seems that being unable to run for the stand chart marathon really affected me alot. firz of all, i dun even noe why i was pulled out. perhaps the pc interview led to the decision of captain edward to pull me out. but hey! i juz mentioned that my knee sometimes hurt. well, for the training though, most of the time it seriously hurt and led to fall outs. but hey! wad were all those trainin for siah. not able to run, juz doesn't seem right. not fair? i dun even noe why i was pulled out. when i was pulled out. why i did all those training. no reason, not at all. i always thot this stand chart wld mean a hell lot to me. a chance to show myself that hey, i can do something. i can actually run 42km. well, if not run, at least walk, jog, run. but now, all that's gone! nxt year? wld i even haf the same drive i had when i decided not to pull out from the run when i had a chance to where captain edward asked us to write a 500 word essay if we wanna pull out. i doubt so. somemore, nxt yr, who noes wad's gonna happen to me. i'm startin to lose motivation in life. things have been going wrong, not the way i want i guess. trying to pull myself up. but hey! stop pushing me down! get it!? hell no! darn!
wad i've been tryin to do, seems to get me no results. the consequences, are juz dire. not the way i want it to be. you were all that i thot was meaningful in life, but hell no! i realised, you were but another person that's gonna juz leave a scar in me. it has not happened yet, but i guess it's gonna be soon. at least that's wad my experience's telling me. "trust no one but yourself". how true is that. and how true are you. YOU are but a passerby! i guess?
telling myself not to think too much, but wad the f use is that. no body gives a f damn abt wad u think. they juz carry on with their own world, carry on to do things that cld result in gd things for them. hell! wad the f do they think they're doing. and what the f am i doing, with the thot that hey! i'm doing this for you, so that u wld be happy! but guess wad? all these, at the expense of my own f happiness. then suddenly i realised, i might not be ur happiness. as least not the best for you. perhaps i do not deserve you. only the things i did made it seem like i deserve to haf u in my life. but hey! others can do that i guess? mebbe we're juz passerbys in each other's life.
I'M THINKING TOO MUCH! but i still wanna think.
i seriously dunno wad is goin on anymore. doin all these things, juz to see u dao-ing me for almost a week. hey! and guess wad? you said u were busy! alrite! fine! as if u're the only one who's BUSY!!! evryone's busy workin, and so BE IT! dammit. when i needed someone to tok to, u juz chose to slp! k fine! perhaps i shldn't be angry with u at all, u're not obliged to listen to me. you're you, i'm me. we were never we. GET IT!? and i guess it never will be! the finger was shown, the gates were open, the path was shown, the rings were thrown. we never were, and never will be, the ones that we thot we wld be.
eh? gettin poetic ain't i? kinda random. but whatever! i guess i'm juz pissed, depressed. press ctrl+z. undo, return back to square 1. i'm back where i was. whatever that describes, loneliness, anger, sadness. all that that feels dark, but not a single thing that shows me the light. i tend to forget what there is left to remember. and that is why, i chose to forget whatever that was happy. while this sadness is constant. even if i forget, it'll juz come back. we were once there, but all of these are juz memories now. memories of nobody.
argh! f it! juz hope that things will get better. and i guess i'll be workin on lyrics. seems that when i'm back to wad i was, the lyrics juz keep pourin in. guess that'll be wad it shall be for the nxt yr until i ord. till then, F O!
No comments:
Post a Comment