down

been feeling kinda down lately. After all the oweek stuff have subsided, been talking to a few ppl about how it would be like in a few months, and most of us agreed that it wouldn't be the same. And it would take more than just a few outings to keep everyone together. The down is probably due to my favourite site not showing me what i want to see. Deviantart.com!!! After drawing miria, i've been on a kind of artist block. I couldn't think of anything to draw. I wanted to draw clare but i couldn't come up with an image of how exactly to draw her. Too lazy to flip through the countless pages of claymore just to find a picture of her. I also had a sudden urge to draw Galatea and Teresa, but those 2, I couldn't find good pictures of too.

Recent stuff has led me into thinking that perhaps, sometimes, its better to just let nature take its course. I do not believe that there is no solution to any single problem in this world, its just whether we are willing to put our efforts into trying to solve the problem. Sometimes, there's no point in saying this and that but end up not having done anything to resolve the issues that have been bugging us all the time. Sometimes, its better to say it out to the person who needs to know, wants to know, have to know.

Isn't it better, to hear a "no" than regretting your whole life that you've never told the single sentence you wanted to let someone hear the most. "I love you, grandma" -I couldn't say that, and she's gone- All these regrets, no matter how long you live with it, there still comes a day when you must decide to let it all go. Regrets pins you down to the day the regret set in, it leaves you on the spot, refusal to get out of that mindset, makes you stop growing in character.

In a way, I've learnt to live without regrets, but at the same time, I realised, sometimes, I don't learn from my mistakes at all.

Losing friends, is there any way that I can prevent that from happening? The only way I thought of making myself feel better is to make new friends, and tell myself that instead of trying to get back all those friends that i've lost along the way, isn't it easier to just bring these new friends closer to myself and make sure that I don't make the same mistake of distancing myself from them. But then again, it is human to err. If I do not make any mistakes, then I am not human, but something of superior intelligence. We are humans, we make mistakes, we try to learn from them, but we cannot make sure that we do not commit them again.

How big is my fear of getting into a relationship? It might be creeping back onto me again. The fear of the constant quarrels that might come along with the happy smiles of a girl you like. I'm beginning to think that perhaps, I'm better off single. Perhaps, its just not time yet. Perhaps, instead of maturing, i've become more and more immature compared to whom I was. Perhaps, I'm just thinking too much. When the time comes, we will know, won't we?

I can be sure of who I like, who I want to give my 110%. But when the decision does not lie in my hands, there's just nothing I could do, but to wait, and hope that you see my heart is there for you, that i'll be watching over you.