thx and wad

being dead doesn't mean i'm not around,
death does not bring about loneliness,
death is not due to weakness,
being dead doesn't mean people will start missing you,
being dead, just leaves you thinking.

nothing much. mebbe i'm juz emo. juz something i came about while thinking abt stupid stuff. but aniwaes, seriously, i dun c death as a method of escaping the present. being dead doesn't mean ppl will necessary start thinking of you, and regretting that they didn't treat u nicely. there might be a slight possibility, but soon after, ppl will juz return to their normal lives. and to them, the dead is juz the past. cuz to humans, only the future matters. i've forgotten about the past, but my future? izzit bright? i do not noe. but i noe that there are ppl out there trying to plunge my life back into darkness. but there are ppl who bring me light, showing me the right way.

i'm glad u came. seeing you kinda surprised me. that u're there when i needed someone to tok to. that u cared. that u came. that u chose to stay. that u're by my side now. i thank you. a fren in need is a fren indeed.

i've been reading books from anne rice abt vampires. but the story doesn't realli tok much abt vampires, but rather the life of these vampires before they became humans. includes some interesting history which i can't be bothered to check on, but i choose to list them under fiction till i can be bothered to verify. nonetheless, the books are still nice. language used, the words used, realli good.

ok, last but not least. i realli hope something good will turn out of this relationship, or rather, this thing that i realli hope i can be able to cling on forever. the signs are not exactly good, but i wld say it's not bad either. one day i'll juz say it. it's after this yr's a's or after their prelims. somethings muz be said, muz be done. or for now, at least, i guess whoever reads this, will not actualli guess the person i'm talkin abt. but who cares, i guess nobody reads this aniwaes. cuz there's not even a single tag on my "c" box. if c is for communication, obviously it's not servin it's purpose. same goes to it if it is for chatter. if it's for cheer, obviously, it's not doing it's job. so i dun realli see the purpose of the tag board. unless, YOU who is reading this now, for my sake, pls TAG!!! haha, i'm getting kinda emo here.

but i guess i'm not realli a person that can make someone happy, cuz i obviously dunno howta make ppl tell me their probs, so at least i can help them with it. i realli wanna help, but the situation doesn't allow me to. and i realli seriously hope they are happy.

hahaha

haha. wrote 5 songs in 4 days. dunno y, but seems that i realli felt bored these few days. perhaps becuz there were less messages to reply. i dunno, but for wed and thur was realli feeling down. felt like givin up, but something juz told me to cling on. so i did. fri, at least got reply, but still nt very happy. but today ate alot, cuz went to, hmmm. kushin bo? dunno howta spell. but wadeva. juz ate alot lo. buffet ma, so juz take eat eat take. haha, but dun think i going again for any buffets in quite a while. i realised my ability to eat more than i pay has gone down. today payed 40 plus? but i guessed i only ate 30+ worth of food. HIAKX. but nvm.

hmmm, i hope i can feel happy real soon. but at least i noe the dao-ness has not realli set in yet, so i guess shld be rather, erm, happy abt it? at least not all hope is gone. argh, wadeva la. wait and c i told myself. and that was wad my new 5 songs were all about. i mean almost all la. all meant for me to wait and see. and all 5 songs had a kinda comment after writing the song, about wad i was realli thinking when i was writing it. kinda makes me remember the tune i had for those lyrics, so will put it down on the songs blog ba. so look out for it!!!haha

ahhh, tml ndp support. i'm so tired alr, after the 10km run today. stupid me, go chiong last 1km. cuz i overtook sgt tt, then since pc4 and s2 were infront, so i juz chiong lo. overtook them then was thinking, since overtook le, might as well go all the way back, dun slow down. argh. dumb me la. in the end so tired. and i think my timing sux, 55 mins. but i seriously hope i can finish ahm in 2 hrs. 3 days OFF!!! then can relax myself. hiakx. after that is ippt pass by september. hope i can make it. and hopefully our sbj regime doesn't fail me. at least now the chin-up regime is not as tough as b4. only do max. and argh! sgt neo, still say wad ippt circuit trainin he'll juz make us do ranger jump for the whole session cuz we only fail sbj. alrite lo. but my chin-up, hmmm, after the chin-up regime, my max dropped from 6 to 4 again. argh, is that a sign of degredation or izzit a hope of improvement. but nonetheless, i'll still try my best. the cbre badge is not there for nothing. and ya, marcus cheng is cbrd oct. haha, hope he commissioned le become my pc!!! XP then it'll be fun. haha. and jeep course is in sept. looking forward to it. =D

