What went wrong? How did I screw up this friendship? What have I done? All the questions, with no answers. Was being honest the mistake? Should I have handled it in another way? At the end of the day, the mistake seemed to be I opened my heart to someone who didn't see the friendship like I did. For the past 8 months, the wall that I spent so much effort on building around myself, just cuz I opened that little door for someone to come in, and the wall just crumbled. Maybe I shouldn't let ppl stay inside this wall for too long? =/
I thought it was okay. I thought it was okay to let someone that I know I won't fall in love with come in. Afterall, there're so many of these friends inside this wall of mine. I would want to say 一颗老鼠屎，搞坏了整锅粥, but nah, I would rather not think that way. Maybe its just cuz she's not the kind of friend I thought she was? I still want to think that my initial view of her was correct, that despite her personality, she's still someone who's worth being a friend with. I still secretly hope that its just a "at the moment" kinda thingy, that after all the events of the past few days die down, everything would be back to normal again. I don't want to get that feeling that I 看错人, that someone I decided to put my trust in would turn out to be someone who dun value the friendship as much as I do.
Its a different kind of not wanting to let go. I always thought its just the relationships that involve love that are hard to let go. I thought that because of what I became after SEP, the "happy-to-be-single" person that I am now, I wouldn't have to face the problem of having to let someone go in my life. At the end of the day, the thing that made it hard for me to let go was never love, it was the trust that I put in a person. Now I know why I felt that sadness when I realised that my other friend won't be the same cuz he got tgt with his gf. Its that outlet of trust that you know you'll be losing once you let go. But sometimes, you have no choice.
I would rather people not come into my life, make me leave my comfort zone, make me place my trust in them, screw around with my trust, and just leave like that. If that's the case, I guess I shouldn't be placing my trust in anyone at all anymore.
I know I'll still be happy, this won't affect me that much in the long term, but I just feel damn messed up and emo tonight, cuz it feels as if I just lost a friend. ):
Never cried in a long while, but I just did, like how the sky is going to now.
I still hope we can be back to normal again.
So, its not just love that would make me emo, just that I never knew I could get so emo over friendship. Sucks to be emo, when I just want to smile, laugh and enjoy my last year in NUS.
Be strong, stay strong, cry tonight, and smile tomorrow. You're stronger than this. (:
I thought it was okay. I thought it was okay to let someone that I know I won't fall in love with come in. Afterall, there're so many of these friends inside this wall of mine. I would want to say 一颗老鼠屎，搞坏了整锅粥, but nah, I would rather not think that way. Maybe its just cuz she's not the kind of friend I thought she was? I still want to think that my initial view of her was correct, that despite her personality, she's still someone who's worth being a friend with. I still secretly hope that its just a "at the moment" kinda thingy, that after all the events of the past few days die down, everything would be back to normal again. I don't want to get that feeling that I 看错人, that someone I decided to put my trust in would turn out to be someone who dun value the friendship as much as I do.
Its a different kind of not wanting to let go. I always thought its just the relationships that involve love that are hard to let go. I thought that because of what I became after SEP, the "happy-to-be-single" person that I am now, I wouldn't have to face the problem of having to let someone go in my life. At the end of the day, the thing that made it hard for me to let go was never love, it was the trust that I put in a person. Now I know why I felt that sadness when I realised that my other friend won't be the same cuz he got tgt with his gf. Its that outlet of trust that you know you'll be losing once you let go. But sometimes, you have no choice.
I would rather people not come into my life, make me leave my comfort zone, make me place my trust in them, screw around with my trust, and just leave like that. If that's the case, I guess I shouldn't be placing my trust in anyone at all anymore.
I know I'll still be happy, this won't affect me that much in the long term, but I just feel damn messed up and emo tonight, cuz it feels as if I just lost a friend. ):
Never cried in a long while, but I just did, like how the sky is going to now.
I still hope we can be back to normal again.
So, its not just love that would make me emo, just that I never knew I could get so emo over friendship. Sucks to be emo, when I just want to smile, laugh and enjoy my last year in NUS.
Be strong, stay strong, cry tonight, and smile tomorrow. You're stronger than this. (:
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