hmmm, today was the least productive day of the whole week. Somehow, just couldn't start studying. Woke up at like 11 plus this morning. lazed around, played psp until lunch. Told myself I would start after lunch. Then had green bean soup for lunch! =D but after lunch, i saw the latest fma book on my bro's bed. =.=, started reading. hahaha, even though i've already seen it online, but reading it in the form of a book just makes the whole experience different. Ok, then told myself, i should do some work. So started reading txtbook. But after like just 30 mins, carried on playing psp until dinner. then took a nap after dinner. Read thru the lab9 questions and after that, slacked all the way again.
Really, since when did it become so distracting at home. When I've always thought it was the best place to study? Probably after the table was gone. hmmm. o wells, but there is little time left, I should really start working hard. Not should, i MUST! after what happened yesterday's sit-in lab, I realised my inability. Yes, alot of people also had problems. But this was my first time having a major logic error in computing. Maybe because all the while, my logic errors were just minor stuff, that's y when big things like this came, I just couldn't take it. With time running by so fast, I really have to pick up the pace already.
How long has it been since i last wanted to cook so much? hmmm, since the 3rd? Last time, i always thought, the only person I would ever cook for in my life would be her and her only. No one else. But now, hmmm, just wanna cook again. Not for anyone. I just suddenly thought that cooking is another form of getting satisfaction. When you cook good food, and you enjoy eating whatever you've just cooked. It just makes me feel better. So i've decided to start cooking again after the final exams. All those guinea pigs can come and eat! =D lols.
Past experiences really shape people's life. For me, it just made me into someone that appears happy in front of ppl, yet deep down inside, i can't really define what true happiness is for me. Yearning for happiness, that is something i've not been doing for so long. Only when you wish, would you have satisfaction when it comes, but at the same time, disappointment comes when it does not happen. I'm sorry, i've lost the will to dream. Lost sight of happiness. Perhaps, this is the reason, why I never feel anything when happiness leaves me. Yes, I do get emo and stuff, but i got used to not being happy. To me, being happy is more like a bonus. With or without it, it doesn't really matter. For now, I know i'm happy, but how long will it last? how long will this go? For i'll never know, and for something that I wouldn't know until it happens, I shouldn't be thinking about it this much.
Maybe, just maybe, this little light of hope in my heart that haven't appeared in my life for so long, might actually blossom into something. But for now, its just a hope, its just a "might". Things I do not believe in. Things that are not real. I really wonder, how do people live on things that do not exist. But this is where the contradiction comes, why, even after all those stuff i've said about goals being the only stuff i'm after, that I still hope for this to happen.
I'm glad though, there are still people i can call friends. But out of these friends, who can I trust fully, and tell them all my secrets? None. Ok, when i say none, i mean 100% trust. There are a few though, who I can say i can trust them almost fully, but still not able to tell them everything, cuz some things, just can't be said. One of them has been there since jc. One of them, just a few months but seems that lotsa things can be said to this fren.
O wells, but like i've said before, we do not really need that many close friends in life. A few will suffice, and I do have a few. =D
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