Was driving home all by myself just now. Emo abit cuz of the songs on 933. then switched to my mp3, ended up emo-ing more. It had to play 突然好想你. ok la, the one now, obviously thinking every moment, but whenever this song comes into play, it'll remind me of someone. Yes, letting go is one thing, but yearning for something else is another. What it feels like to be in love, what it feels like to be loved, maybe, just maybe, i've lost that feeling already.
Accidentally in love.
Was it by accident? Or is it all fate? They always say, "you do not need a reason to fall in love with someone." I guess, its the same this time round. If you ask me how, or why, or to pinpoint an exact date, i can't say at all.
How? does it matter? What matters most is that I love you now. Why? important? What matters most is that I know who I'll stand by. When? "I knew I loved you before I met you" -that song's a bit bullshit-, but ya. I can't really think of when I started.
Confidence, its all that matters. Its not about what she can give to me, but what i'm willing to give to her, and i give you my heart, and the key to the lock. So its up to you to turn the key into the right position.
Talking about that key to the lock. Don't even know when this wall started setting itself up whenever i get hurt. This barrier of not wanting to let people know more about me. This barrier of not wanting to let my vulnerable parts be show to others. Yet, i still yearn for someone to truly understand me. But to date, how many people can I say that they truly understand me? Understanding me is different from knowing "how many relationships i've been thru", "how many people i've liked before", "who do I like now". These kinda stuff I can tell anyone, it doesn't matter. But the heart, its just closed, and rather than saying that I don't allow people to come in, its more of people not attempting to come in at all.
This "me" that I know of, is probably exclusive. Its there for everyone to know, but no one wants to even try to understand me better. People who don't even bother asking. People who think they know, yet they don't know anything at all.
Perhaps its how 2-sided humans can be. The social one, and the one that prefers to be alone. I think i'm more like "me" when i'm alone. Its just those times when you feel like being alone, walking in the park at night, looking at the moon, the stars and thinking about everything from past to future. Sometimes, i just want that time alone, but usually things have to crop up. And when I dun really wanna be alone, i find myself being alone.
Life sucks to be "me". I'm probably the only one who thinks this way.
I'm probably weird in most people's eyes. But this is who I am. This is "me".
I just suck, as a human being.
Should I cry? No, be strong.
Wait, why do I feel that she's crying, or that she's been sad. hmmm.
hai
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