something to really smile about?

I just don't know why. Or perhaps, I know what's going on with myself. The ability to smile at every single thing, to laugh along with others, yet deep down in, I know there's something wrong, something preventing me from smiling from my heart. Yes, i'm being a hypocrite to the people around me. But does it really matter? What matters most to others is that they see you smiling, they see you laughing, then they'll assume you are alright. And yes, that's what I have been doing. I do not want anyone to see me and say, woah, this guy fking emo. But yeah, in person, I guess i can hide it very well. Other places, i tend to show it alot. But yeah, seriously, who cares?

I used up all my courage to ask what's going on, and what I get is the same old shit. Continued disregard for my feelings. If this is what you want, then so be it. I don't even see a point of me holding on to this friendship anymore, if there ever was one. All I can see now is a person who made use of me, asking me to do this and that for her, only in the end to push me aside. What?