YNWA

I'm glad i stayed up to watch this match. A torres goal in injury time, that's all that was needed. TORRES! XD

sorry to yiyan, lol, i'm not setting a good example by staying up until 545 heh? =P

我想我已懂得，爱情不是一个人就能够吟唱出的幸福旋律

working in progress...

AC2

Completed AC2 today. Cui, dunno wad to say. The ending was just, very unexpected, with desmond saying wtf at the end of the game. Just epic ending, in the failure way. I'm expecting a third though. hahaha

Had a wierd dream after that, super wierd. Shall just summarise into after-thoughts. Who do I really want to save? I can't say for sure, only thing i find wierd is. Why am I hesitating? Is it because I still have feelings for her? Or is it because I've done the one thing that I always told myself not to do?

I have no idea what is going on with me now. Such confusion. I thought I had it all sorted out. But at the end of the day, my roots got hold of me, preventing myself from flying away. Will I actually fall in love? I really don't think so. The only one thought that stops me from doing all that? I will never fall for anyone again, cuz it only brings pain and sadness. Unless I am sure that the feelings are mutual, I will not fall for anyone again. Never, cuz I want to stop the pain, to stop hurting myself.

What is it that I want, I do not know. Only thing I can say is, I just dunno howta be selfish, therefore, I always end up alone. But, its fine, isn't it?

Many a times

Many a times, I've been left thinking, what have I been fighting for? I've fought for all the things that I thought was right, fought for my own justice, fought for things I've believed in. However, many a times, I've been let down by all those things I've fought so hard for, makes you wonder, what have you been doing all these while. Then, I came to a conclusion, for I did not set my priorities right. Fighting for things that were not worth fighting for, things that resulted in me thinking, why did I work so hard to fail? Then there are those things that make you wonder, why didn't I work hard for that to make it better, so that I wouldn't feel this bad now.

No use regretting, the only way is to move forward. Many a times, I've taken things for granted, things that have been gifted upon me by whatever supreme being there is up there. My abilities, my talents, wonderful friends around me. I've let all these down, never once did I learn to appreciate the many things I have in life. Its only now, that I wish, that its not too late yet, to make full use of the many things I have in life, to make my life better, to make the world a better place.

I have always been one to think that our destiny is in our own hands. But on too many occasions, I have wondered, is that really true? The many coincidences in life, the many repeated failures, makes you wonder, there might just be the hands of fate pulling the strings behind the scenes, and I'm just a puppet in this sad show of mine to entertain everyone else except for me. But its also because of this realisation, that I saw how I have not used all those things gifted to me to make situations better.

Its not too late, for I believe, that I'm born to do something, born to make a difference, and for that, I'll fight on, for the things I believe in, but at the same time, to prioritise the things I fight for. No longer will I fight for things that do not hold a value at all. It would just be a waste of time. For I know what I want, therefore, I will never be confused.

Wish List

The following was my cny wishlist. hahaha, shall reflect back on wadeva that i wanted and to think of wad i want to achieve in 2010.


2009 wishlist(copied from previous post):
1) Guitar Hero: World Tour / ROCK BAND 2!!!(whichever is cheaper that is.)
2) Prince of Persia? (if i finish dmc4 cuz i'm still too engrossed in pes 2009)
3) Laptop (vaio/macbook/fujitsu/BLAH - anything that's cheap and good!!!hahaha)
4) A finisher tee from sundown marathon (if not waste the 60 bucks for signing up)
5) A poster of liverpool winning the league in 2009
6) air tickets to anfield to watch any home match? (anyone can sponsor? haha, this is seriously a wish!)
7) PES 2010 when it comes out at the end of the year, cuz 2009 still has its flaws.
8) a girlfriend who's a liverpool fan? LOL

(1) Still haven't gotten one yet, but should be getting guitar hero
(2) Now is all about AC2. hahaha
(3) HP!!!
(4) YEAH!
(5) =(
(6) No one sponsor yet
(7) GOT IT!
(8) hai..

ok, so i haven even got half of it done yet, and 2009's coming to an end already. obviously 5,6 and 8's not gonna happen this year. Might not even happen at all. But life's all about working towards your goals, so, I won't stop. Nothing can stop me, I'll keep walking, even if its a loner path, i'm sure it'll cross someone's path one day. I'll hold her hands, and tell her how much I love her, and I'll never let her hands go. O wells, if only one such person comes by. hahaha.

So, what have I been doing these past few days? Moving house! so tiring, cleaning up, packing up, unpacking. CUI! so tired. hahaha, but can't wait to start living there.

And the main reason for blogging? cuz yiyan was telling me about reflections and stuff, and hmmm, o wells, did some reflections for myself too.

First of all, am I really as nice a person as I think I am? I'm not sure, I always try to be nice, but sometimes, when certain stuff take over, emo-ness for example, I just don't feel like talking anymore. Keyword here, "try". So as a matter of fact, I'm not really that nice heh?

Next, I don't really open up myself to others, no one really noes wad i'm thinking, cuz I dun really like to tell. Anti-social behaviour? Probably. I'm fine with it though, loner behaviour, but I guess, to maintain frenships, I really have to open up, to let others noe wad I'm thinking. Something I've been trying so hard to do, something that I think I can see a slight glimpse of improvement.

hmmm, shall reflect more on new year day, hahaha, a bit tired now.

reason is tired, like, super tired, emotionally & physically.

chance?

Well well, liverpool drew with blackburn, can't say i'm very happy about the result, but getting a point in a tough match is actually not too bad. You know what the press's gonna say, you know what the non-liverpool fans will say. But, at the end of the day, what matters, is my faith, my belief, that liverpool will always be there, fighting till the last minute. Something that has always kept me going whenever i was down, the never say die attitude. If we always look at a situation and say, "O man, sure die liao", then, we'll never make it.

Then played l4d2 this afternoon with giam, how kiat and liang wei. Never really liked l4d, so o wells. Its just a saddistic game ba, mindless cutting of zombies, cuz i was using samurai sword all the way. hahaha. Cui. But lan outing so few ppl also very sian. And was kinda tired when i left home. hahaha, plus the rain and stuff, really not a good day to play lan.

Then after that went walking around ps, to have dinner. Then got care bear show. =.= hahaha. And got this takoyaki shop. =.= CUI. thanks to lai yi yan, i'm now takopachow. hahaha. yea, and dinner was ok la. went to ying wo cafe, then after that went walk walk abit again. Can't seem to find rock band full set anywhere. sian. Then giam say go see sword, hahaha, so went in. WOOHOO! nice lehh. got sasuke's sword siah. But what captivated me the most was kenshin's reverse blade. Super nice. =D makes me feel like reading samurai x again. woots, so many things to do. hahaha

I'm glad I have friends around me, ppl who make me feel alot more significant than i used to feel. People who share common interests with me, people who I can have fun with together. For that, I am thankful. And I'll make sure I don't take these friendships for granted anymore. Cuz, they dun come by easily. AND, yea! moving house next week! hahaha, packing up stuff, looking forward to it. =D and i wanna do some christmas shopping and at the same time buy some stuff for my new room also. So busy! =D

woots

haven been blogging for quite long on this pub one..cuz for the past few weeks had been occupied with too much private stuff coupled with studies. =.=

so shall talk a bit more since today is my relac day. =D

past few weeks had been dealing with stuff in the past, things that i really shouldn't get involved in. But as a fren, u just can't leave everything alone when u feel that you can help out. hmmm. talk more in private..not here ba.. haha

then kept going back to sch to study. efficiency so much more higher there than studying at home. Of cuz there're sometimes stuff that make u can't concentrate as much, like fb-ing, talking cock. but that's part and parcel of life. And all these dun make you that stressed anymore. =D I'm glad I have these ppl around me, making studies seem so much more interesting. Andrew, jason, zaiyi, tan li, chubbs, geraldine, yiyan, rachel, jenni.

then had physics paper today. I probably got owned..didn't noe how to do most of the qsns in part 2 except for the thermo dynamics. nvm, its over. Shall not think about it. =D relac relac for tonite then chiong tml and monday lo. =D

after physics was supposed to go to this party..but was too demoralised. =.= and got scolded saying i pang seh..haiz

If i was given a wish that would definitely be granted, I would wish that I am the one that can make you happy. But, there are no genies in this world.

It helps when you have nothing to fall back on, because of this fact, you know you can't let urself down, you noe you have to keep jumping. But, at least i have my frens around.

小丑魚

Nice song, and this time round, it really depicted my feelings. And i'm surprised, that somehow still knows how I feel so well. hmmm, o wells. ya, details? Maybe in private? hahaha

小丑魚

我在你身边游来游去
我不敢出声看着他亲吻你
眼不能闭

看你的唇印还在那里
你隔着玻璃所以听不见
我在叹息

说不出口的秘密
永远活在小小的世界里
仅存一点稀薄的氧气
是否够我继续撑下去

这件脱不下来的外衣
还是你喜欢的橘
我不能确定
是否你曾经注意
我的眼泪流在透明的水里

lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海

等我转过身看你眼神
才知道自己想得太过天真
伤得太深

爱来的时候划破沉闷
我早该知道你终究不是我
该爱的人

黑暗中两眼无神
夜里不再为我开盏灯
始终不敢将爱说出口
当然没有资格去竞争

恋爱和失恋同时发生
怪自己枉费青春
我输得彻底把脸深埋在水里面
却还要演好这一场戏

lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海

那片海眼看就要让我愈来愈远回不来
从此你的不愉快那么遥远谁听你埋怨
再说一遍说一遍 ya...
我在你身边给你一点点愉快就
会心甘情愿回到大海

lady lady one more try
再试着了解我的爱
发不出声音的感慨
选择作朋友的无奈

lady lady one more try
提醒我何时该走开
只要你偶尔想起来
我就住在那片海那片海

interesting

woah woah. Today was a very tiring day. Woke up then realised how pain my back, groin and thigh were. Nvm, since already promised to play bball. Just went to play. The pain in the legs were probably due to soccer yest. The nice goal i scored. hehe. The more i think about it, the more i thought, how the hell did i do it. Scoring from right side, so tight angle, clipped the top right hand post and went in. WOots! was that me? or was i possessed by some soccer spirit. HAHA. and that was probably when i overstretched my muscles. Cuz was running so hard just to get to the ball.

