f up

very long since i've felt so f-up le. i tot my hsp can pass de. but dunno y, go in, straightaway mind block. but i noe it's not becuz i didn't stay back yest nite. even if i stayed back last nite, i wld be too tired to even absorb anithing from wad the theory instructor wld haf taught. then farkin hell. go drivin, make some mistake. instructor nag like dunno wad. say wad if i keep doing this, hsp retest still will fail. WTF. nvr been so farkin pissed for a long time le. realli made me wanna scold f words. tt's y this entry kinda vulgar.

wad u mean i didn't put in effort. okay, mebbe I DIDN'T alrite! f la. u dun expect me to put in effort after so many things haf happened in my life. doin things 100% and get no return. fug la. do so much for wad. i tried to put in effort. do good, u nvr say anithing. accidentally cock up u keep lecturing. CCB!! fug la. i needta slp.

plain happy

ha. i guess i'm juz happy now. hmmm. mebbe not. juz that i'm not sad. i guess u can call that "happy". or mebbe i'm juz not feeling the sadness. can say, my feelings are neutral now. not sad, and mebbe a little bit towards happy. ha. and i wanna learn h0wta make cookies!!! lol. see how lo. ha. i think i shld lie low a little bit. dun be so concerned for a while. cuz i think i showed too much care. ha. let's c.

lost

i seem to be lost. at a loss. even as of now, i do not noe or even not sure wad i'm typing. but i juz feel like putting my feelings down. i haf no idea wad's going on now. seems like ppl are keeping a big secret from me. not ppl inside camp, but rather ppl outside. no matter how much i msg, they juz dun seem to reply. i dun even noe wad i haf done to deserve this kinda daoness. i do not noe. and i wanna noe, cuz i simply care. but i can't, i simply can't (adapted from the simpsons).

i dun even noe wad i'm writin on my note book. lyrics, without any tune in my head. lyrics without a tune is not a song. juz like a body without the soul and heart is not a human. ok, mebbe that's a bad analogy. i dunno. i dunno wad i'm thinking. or rather, it's confusing me. i dunno wad's happening. someone tell me. i dunno, i simply dunno.

is it so hard, to get a return for a 100% effort put in? that's the diff between life and games. in games, especially rpg games, u put in 100% effort, u'll definitely get to see results. but in life, that's not the case. at least not always for me. in fact, not at all. i've nvr seen good results for my 100%. wad's the point. i'm tired already. constantly putting in 100% for evrything. pouring my heart out. i'm juz dying, slowly. my feelings, getting numb. i dun feel like tokkin anymore. i'm juz tired. my soul, it's kinda dry. nothing can heal it anymore. evrything is aching. my arms, my leg, my body, my soul. My heart. heal me. nothing can, i guess.

all i see is lameness. i appreciate the efforts ppl put in to try to make me feel better. but sry, i'm kinda numb to those advice. rather i find it not useful at all, cuz it's all the same. sry to those ppl. but ur advice are always like, "cheer up, things might not be as bad as u think". all these dumb things. no use, no use at all. cuz it nvr realli helped. but i still muz thank those who did try. but no effort can heal me anymore. but kinda farni of me. i actualli asked the one who firz broke my heart for advice. but nvm, i kinda got over her actualli. my heart now is juz full of the one who's juz ignoring me now. i, i, i, i dunno wad to say.

i like you. is it that simply so hard to come out of my mouth. or izzit wrong of me to wait for u. i wanted to wait, till u're free and ez, to think of relationship in a more relaxed way. not when u're stressed up. but now, i dunno wad to say. i realli, i'm lost. i'm realli lost.

secret

woah! nice movie, tho the ending abit wierd. and indeed, got quite a number of loopholes. i wonder y, ain't it supposed to be only he can see her if she sees him firz. but durin the piano contest, y, when he was able to see him, even the sky cld oso see her and ask her, ain't he cute. hmmm, mebbe she didn't see him firz that day. haha. dunno la. want watch again. nice. but the ending is quite abrupt. and i dunno y, when i saw the things she wrote on the score, made me feel like crying. hmmm, then see the father run oso quite sad. EMO. dots. but it's also kinda wierd, how come he went back to the time when she was still alive. the twist actually made me thot that it was a ghost story, and kinda ridiculous. but in the end, woah! actualli kinda cool, kinda like a twist in a twist.

well, dunno y, but i juz dunno howta speak up. mouth inside got gold liddat. cannot open. some things, i oso dunno wad to say. hmmm, mebbe i was expected to say, ya, they're pretty, but u're not bad too. ha, that was wad i wanted to say, but can't. some things, juz can't be said. i dunno la, but was kinda happy? i realli dunno. i very tired today liaoz. ha, wanna slp le.

too ez?

it gets kinda worrying when things go too ez. cuz u dunno wad'll happen nxt. can help but get worried, but hopefully nothing goes wrong, cuz i guess, to me, this thing is realli impt.

yay. gonna watch secret on sun lo. hope it wld be nice, 4 star movie lo. but sian, after that muz book in. so so so tired le still muz book in. then do wad post ndp store recovery. kaoz la. after ndp le still got so many things to do.

siaN. hopin sun wld come soon but becuz of the book-in, juz makes me not look forward to sun. BUT i want watch movie!!!hahaha. cuz very long nvr watch this kinda movie abt love le.