Confusion

I have never been so confused for such a long time. I thought I was very sure about my feelings. Or rather I was very sure that there were no feelings at all. But somehow, somewhere, those feelings that I thought were gone, were just hiding somewhere waiting for it all to come out. I really have no idea what to do with what I'm feeling right now.

Is this even right?

I.. don't really know. On one hand, its something that I've always wanted, and only till recently that I thought maybe it wasn't meant to be. On the other hand, its something that brought me out of monotony in my work life, something that I thought I wouldn't find. Is it wrong to think that I want to keep both at my side? I guess it is.

Of course, I can just tell myself, go for one, and if that fails, there's always a back-up. But what the heck, I'm not like that. I shouldn't be like that. So until I can actually find out how I truly feel, I shouldn't be doing anything about it, even if it felt like the right moment to do anything, it probably won't be, because of everything else that's happening.

It has never been so confusing, but now it is.