O wells, aniwaes, bball was fun. 3v2 i was always in the 3 ppl team. haha. Got melvin, yichao, ying cong and this 30+ guy who used to live in yew tee. HAHA. the uncle damn pro can. tall and skillful, i had no chance against him. hahaha. And after that, he was telling us about things in life. LOL. like the kind of pc talk we used to have during army days. And ya, he was a regular officer. =X ok la, then he was telling us how we should concentrate on our strengths. Know what you do best, and just concentrate on that. I did ok? haha, i know my strengths. My strength being able to utilise my short bursts of stamina when playing sports. Sudden acceleration. But thing is, my stamina doesn't last very long anymore. Last time all the training in army gone to waste. Now you ask me run 10km again, i will probably run 5, jog 3, walk 2. HAHA. Good thing about my short bursts of speed is that i can recover that stamina pretty fast. =D But i also realised how tiring it is to my legs ba. The reason behind my injuries. =X

ok, then he was telling us about his experiences in life. And it made me think about alot of things. What we want in life? hmmm, i wonder. And the second qsn he asked us. Have you ever thought of setting up a family? hmmm, i wonder. First question, what i want in life. O wells, i've always said that all i want to do is to satisfy my needs in life. But, that's not wad life is about. If i just do enuff to satisfy my needs, i'll never be able to achieve anything. We fight for our beliefs. We fight for what we want. Second question. Yes, i've thought about it. But it doesn't really matter now. Not yet. Its not a question that i should tie myself down with for now.

And one thing he said was so true. And its what i've been trying to do. That is, to think about what you want to do once u graduate while u still have free time in uni. Once you get out there, there's too little time for you to think about anything else. U'll be trapped in the vortex of work, competition and office politics. Be my own boss. I have my fate in my own hands. I'll do what I like to do. OK! so, i'll hafta think of some business ideas after the exams. XD

seriously, tiime to pick up the pace

I seriously think its time to pick up the pace. Is one chapter per day enough? I seriously doubt so. Moreover, this one chapter per day thing is only grasping the concepts and not really practicing.

Enough of gaming, yuan ing. Leave those games till after EXAMS! hahaha, shit. But..winning eleven is so fun. Back to its best. At least for me, the challenge is there. The want to come back from behind to win. =) The computer is no longer letting in goals at like 10-0? Played one game today against barca 5-star level. Woots! damn fun. hahaha, they came back from 2-0 to 2-3 then managed to score 2 last min goals. =D and the players are so realistic!

SHIT! NO! no more games!!!hahaha, time to disconnect my ps3. After this weekend. HAHAHA

Life's been pretty good to me so far. Learning to look at things in an optimistic way. I really dun wanna go back to those emo days le. No, that's y, nvm. Details, in private.

HAHA. back to PLAY!

life

today, celebrated jansen's bday and jenny's. Felt really bad, when they did that to jenny! hahaha, though in the end she was very happy and surprised. But you could see how she was holding back her tears when we were celebrating for jansen ba. hahaha, nvm. Wad a great surprise it was for them! hahaha

o wells, then before that, met up with some guy. Talked a bit, realised some stuff, but nothing really changed. HAHA! nvm, details, in private.

then also went to jp before the surprise to get the cake. =.= LOL, and someone was so blurr. =.= can't believe how requiem can forget about asking where's bengawan solo is after getting the food. LOL! damn blur can? hahaha. And ya, its pretty exciting to plan surprises! =D hahaha

o wells, tml sit-in. SHIT! haven had time to do anything real productive. And i'm feeling kinda lazy now. Guess tml i'll do it in sch ba. Got the whole day afterall. HAHA

tiring

世界末日

词曲:周杰伦

想笑来伪装掉下的眼泪
点点头承认自己会怕黑
我只求能借一点的时间来陪
你却连同情都不给

想哭来试探自己麻痹了没
全世界好像只有我疲惫
无所谓反正难过就敷衍走一回
但愿绝望和无奈远走高飞

天灰灰会不会让我忘了你是谁
夜越黑梦违背难追难回味
我的世界将被摧毁也许事与愿违

累不累睡不睡单影无人相依偎
夜越黑梦违背有谁肯安慰
我的世界将被摧毁或许颓废也是一种美

this song always had a special meaning in my life, ever since the first time I hear it. Somehow, when I emo, this song will always start looping itself in my mind. Life might just come to a stop when all the studies end. Will suddenly haf nothing to occupy my life with, then i might go crazy ba. haha, but then, there's still gaming, i guess.

And i was trying to highlight the words that meant something, then somehow, almost the whole song applied to my life. HAHA. ok, this, is truly, a song that is significant to me ba. No matter where I go, it'll be a song that follow me, through my life's up and downs.

Kinda getting used to it, this kind of feeling. I'm just content with this state ba.

Though i'm kinda tired, but, somehow, there's something that makes me want to move on. Studies?Games?Music? The want to do something significant in my life. I guess, humans need a want in their life to keep them moving on. And i'm still human, after all. I'll die one day, but what I do in life is proof that i've lived before, and i'll make it significant. Make my life significant. That, I promise myself.

This is It

Went to watch "This Is It" today with zhiwei. Damn cool show, especially if you're an MJ fan. As some parts of the show, you can just get emotional ba. Cuz you'll realise, this great performer won't be doing anything new, anything special anymore, cuz he's gone, forever. But still, his memories will stay with us, all the best of him, will remain, as the best thing that he can give to us.

One of the song actually touched my heart pretty much. Especially the comments MJ had on that song. He wants to see a better earth, he wants to heal the world, not "heal the world" though, guess the song. =) And his quote kinda reminded me of why I chose EE in the first place. "We can't keep telling others to do this and do that, to change the world, to make the environment better. We have to do it ourselves, we have to be the change, it has to start from us." Not really wad he said, but kinda captured the esssence ba. Why I chose EE? cuz i wanted to improve the state the world is in, through means of making energy conserving stuff and all. Maybe enviromental engineering would have been a better choice, but still, its EE that I feel I can use and apply to what I want to do in future.

Then after that, went home, went to sch again to study. Managed to clear 2 chaps of physics ba, I would consider it productive, though andrew and i were distracting each other with youtube vids. HAHA. and mangas. And for the first time, i bought a cai tau kueh from e3 block. Really oily niah, and guess wad!? its REALLY CHAO DA LA!!! chao da kueh niah. hahaha.

When you're not happy, you just have to find a different meaning in life to make you happy. I'm still trying to find that meaning in life. Even though I've decided to not put relationship problems as my priority, I can't really find something to replace that yet. Probably need some time ba. like jay chou wrote in his song, if there are dreams you can't achieve, just change a dream. But, I never dreamt in the first place.

I'll still be myself, caring for people that I cared for before in life. No matter the relationship, no matter what I get, its just me, myself, and my feelings. The number of people I care for just keep on increasing. =.= GG!

for love, i threw away love

For love, i threw away love. -quote from some book-

lol, slept like a log. =.= stayed up until 3 plus just to fall asleep before the match. DIAO~ then woke up for lunch, tried reading physics a bit, ended up sleeping until dinner. =.= HAHAHA, its easy to fall asleep when u dun drink coffee ba.

Some things are beyond comprehension. Some things, we can understand.

I underestimated my ability to lie to myself. Sometimes, you just need to lie to yourself to be happy. But, whatever you find thru lying will never be true happiness. That, I learnt the hard way.

I really dun like to think about the past. Thinking about the past, just makes me dream of them. And in those dreams, I always seem to find back hope and love. Only to wake up and find that, life is not as good as people say it is. I've lived long enough to know that it is alright to dream, but at the end of the day, if you do not do anything, you'll end up getting nothing. Life is cruel, that, i learnt the hard way.

Its not the recent events that have made me think this way. This has been my way of thinking since sec sch. I, always work towards my goals. Never believed in dreams, cuz they're not worth believing.

And for the last time, stop lying to me. Stop telling me how much my words matter to you, cuz obviously they don't. Yes, I still care for you cuz I treat you as a sister, but that's all to it. I always care for people that have been significant to me in my life, at any stage in my life, unless they've hurt me real badly, or they've done something real bad to make me hate them so bad. Whatever there was in the past, its all in the past already. Yes, we were sweet and all, but not anymore. So, stop lying to me that I still mean alot to you. If my kindness to you continues to make you misunderstand after these 2 years, do not make me do things that I really dun like to do. I know, you'll be reading this, that's why i'm putting it here, for you, TO SEE!

Lies, Deceit. The only thing that is true in this world, is myself.

想到了第一次见到你
你有一种奇怪的魔力
我感觉到了自己偷偷想靠近你

想到了第二次见到你
感觉我并没那么高兴
因为我发现自己和你的距离

这是爱情还是你太美丽
让我作出不可思议的事情
我只知道我要看你开心
我什么都愿意 只要能够靠近你

我只好把我想说的话都放在心里
因为我只想要你开心
我知道我会辛苦也会难过
但我什么都愿意
不在乎狂风暴雨不管你在那里

我知道你和你的男孩有多么的甜蜜
所以我 才静静守着你
每一次看他紧紧拉着你手我眼泪不停的流
也只好默默退后
我什么都没说
静静忍住痛

lyrics that really depict. But I've already made up my mind. I never asked for anything, I'm not hoping for anything. I just wanna be frens.

Snippets from private:
Things do not turn out the way u want in life, its just part and parcel of life. Its not that I dun wanna take away my feelings, maybe, one day, if I find a girl who can give me the same special feeling, I will pull away. For now, just leave things as it is.

I'm becoming the mugger I once was again. No longer pursuing my wants, rather, just my needs. This was what I was, and what I hope to become again. Jay Chou's songs kinda lifted my mood. Be happy with what you have, that is the lesson I've learnt.

I'm not acting. I know.

finding meaning

Finding meaning in the lyrics of dao xiang. Not to say that it wasn't meaningful in the past. But somehow, it soothed my soul when I was finding it so hard to sleep last night. All the emotions just died down. The lyrics really make you think that we should live life on the bright side. Everything has 2 faces to it. One part where it made the most meaning to me was : 珍惜一切就算沒有擁有

i'll do it, even if it is not mine, but i'll treasure whatever that is, even if there is nothing. =)

always look on the bright side of life eh? ahahaa, but how long will this last? I wonder. Life is a roller coaster ride of emotions after all.

Everyday feels like a challenge

Everyday feels like a challenge. Why? I dun wanna explain here. If you're not supposed to know, you're just not supposed to know. I dun want stupid ppl coming to bother me when i'm already feeling so freakin down.

