falling apart

I can feel myself falling apart again. Nothing really caused it i guess. I was already in pieces, somehow, something held me together, some wierd bond, a feeling that I have to this Earth. But all of a sudden, i just felt tired, and i thought that this bond was useless, this feeling I have, its too tiring to maintain. So, the moment I thought i would let go, i felt myself collapsing, like wanting to give up everything in life and just live on as a wandering soul, a mere memory.

What happened to me? I can't really say. I just don't feel like doing anything, I feel like quitting my job, the way they press me for quota is simply irritating. Can't I do things my way, the way i want, instead of having ppl telling me what to do. Maybe I should just quit after completing this week. I'm just tired. I feel like just taking a break from everything, start doing something i like, say running, writing lyrics, drawing random stuff. All these, cuz I know once uni start, i dun think i'll have much time as i have now. Maybe I should just go overseas to relax myself, or perhaps I really dunno what i want in life.

What am i pursuing? What are my dreams? I want this earth to be a better place for people to live in, ie, free of pollution/war. How to do that? rid earth of things that cause pollution and things that require the need of a war to settle, Ie, humans. shit happens, and people just go to war to settle things, so isn't it better if everyone only have one single common enemy where they'll fight against on a single front, that they'll put aside their conflicts and join together to fight off the enemy. Ok, nvm, i shall not continue with this theory of mine which is pretty hard to understand. To simplify things, the dreams that i'm pursuing are simply hard to fulfil, and requires a big amount of effort, and time, which i'm simply too tired to start on.

And to the girlfriend matter. Before the first one, it was a need to me. After the first one, it was still a need, to me. After the second one, i thought i still need it, but it can wait. But after the third one, it simply, became a want. Not a necissity. It is not something that i desperately need right now to live on. Maybe, having one can help me define a clearer direction in which i want to pursue my dreams. But, having one also leads to problems. Simply put, I don't think i need one now, especially when i'm tired, and feel that i have my own problems to settle first.

I. I dunno what i want. this sucks