hai

o dear, i'm so tired now. after all the ndp and stuff that has been going thru this week, i'm already physically and mentally exhausted. some stuff, gone. some things, learnt. some things, i'll treasure even more. well, for that, i'll start all the way from wad happened on book out day. wadeva happened on 11th July, i'll add on later. but firz of all, i muz thank mr yeo, for his patience with us, and sry for we've not learnt to treasure him.

well, perhaps to make this entry not as sad as others i've seen, i shall start on a lighter note.

on fri, after a tiring ndp support and 10km run in the morning, which included carrying bread (2 trucks of them), ice (200 packets) and some yeos drinks and new water (when i say some, it's actually like hmmm 100+? 200+? dun realli noe, lost count). but aniwaes, after that, went to marina square walk walk abit then go west mall le. realli didn't feel like going cuz realli tired le. but since i promised jialin i'm going to lend her the vcd, so cannot pang seh ppl lo. go down there, she not ther yet, so juz walk arnd. saw lotsa stuff, cool, interesting? dunno, but suddenly feel like getting a ps3 cuz of the interesting games i saw. went to pop, saw this real nice book that was about cats. small, but quite thick and included lotsa pictures of cats. the thing that it is in cube form. the most amazing thing, it costs 17.90. alrite, then she came, so i gave, too tired, didn't say anithing, say bye, she goes (but one thing i noticed. jialin, u have quite alot of pimples wor, haha, too stressed?). simple. then i went arnd to library and some other places before going home. was real tired le, but still had one last place muz go b4 going home to slp. so i juz went home, put down bag, slack arnd for a while then gone out le.

alrite, a little bit rewind. on july 11, mr yeo, who was my conductor in sajc chinese orchestra, passed away.

ok, back to the earlier part. went down to lakeside, no one there yet. so bought a coffee and drink, my fav mocha. that was my hmmm, third for the day? alrite, then came ignatius. almost didn't recognise him, guess i pon too much co in j1 le. then i saw chengzhi. hmmm, this part i kinda confused, can't realli rmm who i saw firz. and i think i'm breakin this entry into too much detail, but i shall carry on. then saw sinyi. then came, i think marcus, a senior who i duno realli noe, cuz as i've said, pon too much j1. next came lucinda, and as blur as before, she was having a hard time trying to remember all our names. but that was realli funny and rather cute (side track liaoz). k then alot of other ppl came, like weelong, peyling, aaron, shiyan, bernice, etc. i only wrote down those names that i can remember, or rather i noe. this juz shows how much co i've missed in j1.

then went to the wake. the moment i stepped in, suddenly felt a sense of grief, dunno y. juz felt sad. then as the thing goes on, there was this part where someone sang a song written by mr yeo. the lyrics, dunno y, it's kinda sad, but its oso like someone who has seen thru life. i dunno, but at least that's what i think.

then went home, can't slp, mainly becuz of the coffee, and some other stuff i can't stop thinking about.

firz of all, i realised, which i have realised long ago, but now shall comment on it again. life is really full of sudden things, things can juz happen without u expecting it. wad happened to mr yeo was one of it. hearing kenneth saying that 3 wks ago he was still tokking to mr yeo on the phone, and mr yeo said he's better, but yet, 3 wks later, he's juz gone. it realli saddened me. things can juz happen liddat. no expectations of wad's gonna happen. poof, some things are juz gone like taht. treasure things, i muz, and i've learnt that long ago, but it's seriously hard to practice. cuz, i guess it's men's instinct, to take things for granted.

so i've decided, some things muz be said b4 it's too late, cuz u dunno wad's gonna happen nxt. but i dunno when i shld tell, izzit time yet? i dunno. i hope u can tell me. like wad someone has said, mebbe u're juz pretending, that u do not noe how i feel, but i realli dunno. but i dun wanna wait le. but i oso think that it's not time yet. in a dilema (if that's how u spell it)

ok, guess i'll juz stop here, tho i think still got alot of things haven say yet, but i'm too tired now. but i still can't slp, but i can't think as well!!!too much coffee.