I can only find joy in studying now. =.=

I need sports & games in my life once more. Breathe some joy into my life, but that is not to be.

in the end

in the end..i still emo-ed..=.=

a week of roller coaster

I would say, this week has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. It felt as if i was on the sea, the emotions going up and down. But at least now, its on a high and i hope i can maintain it. Even more so, because i alr kan kai with the emo stuff.

O wells! AND GUESS WHY I'M SO HAPPY!?? *I SHALL TYPE IN CAPS TO EXPRESS MY HAPPINESS*

LIVERPOOL WON!!! CREDITS TO TORRES, BENAYOUN & NGOG FOR THE 2 GOALS! TOTALLY CHEERED ME UP!

its always good to see the team win. Especially when we've come under so much flak from the media and all for losing games. This game just showed wad a team liverpool is. We never give up.

This is why I love liverpool. Constantly reminding me not to give up on anything in life.

And I'll never give up. =D

Nothing much to say for today

Today, just studied. HAHAHA

really happy with the productivity today. Managed to do programmes and some maths. Refreshed my knowledge using f maths notes and all. Overall, it felt great.

Some random quote I came up with last night. Realised somehow the words can be re-arranged to become something I liked to say in the past, not anymore.

Quote I came up with last night: Loves feeling tired, it makes you forget.

Quote I used to say: Love makes you forget that you're tired.

O wells, hahaha, with that said, I still had something to say in my private blog. =.=

"She was a girl who knew how to act happy even when she was sad. And that’s important." — Marilyn Monroe

Is it really true? To act happy when you're sad? At the end of the day, you're still sad right?

ok, shall do some more stuff b4 going to sleep.

reality hits

reality hit me hard. Very hard, when I woke up. Last night was great and all, feeling so tired after watching deathnote. But couldn't sleep so went for a run, makes you forget about things even more when you exercise. But all these were just a temporary escape from reality. When you get all energetic when you wake up, those thoughts start flowing back again.

But, I told myself, this is the reality, I have to face it, no matter what. I won't change my stance. I mean it when I say it. If this is to be for the rest of my life, I would just let it stay like this. Its not me who doesn't wish for happiness, just that, if my happiness would mean trying to do bad things, that's just not me. So, I will never tell her, never. For, it wouldn't mean anything, and for now, leaving it like this is the best thing I could do.

I'll wait, but I wun wish for bad things to happen, I'll just let nature take its course. If we were meant to be, we'll be. If we're not meant to be to start with, there's nothing I can do. Stupid when it comes to love? That's just me ba. And I would rather stay as myself.

Ok, time to mug and not think about all these stuff. There's nothing I can do, except to watch how happy you would be.

This song really applies to my feelings now, even though i've posted it like a few days back, now, it really hit me hard, the emo-ness.

我一直以来都守护在你身边
不懂你如何看得见
只好静静靠在一边

你的笑容能让我开心一整天
只要一天没和你见面
我的心情不会好一点

时间已经不多
我还有话很想说
隐藏在我心里不懂如何开口

我们很快就要走
回忆也不算太多
简简单单希望你会懂

不能在一起也没关系
至少你懂我的心 会在想你
那些回忆会永远保持甜蜜

不管未来你会在哪里
我都不会忘记 我爱你
你是我微笑的原因

只是希望你能比从前开心

a rather good day ending in a very bad way

ok, so this morning woke up at 8 despite slping at 4 last night, cuz my mom tot i was going to sch early. But eventually left home at around 11 to go nus to watch jansen sing. I totally missed my stop! After messaging requiem that i was reachin soon, the next thing i knew, i dozed off and the bus was on its way back to clementi! WTH. ok, so i alighted and walked to YIH. phew, my walking speed still quite fast eh? haha, but it was so hot at yih la. luckily requiem and i found a nice spot with a fan to watch jansen sing. =D but the sound was quite bad ba. Can really hear that the sound system quite screwed up ba. But overall, it was a good performance ba.

Then went to central lib to study with requiem. Got there, was trying to solve this physics qsn for her. But my stomach keep growling. o mans. hahaha, then we went to eat after sitting down like only for 15 mins? HAHA. Then on the way to the deck, saw andrew so he joined us. Then we da bao bee hoon and went somewhere else to eat, while andrew only drank coffee. hahaha. And I did the funniest thing that I haven done for a long while. Cuz there was only 1 side of a chopstick for me, I did the army style of using the ration box to make a makeshift spoon. LOL. Then andrew went for his jap lessons while requiem and i went back to central lib to study.

Hahas, she had some pretty nice songs in her laptop so we listened to them while studying lo. Thanks for noticing that I was a bit emo. Ya la, haha, i was a bit emo la, but most of it was because of tiredness. =D

Then after that went to ubi to get some stuff done at TP. Cuz at first thought will be going for a stayover, so i waited at ubi for requiem to finish her lesson then go pasir ris together. Feels different when you go to ubi as someone who already knows how to drive. hahaha. And some stuff, i shall talk on private, not here.

O wells, then after that went to pasir ris together with jansen and requiem. Little did i know, that my fren told me cannot stayover, cuz he's very tired. Ok, thanks, I could have gone home at like 7 plus? Nvm, was pretty pissed off after that.

Some emo stuff happened while going home, and that shall go to private.

Watching deathnote now, so my mood now is still ok. hahaha.

Yes, I've emo-ed. SO WHAT!?

lost and found

hmmm, today was the least productive day of the whole week. Somehow, just couldn't start studying. Woke up at like 11 plus this morning. lazed around, played psp until lunch. Told myself I would start after lunch. Then had green bean soup for lunch! =D but after lunch, i saw the latest fma book on my bro's bed. =.=, started reading. hahaha, even though i've already seen it online, but reading it in the form of a book just makes the whole experience different. Ok, then told myself, i should do some work. So started reading txtbook. But after like just 30 mins, carried on playing psp until dinner. then took a nap after dinner. Read thru the lab9 questions and after that, slacked all the way again.

Really, since when did it become so distracting at home. When I've always thought it was the best place to study? Probably after the table was gone. hmmm. o wells, but there is little time left, I should really start working hard. Not should, i MUST! after what happened yesterday's sit-in lab, I realised my inability. Yes, alot of people also had problems. But this was my first time having a major logic error in computing. Maybe because all the while, my logic errors were just minor stuff, that's y when big things like this came, I just couldn't take it. With time running by so fast, I really have to pick up the pace already.

How long has it been since i last wanted to cook so much? hmmm, since the 3rd? Last time, i always thought, the only person I would ever cook for in my life would be her and her only. No one else. But now, hmmm, just wanna cook again. Not for anyone. I just suddenly thought that cooking is another form of getting satisfaction. When you cook good food, and you enjoy eating whatever you've just cooked. It just makes me feel better. So i've decided to start cooking again after the final exams. All those guinea pigs can come and eat! =D lols.

Past experiences really shape people's life. For me, it just made me into someone that appears happy in front of ppl, yet deep down inside, i can't really define what true happiness is for me. Yearning for happiness, that is something i've not been doing for so long. Only when you wish, would you have satisfaction when it comes, but at the same time, disappointment comes when it does not happen. I'm sorry, i've lost the will to dream. Lost sight of happiness. Perhaps, this is the reason, why I never feel anything when happiness leaves me. Yes, I do get emo and stuff, but i got used to not being happy. To me, being happy is more like a bonus. With or without it, it doesn't really matter. For now, I know i'm happy, but how long will it last? how long will this go? For i'll never know, and for something that I wouldn't know until it happens, I shouldn't be thinking about it this much.

Maybe, just maybe, this little light of hope in my heart that haven't appeared in my life for so long, might actually blossom into something. But for now, its just a hope, its just a "might". Things I do not believe in. Things that are not real. I really wonder, how do people live on things that do not exist. But this is where the contradiction comes, why, even after all those stuff i've said about goals being the only stuff i'm after, that I still hope for this to happen.

I'm glad though, there are still people i can call friends. But out of these friends, who can I trust fully, and tell them all my secrets? None. Ok, when i say none, i mean 100% trust. There are a few though, who I can say i can trust them almost fully, but still not able to tell them everything, cuz some things, just can't be said. One of them has been there since jc. One of them, just a few months but seems that lotsa things can be said to this fren.

O wells, but like i've said before, we do not really need that many close friends in life. A few will suffice, and I do have a few. =D

today usual stuff

usual stuff on a wednesday. Go sch early, for math lecture. Then cuz got cs lab so skipped lessons to prepare for cs. Can't say I'm really happy with the lab, cuz of obvious difference in the difficulty. But owells, what's done is done, complain oso no use. As long as i know I did my best, the results doesn't really matter. What matters is I did my best.

HAHA. nowadays, too tired to emo ba. Oso nothing to really emo about. hahaha, just that, o wells. Nvm.

What is it that I want in life? What do i want to achieve? I know my goals, I know what I want, I know the ways to get to my goals. But, am I willing to make the necessary sacrifices? Sometimes, you just wonder. Is life all about chasing after money, fame and stuff? How about all those things that seem so insignificant, yet makes us different from animals and beasts. Given the ability to think, wad we should really be doing is something that should help the world, instead of coming up with more and more methods to make the world a worse place than it already is.

Then that brings me back to my goals in life. In the first place, why did I yearn for power? Only with power, would people listen to you. Only with power, would your actions make a difference. To make a change to the current society, what I need is the influence to make people do as I wish. And money is the quickest way to do that. Therefore, at the end of the day, money is still the thing that makes us work, instead of money working for us.

There are bigger things in this world other than those minute relationship problems/studies that really matter. Sometimes, we need to look at the bigger picture. Then, we will realise, how small we are.

If i had a choice, I would have told you my feelings, but that does not seem to be the case. For this seems a better situation than what it might be.

Somehow i can relate to this song. Though cheesy, but that's really wad u'll think of if u like someone. Really really nice song. Thanks requiem for sharing and jansen for sending it to me. =D

我一直以来都守护在你身边
不懂你如何看得见
只好静静靠在一边

你的笑容能让我开心一整天
只要一天没和你见面
我的心情不会好一点

时间已经不多
我还有话很想说
隐藏在我心里不懂如何开口

我们很快就要走
回忆也不算太多
简简单单希望你会懂

不能在一起也没关系
至少你懂我的心 会在想你
那些回忆会永远保持甜蜜

不管未来你会在哪里
我都不会忘记 我爱你
你是我微笑的原因

只是希望你能比从前开心

nice! like it alot. hahaha.

hmmm, getting used to the monotony of studying alr. But this monotony will end in like 6 more weeks? after all the exams and stuff. Looking forward to it, but still. hmmm. Nvm, dun wanna say anything here. Too lazy to blog on the private one too. =P shall blog more after tml's sit-in. For now, i shall go and compile the macros and functions b4 going to slp. =D

*EDIT: still had something to say on the private one though. haha, but nothing much.

