed thru my previous titles for posts..it's either haiz..sadness or something that links to sad..and guess wad it is this time..yea..


SADNESS


haiz..dunno wad to say..y of all..this muz happen to me..yea..when i started liking her..i alr got this feeling that it's not gonna turn out right..things ain't gotta make out for she and i..and apparently..it's going the way i tot it wld go..dao-ing me..k fine..yes i'm used to it..but it's used to being sad becuz of it..i'm still sad..but muz learn to live with this sad life..if it's meant to be like this 4eva..so be it..sad or not sad..i'll juz leave it sadly..dun give a damn..


the probability eh?last time it was 0.1%..now i juz think it's 0.01%..sadness prevails..


tml shall decide all..i shld be saying tml..perhaps juz a sms..and wad if she even daos that sms.k fine..FINE..fine..


haiz..write so many songs oso no use de..

hmmm

can i scold fuck-off..nvm..shall show some respect


i'm juz tired la..play one day wun die..at least i'm studying in sch lo..juz that i reach home late and u dun c me studying does not mean i'm not studying..


and..hmmmz..heard abt something..hope she wun be troubled by it too much.but if it was me..i wld oso be troubled la..juz hope that she can cheer up soon..that may juz explain y she looks so troubled..and i guess that's y she's not replying ba..who wld have the mood to reply..hmmmz..tc ya


concert coming soon..i'm so tired..nvm..endure for 6 more days..then concert over le..then can rest..it's realli tiring me down..


studies eh?perhaps for this comng nxt wk..i wun be studying at home ba..go home shld be quite tired le ba..so juz piah in sch lo..even if no noe sees it..as long as i noe wad i'm doing..as long as i noe myself that i'm studying..who gives a fuck to wad others think..

save me

save me from this hell..this jealousy i'm facing..y do i feel jealous..i keep on telling myself there shld be nothing..but juz can't press the jealousy down..jealousy is juz a significant sign for love and like..haiz..


i've juz realised something..i can smile..i can laugh..i can look happy..but evrynite b4 i slp..when i think abt my past..i'll ask myself..wad's the happiest thing in my life that i've ever encountered..can't seem to remember them..there are things that in my life that i had once been happy abt..but i guess the impact was not as big as those sad things..i can remember sad things clearly..but happy incidents juz seem to fade away slowly..that mite juz explain my sad look..tired..depressed..but i'm not suffering from depression la..haha


when will i ever pick myself up..to have the courage to confess to her..guess it's coming soon..perhaps in 2 wks time..that's the earliest..


kinda completed the song..dunno whether i shld add more verses..but tentatively..it's done..


L is for love


Look over there
Under the skies
Can't u see it
I'm in love with you


Never gonna give up
Don't say a word
Anything's worth it
Cuz i love you


Chorus:


Nothing more than words
Can speak my love for you
Wanna hold your hands
In real life not in my dreams


Everlasting love
Is all that i can promise you
L is for love
That i promise you


the lyrics are interesting..especially the verse part..kinda makes no sense..but meaningful to me..tsk tsk..

affected ezily

i noe..i get very ezily affected..mood swing..all dependent on her replies..


yea..she replied..actualli i had headache de..then saw the reply..kinda felt better..haha..mood dependent on her..lol


o..k..here's the chorus for the song.."L is for love"..still thinking abt the verses..hopefully can complete soon..haha..the chorus part sounds nice..at least to me..so the chorus tune is kinda like settled..juz needta think of howta link from verse to chorus..haha


L is for love


nothing more than words
can speak my love for you
wanna hold your hands
in real life not in my dreams


everlasting love
is all that i can promise you
L is for love
that i promise you

L is for love

juz had this lyrics beaming in my mind..so think i shall juz post them here firz juz in case i forget them


nothing more than words
can speak my love for you
.
.


everlasting love
is all that i can promise you
L is for love
that i promise you

random thoughts..

juz some random thought..thought it was nice..


if life is a bed of roses and you are the rose. then i shall be the bed. so that together we can make our life a life.

