so...

I managed to pull through it myself. Finishing everything at 5am. Well, not exactly everything, still have that presentation to worry about. But from the way I see it, or rather, the lack of sleep cuz of the coffee, I highly doubt I would be able to present much tomorrow anyways. Probably will just sit down there and listen to what the others have to say. Its sad that I'm spending less time on my core, just because its not as interesting as my UEMs. Yes, human-computer interaction is indeed interesting. Provides me with ways to go about designing stuff, be it for FYP, for the razer app competition or future app designs. But the way the lecturer goes about teaching the module and the way the tutorial is handled is just, in plain words, too boring. Well, I digressed.

The main point here is, I realised that, at the end of the day, I still have to rely on myself. People who I thought would be there for me when I needed someone to talk to, well, they just aren't there. Even if they're awake, they would probably just ignore my rants. Not surprised. Afterall, people only really talk to me when they need my help. I don't blame them, really, I don't. Its human nature to approach people only when they need help. Only a select few, like myself, are stupid., or rather, naive enough to approach people just to ask if they need help. Perfect example of the phrase 烂好人. I'm really not complaining, its just the way things turn out to be, no matter who it is, or what it is. After all these years, I've learnt to just keep doing what I like to do and ignore how people see it. I mean, at the end of the day, I would rather do good and end up being hated, than do bad and end up being hated. For the first scenario, I have no idea how people do that, to hate me for doing good things for them. Maybe what I perceive as good things ain't as good as I think it is? Or perhaps people just think that I have ulterior motives.

I've had enough of this. If that's the way things are going to be, then so be it. I'm not going to try to mend whatever holes there are in this friendship.

I really can't understand. It seems that, just because I said I will never "...", then things turned out like that. Its almost as if a different answer was expected. Its almost as if I'm not the one who developed feelings, but rather the other way round. At this point of time, it doesn't really matter anymore.

I guess, the way I look at relationships is this: If the other party has feelings for me, I would seriously ask myself, do I have feelings for her? If yes, and its obvious that the other party has feelings for me too, I would say ya, I have feelings for her. But if there's no feelings whatsoever, or its the "maybe" kind of thing, then I wouldn't even go into thinking if I have feelings for her, cuz I know it would only lead to awkwardness and stuff, and I probably can't look at the person the same way anymore. At the very least, I wouldn't say anything, or rather, I would just say "nope, I don't", without even seriously thinking about it.

Argh, whatever, I'm just waiting for the coffee to wear off now. =/