Defining friends

So today while waiting for yichao to come out to have dinner at techno edge. Shiyi was asking me and zhiwei this qsn. "Do you call each other close friends?"

O wells, then came the definition of close and friends. And my definition has always been standard, ranking from lowest level:

Hi-bye friends: People who you just say hi and bye to, ppl that you could be least concerned with their life. Of cuz, if something happens to them, u'll still be interested to know.

Normal friends: People who you sometimes hang out together with, people who you can say more stuff other than hi and bye. Do stuff together, like play sports...

Good friends: People who you enjoy hanging out with, people who you like to talk to (except for problems close to the heart). These are the people who I can ask to go out to watch movies, play sports, play lan and stuff. Most of my platoon mates belong here.

Close friends: People who you can talk to, about almost everything under the sun. People who you know you can trust. People who you really enjoy going out with. Very few people belong to this group, but really, you do not need that many close friends in life.

Then comes the problem about trust, which i've decided to elaborate on my private blog instead of here.

ok, so ya. That's it, so i would say zhiwei is a close friend. haha.

Nothing much to talk about the events that happened today though, just the standard monotony of a university student. And ya, I got accepted into o week sub-com! *pops champange* Looking at the stuff i've planned to do after final exams, o mans, i guess i'll be really busy come dec hols. O wells, the following list consists of the things that i may do/want to do. hahaha, but not WILL do. =P given my laziness, I would only probably do half of whatever that is on that list. Not in any particular order

1) Go back to MOM to work for the labour force survey (realised its really good money)=D
2) Learn to cook more stuff, with requiem and jansen since requiem seems so interested in learning how to cook for noc, and me personally thinking that it would be a good skill to acquire
3) Design my room at my new house, I want it neat, with all my favourite stuff hanging around on the wall. =D
4) Get Beatles Rock Band once I move in to my new house, so I can jam! =D o wells, not really jam, but still, it gives almost the same feeling
5) Get ppl to come to my new house after i move in. =D To warm up my room. always wanted to invite ppl to my house but never had my own room.
6) Start running regularly so that I can at least reach 30km run by the time sundown comes next year.
7) If requiem they all want go msia for that hiking thing, will probably join them, though i would really wanna go to taiwan/spain/japan but that would cost so much more. =(
8) Feel like going on a cruise, but dunno, most prob no time to do that.
9) CHRISTMAS!
10)new year plus sis wedding!

But of cuz, thinking of all these are a bit too early, considering that exams are not over yet. O wells, its all down to perspective, true that exams are coming soon, but looking at it in another way, the break's coming soon too!=D

Thanks to what requiem said, i've managed to kan kai abit le ba. hahas. thx!

Love, Care, Hope

Ooo, a song i wrote with no special meaning, at least, not something that I would wanna say here. Some things are better kept private. Will probably mention something in the private blog, maybe, but not here. But really, no special meaning, just a random tune i thought up and decided to put some lyrics to it. And this song will probably appear on fallenreasonsongs.blogspot.com though. lols. Depending on mood, this will probably be my last post tonight, despite the fact that I messed up my bio clock again by slping thru dinner. O wells.

#14: Love, Care, Hope

A song I wrote,
A point to note,
You told me the words that left me dazed.
A single date,
Promises made,
I told you the feelings that I've hid so long.

Nobody knows,
That my heart left a special place for you.
One day I hope,
That this love will get to you.

Chorus:

I know, I hope, I wonder why
My heart beats so fast when you you're there.
Even when you've gone so long,
Your smile still lingers in my mind.

I love, I care, I'll wait for you
For I will always be there for you.
Even if the sky shall fall,
I will be there, to be with you.

decided

i've decided to split my blog into 2 factions. the private one and pub one. shall write most of my emo stuff (mainly matters that concern problems close to my heart) on the private one, only for ppl i think i can trust to read and to know. this pub one, shall just serve as my day-to-day event logger. Maybe some random rants here and there, and things that people can know. And also some random snippets from my private one.

/*Sometimes, its just better to stay where we are than attempting to move forward. Content in the current state, refusal to move away from the comfort zone. But we all know, we need to move on some day. Yuan Ing, grow up.*/

*details are in my private blog though.

O wells, so woke up quite early this morning despite slping quite late last night. Did some work here and there, but overall, not happy with the progress of my studies? I dunno. Then watched some youtube vids and all. Then feeling a little tired, i suppose i should go and sleep some more later on? hmmm

woots!

haha, today was a happy deepavali! =D

Played soccer! hehehe, ok la. so long nvr score le. =( but still happy, at least managed some nice shots and passes? then tml go play bball! YAY! when it comes to ball games, i just find myself so enthu. hahaha. maybe i should concentrate on playing more ball games instead of trying to run. hahaha.

Ok, so didn't play alot. and yeaps, so after soccer, went to eunos to meet requiem, cuz i wanted to shop for presents for weiquan and needed some advice. hahaha, but i was late, cuz the last game took quite long, and kinda twisted my ankle. oops. then changed b4 going up to meet her. hahaha. then went to bugis. cuz tot will have some nice stuff at bugis to shop.

hahaha. then walked around b4 going to v8 for lunch. hahaha. v8 food was still as good as last time i went there ba, just that maybe i ordered the wrong stuff. the salmon was not up to my expectations, but at least requiem enjoyed it. and i was trying to take all the unglam photos of her! hahaha. but failed, cuz my cam too lag, then everytime the photo was taken, her hand would be blocking the camera. o wells.

And ya, so after lunch, went to walk around in bugis somemore. Saw some stuff that looked pretty nice, especially the price. o wells. I'm just a poor student. =( but didn't find anything that i thought weiquan would like. And throughout the whole afternoon of walking up and down bugis, haha, very funny. cuz of static electricity. =D but towards the end was all intentional de. hahaha. but i had fun!

hahas then took mrt to pasir ris with her lo..cuz at first was going to paul's house to play. Then also went there to try to find berms as present. And on the train, i was just trying to take unglam photos of requiem! =D hahaha. so funny, then she couldn't sleep cuz she was afraid of all the unglam stuff. =D. hahaha. okies. I wun post anywhere =D HAHAHA.

then managed to find the berms i wanted. thanks to requiem and some divine intervention, i bought the same pair that i was wearing. -.-, nvm, shall elaborate more on that when time comes.

Then it turned out that paul wasn't at home, so i went to meet my parents for dinner! o mans, the yi mian, hor fun and sheng mian were so nice! =D Feel so full and happy. hahaha. Then after that went home le lo. Shall try to study a bit more.

Really had fun today though. hahaha. From soccer to lunch, to dinner. Packed with so much fun.

hurh hurh..tonight got liverpool match. O nos, hope we can win without G&T! =D

who will stay?

People come and go in your life. You can't change anything. You cannot stop things from happening, you cannot prevent the inevitable.

Happened too many times, so many times that i've got used to it. I've always been the tree, rooted to the ground, unchanging. But i've never thot it was wrong to do so. I always think its right to stay true to my roots, living to my principles. That is why, people normally take me for granted. Not that it really matters. How people will treat me is not within my control. As long as I stay true to myself, everything will be fine. Or would it?

Doesn't matter, i'll always be there. And i'll always be myself.

I've always said so long the ppl i care for are happy, it doesn't really matter if i'm happy or not. Or rather, i'll be happy as long as they are. And some things just proved that thinking of mine right again.

Strange how friendships work, but we all know, 但是天总会黑,人总要离别.谁也不能永远陪谁. What matters though is the present, i shall not think about the unforseen future, for a sad present will never lead me to a happy future. So i shall try my best to stay happy.

True to my feelings, true to myself. My feelings, will i be able to hide it anymore? Will i have the courage to show how i really feel? i wonder.

what to do?

I thought I wouldn't be that depressed by work. But it just suddenly dawned on me the imbalance i've been placing around my modules. So much effort has been put on computing that i've been neglecting my other subjects too much. Concepts are just not enough, I need the practice. But is my 1 tutorial per day gonna work? I'm not sure, only time will tell. Or rather, its a do or die situation. I dunno whether this study method would work, I hope it will. If not, I really needta change my mindset for nxt sem.

It might also be due to the fact that I don't have a good environment to study at home. There's no proper table to do my work. Which is one reason I dun like to do tutorials at home, and spend most of my time reading notes, grasping concepts from the stuff on my laptop. The only thing that i can practice is programming. Maybe by moving house will let me have a better environment to study? That's the reason why i can't wait to move. End of the day, moving to the new house turned out to be faster than waiting for my sis to completely vacate the room in this current house so that I can have a room to myself. If we didn't move house, I would probably have considered moving to hall/residence instead.

Somehow, I decided not to pressure my sis into moving out. She was like taking up the whole room for 1 whole year alr, when she has her own house to live in. She just has to come back to niang jia to take up a room. Not that i'm complaining, i mean, i dunno la. I know my sis will be lonely if she lives in her house, when her husband works in the night while she works in the morning, so I always only say I hope she moves out, but in actual fact, it doesn't really matter. Putting my sis b4 my own preferences eh? I dunno, she's my sis leh, how can just dun care and ask her to move out. That's y i oso worried about how she's gonna slp at night when we move to clementi and she has to stay by herself. O wells, sometimes, i should just learn how to worry more for myself than other ppl's problems.

I care too much, past experiences have been sufficient to show the fact that i care too much for others only to be hurt in the end. I do not wanna talk about these past expiriences. Just not worth talking about. Lesson learnt? When u care too much, you'll easily get hurt. But how do I not care too much, when it is my nature to care for ppl i trust.

There are only a few ppl who i trust now. And I know where my heart is. I care, therefore I dare.

When my heart breaks, who will be there to pick up the pieces? Who will be there to put salt on my wounds, to make my heart hurt even more than it could haf endured?

