how can i say i dun care

how can i say i do not care..


how can i say i've given up..when i still care..wtf am i thinking..wtf am i doing..wtf is she thinking and why tf is she dao-ing me..i realli dunno..i ask her le..she oso dun say..argh..wtf is going on


and ya..ppl telling me mebbe is network prob..no way manz..network prob between me and her only?impossible!!!hiakX..i realli dunno wad's going on..i'm confused..i'm tired..


pls la..how do i even try when i'm not given a chance..argh..

wadeva

i realli dun feel like giving a damn..dao me all u want..yea kip doing it..liddat i'll be better off..wun think too much..wun do anithing..let the pain occur slowly..rather than having a sudden blow


izzit the curse of the L?love curse..cursed me..all the L(s)..i gave up b4 i did anithing..


live on..be myself..


gimme a pen..i'll mug my whole life


gimme a bball..i'll play bball my whole life


gimme a computer..i'll play dota and maple all my life


gimme a heartbreak..i'll live the life of a loner


perhaps?


gimme a galfren..i'll make her happy the rest of her life..


eh..if i like her..that's the case..


gimme a break..eh..ya..break lo..rest..


gimme a chocolate..i'll throw it right back into ur face..


the only day i'll ever like chocolate again is when i found the one..but will i ever like chocolate again?

i can't stand it

can't stand it..my life..5 main things in life..revolving arnd them..eat slp mug gym sing..argh..that are the main things la..didn't include shit or wadeva la..not as impt..these 5 things are juz wad i enjoy doing..at least i find satisfaction..bball?no longer..dunno y..lost the motivation..to play bball..the liking for bball..not as strong..perhaps it's becuz of 6thMarch that made me like bball more..but now..haiz..mugging is evrything..i'm a mugger trying to slack..


and ya..one thing i think i can almost be sure le..she's dao-ing me..no reply wadsoeva..dunno..dun care..dun even noe wad i can do..wad i can say to her..wad to say..no topic..not that i dun wanna noe more abt her..juz that no chance..shutting me off..


one day..i'll juz press the restart button..restart my life..start afresh..or perhaps reformat..forget the past..live the present..y no future?cuz there ain't a future in my life..


dreams are not realistic..goals are meant to be achieved..u are..but my dream gal..that is becoming my goal..haiz..y can't u juz stay as my dream gal..y did i wanna make u into someone i want to live the rest of my life with..perhaps..if u stayed as a dream gal in my life..i wld nvr have felt so hurt..it's hurting..hurting than ever b4..


can u hear it?it's broken..

bt2

bt2 seems near..2mths..but 2mths will be over in the blink of an eye..cut down on games..increase tutorial time..less blogging..ya..shld be can de..


zzzzzzz...


hmmmz..dunno la..wad i thinking..wad she thinking..i juz dunno..is she realli dao-ing me?i dunno..mebbe i shld try saying hi to her in sch..then c how..hmmmz..i shall do that..confidence..build UPPPPP..argh..


my heart aching..izzit a coincidence or wad..so many 6thMarch things..last time say le..that time 6thMarch the prawn mee shop closed..then the er4 shi2 er4 that song oso got 6thMarch..arghhh..heckx..L is for love..tsk tsk..

co concert over

ya..co concert over le..how to say leh..happy or sad i oso dunno..happy that it was a success..sad that i didn't do anithing abt it..i'm juz scared that wad shiyan said mite realli be true..that today was the bez chance..juz that i didn't go for it..but given her dao-ness i realli dunno whether i shld do it..gals are good at this eh?making guys back out..dunnit to directly reject..juz dao..haha..aiya..but mebbe if i was more enthu when she came to tok to me..things mite have been better ba..i've let chances go..wasted..regrets..no use..


write letter long long oso no use..didn't even have the courage to pass to her..even when shiyan said he can help me slot it into the bag..i oso dunno if i shld..juz tot..it wasn't rite if i slot it into her bag liddat..no sincerity..then if i pass to her personally then it mite be paiseh..wad if she juz like reject in my face..like say: "no use de..i wun accept u de..sorry"..pessimistic views..i'm born liddat..sorry..i was confident b4..but ever since the dao-ing began from monday..i realli gave up..


aiya..but thanx to huang yu and bernice la..say i singing not bad..haha..but i think my singing realli sux..sux big time..haha..but at least got compliment ba..hee..tsk tsk..


mebbe i shldn't be tied down by her..


and realised alot of guai guai ppl tagging at my blog..esp the exams and u siao..dun even noe who they are..want tag juz put ur name..-_-

sadness

haiz..juz browsed thru my previous titles for posts..it's either haiz..sadness or something that links to sad..and guess wad it is this time..yea..


