Everytime something crops up, i always put myself at the front line to shoulder the blame. The first person I ever get pissed off with, is always myself. In a way, am I being too kind, too nice? Its a question i've always asked myself.
But this niceness, it ain't gonna get me fking anywhere in life. Cuz, ppl ain't gonna fking give a damn about what I do for them. They only see the destination, but they don't focus on what you've been doing all these while.
I'm pissed with myself, for always saying "nvm". For all those outings that i've organised that always end up with low attendance. For everything that i've done, but never seems enough. I'm just pissed, with myself. Its probably my fault anyway, always end up doing things at the very last minute and hoping that ppl will turn up.
But is that really the case? Perhaps, i'm the only one in this whole damn world who thinks that a verbal agreement is enough to settle everything. Perhaps i'm the only one who will set time out just because someone casually said he/she wants to go out. I'm probably the only one who thinks this way.
People around me, they dun find it a responsibility to follow what they've said. Even when they've said ok, its always subject to last minute changes. Even when a time and date is mentioned, they dun leave space for you in their schedule, only to tell you in the last minute that they can't make it. And what do i do? "NVM"
NEVER ****ing mind.
I dunno wad's gotten over me, this emo bug or whatever it is. Seriously, i don't feel like going for xlb buffet tonight alr, the whole mood's gone. Today's just not a good day for me i guess, everything i want to do just doesn't seem to go the way i want it to. Came to sch for a fking tutorial, only for the ta to not turn up at all. What's the point of me going thru the rain for all these. Bloody waste of time.
Disappointment.
Sometimes, trust just shouldn't be given out so easily. I'm beginning to doubt the words of ppl around me. Perhaps, I shouldn't have opened up at all. ONly serves to hurt myself time and time again.
Welcome to my Life.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
You never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like
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