thought

i thought i've learnt to put the past behind. i thought i've learnt howta love u for who u are now. i thought i've learnt howta gif u up when u find ur mr. right. i thought i've learnt how to be happy as long as i can see a smile on ur face. after all these i thought, i think i was wrong all these while.

i nvr put the past behind in the firz place, i only chose not to think about it.

i like u for who u are now, but i've never stopped loving who you were.

the moment i saw u expressing your happiness in ur nick, all i thought was, i shld've told u earlier.

the moment you said u were happy, that a simple reply put a smile on u, all i felt was jealousy.

that place in your heart, it was mine 5 yrs ago. when evrything seemed right, evrything seemed happy. a simple "i love you", a simple "<3" could make us so happy for days. but now, that place is filled up by another guy, and all i can think is, what have i done, why isn't it me. and all i could think of is blaming myself for what i had done b4 i met u. but all i had done was out of true love for someone who didn't deserve my love in the firz place. the first that broke my heart, the one that broke it into 64 pieces. i wished, i hoped, that u wld come back to me one day. but all hopes are gone now, u're forever gone, 5 yrs have been too long, even a baby 5 yrs back wld be in nursery by now. can i wish u happiness? the only thing i can say is sorry i thought i could, but i simply can't. i dunno how to. i'm selfish, love is. that is all i know.

a return to this path of loneliness. leave me alone, i just want a peaceful night for the moment and return to my fake smiles tomorrow. i've always been doing that, smiling for the sake of smiling, not becuz i'm happy.

damn, jus when i was telling myself not to scold the "f" word anymore, u made me realised how deserving this world is of my "f" words. but, i guess, there is no point in scolding the "f" word anymore. stop the vulgarities, let it end today.

this is my life, my story, and you will never be a part of it again.

good bye.

(i wonder why, till now, i have never mentioned her name in my blog at all, from the firz post to now. i wonder. why do i always love ppl who never deserved my love in the firz place, or rather, not appreciative of it. damn.)