SADNESS


haiz..dunno wad to say..y of all..this muz happen to me..yea..when i started liking her..i alr got this feeling that it's not gonna turn out right..things ain't gotta make out for she and i..and apparently..it's going the way i tot it wld go..dao-ing me..k fine..yes i'm used to it..but it's used to being sad becuz of it..i'm still sad..but muz learn to live with this sad life..if it's meant to be like this 4eva..so be it..sad or not sad..i'll juz leave it sadly..dun give a damn..


the probability eh?last time it was 0.1%..now i juz think it's 0.01%..sadness prevails..


tml shall decide all..i shld be saying tml..perhaps juz a sms..and wad if she even daos that sms.k fine..FINE..fine..


haiz..write so many songs oso no use de..

hmmm

can i scold fuck-off..nvm..shall show some respect


i'm juz tired la..play one day wun die..at least i'm studying in sch lo..juz that i reach home late and u dun c me studying does not mean i'm not studying..


and..hmmmz..heard abt something..hope she wun be troubled by it too much.but if it was me..i wld oso be troubled la..juz hope that she can cheer up soon..that may juz explain y she looks so troubled..and i guess that's y she's not replying ba..who wld have the mood to reply..hmmmz..tc ya


concert coming soon..i'm so tired..nvm..endure for 6 more days..then concert over le..then can rest..it's realli tiring me down..


studies eh?perhaps for this comng nxt wk..i wun be studying at home ba..go home shld be quite tired le ba..so juz piah in sch lo..even if no noe sees it..as long as i noe wad i'm doing..as long as i noe myself that i'm studying..who gives a fuck to wad others think..

save me

save me from this hell..this jealousy i'm facing..y do i feel jealous..i keep on telling myself there shld be nothing..but juz can't press the jealousy down..jealousy is juz a significant sign for love and like..haiz..


i've juz realised something..i can smile..i can laugh..i can look happy..but evrynite b4 i slp..when i think abt my past..i'll ask myself..wad's the happiest thing in my life that i've ever encountered..can't seem to remember them..there are things that in my life that i had once been happy abt..but i guess the impact was not as big as those sad things..i can remember sad things clearly..but happy incidents juz seem to fade away slowly..that mite juz explain my sad look..tired..depressed..but i'm not suffering from depression la..haha


when will i ever pick myself up..to have the courage to confess to her..guess it's coming soon..perhaps in 2 wks time..that's the earliest..


kinda completed the song..dunno whether i shld add more verses..but tentatively..it's done..


L is for love


Look over there
Under the skies
Can't u see it
I'm in love with you


Never gonna give up
Don't say a word
Anything's worth it
Cuz i love you


Chorus:


Nothing more than words
Can speak my love for you
Wanna hold your hands
In real life not in my dreams


Everlasting love
Is all that i can promise you
L is for love
That i promise you


the lyrics are interesting..especially the verse part..kinda makes no sense..but meaningful to me..tsk tsk..

affected ezily

i noe..i get very ezily affected..mood swing..all dependent on her replies..


yea..she replied..actualli i had headache de..then saw the reply..kinda felt better..haha..mood dependent on her..lol


o..k..here's the chorus for the song.."L is for love"..still thinking abt the verses..hopefully can complete soon..haha..the chorus part sounds nice..at least to me..so the chorus tune is kinda like settled..juz needta think of howta link from verse to chorus..haha


L is for love


nothing more than words
can speak my love for you
wanna hold your hands
in real life not in my dreams


everlasting love
is all that i can promise you
L is for love
that i promise you

L is for love

juz had this lyrics beaming in my mind..so think i shall juz post them here firz juz in case i forget them


nothing more than words
can speak my love for you
.
.


everlasting love
is all that i can promise you
L is for love
that i promise you

random thoughts..

juz some random thought..thought it was nice..


