starting to feel it

I'm starting to feel it. The pain of being here, and not there. Starting to wonder, whether it would have been different if I had not told her anything. Or whether it would have been different if I was more active during last sem. Or whether if I had not accepted this SEP, how would things be like now?

I always think that I don't regret the things I do. Yes, I don't regret the things I did, but I regret for the things that I could have done. In this aspect, I guess I still have not grown out of it.

I'm really scared, of the future. I don't know how things would be like when I get back to Singapore. As the days go by, I just find myself chasing your shadows. I've lost track of where you are. Its almost as if you're no longer in my life. Apart from the occasional tweet, there's really nothing else. If this is what you meant by keeping in contact, I guess we're doing it wrong.

I knew hanging on would be this tough. Yet I chose this path. If only you knew how much this means to me, perhaps you wouldn't have said those words to me. I guess I just didn't show you enough. But that doesn't mean I'm going to give up. Its just 4 months left. Somehow, I'll make it through. Somehow, I'll not let my tears bring me down. Somehow, I'll cry for the fact that I was not able to make you feel how much you mean to me, but I'll hang on. If only you could read my mind. I don't need to know or understand how you feel, cuz I know that if only you knew how I felt, you would definitely have said yes to me.

I just hope that there is still time for me to make you change your mind. So please, don't give up on me.

Even this slight glimmer of hope I'm holding on to, seems to be dispersing as the days go by. Finland is cold, but I feel that you're colder than that towards me.

I'm just afraid, that things wouldn't be the same anymore. But I'm more afraid of you leaving my life.

I miss you, I miss going out with you, I miss your smile, I miss listening to your stories, I miss listening to your life, I miss being part of your life. I miss everything that is you. And I guess, I've missed my chance. =/

Will you say yes when I get back? Will my clinging on prove to be what it takes to win your heart?

I only hope the answer is yes.