I feel like shouting

I always do. To go somewhere, quiet, just me alone, and maybe, with you (though that's probably not gonna happen ever). I just wanna shout to the world, hear the echoes, and realise how lonely I am in this world. Or rather, ay, nvm.

Maybe its the tiredness getting to me, or the fact that the weekend ended once again with me practically doing nothing. Drinking after engin camp, basically burnt my sat away cuz of a bad headache after that. I needed that anyway, to drink and feel happy, even if its just me being high becuz of the alcohol, but whatever, at least I felt open when I was drinking. No locks, no whatsoever.

I tried opening up, you know. I talked to you, you don't even bother. Stop giving me lame excuses, you do know how lame you sound when you come up with these. I really dun want to give a shit about you anymore. Its not the first time already, and you probably know it. Why can't we just be honest to each other. What you want, what I want. We should settle it once and for all, get it over and done with. Just tell me how much you hate me while I'll tell you how much I actually loved you but would be willing to let go if you would just say no. Its gotten to the point that I'm tired of all these. Its not me not trying, its you not willing to accept. You've probably been making use of me all these time, telling me stuff when you really needed it, and that i'm probably the only nice and dumb guy in the world to say yes to your requests. You only talk to me when you need me, but when I needed someone to talk to, you'll never be there, ever.

Strangely though, all these kinda seem to be a cycle. A cycle of me being taken advantage of by people and once I'm useless to them, they just kick me aside. Nah, you don't need to say anything, I understand. What I mean to you, probably is just a useless existence. There is no use for me anymore, cuz I don't live in the East, cuz I don't have time to do stuff with you, cuz I'm just not the kind to show my feelings so easily. I don't know anymore, I just know that I'm tired.

But I still love the way you smile. ):