if life is a bed of roses and you are the rose. then i shall be the bed. so that together we can make our life a life.

haiz

i realli dunno wad u're thinking..can see that alot of thots are going thru ur mind.u seemed to be confused..seem to be thinking abt alot of things..thinking abt solutions..ocassionally u'll turn and look at me..or mebbe juz in my direction..but hey..wait..in that direction..there's only me..so i guess u're looking at me..and there u go again..with that "i'm thinking abt alot of things" look on ur in ur eyes..i realli wanna noe wad u're thinking..wad's troubling u..but with u not replying to my sms..how wld i noe wad u're actualli thinking..perhaps u thot that sms wasn't a qsn..or perhaps u replied..but unfortunately the msg juz didn't reach me..and u thot i'm the one dao-ing u instead..but i guess the probability of the firz case is higher ya..or it's juz u wanting to dao me..


i realli dunno wad to do..i'm trying my bez to be confident abt liking u..abt wanting u to be with me..but i'm juz..i dunno..i realli can't take it..


perhaps u dunno yet..perhaps it ain't obvious enuff..perhaps u are realli that blur to not notice..


so many perhaps..so little answers..


sometimes i juz hoped i nvr broke with 6thMarch..so at least now i wldn't like u..and be troubled by all this..but..hey..well..i nvr regretted liking u..yes i'm troubled..but i'm happy to c u happy..but not when u dun look happy..u look tired..esp today..dunno y..and i guess u've been studying alot at home now..or perhaps ur parents grounded u from the com..and that may juz explain y u've not been online..like erm..for a wk?


haiz..when i c u..i always think i'm looking into the mirror..y does it seem that when u look troubled i oso feel troubled..and when u laugh or smile..i'll oso feel like doing the same..perhaps u're not my mirror..instead..i'm ur mirror..but when wld u actualli notice my special feelings for u..


all i can promise u is my love..L is for love

sadness

sadness reigns once again..dunno wad's happening to me..making myself feel sad when i suppose i shldn't be at all..perhaps it's the no progression that's making me sad..


things i can find happiness in now are juz 2 things..bball..studies..


as for her..i realli dunno whether i'll find happiness in her..mebbe i will..mebbe i'll not..


not that i dun wanna be confident..but u can't expect me to be confident abt relationship things..once bitten twice shy..summore it's not juz one..


pls la..let her be together with me la..i realli can't take the pain animore le..chang2 tong4 bu4 ru2 duan3 tong4..i shall be telling soon..i suppose..juz need a right timing when the two of are juz nice tok abt some topic taht can link..haha..wait long long.....


haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

tired

as each day goes by..i juz feel more and more tired..


yes..i feel very chong1 shi2 when i mug..that i've achieved something..that i'm studying..that i'm doing my tutorials and finishing most of them b4 time..but somehow..i'm juz tired..mebbe i shld take a rest..too much mugging can realli kill i guess..in sch..got econs break then go lib mug le..then reach home..eat dinner..bathe le then surely mug again..no life..life as a mugger..well..i guess that's a life..


at least today had a break from the usual routine..mebbe i shld make every thur a break from studies..or at least for the afternoon..then at nite continue again..cuz today sch timetable quite packed..no breaks..then perhaps no motivation to study ba..but nvm..bt2 triple A..i'm coming for u..i'm being confident..not being arrogant..=P..


see that?demonstration of a grey area..u can say i'm arrogant when i say i wanna get a triple A..or u can say i'm confident of getting a triple A..but in this context..i guess it's more of being confident rather than arrogant..cuz i have nothing for me to be arrogant abt..no basis..not as if i had triple A's before..perhaps in o's but never in my jc life..hopefully it'll be my firz..


well..today got live concert la..too bad didn't get any tics..haha..nvm..come home mug..life is still fulfilling..sense of achievement..my theory of studies..it's getting strong again..as for erhemx..i shall juz leave it in god's hands..let evrything go in nature's way..be wad i am..and if i'm juz lucky enuff..wad i am wld be juz the one that she's looking for..i'm being optimistic here eh?i guess i am..


