when

When:

You needed to do something to let ur feelings out.
You needed to talk to someone about how you feel.
You needed to love.
You needed a life.
You needed a breather.
You needed to study.
You needed to sleep.

But:
There wasn't anything you can think of.
She wasn't there.
There was no one to love.
She wasn't there.
There was nothing to do.
No mood to study.
You just drank some mocha.

Hai, i forsee another slpless night. And so I found myself right here, blogging about things that i really wanted to tell ppl, or at least someone. I'm just feeling wierd, not knowing what exactly to do. All those follow your heart stuff that I hear about, wells, if I really did follow my heart, I would probably be in jail by now, or even hung. When I chose to follow my heart, everything just goes wrong. Past experiences have told me that countless times. The logical side of me always tells me, there's no chance, not at all. Its not as if I did not perservere or held on to my beliefs in the past. I did, but ppl just couldn't see how much I really care. Did I fall in love with the wrong girl again? I do not know. It's not as if it was love at first sight or what, cuz I didn't really care when I first saw her. Only when I started talking, then did I realise what an interesting girl she is. Never did I see a girl, whose tastes are rather similar to mine. Things I never thought a girl would like. Never had I seen a girl, so strong, a will to be independent on herself.

I have already forgotten, that last bit of happiness that I ever had. But I dun really care, as i've said many times before, I don't really care about the past anymore. But when the future looks bleak, it makes you wonder, are you really in the right direction? Are you working towards your goals? Am I doing what I really like to do?

I don't know what to say anymore. I'm really kinda tired. Is there anything I can do to be happy? For once? If i stop using my smiles and laughter to hide my true sadness, i'll probably be sulking all day. Would you be the one? Or would you be another one of those that just passed by me in life.

Ok, there's something else i wanted to talk about, but not now. shall leave it to another day.