haiz

i realli dunno wad u're thinking..can see that alot of thots are going thru ur mind.u seemed to be confused..seem to be thinking abt alot of things..thinking abt solutions..ocassionally u'll turn and look at me..or mebbe juz in my direction..but hey..wait..in that direction..there's only me..so i guess u're looking at me..and there u go again..with that "i'm thinking abt alot of things" look on ur in ur eyes..i realli wanna noe wad u're thinking..wad's troubling u..but with u not replying to my sms..how wld i noe wad u're actualli thinking..perhaps u thot that sms wasn't a qsn..or perhaps u replied..but unfortunately the msg juz didn't reach me..and u thot i'm the one dao-ing u instead..but i guess the probability of the firz case is higher ya..or it's juz u wanting to dao me..


i realli dunno wad to do..i'm trying my bez to be confident abt liking u..abt wanting u to be with me..but i'm juz..i dunno..i realli can't take it..


perhaps u dunno yet..perhaps it ain't obvious enuff..perhaps u are realli that blur to not notice..


so many perhaps..so little answers..


sometimes i juz hoped i nvr broke with 6thMarch..so at least now i wldn't like u..and be troubled by all this..but..hey..well..i nvr regretted liking u..yes i'm troubled..but i'm happy to c u happy..but not when u dun look happy..u look tired..esp today..dunno y..and i guess u've been studying alot at home now..or perhaps ur parents grounded u from the com..and that may juz explain y u've not been online..like erm..for a wk?


haiz..when i c u..i always think i'm looking into the mirror..y does it seem that when u look troubled i oso feel troubled..and when u laugh or smile..i'll oso feel like doing the same..perhaps u're not my mirror..instead..i'm ur mirror..but when wld u actualli notice my special feelings for u..


all i can promise u is my love..L is for love

sadness

sadness reigns once again..dunno wad's happening to me..making myself feel sad when i suppose i shldn't be at all..perhaps it's the no progression that's making me sad..


things i can find happiness in now are juz 2 things..bball..studies..


as for her..i realli dunno whether i'll find happiness in her..mebbe i will..mebbe i'll not..


not that i dun wanna be confident..but u can't expect me to be confident abt relationship things..once bitten twice shy..summore it's not juz one..


pls la..let her be together with me la..i realli can't take the pain animore le..chang2 tong4 bu4 ru2 duan3 tong4..i shall be telling soon..i suppose..juz need a right timing when the two of are juz nice tok abt some topic taht can link..haha..wait long long.....


haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tired

as each day goes by..i juz feel more and more tired..


yes..i feel very chong1 shi2 when i mug..that i've achieved something..that i'm studying..that i'm doing my tutorials and finishing most of them b4 time..but somehow..i'm juz tired..mebbe i shld take a rest..too much mugging can realli kill i guess..in sch..got econs break then go lib mug le..then reach home..eat dinner..bathe le then surely mug again..no life..life as a mugger..well..i guess that's a life..


at least today had a break from the usual routine..mebbe i shld make every thur a break from studies..or at least for the afternoon..then at nite continue again..cuz today sch timetable quite packed..no breaks..then perhaps no motivation to study ba..but nvm..bt2 triple A..i'm coming for u..i'm being confident..not being arrogant..=P..


see that?demonstration of a grey area..u can say i'm arrogant when i say i wanna get a triple A..or u can say i'm confident of getting a triple A..but in this context..i guess it's more of being confident rather than arrogant..cuz i have nothing for me to be arrogant abt..no basis..not as if i had triple A's before..perhaps in o's but never in my jc life..hopefully it'll be my firz..


well..today got live concert la..too bad didn't get any tics..haha..nvm..come home mug..life is still fulfilling..sense of achievement..my theory of studies..it's getting strong again..as for erhemx..i shall juz leave it in god's hands..let evrything go in nature's way..be wad i am..and if i'm juz lucky enuff..wad i am wld be juz the one that she's looking for..i'm being optimistic here eh?i guess i am..


dreams..if only they wld be true..so sweet~

so wad

ya..thanx for telling me ya..wad type of guy she likes..but so wad?wad i want is her to like wad i am..and not for me to become wad she likes..i dun want to pretend..and juz becuz i wanna be her i go pretend..no use..one day she'll juz realise i'm pretending..and it'll be even an even much more sadder case..


mebbe i meet that criteria..but it's hard to draw a line between confidence and arrogance..some of the aspects juz intersect..and it's hard not to be arrogant when u are confident..