new song by jay~

a song by jay for his latest movie, 不能說的秘密. quite a diff style frm his previous songs, but nonetheless, it's still nice. haha, but i'll put back tui4 hou4 soon. haha, cuz tui4 hou4 seems better, after listening to it like a million times, cuz of that stupid bug on my com the other day. haha.

the mv for this song oso quite nice. can go visit at youtube : http://youtube.com/watch?v=C6dO6hCunTA&mode=related&search

ha. bookin in today lo. sian sian, dunno why but i oso addicted to why why love liaoz. argh. i tot i wldn't like to watch drama le, but nvm, seems that this show is nice. thx to jialin. argh.

aniwaes, 不能說的秘密 is real nice. realli like it siah. can't wait for movie to come out. august i think, nvm. can wait. and the new song i'm writin is on hold currently. ran out of ideas. actualli shld say, too many tunes coming to my head for the same lyrics. hmm. hiakX. wait ba wait, i'll get it done soon, hopefully. wait for the best tune to come to my mind firz. haha. aniwaes, realised the song on my blog sounds a bit too, erm, digitalised?if that's how u spell it. but nvm, nice then can le. ha.

my love for sad songs is gonna kill me one day, too much sadness, but i still like them. but pls, to all out there, love sad songs only becuz u feel sad abt the song, not becuz it makes you happy (which i dunno how a sad song can make someone happy). sad songs, are meant to be sad. being happy abt it is juz an insult to the writer who meant for it to be sad. ok, i guess i sounded too offensive. but pls look at songs in the right way they were supposed to be looked at.

pls tell me i'm not wrong about this, that one day, we'll eventually find ourselves on the same path in each other's life.

the lyrics :

不能说的秘密 曲 : 周杰伦 词 : 方文山

冷咖啡离开了杯垫

我忍住的情绪在很后面

拼命想挽回的从前

在我脸上依旧清晰可见

最美的不是下雨天

是曾与你躲过雨的屋檐

回忆的画面

在荡着秋千梦开始不甜

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

又何必去改变已错过的时间

你用你的指尖阻止我说再见

想像你在身边在完全失去之前

你说把爱渐渐放下会走更远

或许命运的签只让我们遇见

只让我们相恋这一季的秋天

飘落后才发现这幸福的碎片

要我怎么捡

nt realli a happy day

off..ya..but so?i dun realli feel happy today..dunno y..play bball oso play 1 hr then go le..sian..altho managed to noe one guy who's quite gd at bball..but didn't play much..juz so sian..evrything juz didn't seem right today..shoot ball cannot go in, dribble cannot get pass, spin ball the ball can't even hit the board..wtf is wrong..no focus, no concentration..

i tot the msg cld haf made me happier for the whole day. but no. NO. no way. it didn't. i juz dun like this kinda feeling. y am i always doing the tokking while u listen. i guess that's y u're a gd listener. but wadeva. i oso dunno wad i'm doing. all this, for nothing? emptiness is filling me up. but at least got ppl still can tok to. like someone who likes to appear offline cuz she wanna watch videos on youtube, dun wanna mention names (k. it's jialin). someone who juz scold me fug when i tok to him, but i noe he's juz joking, dun wanna mention names (k. it's tzeheng). someone who juz likes to piss me off when i tok to him, dun wanna mention names(k.it's realli someone i do not wish to mention his name). someone who juz say a few words, then seems like she's busy for the rest of the days, dun wanna mention names(k. it's yanrong). while others, they're juz ppl who i casualli tok to. and i've juz decided to change my format of writing blogs. from here on, i'll try not to put ".." cuz it makes the the whole thing look like one chunk of wordy thing. it's quite hard to kick away this habit tho.

still remember this habit was picked up when i firz gt a hp that can sms. cuz of the limitations of 160 char, i'll tend to squeeze evrything, tryta summarize. from 3 dots become 2 dots. once i tot that 2 dots same as a dot followed by a space, but 2 dots easier to type. perhaps if i change the way i type on hp, ppl wun feel intimidated by the whole chunk of words ba. i'll try to change. ha.

