maybe

Maybe being alone is not controllable, but rather defined by nature. Defined by the actions of ppl around you. Defined by whether people want to make you feel alive.

I feel as good as dead, as good as being alone, despite talking to so many ppl. But its just conversations, I just don't get the feeling of really talking to anyone.

Anyone that can understand?

Perhaps, even my own parents don't understand a thing about what i'm going thru? Then how do I even hope that anyone would?

There used to be, but these people come and go in your life. They go, at a faster rate than they come into my life. I just don't get it anymore. When friends become "friends".

The increase of "hi-bye" frens just make my life more and more lonely. I'm tired too. Tired of all these. But its the only facade i can put up to let me believe that i'm alive.

Inception.

If only someone can plant an idea in me that I'm really super happy. If only.

Or perhaps in my subconscious, its already there that I've told myself that I can never find happiness. We'll never know. Life, is it what it appears to be? Or is it what we want it to be?