I never

Let go.

As much as I've told myself to let go of the past, I guess, I never really did. It came back haunting. The moment I saw you, I knew, I never let go of what I should have 7 years back.

I don't know why, when I saw you, the anger I had in my heart for the past 7 years just disappears like that. I've always been unhappy about how things ended for us. How you broke our promise. How you treated me as if I'm nothing. But the moment I saw you, I just thought, those broken promises, those empty vows, holding on to them brings nothing, and these are nothing compared to the happiness I had with you. Short it may be, but I've never forgotten about the love we had for each other in that short 2 years of the 4 years of sec sch life. 2 years out of 4 years, that's a lot you know? Considering how our relationship dragged out for the entire 4 years of our sec sch life, my memories of those days were mostly made up of you. So, the love, the hatred, all these just stayed in me. The sight of you brings out the love, the thought of you brings out the hatred.

I never let go, I never did.

So why, why did I not dare to even say hi to you. Is it the fact that there was someone next to you? Is it the fact that that someone looks like he's probably your bf? I have no idea what I'm thinking really. When you told me back then that because of what you did to me 7 years back, you dared not get into a relationship again, I really wished that you didn't do this yourself and sincerely hoped that you could find yourself someone who would treat you good. Then why is it that now, when I'm looking at you together with someone, something dark just builds up inside me. This sadness, how do I explain it? I probably can't, but really, I just don't feel that good about it. Perhaps its regrets that I could have been the one. Perhaps, its wishful thinking on my part that after 7 years, I might still have the chance to love a person that I had once thought would be the love of my life.

Guess what, if we really continued back then, I would still say the same things to you, I would never let go of you, and I'll always be there for you, always. Just because I've said it to you, it means that I will never break it. But why, why did you have to trample on my promise 7 years ago. You just had to break the promise we had, you just had to make me let go. I didn't let go because I loved you no more, I simply let go, cause I still had love for you. But knowing that it hurt you, I had to take it all away. It was hard, but the only way I could do it was by hating you.

And this, really is the reason why my love-hate towards you never ended for the past 7 years. You were all that I had.

Ay, why am I emo-ing now. The fact that that day is coming again? probably. A day that I'll never forget.

Anyway, happy birthday to you in advance. I hope July is still with you by your side, in place of me.