whether i shld tell her..it's juz a matter of time..be it now..future..be it 10 days..100 days..or even a year..i juz dun wanna live with regrets of not telling her..

wrong??

i guess..i was still feeling okay during the last post..that's y i cld come up with this theory..now that i'm not feeling that good..i thnk the theory is not that correct..the theory only applies if u're satisfied with life now..and that u think that nothing is going to make u sad at that moment..but now..8hrs le..no reply..well..fine..nvm..it's ur freedom..i've got nothing to say..


didn't reply..that's y i didn't dare..to even walk up to u in the library..but nvm..let it be..lemme be sad..as always..i shld haf been used to it..yea..i'm used to being sad..i noe it..juz sitting by evryday..waiting for miracles to happen..even a small reply can make me happy..cuz the sadness is real sad..


when will i break my threshold..my limit..when will i break down..


i dun mind being sad for my whole life..i juz mind living life with regrets..of not going for it when i had a chance..evrything in my life..i wasn't wrong..in my decisions..i nvr made any wrong decisions..it's wad ppl think that made me go the way i am going now..misunderstandings..nvm..in life..there's no second chance..once gone it's gone..the same chance wun appear again..it's for a split second..u grasp it..then good..u dun..then too bad..

my theory of studies

oo..wtf..my econs realli got higher than my fm..but i still wanna drop..i dun gif a damn..i understand fm more than i understand econs..if the sch does not lemme drop econs..i'll juz hafta do badly for my econs tests..which i will..no matter whether i study or not..i'll not get good grades animore..i've alr wandered off far away from econs topic..i dun catch a ball when i attend the lectures..things go in from one ear..exit from the other..econs lect is no meaning at all..all those abstract graphs..i dun get a thing at all..furthermore, the econs paper this time round is very very easy as compared to other subjects and a' lvls..so a high mark doesn't mean i'm good in econs..i'm bad in econs..and that will stay as a fact 4eva..rather than getting an AAAF on my cert..y dun i juz get an AAA on my cert..and i dun wanna haf an absent on my cert..so i muz drop now..pls..hod..pls sign my drop form..


lol..came up with this theory of studies..lol..reason's theory of studies..here it goes..


By reason's theory of studies, it is better to place studies above everything else such as girls, games and etc. The reason is that by placing more effort on studies, ie, working hard on studies, you can achieve results like AAA. However, when you place alot of effort on girls or games, you might not succeed. When chasing a girl, even if u place alot of effort on chasing the girl, if she does not like you, your efforts will not pay off, so there is no point in putting too much effort on chasing girls. This applies to games as well. This is known as the reason's theory of hardwork with respect to results for various aspects. Based on this theory, we can further deduce that it is better to put all your effort on studies rather than all on girls. That is, the reason's theory of studies.


LOL..haha..not that i'm having any relationship problems..juz that i think studies is realli the only thing that i can achieve results in by putting in effort..as for relationship things, i'll juz take it step by step..the timing will come when i have to say and i will say..it's juz a matter of time..and hopefully it wld not be too late..

april's fool

april's fool eh?nothing much..=X

like vs love

ya..saw mok's post on his blog..asking wad's like and love.let's debate then..haha


like is u think that the person is good..and the one for u..and i said think


unlike love..it is u noe that the person is good and the one for u..and i said noe..


got it?


haha..another thing is that when u like someone..u can ezily get jealous..there's no relationship in like yet..no trust..that's y u get jealous when u c the person u like with some other gal or guy..well..that's y i dun say i like her..haha..i wasn't realli angry today lo..i mean..wad's there to be angry abt..it's her freedom to do wadeva she wants..as long as she's happy..and it's juz 2 ppl tokking..so???but one thing i noe..i c her smile..i'll juz be happy..dunno y..i'm juz happy to c her smile..so sweet..argh..it's more than like le eh?i think so..haiz..means i've fallen even further..fallennnn reason..lol

haiz

well..i tot it was good enuff..afterall..i didn't realli put in much effort in this bt1..or rather..not enuff time to study..as for econs..haven get back results yet..so oso not sure..but i guess wldn't be good aniwaes..my econs is at my maximum already..i noe it..no matter how much more i study for econs..it wldn't be any much betta..but i noe abt the other subjects..fmaths maths physics..didn't practice..juz studied notes..that's y got such lousy grades..OCC..yes..a long way from my AAA..but believe that if i practice..put in all i have..start practicing evryday for like 2-3 hrs..juz plain study for that 2-3 hrs..and shut myself off from tv and com and games one month b4 bt2..i'm sure i can get it..AAA..