There you go, I suppose, I really need some rest from this monotonous lifestyle. Seriously, i can't wait for exams to be over. Then take a break, cuz i seriously need it. Spend time with close frens, invite ppl over to my new house when exams are over for a small little housewarming. Ok, I shouldn't be thinking so far ahead. But its always good to have something to look forward to.

I guess that's all I'll talk about for now, so many stuff to say, yet, the only one i can say to, is this blog. If i turn this into a private blog, i might be able to say even more stuff. There are just some things that can't be said to anyone. Or, at least, so far, no one has been able to make me tell him/her that much.

Ya, i need a break.

ooo

hurh hurh. I realised, my ability to absorb everything during tutorial amazes even myself. I can just go to tutorial without doing anything and just sit down there, but manage to understand every single shit at the end of the tutorial. I know its a bad way of studying, cuz there's no practice involved. I'm just filled with concepts, which I take too long to apply to when it is needed. hmmm, shall practice more. clear 1 tutorial per day until exams. Should be able to do it ba. lolx

And I realised, i haven been emo-ing for quite some time! Which is good! hahahax. Probably because, everything was down to whether I believe or not. If I believe her, then I wouldn't feel so bad anymore. I wouldn't think so much anymore. Even if at the end of the day, it turns out that she has lied to me, at least from this period of time until then, I would live life happily. =D As long as she's happy.

grrrr, requiem just made me jealous with her "I go drink green bean soup". GRRRR! ok la, hahax, I had a nice dinner! better than what I had for myself last night! hahax. The prawns, the fish! oooooooo. loved it! hahax. but it would be better if there was green bean soup. grrrrrrrrrr. lolx

hmmmm, although not emo, there's still something bothering me right now. =X. not really my prob, just a fren's and another fren's. hmmmm. This kinda stuff not everyone can understand, luckily i can, cuz i've been thru that before. O wells, at the end of the day, what matters is what u think and not what others think. If u know that there's nothing going on, then what others think doesn't really matter. Its all down to their ignorance, their childishness to think that this kind of friendship does not exist.

ok, shall read up on some physics then decide whether to watch spain tonight. a spain without torres...hmmmm. o wells, hope there's silva!!

blogged

oo, been so busy with stuff that haven been blogging. Maybe becuz life passed by so quickly, the events unfolded so fast that I can't have time to note down the minute details of whatever that has happened for the day.

Hmmmm, feeling kinda lazy tonight, got GEM to read up and math tutorial to do. O wells, dun really feel like doing anything. hmmmm. Feeling like an old man, with the bad cough, and laziness to do anything. -.- 21 alr liddat, cannot imagine wad I would be like at 60. hahaha.

Where would you be at 30? Where would I be? Would we still be friends? Would we be something I wished we could be?

We prayed, to a fiction of our mind, to the so-called God, who is just a creation of mankind.

Yeaps, and got the coded song done up. What may seem to appear to you as the truth, might not be the truth that is intended. Look deeper, look further, look in all kinds of direction, and the truth will unfold itself. Somethings are better hidden forever, tucked into one corner of the mind so that no damage will be dealt. Or would I rather risk that damage for a greater happiness? I wonder. Look deeper, everything was right there from the start, just that you didn't know.

hhuuhhhh..so lazyyy..purrr. LOL

blog some more

decided to blog some more, cuz i just drank coffee! haha, back to my coffee drinking lifestyle. =D have not been drinking alot since after mid-term tests, cuz it has all been playing and stuff. Needta step up the tempo alr, finals are coming. Though knowing me, i'll probably leave everything till last minute, when the ability to absorb reaches abnormal levels. hahaha, but i will slowly get back on track with the stuff that i should have done ba. Computing i'm maintaining at a lvl slightly more than whatever has been taught, maths, i'm still relying on notes while doing tutorial. Physics has by far been just relying on f maths notes, probably the reason behind my physics results. As for EE, dunno, i can grasp the concept, but just need practice ba. Time to chiong!!! =D. week 9 loh!!!

Love needs no reason, that is probably why i wasn't involved in any since like so long ago. hahaha. o wells, saw this funny quote, though sounded meaningless at first, but its actually quite meaningful in some way. 被爱还是爱人, 我选择我爱你. Even though my own fate is in my own hands, sadly, there are things that I cannot control. Things that involve other's ppl fates as well. Sadly, this path is not mine alone, it intersects with other people's paths too, causing diversions, hurdles and stuff to appear everywhere. But I really hope I can reach that destination, a place where I know my heart would find peace at. Its's funny when you look at the word "destination", it simply means, destiny nation. A nation, where ur destiny leads you to, the reason why everyone looks so hard to find their own destination in life. But we all know, what awaits us at this long road, is an eventual death. No one lives forever.

I really hope I could have the courage to bring all these to an end, if not soon, then at most before next sem starts, I have to tell her. It just doesn't feel right to drag these kinda stuff. Yes, I'm happy with the current state, seeing her smile really puts one on me as well. But, how long will this stay? I really dunno. If by telling her would mean an end to our friendship, then I would rather not tell her. But if i let you go, i will never know, what my life would be, holding you close to me. Directly quoted from west life. hahaha. I really dunno, but i really shouldn't be thinking about all these "if" and stuffs. This just ain't right.

Some things are just so obvious for everyone to see, but somehow, it is not so when u're directly involved in it. Maybe its just us not wanting to admit to our feelings. Maybe its just me thinking too much. I know myself too well, I can show my feelings to everyone, obvious to everyone who I really care for. The reason i care, the one i care, no one else, just you.

Some GEM stuff, 3 vertices don't necessarily make a triangle. 3 vertices don't necessarily mean 3 corresponding edges, it can just be 2 vertices joined by a single edge and one lone vertice in the graph. O wells, the wonders of hidden meanings. hahaha

hmmm, wad's this feeling?

why do i have a feeling that you've fallen sick? just a feeling. lols.

hmmm, some things have set me thinking. I guess, somethings must be said so that ur feelings are made known. However, i'm also afraid that when some things are said, it'll break whatever frenship there is now. This is what's making me move back and forth from this original position. Feeling stuck. I just need a hint, of whatever sort, that she might actually possibly know and just waiting for me to tell her. But I highly doubt that's the case.

Nah, i've been just thinking too much about irrelevant stuff. The "what ifs" are not important. I should really be studying. haha. And i needta start running again! so i've decided to start running from tue night. Hopefully. HAHAHA

The Middle

What a motivational song it is, The Middle. Was playing rockband unplugged on my way to bedok. haha, then this song came up. Have always been loving this song, but it seemed even more motivational today. haha. Everything will be just fine. O wells, optimistic view to life. hahaha. Glad that it motivates lotsa other ppl too, especially someone. =D

Hmmm, so played soccer today, despite my mom telling me not to. Had fun, no goals, but still, was happy with the way i played. just trying to shoot whenever i can. haha. so long nvr play le. Then it was raining from 10 to 11. just stood down there waiting for the rain to stop for 1 whole hour. lols

Then went to orchard to meet up with jc frens. Marv, Mong & abbas. Abbas, the fb stalker. Say stupid stuff..-.- But seriously, if there's something, obviously i would say. When i say no, it means no la. hahaha. Had seafood platter, oh my. Not really happy with it. Wasn't as nice as i had expected it to be. The seafood was just not up to standard? the rice oso not good. hahaha. Maybe we should haf ordered individual dishes. But still, have to thank the guys for treating me to the meal. Thanks.

So after that, went home. Accidentally set my mp3 to repeat 1 song mode, but didn't feel anything was wrong when it kept repeating livin on a prayer. O wells, after reaching home, went to take a nap. Really lagging behind on sleep. Needed it.

And after that, went online. Oooo, lotsa nice songs that I heard tonight. The middle, as mentioned before, then there was kiss, because i'm a girl by boa, and its english version. Plus some pretty nice youtube vids here and there. And a 15 min dipti lecture. Hahaha, watching spain now. Their link-up play is just damn pretty. I like to see them play, cuz they just keep attacking. I wish I could play like torres, too bad i started to play soccer too late. hahaha.

Do not ask me what we are, for I can only say we are frens. I wished there would be more, but if she doesn't think the same way, I guess I'll never tell her the truth. I wish, I pray, to who? I am my own god. This is my world, my destiny, i'll write my story with my own hands, i'll walk my path in my own way. For I dared to love, that is why I live.

And "The Middle" lyrics: (to all who needs motivation+SS)

Hey,Don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out,
Or looked down on.Just try your best,
Try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves
When you're away.

[Chorus]
It just takes some time,
little girl, you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright. (alright)

Hey,
You know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, (on your own)
So don't buy in.Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough (good enough)
For someone else.

[Chorus x2]

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out, (feel left out)
Or looked down on.
Just do your best, (just do your best)
Do everything you can. (do everything you can)
And don't you worry what their bitter hearts (bitter hearts)
Are gonna say.

[Chorus x2]

flu/cough/infection?

o nos, i'm coughing very badly now. Have been coughing since my bday. Damn bad cough. haha, and oops. that day ate swensen's when we shared the earthquake. oops. sorry to requiem, jansen and set if any of u get flu or cough becuz of me. hahahas.

i should be going to slp soon, but dunno, just watching youtube vids. haha. all the dilbert stuff. =D dogbert is so smart! twisting words in order to favour himself.

o rights, so..If i told you i love you now, what would you do, what would you say. Would you stay with me till the end of the world, or would you put an end to my world. Heys, i'm not emo-ing now k? haha, just trying to rhyme stuff. haha, and these words appeared in one of my songs b4. haha. The meaning was there back then, and it probably means something now.

I really dunno, did I overdo certain stuff, or did i do too little? sometimes, i think too much, sometimes i couldn't be bothered to think. Most of the time, I care too much, and the times when i dun care about anything is reserved for not caring about myself. Selfless? In a sense, yes. But look at it in another perspective, am i being selfless to try to get wad i want? If that's the case, am i being selfish, or selfless? It doesn't matter if we make it or not. What matters is, the process. Our life, is a story, made up of lies, truths, facts, myths, rumours. At the end of the day, ppl make of us based on what they think of us. If u think that i'm a bad person, i'm just a bad person.