and thx to jialin, i've decided to watch huan4 huan4 ai4. afterall, u gave me such a good link without lag in the video. and ya. the song tui4 hou4 is still playing at the back of my com even tho i'm not at my blog!!! this is actualli making me sick of this song, ha. but i guess i'll nvr hate jay's songs. afterall, i hafta admit tui4 hou4 is the best song in still fantasy. i mean the best slow song. best tune still goes to twilight's chapter seven for it's unique style. argh, the song kip playing, then make me think that it's actualli very nice. haha. zz, liewz. i hafta agree with jialin that this song is nice liaoz. ha.

if tmr is the end of the world, i'll hold you tight, and say wad i think and wad i feel. that's the only reason y i look forward to the end of the world, cuz only then, wld i definitely tell u. if not, how else would i find the courage to say, to say that i realli like u.

omg, i think i can write that into a song. ha. gogogo!!! gonna be a slpless nite.

songs

ha..can't find the song that describes my feelings now..cuz no matter how i add the blog will have error..but this song wun haf error..haha..so add this lo..my fav song for jay's latest album (last yr)..haha..but think his album coming out soon..haiz..in ns so long, so dun even noe the latest news..haha

well..this is the song that describes my feelings now:

小丑鱼

我在你身边游来游去
我不敢出声看着他亲吻你
眼不能闭
看你的唇印还在那里你
隔着玻璃所以听不见
我在叹息

说不出口的秘密
永远活在小小的世界里
仅存一点稀薄的氧气
是否够我继续撑下去

这件脱不下来的外衣
还是你喜欢的橘
我不能确定
是否你曾经注意
我的眼泪流在透明的水里

★ lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海

等我转过身看你眼神
才知道自己想得太过天真
伤得太深 爱来的时候划破沉闷
我早该知道你终究不是我
该爱的人

黑暗中两眼无神
夜里不再为我开盏灯
始终不敢将爱说出口
当然没有资格去竞争

恋爱和失恋同时发生
怪自己枉费青春
我输得彻底
把脸深埋在水里面
却还要演好这一场戏

lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海那片海
waiting for you

那片海眼看就要让我愈来愈远回不来
从此你的不愉快那么遥远谁听你埋怨
再说一遍说一遍 ya...
我在你身边给你一点点愉快就
会心甘情愿回到大海

lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海那片海
waiting for you

haha..that's all..but dun ask me y i think it relates to me right now..i do not noe too..but i guess it juz happens to be a nice song..hmmm..mebbe it realli is wad i'm feeling right now..i do not noe..

aniwaes..written a new song..shld be uploading to my songs blog..so keep a lookout..haha..in case u do nt noe..it's at the links there..that says my songs!!!haha..oya..and i'm rewriting 三月六日..and i seriously hope this post comes out with the chinese words i typed..hopefully

5-star toilet

z..dammit la..pc wants 5-star toilet..**** to him..****s refers to some round thing..lol..shall try not to use too much vulgarities..but realli la..5-star..for gods sake..this is the army..army toilet expecting 5-star HOTEL standard..zzzz..in the firz place, the toilet wasn't even built like a 5-star hotel toilet..given it's standards now, it's alr considered the best in the army..we gave ourselves 6/10 for a 5-star hotel toilet..but it wld be 10/10 for a normal army toilet la..zzz..

and i feel cheated over the run..supposed to run 12km..run run run..till the supposed turning point, then i was like..eh?y haven turn yet..then kip running..then WTF..realli damn far then turn la..run back then the "gd" conducting officer juz say it was 13km juz now..ok fine..but at least he apologised..and i tot i failed to meet the 72min timing for 12km la..in the end i ran 13km in 73mins..zzzzz..****s to u..

juz looking forward to this wkend..cuz pretty long wkend to go..mon tue off..juz slp slack play game at home..but haiz..i'm like losing touch on my studies lo..=P..becoming more str based whether then intel based..XP

hmmm

dunno wad to do..sianz..wad's the nxt step?step forward, or take a step back and appreciate the situation b4 doing anithing farni..i need help..perhaps muz need help from haha..nvm..zzzzzz