overall..i wld say i have improved..compared to promos..i didn't put in as much effort as i didn in promos..so for physics..a C was pretty good enuff..as for maths C..quite disappointed tho..but kinda expected..no practice ya..fmaths..oso no practice..or shld i say only practiced for fmb part..and kinda neglected fma..haiz..muz balance out all these subjects..to be good in all..my target..AAA..not far away i wld say..


haiz..now the only obstacle is econs..wld i be able to drop it?

my randomness

my randomness is realli getting on my nerves..sign of aging?lol


..18 yrs old..im getting old..argh..


ns in 2 yrs..haiz..


followed my study plan today..not bad..can manage..haha..tml muz go GYM!!!haha..but dunno whether i shld go watch soccer after that..haha..c firz ba..


looked at time table again..looking at those econs lesson..imagine all of those lessons gone nxt wk..so much break..so much time to study..or wld i study?hmmm..that's tricky..but i guess i wld..muz put in more effort..triple A for bt2?k..mebbe ABB wld be good enuff..so i've decided to set as ABB for the time being..unless my progress shows better results from now till bt2..then perhaps..i wld change the target to AAA..but for now..it wld be ABB..haha..piahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

lol

my randomness is becoming damn random now..lol..juz that i wasn't online for the past one day..that's y didn't random here..haha..


had some strange dreams though..yest nite evryone in my dream were headless..except for me and her..dunno y..juz so strange..


even tho it was a strange dream..i stil dreamt of her again..haiz..33 days if i'm not wrong..wad's going on..haiz..


i'm tired..i wanna slp..i wanna drop econs..i wanna piah fmaths..i muz prove to evryone else in the world that i can get triple A..and i will get it..if i drop econs..so lemme drop econs laaaaaaaa...haiz..

the last random thought of the day

omigod..guess wad..another random thought..but i promise it'll be the last..


kinda had an interesting tok with 6thMarch on msn juz now..ya..i've gotten over her..but the talk was rather interesting..dunno y..but we suddenly went to the subject of cheating..and she jokingly said it's okay to cheat..but i told her..wad happens if u cheat ppl and end up the person does not trust u animore and leaves u in the end..(like wad happened 2 yrs back ya)..*i didn't say the part that's in brackets la..haha*..and i continued..but sometimes even when u are not cheating the person..and he/she misunderstands u..that is saddening..


mebbe she didn't get it..but i wasn't trying to imply anithing at all..so i guess it was alrite..but well..i nvr cheated her and i wld swear upon that..but nvm..gotten over means gotten over..move on with life..and find another difficulty ahead of me..NTUC!!!haiz..i will nvr cheat a gal that i like..nvr..or perhaps a white lie to make her happy..but nvr a lie taht wld make her sad..nvr..but to 6thMarch..i nvr told u a lie b4..not even a white lie..but does it matter now?no..wad matters now is..................


NTUC!!!argh..


headshot.. (X_X)

just another random thought

just another random thought *seems that i'm having lotsa random thoughts today*


was listening to the song..missing you..then the chorus part..the lyrics went..qing3 gei2 wo3 quan2 shi4 jie4 de4 ji4 mo4..then i actualli thought..qing3 gei2 wo3 quan2 shi4 jie4 de4 jie4 mo4..direct translation..pls gimme all the wasabi in the world..LOL..


not farni?kk..i'll try harder nxt time..


gd effort..

random thoughts

random thoughts..shld i get myself hurt again?


i sure have feelings for her..but shld i tell her?i guess i shld..even if it means hurting myself again..i still muz tell..better than to live with regrets for the rest of my life eh?

haha

haha..juz chanced upon this document on my com..its a chat log of 6thMarch with me..haha..it's still in my com..lol..cuz it's in my partition drive so it wasn't deleted when i reformat my com the last time..