Ok, getting all philosophical? haha. probably. oh manz, i think i should be slping. Soccer tml! looking forward to it! Some things can make u forget things that you do not want to remember, and soccer is one of them. Basketball too! But i've locked my dear white ps3 up until after exams. hahaha. so i'm just left with soccer and bball. =D and of cuz, frens.

cool!

whee, had my surgery today. haha, finally got rid of it. =D. took only about 15 mins for surgery, but the waiting time was about 8 times of that! wahahaa.

so, in the morning went to lab. oh mans, i really should haf prep more b4 going in. And my circuit kept on having problems. -.-. by the time i'm done with the graphs, it was alr 12.20++, and i had to rush to nuh by 1. So just rushed thru the conclusion and stuff. hahaha. by the time reach nuh alr 1.10. Woots, no lunch! arghh. =X. And the nurse was telling me i should go eat after the operation. hahaha, but o wells, didn't eat in the end until i got back to yew tee.

And the surgery was damn fun! haha, i mean. First of all, there was this form that my mom signed like 3 weeks ago to approve my going through the surgery. And guess what? the nurse said, but u're 21 now already right? so hafta sign the form on my own. hahahas, so lame. then the doc oso -.-. cuz we did that during the appointment alr, but we threw that away cuz i wasn't 21 then. hahaha. Then went into the surgery room. omg, haha, first time wearing that gown stuff. so leh cheh. Tie up everything le..in the end go in, lie on the bed still needta take off quite alot when its just on the neck. -.- take off pants to put the warming thing? wad the. HAHA. then they covered my face during the surgery. o mans. didn't see anything, can't feel anything too. =D. the doc was like poking on my neck then ask me whether got feeling, then i didn't respond, cuz i didn't know he was poking! hahaa. and i somehow dozed off during the surgery. -.- HAHAHA. the doc had to wake me up! lols. And somehow i heard the nurse telling the doc, "that's alot of blood." doc replied, "its normal." -.- hahaha, but dun really noe how much blood i lost. hahahas.

o wells, tml dunno whether shld play soccer. feel like playing but i scared later run about will open up the wound or something. hmmmms, should i? hahaha.

This is the only path i'll take, even it may seem stupid, but i just want to try, try my best.

hmmm, so many things that i wanna do. so little time. nvm, shall wait until after final exams, then can do all those stuff i wanna do. drawing, writing, composing, playing. oh mans, how i wish the final exams would be over soon. Must really jia you liaoz. Mugger me, i summon YOU!!! hahahas, mug mug mug mug mug. But i shall not do anything on a friday night! XD

ahahaha

o wells, pretty fun day. haha. went to sch in the early afternoon. Went to lot 1 b4 that to get a stapler and some post-its. haha. Then saw yu qian at popular. ooohh. haha, still as pretty as ever. XP. haha, so farni, she asked me what i doing here. LOL. i live at yew tee niah..come lot 1 so strange meh. haha. Yeap, then after that headed straight to sch le lo. hahas.

Supposed to study and all, but ended up, read thru some eg lab stuff and some notes, then started doing every other stuff other than studying. haha, manga, drawing, play cards. woots! playing cards in the middle of lt7a niah, thanks to geraldine who wanted to play. hahahas. and oh ya, andrew also likes final fantasy! haha. another ff buddy. =P. realised almost all guys who play games will love final fantasy ba. great music, great game, great story. =D.

Then after that went to munchies munkey for jansen's singing. hahaha. not bad not bad. hafta say, out of all those i heard, jansen's singing was the better one. i personallly didn't like that guy's version of 给我一首歌的时间. Maybe cuz of the way he sang. haha. o wells, then played even more card games there with andrew, rachel, yiyan and geraldine. -.-. played all kinds of stupid styles of tai tee. haha. 3v2 taitee siah, liddat oso can. then played bluff! argh. haha, i keep thinking that geraldine was bluffing! cuz she had that funny look on her face that told me she was lying. wahaha, she can go play liar game liaoz. =D. ok lo, then they gave yiyan a bday surprise. lols, but can see that she rather expected it le. hahaha. then went home lo. hahaha. As usual, guys just talk about army stuffs. hahaha. Then geraldine was saying i'm the only one living in the west. LOL. then i countered with "but i reach home faster!" wahahahax. yeap, and so i reached home lo. hahaha.

and i saw a bunch of cats! all so cute! hahaha, wanted to take a pic, but so dark so just forget it. seeing those cats reminded me of that dead cat last night though. =( sad sad.

happiest bday so far?

hmmm, today was probably the best bday of my 21 years? lols, cuz normally no one cares, and i couldn't really be bothered. But o wells. shall describe the day while thanking the ppl along the way, and probably end off with a big thankew for all! =D

Ok, so the day started. Woke up. 5.30, ewww, so early. Had breakfast, then bathe and went out le. Haha, so tired, but had to go sch early, cuz knowing me, if i dun go to sch so early, i'll probably sleep all the way until computing lab. XP

Moreover, told Geraldine will go early to help out with her programming, so o wells, might as well. Then reached sch at 7! oh my, my dad's driving skills are great! So steady and fast. haha. ok, then walked from engin to com 1, and i was still earlier than Geraldine. -.-. Ok, so decided to take out my GEM and study, oh my, i'm so lagging behind, alot of stuff i dun understand. I shall chiong this weekend. =D ok, so after that Geraldine came lo. lols. then started doing programming stuff, then came rachel & jason(?). Then yiyan, haha, another person with same bday as me, the other one is berwin from army! hahaha. Then came GOD! ANDREW! my saviour for today! haha, if not because of his program, i might not have realised how to do the practical today. =D. I would say he gave me one of the best presents today! =D

ok la, then zhiwei, geraldine and jansen so-called surprised me with presents! haha, didn't expect so many stuff. And the card was nice! =D thx guys! Thanks for the liverpool scarf, from peng guan and zhiwei, i suppose. Thanks for the green frog pillow, from jansen? - suggested by Geraldine, and first used by Geraldine. -.-. hahaha. And thanks to Geraldine for the speaker! haha, somehow i knew it was from her, cuz at the chalet she mentioned that i need a speaker for my laptop to listen to songs. =D. so obvious its from her! haha, but really need one! thx =D. Yeaps, these 3 presents from these 4 peeps are the best! Appreciate it!

Ok, ya, so carrying on, we settled all the programming stuff le. Then slacked a bit, read some liar game, while Geraldine was showing me some nice pics like manga/designs and stuff. Very nice. haha, really feel like drawing again. BUT, shall try to control myself. Now's not really the time for these kind of stuff ya. =D shall start drawing again after final exams. =D. Then played around with my tic-tac-toe program.

THEN, the questions came! haha, another of my better bday presents today, got to know the basic idea of the questions. Then andrew solved for Geraldine and frens b4 they went in. haha, so funny, whole lot gathering around andrew and trying to know how to solve. haha. Then they went in. So Andrew and I, with jason(?) tried to solve the qn. haha, solved it within half an hour. BUT! the thing is, when it was my turn to go in, the qsns changed! Worst thing was, i went in on an empty stomach, was so lazy to move from the spot that i didn't go for lunch, cuz alot of stuff to carry oso. hahaha. And geraldine had to make me feel even worse by saying that she's having lunch. -.-. thx arhz. hahah.

But cuz the basic idea was there, i managed to solve everything pretty fast, and i was out walking about after one hour since the start of the practical. HAHA. went to look for zhiwei. LOL, talked for like 10 mins, then saw murong oso. LOL. then just walked around a bit more, saw ying cong who wished me happy bday. =D thx! then go toilet. Then went back, sit down, stare at screen, stare at TA, stare at computing txt book, STONE!

ok, then come out, went to find zhiwei, jansen and geraldine. Was surprised jansen could come too. haha, thot he had voices rehearsal. But o wells, yeah, so the arsehole tai tee gang went to cityhall to have dinner, less yichao, cuz i didn't know where he was. LOL. And i supposed he had tuition on wed nights. Went swensens, haha, great food, but had gastric, argh, felt so bad. haha, then ordered an earthquake to share oso. =D. ice-cream rox! ok, so after finishing the food, we stayed there to talk some more, lame stuff, funny jokes, these and that. hahaha. So funny. Then supposed to play tai tee at esplanade? haha, but decided not to, cuz no cards and it was rather late. So we went to walk around, shopping, or rather windown shopping by geraldine. LOL. OYA, this funny thing happened la! haha, the escalators going up from city link to suntec, 2 were in the going-down direction while only one was goin' up. And GUESS WAD!? Geraldine was pointing to the middle one which was going down and asked, how come no one use this one? LOLOLOLOL! then we just used the same old joke everytime we saw an escalator. =D. so funny. haha. And Zhiwei was so not zhiwei today, all the lame stuff, the side that u dun normally see from him. haha, but like what Geraldine said, what we are seeing and what we normally see from zhiwei are both zhiweis. =D. Zhiwei, this side to u is pretty good too ya! =D

ok, then went to royce to buy the chocs for lin kah who helped us out for com. Basically it was Geraldine who wanted to treat him to chocs for helping us out ba. haha, from the 4 gals who benefitted from it. so funny. But the moment i stepped into the choc shop, couldn't take it, just started emo-ing cuz of the chocs. Argh, nvm, i shall not talk about that, not worth talking about. And so, i went out to wait lo. Then after that went home. haha.

YEAPS! and that's all for the day. o ya, saw another dead cat at my void deck today, so sad. =(

yah, so here comes the thanks list!

Thanks Andrew! for the solutions!
Thanks Geraldine! for the presents, card and suddenly telling me that u can go with us at night! hahas. appreciate it! =))
Thanks Jansen! for the presents, card and the *erhems* jokes! hahaha!
Thanks Lin Kah! for the questions!
Thanks Peng Guan! for the presents and card! hahaha, treat u to lunch k? lols
Thanks Zhiwei! for the presents and cards! AND for being there today! haha, appreciate it. =D

ok, that's the more significant thanks i guess. haha, the rest have already been mentioned in the post, while some have been thanked on fb. haha. Once again, thanks all, enjoyed my day! really appreciate it! Loved it! hahaha. And its 12.05 alr! lols, so tired, i wanna go and slp after reading the last few chaps of liar game. hahaha!

OORAH

yeah, i'm 21st!! ok la, big deal, just another year older. hahaha.

Reflecting on these past 21 years, i'm sure i've matured alot. But i dun like it when the aunties uncles get so surprised when i say i'm 21. -.-. Always say i look young. hahaha. owells.

I've decided not to emo over the stuff anymore. I chose to believe, chose to take her words for it. And even if it means getting hurt one day, at least i know, i trusted her.

