absolute boyfriend is a nice show. On the surface, it shows a simple story about a girl wanting a bf and a company decides to give her a robot one. But to me, there's a hidden meaning. You might do everything right for the girl you like, doing everything that she says she likes, doing everything for her, protecting her, wanting to make her happy. All these and that, but at the end of the day, what really matters is if you're really the one she likes. If she doesn't feel for you, there's simply nothing you can do to change that fact. It takes 2 hands to clap.
I've always understood that theory, but also, i've always tried to prove that wrong. I always tried my best, to prove that, as long as you perservere, you can make it. But look at what has happened these past 7 years since i was 14.
First came the first, I tried, I held on, when others would definitely have just given up. A promise to her, was nothing but a few words to keep me by her side when she felt that she needed me there to keep her company. After that feeling fell through, and all that was left was a non-necissity of a boyfriend, she simply forgot the promise. I didn't know that she forgot about it, I held on, for 1.5 whole f-ing years, i held on, knowing that it was slowly slipping it, at least i can feel it, but without knowing that she decided to forget all about the promise. And for that 1.5 years of me holding on, staying true to our promise, staying in love with her, she held on in her own way. The only thing keeping us together was the fact that she still needed a comfort zone when she feels down, just in case she breaks down one day, she knows that there'll be an idiot waiting over there for her.
And so I did, waiting for 1.5 years, waiting for the day that she promised to come, the day that she said we'll be together again. If she didn't say anything by then, I would have continued, be it 1.5 years or even 15 years. If she didn't say anything, I would just go on, loving her and her only.
Come to think of it, I guess I should count myself lucky that she told me after 1.5 years and not 5 years or 10 years. It made me give up, it made me hate her, it actually saved me from falling even further. So for 1.5 years of me waiting for her, there was also 1.5 years of her thinking about how to break the truth to me, that I do not feature in her future plans at all. Not a single bit. I did all a boyfriend would do to try to make her girlfriend happy. And she did what a girl would do to keep the good things to herself when she needs it. And so, she decided that she didn't need it anymore, so she threw it away.
Now, that links back to absolute boyfriend. To her, I was the "absolute boyfriend", the one that will always be there for her when she needs me to be, and that's what I did. But when she got tired of this guy who always have been trying his best to make her happy, she thought that, this is not the type of boyfriend she really wants.
And in the end, who suffers the most? It's me. To her, what she lost was something she didn't need at all. But to me, I've lost something that i've always thought I was born to do, at least for that 3 years that i was in love with her.
Now, that's where the difference between a robot and human comes in. The robot is programmed to love only one, but I as a human, can think for myself, and SO, i decided to love another girl.
As for the 2nd, it was a bit different at first. All i wanted at the beginning was someone to replace the first, to at least keep me happy while i'm recovering from the first sadness. I know that sounds kinda bastard of me, but that was really me at that time, the first one changed me into that kind of guy. And so I did, I told her I liked her, and she told me the same.
So, we went out, doing stuff that a couple would do, as in hang out together. But most of the time, really, it was just texting lovey dovey msges. And so, after 2 weeks into that "replacement" period, I thought, "hey, this girl is great, I do love her." So, I fell in love for a 2nd time in my life, not knowing there was a change going on on the other side.
As I was thinking I love her, there she was, thinking, "I think I liked this guy on impulse, do i really like him?" So, it happened, 2 more weeks of me falling in love with her more and more, and 2 more weeks of her doubting more and more whether she really likes me.
So after one month of being together, the inevitable happened. Ok, note, at that time, i didn't know about her doubting whether she liked me or not, it was until this year that i truly knew that she didn't like me at all, but i'll touch on that later. AND SO, she told me we should just be friends. OK! What can I reply to a msg that reads "can we just be friends". CAN I FREAKIN SAY NO!? OF COURSE NOT!!! The only way out for me was to say "yes" and after that fall onto my bed and cry the whole night. Yet another one, that I loved, but she did not appreciate me at all. Her love for me expired in simply one month. And her reason for the break-up was, she thinks I dun really like her, she thinks I'm stepping on 2 boats. Which is complete crap and I don't think I even need to explain myself. If you really know me and understand me, you should know what kind of a person I am. But due to my love blindness, I carried on loving her for 5 years.
Ok, to the part where i said she didn't like me at all. This was what happened. After 5 years of still loving her (ya, i carried on loving her for 5 years, one sided but ya), I told her about it, and guess her reply? "I thank you for all you've done...blah blah blah...but the truth is, I never really liked you before and what happened 5 years ago was just on impulse." Ok, that wasn't exactly what she said, but it's about there. OK, fine, nvm, so I loved blindly again! WOOHOO! man, i sure like that feeling.
Point to note, by saying all these, i'm not trying to blame them or what. They're not wrong in going their seperate ways, to find their own happiness. I thank them for making me realise where i've gone wrong and I wish them luck in finding their own happiness. My purpose of writing all these is to simply remind myself not to commit these mistakes again (though i've gone on to commit some of these mistakes again, but that's a later story). Also, it is to remind guys in this world that this kind of shit can actually happen and do not be totally blinded when in love. There are always some things you must be alert of, to keep yourself safe from being hurt. Let go when it's time, holding on to it while it's flying higher and higher away from you will just make you drop to the ground even harder when she kicks you off.
Some mistakes i've committed after that:
I liked this girl too much when i was in j1. I easily got sad when i think about her ignoring me. I easily got jealous. I gave too much and got too little (or nothing) in return. I wanted to protect her, i wanted to make her happy, but all these, after a while it seemed too much to her and she started distancing herself from me. Luckily, I let go early. Hurt yes, but not as much.
Another one was some time into NS. Again, I wanted to protect her, i wanted to make her happy. I did everything i could do for her to make her happy and always tried to protect her whenever i could. But when reality set in and I realised that she already likes some other guy, I let go. I could have carried on, but sometimes, its just better to move on.
For the third one, I do not wish to comment much. Everything was right for us, from the start till the end. Ended in a mutual consensus and that's what i liked about it. Let us just keep the sweet memories to ourselves and hopefully you would remember the promise of denying everything that has happened between us, to keep this friendship intact. We simply knew each other too well, to be together. Friends 4eva.
Goodnight to the world, one more lonely night for the nocturnal animal sitting down here typing. (ps. how do you define a being that can't sleep at night but can't really sleep in the morning at all too) ok, insomia!
Reunion 130713.
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