It seems so long from the last time I talked to her. Perhaps I've gotten over it already, or perhaps I've simply just buried the feelings away? Not seeing her at all does help in a way, but somehow, its just the feeling that deep down there, there's still something for her.
Anyway, alot of shit-stirring going on in Finland, especially during the Sweden trip. Not like I'm bothered by it, just joining in the fun, even if i'm one of the party that's kenna stirred. Doesn't really matter to me, since I've already thought of how I don't wanna get into a relationship anymore. Not even try, so yeah, I really don't care what people say, or how people feel. Stir whatever you want, it doesn't really matter, cuz the things that really matter have long gone.
Been trying to keep a positive attitude ever since that day. Telling myself to be awesome everyday, to not be tied down by things. But it kinda broke tonight. Not because of the planning of the UK trip, its really easy, even though the bookings are tough, but I still feel alright with it. What really bothered me was when I was trying to plan for the Liverpool part of the trip. For the years from sec 4 up till the my 1st year in NUS, the only person I wanted to go to Anfield with was this girl. Not that the girl matters to me anymore, I've already gotten over her. What really bothered me was of going Anfield alone. How ironic when the club badge reads "You'll Never Walk Alone", and I'm facing the prospect of going Anfield alone. Well, at the very least I'm going to a place which I've longed to go since secondary school days. I just hope that the places I want to go in the future, won't end up with me having to visit the places by myself again. =/
And that's probably the reason why I don't feel like going Paris. Cuz it was a place I wanted to go with her, or at least, go for her. =/
For the first time in almost 3 weeks, tears are welling up in my eyes. How long can this self-denial of being happy last? I wonder.
No comments:
Post a Comment