Ok, 7thOct, hopefully it'll be a happy day. =D. HOPEFULLY! hahaha. whatever la, tml still got lab. -.- shall think systematically and make use of functions! =D

yuan ing, u're stupid in love. hahaha. i'm just too..i dunno..hahaha

reason

Time to wake up. I can't sleep forever, can't stay oblivious to the truth anymore. Its there for me to see. For too long, i've been trying to avoid it, too long, i've been trying to tell myself its nothing, its really nothing, everything will be fine. No luck can save me now, not from this harsh reality that I have to face. Wake up, yuan ing.

Its at times like this, when u realise how much you've been lying to yourself, self-deceit. Trying to believe only things that ppl say, and choosing not to believe whatever that is obvious.

Still, i'll move on. I'll stay the way as i've always been. Never give up until the end, cuz you'll never walk alone.

Something has stayed true from the start till the end, that is, no matter how much i can love her, as long as i dun say anything, it will never matter to her. But it doesn't matter anymore now. No more.

I've been trying to sleep whole afternoon, well, at least I managed to sleep, but ended waking up to the harsh reality that I did not want to face. But I know, I have to face it, I have to accept everything, for this is reality, and the only way to move on, is to accept it.

O wells, heard this song on radio again, called "boyfriend" by 5566, kinda reminds me of those days when I loved to sing. Ok, i still love to sing, but not that much anymore.

O wells, i shall just concentrate on my studies and not think about anything else yea. No matter how much tears flow, nothing's gonna change.

ZZZ

ok, the day started off, ok? Ended pretty badly. zzz

morning went to tutorial, computing tutorial, understood everything on the spot! XD my leeching abilities have improved yet again. =D

Then waited for geraldine, zhiwei and jansen for the noc talk. While waiting, i went to e5, sat there, took out com, did some programming. LOL. Then was feeling sick, supposed to meet huimin, shiyun and weiling for them to pass me my present. But really feeling unwell, so just stayed at e5. haha, then huimin came to pass me the present lo. Thx, haha, and thx for the offer of treating me lunch! but no appetite. =X bad sorethroat. argh.

ok lo, then went to lt7a wait for mr set. then geraldine came, so went up to try to mug a bit. but ended up reading liar game. HAHA. o wells. shall touch on liar game later. haha. then jansen came, mug a bit more then went to biz side for the noc talk le lo. maybe cuz feeling a bit feverish, so while walking, kept sweating. zzz. and ya, the noc talk was interesting, got to know stuff that got me thinking. And this time, i guess i'm pretty sure i'll choose SV ba. Cool place with lotsa nice companies around the place, yahoo, google, microsoft. Hope it'll help me out somehow in my future biz. Then the senior was saying how fun it was over there. =D. work, play, study. And most importantly, he bought his own 2nd hand car over there, and drove around for that one year he was overseas! WOOTS! so cool~ =D. An even better thing is that i've once heard from a fren that the speed limit over there in US is 80mph, note, that's the minimum speed limit on the highway over there! any slower, u'll get fined! WOOTSSSSSSSSSSSS~ ok la, but i'll not drive that fast anymore. haha, if not geraldine will pull handbrake if she takes my car again! hahaha.

Then on our way home, took 95 with geraldine and jansen lo. haha. jansen and i kept talking about liverpool and army, then geraldine like so left out. =P. haha, sorry siah. lols. Go appreciate soccer! hahaha. ok lo, so after that i took mrt from clementi back to home lo. Tot can just go home, bathe, rest awhile and study le. BUT! the worst is yet to come! reached the void deck, omg, both lifts under maintenance!? ok, nvm, climbed 10 levels up. PARENTS NOT AT HOME! NO ONE AT HOME! nvm, got my beloved mp3 player to accompany me. NO! LOW BATT! super duper unlucky laaa! then waited for almost an hour until my parents came back. And guess wad, while waiting, i actually saw ppl taking the lift. -.-

ok, haha. so got this fren ask me, how come i seem closer to my nus frens? o wells, if u really wanna noe, i can only say cuz its probably cuz of what happened at the chalet? wells, my army frens were so helpful hor, none of them really helped out at all, except for maybe like paul, pengguan and ryan who helped out a bit. The rest, just. Nvm, used to their eye power. But, thing is, i tot some of my frens were going to stay? Say stuff like let's play this and that whole night. Woah, and guess wad, end up, all nvr stayed, and even worse, some nvr even came. Only till like 7++ did they msg and say they not coming? wah, thanks manz. i loved it. I'm not being petty or wad, just that, some things are acceptable, some things are not. Last min then say not coming is just simply not acceptable. If say, one hour before, i can accept. Meeting time was 7, tell me at 7+ that they're not coming? thanks! really, thanks. appreciate it. -.- And that's y i chose to be closer to my nus frens, ppl who stayed back a bit more to keep us company. Thanks yichao for staying the whole night, zhiwei for keeping to his promise of staying. And of cuz, geraldine for staying longer even though she had a curfew. Jansen for staying also. It might also be becuz of the "bonding" session on the car, as described by geraldine. Even though got lost and all, it was a pretty fun experience. Thank you! =D

And so, on to liar game, nice stuff going on. the game is really cool, the rules are very detailed, like deathnote. The main character oso very smart, like a combi of both L and Kira. There was one thing that the main char said that left a really deep impression. It went something like, "by saying that u trust someone is actually a form of self-deceit. Only when you doubt ppl, can u really come to understand a person." I'm not saying that I don't trust ppl, but when u say u trust someone, do you really mean it? Or are you coming to a quick conclusion, a lie that u tell urself to make urself feel better. When u trust ppl, you are actually trying to make urself believe in whatever you see, and not to try to understand what's really going on, in fear that the truth will cause you pain.

O wells, that's all, i guess. Time to study. =D

Stupid lover?

yi, yi, u're a dumb f***, u're a dumb tw*t. So dumb when it comes to love. Wishing only for the happiness of others? how far can this kinda feeling bring you? To what extent? Endless giving, without taking anything back? Satisfied with whatever small, puny, tiny, little kind of feeling you get from seeing her happy? You're just dumb. Not making your feelings known, what do you wish to achieve? What do you really want. You're just dumb, so dumb, that i can't take it anymore. Yi, u're dumb. Stupid lover, one-way traffic. Just plain, stupid.

Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid Stupid

haiz. Maybe i just need some time alone, some time to think, some time to sort my thoughts out. I'm more than clear of my feelings, i know what i feel towards her. Its just that, I'm just dumb when it comes to loving someone. Happiness as long as someone is happy?? Dumb, plain dumb.

Yes, i've emo-ed.

had fun!

had fun tonight! Or rather last night! haha, hope everyone else had fun too. =D. though wasn't really a good host, being late and all. =D.

Late then got a bit emo liao, haha, but was a fun ride from sch to downtown east. Bonding session, as described by Requiem. Maybe i drove a little too fast? haha, dunno, dun care. =D. Surprisingly, I found the ride more fun than the party itself. The party itself, was so hectic, late, rain, no carpark, ppl calling, ppl msging, ppl not coming. =( o wells, at the end of the day, must say i really appreciate those who made an effort to come down. Thanks guys. Seeing ppl whom i've not seen for a long time, ppl who i've not seen since ORD. Really really enjoyed it. =D.

Haha, at first thought requiem wouldn't enjoy herself lol. Cuz only gal, but well, she managed to mixed in well, i guess. Haha. Then ya, a small world, ppl knowing ppl. I like this kinda stuff, gatherings to bring ppl together, get together, just to have fun, and think about nothing else. Not about studies, just play, all the way.

Ya, so let's see when we free again then come out play asshole daidee. XD. Thank you Requiem and Jansen for staying later, =D. Really appreciate it. Else would be too sian with just me, zhiwei and yichao. haha. Especially Requiem, got curfew still stay until so late. =D thanks thanks! haha.

Well, lets describe the day then. haha, roller coaster ride.

First thing in the morning, woke up, started packing things le. Lotsa things to bring to the chalet, this and that. hahah. my wives, namely ps3, screen and ff7acc. Though my ff7acc casing got cracked. =( hahaha. Then went to buy stuff like ketchup, chilli, plates and drinks. tot get home still got some time to rest, but in the end, by the time i got home, my dad reached home le. SO started loading the things up the car. Phew, up down up down, sweat so much. Finally got it done. =D. SO moved off to school. Woots, reached lt7a, hmmm, decided to go mpsh first cuz i see like going to rain. Then when i was about to go, saw kenneth and his fren. Then waited for their fren, then drove them all to mpsh1. By the time we got there, it was raining heavily alr. hahaha. Then tried to study abit lo. haha.

Then test! ok la, dun wanna talk about studies. haha. So after test, met up with set, requiem and jansen then made our way down together lo. haha. On the way, haha. listen to songs, and jansen keep singing at the back of the car. XD. Then requiem hor, haha, want eat choc just eat everything la. wun get fat de. =D. hahaha. Then we were like on TPE around 6.40, then the song "livin on a prayer" started playing on my cd player, then zhiwei was saying "we're halfway there". haha, so funny. And by the time we got to downtown east, the cd looped back to the same song alr. -_-. hahaha.

So reached le lo, then started carrying stuff over, getting the food into the chalet, preparing the stuff, trying my best to keep everyone entertained. hmmm, so tired..shall continue tml. HAHA. nights!

natural

Well, i guess its all natural, I don't like to see ppl cry, especially those that have helped me out in life before. Even knowing that they've cried, or wanna cry is enough to make me sad for them. Wells, just cheer up! I'll be there, cuz You'll Never Walk Alone. liverpool~ haha.

haiya, dunno, my experiences have changed me alot. I used to think, I was the saddest guy in the whole wide world, but there're actually alot more ppl who have worse experiences than me. Sadness, Anger, all these leading up to worries. Its only natural for human beings to be afraid of the future. We are just animals that are able to think at a higher level, but its because of this thinking at a higher level that made humans such emo ppl. Emo over this and that, but at the end of the day, what matters, is all ur own perspective of looking at things.

I've certainly changed, in the past, I could talk about all the stuff about wanting to make the girl happy, and believing that i'm the only one who can do that. Well, now I know i have always been wrong, anyone can do it, to make the girl happy. At the end of the day, its her choice, not mine, not his, not anyone's but only hers. She just needs to be happy herself, that's all that is enough for me to move on with life, knowing that someone I like is happy. O wells, haha, who knows, i might be lucky enough to be the one, but lady luck's not always on my side.

