o, tell me why

this is seriously another one of those nights i sit by the com, havin nothing to do and browsing thru tons of blog posts..

coming to conclusions, and alot of them..y isn't it me?it cld haf been me..i did my best, to stay, to make her stay..but the worst has happened..i tried my best..i did try to hold on, but it felt kinda slippery, and i was juz tired..too tired to hang on to that 0.001% chance of her coming back..now, i believe, this 0.001% has somehow dropped to 0.000000001% or even less..cuz i noe, there is someone better out there that she so wants to be with..and i wish her best, at the expense of my heart..somehow, my heart is still with her..but she has forgotten where she put it, and she refuses to return it to me..ridiculous, even after 3 yrs..i still can't find a right place for my heart..finding so many girls, trying to noe more ppl..and eventually, wad i get is void, plain emptiness..failure, sadness, grief..all filling me at once, overwhelming me..fallen, driven to the extent of giving up on evrything..this pain, no one can cure, no one can sense, no one can feel the same..this loneliness..loneliness of an 18 yr old, trying so hard to find a true love, yet he can't..

this is but a story, a sad one, one which i hoped the main character isn't me, but it happened to be dearest me..

i wish, to stay, to learn, to experience, to care, to share, to cry, to laugh, to love..

it was taken away, and not being given back..i am emo now, and i do not intend to return to my usual self, until the day breaks..i'll juz sit infront of this com, looking back at all those memories that left me alone..hui2 dao4 guo4 qu4, to the time where i dared to tell u i love u..

booking in, for more pushups..i hope it wun hit 1000..although this wk it's i myself who did 200+ more on fri to make it 1000..but i guess it's gonna be good for my body..and this 3 days i hope i haf fully rested, physically, but not mentally..but i'm prepared to accept the challenges ahead in my life, not in my past, but the present and the future..

i'll try my best to stop looking into the past and look forward..i promise myself..