Nothing much, still the same old me, running hard, away from my problems, trying to grasp the future. Just that lately, I somehow couldn't pick up my pace in running. Everytime I start running, I just feel like puking. Wonder why. Fitness level drop? Body refusing to do work?
No idea.
As for the things that I've said I wanted to do before the holidays, well. Halfway there? Learn guitar: haven't even started. Learn dance: couldn't find the time to. Run at least 30km non-stop at the end of the sem break: HAHA, no chance. Learn spanish: trying hard! Talk to her more: at least more than during exam period, bah. I'm really trying very hard ok! I also want things to turn out fine between us. I want her to know how I feel. I'm trying very hard to show it, but i'm just hoping it wun scare her away. =/
Well, really asking myself what I want in life. What I have achieved so far.
1) Being really good at something: Well, I would say for a period of time, I've been really good in CO? Doing something I like so much, feeling the anxiety before a performance, having a sense of achievement when the applause rains down on you after it. JC made me hate CO though, when it became a means of getting into a JC. Made me see how teachers-in-charge really dun care and just want you to perform. Life's not as naive as I thought it was anymore.
2) To fall in love: That I did, but in the end, I still fell from love. Following my heart for 22 years, letting the heart do the talking when the mind thinks otherwise. In a way, I've come to know my heart really well. When it comes to really liking someone, I realise how I tend to fall short at communication. I realised, I tend to shy away from my words for fear that I might say something wrong. But really, I really do care about her, and I really do like her alot and would love to give her the best. Love, something so elusive, yet something we need so much. Follow my heart, I will, to that hearty smile of yours.
3)To enjoy life: Really, I suppose I do enjoy my life? At least I enjoy at least 3 out of my 5 mods every sem. At least during sem break, I let myself lose and breathe in every single happiness that life has to offer. I do, enjoy life. But its just the something that's missing? Someone to enjoy it with. Omg, please, just tell me, how to make you fall in love with me, or...have you already done so?
Had lotsa dreams of me dying and regretting the things that I have NOT done while I was alive. I want to live a life without regrets, but its really hard, isn't it.
On a side-note, running out of mangas to read, nothing new, nothing nice, though To-LOVE-Ru Darkness looks like a good series to start on, but was instantly reminded of how the first series got turned into a fan-service manga halfway thru. Or perhaps it had the intention of being one since the start. Nya, i'm bored!
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