!MOOD CONVERTER! anti-emo phase.

ok, haha. On a positive note, the last paper's gonna be over in 17 plus hours! (see, how perspective can make things look better. =D) Then after that, just PARTY!!! looking forward to it, hope everyone can have fun and i can have my own fun as well. We deserve it, especially the NUS ppl! haha.

@Geraldine: Cheer up! haha, tml will be a better day! =)

@Liverpool: We'll win chelsea!!!

@Myself: Time to sleep. hahaha

The best song to all emo ppl, You'll Never Walk Alone. YNWA. =D

When you walk through a storm
Hold your head up high
And don't be afraid of the dark
At the end of the storm
Is a golden sky
And the sweet silver song of a lark

Walk on through the wind
Walk on through the rain
Tho' your dreams be tossed and blown
Walk on, walk on
With hope in your heart
And you'll never walk alone
You'll never walk alone

2 more

You're the only girl that's pretty in my eyes.

3 down, 2 more to go. O wells, i didn't really practiced much for eg, but glad that it turned out to be just testing on concepts. haha. up next, physics, shall study tml. =D

O wells, took cab home today, too tired. haha. Surprised that the total cost for 4 ppl was actually 14? that's like, erm about the same as taking mrt followed by bus siah. And I found a phone. haha, then shiyi kapo, after the girl call back then arranged for meeting with shiyi, he go see the photos in the phone. -_-. intrusion of privacy. haha, but the taxi uncle, damn crap. talk cock thruout the whole journey.

Hmmm, o wells. Geraldine was saying too much choc will make ppl get sick of it. I guess, that's y i got sick of it in the first place? It's just not the same taste it was anymore. I guess, I had too much, so when the supply stopped, somehow, i just got sick of it.

alrights, time to slp and wake up early in the morning to study study study!!!

whee~

feels good when you know you're on the right track to getting good grades for a mod, ie, computing. But what troubles me is the other mods. ARGH! nvm, shall study more. hahaha.

I've always wondered whether its stupid for me to think that's its alright to like someone, but not having the kind of thinking that she must be with me. Cuz, i've always thought that, as long as she's happy, it doesn't matter who she ends up with. So long she knows that she's happy. O wells, i guess i'm stupid when it comes to love. haha.

Stop thinking

Wells, 2 papers down, 3 more to go. Can't say i'm satisfied with my results, but what can I do? Why get bothered by something that has already happened? Just learn from the mistake, and move on.

Liverpool, something that has kept me going whenever I felt down. I would rather lose, knowing that i've tried, than to lose because I didn't try. And so i tried, I did my best to get good scores for tests, so what if I don't get the results, at least i've tried hard. Learn from your mistakes, move on, tomorrow will be a better day. When you're feeling down, just know that, you're not the only one that's feeling down, that you will never walk alone.

I'm bored, so i write. I'm bored, so I draw. Just ways for me to make myself relaxed.

Amazing how things in life can make you learn so much more about life. From manga, to books, to music, to a football club. Things that you love (to do) can always make you learn.

#12 The One

________________________________________
#12 The One

Watching you from a corner,
Looking at your smiles and laughter.
Hearing your heart and soul,
singing life's highs and lows.

To be there for you,
when you're feeling alone.
To be there for you,
when you needed someone.

I'll be there for you,
To be your sacrifice.
I promise you I'll be there, that

*chorus:
--------------------------------------

I'll be the one,
The one that cares for you.
I'll be the one,
The one that makes you smile

I'll be the one,
I'll be your love,
The one that keeps you really warm.

I'll be the one,
The one that warms your heart,
I'll be the one,
The one that holds you up.

When you are down,
Then i'll be there,
For this I promise you,
I'll be the one.

--------------------------------------

Life is bound to have its ups and downs,
But I will be right there by your side.
For you are the only one I truly care,
And I will promise you, that

*repeat chorus
_________________________________
Notes: ok, so i'm halfway thru The One manga. Haha, and i thought, woah, not a bad story! And feeling bored, I came up with these lyrics, random things that appeared in my mind in 30 minutes, HAHA. I'm trying to depict whatever that's happening in the manga and all with these lyrics. HAHA. Think i failed at it though. =X , nonetheless, its still a good manga!

bored bored bored! ok, mocha effect going off. HAHA, shall go to slp in 10 mins! woots!

hmmm

Sometimes, mangas really make you ponder about your life. I do not believe in "what ifs", they do not happen in life, its all in the mind, what if this, what if that. I've been thru that stage of "what ifs" in my life, and I know that no matter what I do will never make the "what ifs" true. For example, "what if we were still together?" Obviously, that is something that will never happen even if I wanted to, so I dun really think about it anymore.

Life isn't perfect, its not a manga. Yes, its a story, but the happy endings don't come easily.

yes, this kinda sweet stuff is fun to read and all. But, its just not the same as things that happen in life. No matter how good I was, no matter how caring I was, it just never mattered to her in the first place. O wells, shall not be tied down by the past anymore. hahaha.

just a random comment, lols. I can't seem to concentrate on maths, yet. Shall chiong during the 4 hour break. =D

Wanna slp, but i drank mocha at 9pm. -_-

productive day

I would consider today to be the most productive day of all of the recess week days! haha.

Did maths papers all over again! think the practice should be enough, hopefully. =D

Then studied some physics too!

At night, usual stuff, but this time there was F1, watching it just reminds me of the days in 39SCE, when everything got so hectic once it was close to events like f1, IISS, NDP. All the sweeps and stuff we did, the monster huntings in camp, waking up at like 2am to move off for NDP sweep! haha, all these stuff, really great memories.

So I was about to switch off from studies to watch F1, then geraldine asked me about EG stuff. haha. Honestly, only read thru txt book and notes for EG, didn't really do the exercises and stuff. But wells, while helping her to solve the problems, got my interests for challenges back on, so went on to solve some of the other questions as well! hahaha. And she asked me to read this fan fic, which was quite interesting. Kaiba and Anzu! haha. The rain and silence were both described in a very artistic way. Not bad, just that the image of kaiba and anzu kept appearing in my head. -_-. Kaiba, can't imagine. HaHA. ok la, but nice story. haha

Ok, shall end off my day with some GEM stuff before i go to bed. haha. Good luck for term tests to all~ =D

Media Biasness

Something pissed me real off this morning, and it has got to do with straits times.

Well, woke up at 9 but went back to slp at 10..haha. then woke up at 12.30 again. Yest night watched this movie on channel 5 until 4am. HAHA. It's called "Rock Star". Really nice movie, its about the rise to fame of the lead singer of Steel Dragon. The songs they used in the movie were real nice too, like "We all die young", "Blood Pollution" & "Livin' On A Prayer". We all die young sounds nice, the way he managed to hit the high notes when he was at the audition to be lead singer was simply amazing. Livin' On a Prayer, well, do i need to say anything? IT'S BON JOVI~ and blood pollution, the song he sang for his debut concert for steel dragon. Ultimate. The opening was very nice, then he walked down the stairs, but tripped and fell like, one storey? haha. But he still carried on singing, so i thought "blood pollution" was a nice song. =D.

Ok, next, the thing that pissed me off. MEDIA BIASNESS. what's with straits times? The sports section cannot accomodate more soccer news meh? They only report on Chelsea and Man Utd match. Chelsea i can understand, cech red carded, first loss of the season. Man Utd? ok, giggs coming on as a sub to get 2 assists. Wth. So where's my torres!? Hat trick not enough to warrant a place in the sports section at least? This is getting on my nerves. Then it showed again when i was reading at the small section where they showed the teams drawn for carling cup q. final. Wad the.. Man Utd got drawn against barnsley!!! BIG DEAL! wth, they only mentioned that!? I mean, the biggest match for carling q. finals is arsenal vs liverpool leh.

Show some respect, show some fairness in the way you report stuff, Straits Times. Is this how you treat the readers, media biasness, no fairness in the way you report news. I don't see why I should continue reading this piece of crap anymore. Seems like it has slowly turned into the asia version of the S*n, pure crap, piece of rag. I still remember the biasness shown in the articles reported by the S*n on the hillsborough incident. Even though I read it like a few years after the incident, the media biasness was obvious. Taking everything, without thinking whether its wrong or right, and just report. Putting the poor liverpool fans in a bad light. This people lost their family! And all the S*n could report was fans peeing on the dead, stepping over the dead, pickpocketting the dead. Blaming the liverpool fans for whatever that had happened.

Nvm, enough of that, back to study!!! haha, tml got gem test. -_-, but i'm studying maths. =P

The day the reason slacked whole day

The Day The Reason Stood Still (ie, Slacked whole day)

So basically, I slacked the whole day away. Thought I would do something today, but o wells. HAHAHA

So in the morning, woke up at 7 to go play soccer. Soccer, was fun? I dunno, I didn't score, wasn't too happy with the chances i've spurned. Sorry guys for not scoring when chances came my way and I just didn't took them. Haiz. After that went home lo, went to cut hair!!! hahaha. Cuz its getting hotter.

Reached home, dunno what to do. On laptop, download few songs. Off laptop, play ps3. On laptop, getting ready to watch soccer. LOL. Alot of funny stuff happened while watching Liverpool match though. Geraldine was commenting on fb that soccer fans were all commenting about soccer on fb. haha. Then i went to comment. Then Jansen also went to comment. haha. SO, after that, I REALISED! JANSEN'S A LIVERPOOL FAN TOO!!! YNWA. haha, another liverpool bro. Then i was joking with Geraldine on msn that the one i like is actually jansen. totally -_-. LOL. Then she had to match-make me with jansen. hahaha. But still, the love for liverpool brings people together. And in the end i went to match-make geraldine with yin from the one. HAHAHA. but that's a long long story. oops, ya, i read shoujo. SO!?

AND HERE COMES THE BEST PART! LIVERPOOL VS HULL!!! full-time 6-1.

was happy with the result, but not too really happy with the streams i was watching thru. kept breaking down everytime torres scored. And i totally missed the last 3 goals. zzz. But torres' 3 goals were super nice. =D Gerrard's goal was nice too.!!! G&T, born for greatness. I just love G&T!!!=D

ok la. dunno wad time the effects of the mocha will last until..hai..shall continue doing nothing. and hopefully tml can study some stuff.

Beunas Noches, chica de los seunos, te amo. Go figure.