Found a reason not to go

Hmmm, very long never update my blog liao. Lotsa stuff happened in this short 2 months. Mostly stuff that I guess I should be happy about.

Found a smile, that I wish I could hold on forever, but more on that later.

Well, first up, got my results back. Hmmm, best sem out of the 5 sems thus far. Wouldn't have noticed it if weiling didn't point out to me that if i consider this sem's cap only, i actually hit above 4. but yeah, as a result of that, overall CAP improved. But as another sem goes by like that, you can't help but realise how much better it could have been if I just put in that little bit more effort in studies. Instead of playing for the whole sem, and leaving tutorials/pyp towards the last 2 weeks before exams to complete, I could have done all these consistently and gotten myself a better set of results than what there is now on the transcript. Same applies for the past 4 sems. But well, life goes on, instead of regretting what I could have done, why not look forward to what I should be doing. But wait, then again, my CAP has reached such saturation that now I'm just aiming for 3.5, so yeah, if I do the same as I did for this sem, I'll probably hit it the sem after I come back from sep. Suddenly, going on exchange to freeze my CAP doesn't seem that good an idea anymore.

Oh right, back to the smile. I don't know. I thought seeing her one last time before I leave sg will help me make up my mind as to whether I should tell her before I leave, or after I come back. But seems that seeing her one more time, made me confused even more. I found myself in this state where, I want to tell her so much, I want to let her know how I feel, I want to be with her so much, that I just want to tell her right now. But then, there's this thing holding me back, what if I told her, and the feelings were mutual, then there would be one more thing other than my family that would make me don't feel like going on SEP at all. Just imagine how much I would be missing her when I get to Finland that I just want to fly back to SG when I reach there. That would suck, so much. On one hand, I would know that there's someone I love over here waiting for me, but on the other hand, I wouldn't enjoy SEP fully, since all I would want is to come back. I know I'm contradicting myself. But this is the kind of dilemma I am in right now.

I really, really found a reason not to go. But I have no idea whether not telling her today was the right choice. Only time would tell, but this, important decision might really be a life-changing one, and might be one that I might come to regret for not telling her, at all. I will tell her, but the problem is when?

But anyway, I really really enjoyed today. Been so long since I last sat down with someone and just chat away. Really had fun. Thank you. (: