So..

And so, 2nd week of nus. Getting used to it bit by bit. So far, its all been sec sch stuff durin maths and physics, and surprisingly engineering lectures. Boring me out. But i guess just have to take it in slowly, there's always acceleration before you can up one gear.

Lately, been hooked on to DMC, not devil may cry, it was a nice game and all..ya, but the DMC i'm referring to is Detroit Metal City. Satanic and vulgar stuff aside, it really is a funny manga, and somehow reflects the society as a whole. My thought after reading the manga was, there's a krauser in every good person, and at the same time, there's a good side to every krauser. Basically, what i'm saying is, humans as a whole, are two sided people. On the surface, they might be nice guys, innocent, but deep down inside, there's always a side of him/her that is evil, that scolds people, that feels unhappy about life. Then, there are evil people, born to do evil, like to do evil, but deep down inside, there's surely someone they care for, be it their parents, friends, loved ones. To every evil in one's heart, there's bound to be a good side to it deep down inside, to balance it out. There's no absolute evil, nor absolute goodness, that is what humans are, if not, we are not humans.

While on my way back home today, I was thinking, why does everything in life makes it easier to do evil, than to do good. When things happen, normally if you let it happen by itself, it'll make your actions seem evil, and in order to be good, you have to force yourself to do it. Seems that being evil is the easy way out. But, i would rather force myself to do good.

who do i love? what do i want? i'm confused, totally. No matter how hard i try, the one that talks to me more seems like an almost impossible task, i mean, it seems like its better to be friends, than to go back to what we were. The feelings are mutual, no matter how much we may still long for each other's company, we've already learnt that if we got together, it would only bring pain, or rather, disagreements. As much as i still like you, i think its best for us to remain what we are, friends, with me caring for you, wanting to protect you, but knowing that one day, the guy standing next to you in the church as your groom wouldn't be me. I'm still wishing that it would be me, but its just not possible i guess. I can only wish you the best for the next 6 months while you're not here. You'll be missed, by many, but not as much as being missed by me. Damn, why do i still like you this much?

The other one, the one who only likes to answer questions i ask, i do not know my feelings. I do not know what kind of future i want for us. Its ok to remain as friends, but the unknown future just makes you want to try to grasp it. I guess it can't be helped that i want to be more than just friends with you.

Who do i like? Who do i love? I guess its pretty obvious, but everything, its just too hard. Its all about courage, to tell her i love her the second time, or to start something special and new with someone whom i'm interested in. These answers, i can't answer, for i am not all-knowing. I can only wish, that whatever happens, that I could be happy about the result, and that you and you can be happy, even if i'm not the guy by your side.