dreams..if only they wld be true..so sweet~

so wad

ya..thanx for telling me ya..wad type of guy she likes..but so wad?wad i want is her to like wad i am..and not for me to become wad she likes..i dun want to pretend..and juz becuz i wanna be her i go pretend..no use..one day she'll juz realise i'm pretending..and it'll be even an even much more sadder case..


mebbe i meet that criteria..but it's hard to draw a line between confidence and arrogance..some of the aspects juz intersect..and it's hard not to be arrogant when u are confident..


whether i shld tell her..it's juz a matter of time..be it now..future..be it 10 days..100 days..or even a year..i juz dun wanna live with regrets of not telling her..

wrong??

i guess..i was still feeling okay during the last post..that's y i cld come up with this theory..now that i'm not feeling that good..i thnk the theory is not that correct..the theory only applies if u're satisfied with life now..and that u think that nothing is going to make u sad at that moment..but now..8hrs le..no reply..well..fine..nvm..it's ur freedom..i've got nothing to say..


didn't reply..that's y i didn't dare..to even walk up to u in the library..but nvm..let it be..lemme be sad..as always..i shld haf been used to it..yea..i'm used to being sad..i noe it..juz sitting by evryday..waiting for miracles to happen..even a small reply can make me happy..cuz the sadness is real sad..


when will i break my threshold..my limit..when will i break down..


i dun mind being sad for my whole life..i juz mind living life with regrets..of not going for it when i had a chance..evrything in my life..i wasn't wrong..in my decisions..i nvr made any wrong decisions..it's wad ppl think that made me go the way i am going now..misunderstandings..nvm..in life..there's no second chance..once gone it's gone..the same chance wun appear again..it's for a split second..u grasp it..then good..u dun..then too bad..

my theory of studies

oo..wtf..my econs realli got higher than my fm..but i still wanna drop..i dun gif a damn..i understand fm more than i understand econs..if the sch does not lemme drop econs..i'll juz hafta do badly for my econs tests..which i will..no matter whether i study or not..i'll not get good grades animore..i've alr wandered off far away from econs topic..i dun catch a ball when i attend the lectures..things go in from one ear..exit from the other..econs lect is no meaning at all..all those abstract graphs..i dun get a thing at all..furthermore, the econs paper this time round is very very easy as compared to other subjects and a' lvls..so a high mark doesn't mean i'm good in econs..i'm bad in econs..and that will stay as a fact 4eva..rather than getting an AAAF on my cert..y dun i juz get an AAA on my cert..and i dun wanna haf an absent on my cert..so i muz drop now..pls..hod..pls sign my drop form..


lol..came up with this theory of studies..lol..reason's theory of studies..here it goes..


By reason's theory of studies, it is better to place studies above everything else such as girls, games and etc. The reason is that by placing more effort on studies, ie, working hard on studies, you can achieve results like AAA. However, when you place alot of effort on girls or games, you might not succeed. When chasing a girl, even if u place alot of effort on chasing the girl, if she does not like you, your efforts will not pay off, so there is no point in putting too much effort on chasing girls. This applies to games as well. This is known as the reason's theory of hardwork with respect to results for various aspects. Based on this theory, we can further deduce that it is better to put all your effort on studies rather than all on girls. That is, the reason's theory of studies.


LOL..haha..not that i'm having any relationship problems..juz that i think studies is realli the only thing that i can achieve results in by putting in effort..as for relationship things, i'll juz take it step by step..the timing will come when i have to say and i will say..it's juz a matter of time..and hopefully it wld not be too late..

april's fool

april's fool eh?nothing much..=X

like vs love

ya..saw mok's post on his blog..asking wad's like and love.let's debate then..haha


like is u think that the person is good..and the one for u..and i said think


unlike love..it is u noe that the person is good and the one for u..and i said noe..


got it?


haha..another thing is that when u like someone..u can ezily get jealous..there's no relationship in like yet..no trust..that's y u get jealous when u c the person u like with some other gal or guy..well..that's y i dun say i like her..haha..i wasn't realli angry today lo..i mean..wad's there to be angry abt..it's her freedom to do wadeva she wants..as long as she's happy..and it's juz 2 ppl tokking..so???but one thing i noe..i c her smile..i'll juz be happy..dunno y..i'm juz happy to c her smile..so sweet..argh..it's more than like le eh?i think so..haiz..means i've fallen even further..fallennnn reason..lol