Was contemplating whether I should even blog this post considering that its already so late. But with the pattern of sleeping late these few days, I guess its not gonna change much if I sleep late tonight either.
Haven't been training recently, so doubt I would be able to make it for standchart. Totally disappointed in myself, for not having the discipline to go out there for my runs. Not mature enough to tell myself, "hey, its alright to emo, but you still need to sleep by 11 if you wish to run the next day." But no, I didn't. I continued to play games past 1am, when I get back to my room, I'm probably going to take out a book and read.
I just have no freaking idea what's wrong with me these days. So easy to get angsty. Many times, I just wished I had pointed the finger at the credit card promoter. I know, you're just doing your job, but its not the first time already. If i'm not interested then I'm not interested. Do I look like i'm rich to you? How many times must I use the "my favourite song" trick before you can just get the hell out of my way.
And anyway, really, I'm beginning to dread going for work. Although its really just 1 and a half weeks left, but everyday at work, the hours seem to get longer and the time seems to pass even slower. I thought I had already done my part with the GUI and stuff, and I've been helping out alot with the Wallaby logistics. But why the hell do I even have more stuff coming in for me to do? If only the NTU IA student came, I wouldn't haven been having such troubles. I would happily enjoy my last 2 weeks of work at STK instead of trying to get 4 days off for these 2 weeks. I really need the break, not from work, but from STK.
I realised, I'm the kind of guy who only does work that I'm really interested in. I was freaking excited about designing the GUI, so that was why I had so much fun in the first 2 months trying to design a proper one. But once that was finished, it all died down. The flame in me, I couldn't feel it anymore. The new stuff to do, integrating the laser detection or even the adding of the camera to the GUI, seriously, I have no interest in all these whatsoever. First of all, the laser detection, having to wire it up myself, having to read through a manual, and HAVING TO TRY TO GET IT TO WORK WHEN I CAN'T EVEN INSTALL A PROPER SOFTWARE FOR IT! Ya, but really, I don't like doing the laser. Neither do I like doing the camera thing. If I really put my heart into it, I could probably finish up the camera thing within 1 day. But really, no. I can't stand it anymore. I had fun doing the data log sorting program cuz of how it reminded me of cs1101c where u read in a text file and only copy lines that don't have alphabets. That, I enjoyed. But that, I did way too fast. Started on it at around 2pm, published the app at 2.30pm. Too fast? Probably, but that's my efficiency when it comes to things I like to do. Even for the GUI, if I really had to, I could have done it within 3 days. If you ask me whether I enjoyed my internship, when it comes to working, probably not. I'm just an intern, but I'm expected to do the stuff that a perm stuff is supposed to do? There's no one to supervise my work, no one there to help me out when I don't understand certain stuff when it comes to programming. What the heck, and I was pretty happy when I finished up the GUI on my own. But then, my supervisor had to pile up even more work on me!? I really can't stand it anymore. Really. I'm just so glad that this will all be over soon, in like 2 weeks. I don't mind going back to STK to work in the future, as a perm staff, but never as an intern again.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Friday, July 08, 2011
I never
Let go.
As much as I've told myself to let go of the past, I guess, I never really did. It came back haunting. The moment I saw you, I knew, I never let go of what I should have 7 years back.
I don't know why, when I saw you, the anger I had in my heart for the past 7 years just disappears like that. I've always been unhappy about how things ended for us. How you broke our promise. How you treated me as if I'm nothing. But the moment I saw you, I just thought, those broken promises, those empty vows, holding on to them brings nothing, and these are nothing compared to the happiness I had with you. Short it may be, but I've never forgotten about the love we had for each other in that short 2 years of the 4 years of sec sch life. 2 years out of 4 years, that's a lot you know? Considering how our relationship dragged out for the entire 4 years of our sec sch life, my memories of those days were mostly made up of you. So, the love, the hatred, all these just stayed in me. The sight of you brings out the love, the thought of you brings out the hatred.
I never let go, I never did.
So why, why did I not dare to even say hi to you. Is it the fact that there was someone next to you? Is it the fact that that someone looks like he's probably your bf? I have no idea what I'm thinking really. When you told me back then that because of what you did to me 7 years back, you dared not get into a relationship again, I really wished that you didn't do this yourself and sincerely hoped that you could find yourself someone who would treat you good. Then why is it that now, when I'm looking at you together with someone, something dark just builds up inside me. This sadness, how do I explain it? I probably can't, but really, I just don't feel that good about it. Perhaps its regrets that I could have been the one. Perhaps, its wishful thinking on my part that after 7 years, I might still have the chance to love a person that I had once thought would be the love of my life.
Guess what, if we really continued back then, I would still say the same things to you, I would never let go of you, and I'll always be there for you, always. Just because I've said it to you, it means that I will never break it. But why, why did you have to trample on my promise 7 years ago. You just had to break the promise we had, you just had to make me let go. I didn't let go because I loved you no more, I simply let go, cause I still had love for you. But knowing that it hurt you, I had to take it all away. It was hard, but the only way I could do it was by hating you.
And this, really is the reason why my love-hate towards you never ended for the past 7 years. You were all that I had.
Ay, why am I emo-ing now. The fact that that day is coming again? probably. A day that I'll never forget.