i've always been wondering..y 2 ppl who liked each other so much can actualli break..the chat log..it was the kinda thing u c then u noe that we have feelings for each other de..more than frenz..and alot more than that..but..in the end..still broke up..not enuff trust?to the extent that she wld believe in rumours more than she believes me..but nvm..that's the past


haha..kinda msged a little bit today..but it's not gonna reach it's monthly limit of 700 aniwaes..so kinda waste..haha..msg mite help..but it all depends on destiny..life is destiny..yes u can change the way things go..but the end is alr destined..it's the procedure that u can change..well..that's not wad i think..hahaha..life is destined..with my own hands..it's the procedure that decides wad u will get in the end..so if u can change the procedure..u can change the end as well..it's all up to oneself to decide which road he/she wanna take..u can decide to mug and get good results or u can decide to slack and get okay results..for me..i decide to slack and mug..so i'll get good+okay=excellent results..LOL.


LAME

meaning

seriously i dunno wad to blog..that's y i haven been blogging for many days le..life has..lost it's meaning..


i'm juz waiting for things to happen..not wanting to do anithing at all..things come i do..that's all..


play games..play until i dunno wad i'm doing too..


study study study..wad's the freakin use of studying so much..


slp..that's the only thing i can find comfort in..cuz i'll drm abt her..


but when i look at my drms..i realised..i shldn't be happy at all..


wad's the use of drming so much abt her..in real life..i dun even dare tok to her..she come i shy away..unless she starts tokking to me..i wun realli go and tryta tok to her..i dun like to tok..u ask me crap..k..i still can crap..but seriously tok..i can't..things run thru my mind..alot of ideas..but my the time i've tot of wad exactly to say..another conversation might have alr started..if u ask me to sms or wad..k..it's okay..cuz i can have sufficient time to think of wad to say..but..the sms is dropping..didn't even msg her for like..erm 4 days i think..ever since wed i guess..cuz i juz didn't noe wad to say.


wad is the right timing..i ask myself..i dunno..i realli dunno..


tml last paper le..spa..after that..it's evryday go sch..evryday come home..evryday slp..rot..wait for co concert to come and go..haiz..sch life..argh..when did i started to dread sch life..haiz

juz when i tot evrything was over

well..juz when i tot evrything was over..no more replies from her wadsoeva..afterall..i msged at arnd 9pm..then at 2303..zzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz..the phone vibrated..jolted awake from my slp..well..it's her..haha..then crapped a little..for 3 msges..and it stopped again..can't say i'm happy and oso can't say i 'm sad too..haha..dunno wad's wrong with me..


lol..i have 5 songs in my head now..lol..and i've written 3 of them down..but too lazy to put it onto my song blog..lol..kinda tweaked the template of this blog to suit the song blog..lol..go visit it if u want..lol..


haiz..bt coming up and i'm still thinking abt writing songs..mebbe i shld make it my profession..lol..fang1 wen2 shan1..lol

Cip camp

well..firz of all..the cip camp was fun..i guess..but certainly not too interactive..basically we juz interacted with the non-choir hci ppl..haha..


k..the camp..there were alot of ppl..but mostly HCI choir ppl. it was basically a choir chalet in the name of cip..haha..juz kiddin..and ya..some drop-out students..and 5 sajc ppl plus 4 non-choir hci gals..


it all started cuz marv dared caron to go invite the gals over to play cards for the nite for 2 dollars..and caron did it..haha..then at nite they came over..


basically i was mood swinging..muz be becuz of erhemx..so i was like..at a time active..then suddenly not active..but overall it was fun ba..playing silent heartattack and concentration..then we heard a knock on the door at arnd 3 i think..and we thot it was the facilitators..........


k..i shall continue..i go eat lunch..haha


k..continue..


and we switched off the lights immediately..while the gals went out of the room from the backdoor..the bbq pit side..and they actually hid outside the facilitator's rooms..cuz they didn't noe..and luckily the facilitators were aslp..haha..but it turned out that evryone else were awake except for the facilitators..and we went to play captain's ball later..


then..erm..stone lo..after i went back to the chalet..haha..then juz didn't noe wad to do..slept for like one hr..drmt of her..haiz...


but nvm..today was better..haha..at least for the firz time it wasn't n-1 sms for me..but for her..LOL