Anyway, happy birthday to you in advance. I hope July is still with you by your side, in place of me.
As much as I've told myself to let go of the past, I guess, I never really did. It came back haunting. The moment I saw you, I knew, I never let go of what I should have 7 years back.
I don't know why, when I saw you, the anger I had in my heart for the past 7 years just disappears like that. I've always been unhappy about how things ended for us. How you broke our promise. How you treated me as if I'm nothing. But the moment I saw you, I just thought, those broken promises, those empty vows, holding on to them brings nothing, and these are nothing compared to the happiness I had with you. Short it may be, but I've never forgotten about the love we had for each other in that short 2 years of the 4 years of sec sch life. 2 years out of 4 years, that's a lot you know? Considering how our relationship dragged out for the entire 4 years of our sec sch life, my memories of those days were mostly made up of you. So, the love, the hatred, all these just stayed in me. The sight of you brings out the love, the thought of you brings out the hatred.
I never let go, I never did.
So why, why did I not dare to even say hi to you. Is it the fact that there was someone next to you? Is it the fact that that someone looks like he's probably your bf? I have no idea what I'm thinking really. When you told me back then that because of what you did to me 7 years back, you dared not get into a relationship again, I really wished that you didn't do this yourself and sincerely hoped that you could find yourself someone who would treat you good. Then why is it that now, when I'm looking at you together with someone, something dark just builds up inside me. This sadness, how do I explain it? I probably can't, but really, I just don't feel that good about it. Perhaps its regrets that I could have been the one. Perhaps, its wishful thinking on my part that after 7 years, I might still have the chance to love a person that I had once thought would be the love of my life.
Guess what, if we really continued back then, I would still say the same things to you, I would never let go of you, and I'll always be there for you, always. Just because I've said it to you, it means that I will never break it. But why, why did you have to trample on my promise 7 years ago. You just had to break the promise we had, you just had to make me let go. I didn't let go because I loved you no more, I simply let go, cause I still had love for you. But knowing that it hurt you, I had to take it all away. It was hard, but the only way I could do it was by hating you.
And this, really is the reason why my love-hate towards you never ended for the past 7 years. You were all that I had.
Ay, why am I emo-ing now. The fact that that day is coming again? probably. A day that I'll never forget.
Anyway, happy birthday to you in advance. I hope July is still with you by your side, in place of me.
Friday, July 01, 2011
Been long since I updated
So just a little update about life.
Nothing much, like i've already mentioned previously, went for internship. Made some new friends at work, in particular those 3 ia students cuz we basically slacked our day away together at work. Its good that we actually could find time to slack, if not I would have finished most of the work assigned to me within the first 3 weeks instead of dragging it to 7 weeks. Sounds like i'm too slack eh? But I guess that's how it should be for interns? I'm just paid 700 bucks per month, what's the use of doing so much. Furthermore, most of the stuff I had to do them on my own since my supervisor was pretty much busy with his own stuff and just allocated work for me in a rather random fashion.
Then came the bomb of ICT. Well, not like it was all of a sudden. Planned 6 months ago with the SAF-100 and guess what. One week just passed by. Nothing much actually, just really really, alot of training under the hot sun. Apart from thursday which went by without doing anything other than sleeping in bunk, the rest of the days were training all over again. Feels like the NSF days, except this time I'm not with my platoon mates. Got jumbled up, like last year, with the alpha coy peeps. Pretty fun ppl I would say, but well, dunno any of them so nothing to say to them really. Got myself a pretty nice tan from all those training though. A pretty white singlet to sum it off. At least I wun have ugly tan-lines when i wear singlets. LOL.
Can't wait for this ICT to be over though, really need my life back. But with that said, life after that is gonna be internship again. O well, new stuff to learn when i go back to ST. Something to do with lasers. Sounds cool eh, it sure does. O well.
Nothing much, like i've already mentioned previously, went for internship. Made some new friends at work, in particular those 3 ia students cuz we basically slacked our day away together at work. Its good that we actually could find time to slack, if not I would have finished most of the work assigned to me within the first 3 weeks instead of dragging it to 7 weeks. Sounds like i'm too slack eh? But I guess that's how it should be for interns? I'm just paid 700 bucks per month, what's the use of doing so much. Furthermore, most of the stuff I had to do them on my own since my supervisor was pretty much busy with his own stuff and just allocated work for me in a rather random fashion.
Then came the bomb of ICT. Well, not like it was all of a sudden. Planned 6 months ago with the SAF-100 and guess what. One week just passed by. Nothing much actually, just really really, alot of training under the hot sun. Apart from thursday which went by without doing anything other than sleeping in bunk, the rest of the days were training all over again. Feels like the NSF days, except this time I'm not with my platoon mates. Got jumbled up, like last year, with the alpha coy peeps. Pretty fun ppl I would say, but well, dunno any of them so nothing to say to them really. Got myself a pretty nice tan from all those training though. A pretty white singlet to sum it off. At least I wun have ugly tan-lines when i wear singlets. LOL.
Can't wait for this ICT to be over though, really need my life back. But with that said, life after that is gonna be internship again. O well, new stuff to learn when i go back to ST. Something to do with lasers. Sounds cool eh, it sure does. O well.
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